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Love and Romantic Relationships

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Title: Love and Romantic Relationships


1
Love and Romantic Relationships
  • Defining love and romantic attraction
  • Triangular Theory of Loveintimacy, passion, and
    commitment
  • Different varieties of love
  • Passionate love
  • Companionate love
  • Styles of loving
  • Erosan immediate powerful physical attraction
  • Luduslove as a game
  • Maniaagitated, obsessive, jealous love
  • Pragmaan appropriate match
  • Storgeclose friendship
  • Agapealtruistic love

2
Goals
  • Sexual satisfaction
  • Family
  • Resources and status

3
Sexual Satisfaction
  • Gender differences
  • Desire
  • Relationships
  • Aggression
  • Plasticity
  • Casual sex
  • Person
  • Variablity
  • Hormones
  • Sociosexual orientation
  • Restricted
  • Unrestricted

4
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5
Sexual Satisfaction
  • Physical attractiveness
  • Matching hypothesisBerscheid and Hatfield
  • Cultural influences
  • The biology of beauty
  • Symmetry
  • Averageness
  • Gender specific characteristics and differences
  • Femalesmall chin, nose, full lips, .70 hip waist
    ratio
  • Malebig jaw, chin, brow
  • Halo effects
  • Limitationssuper attractive
  • Sociobiologyreproductive strategies
  • Females high investment, quality, pragmatism
  • Males quantity or quality
  • Male and female preferences
  • Age, beauty, and resources
  • Equality

6
Sexual Satisfaction
  • Arousing situations
  • Two factor theory of love
  • Unpleasant experiences
  • Sex as a source of arousal
  • Labeling
  • Ambiguity of love
  • Cultural expectations
  • Field of eligibles
  • Nonverbal cues
  • Cultural norms
  • Interactions
  • Male versus female perceptions of situations
  • Culture and evolutionkibbutzim

7
Family Bonds
  • Person
  • Attachmentbond
  • Distress patternprotest, despair, detachment
  • Style
  • Secure 55
  • Avoidant 25
  • Anxious 20
  • Affected by experience

8
Family Bonds
  • Situation
  • Threats
  • Children
  • Same sex competition
  • Gender balance
  • Jealousy
  • Competition
  • Converge over time

9
Resources and Status
  • Marital patterns
  • Monogamy
  • Polyandry
  • Polygyny
  • Equity
  • Exchange to communal relationship
  • Equity to need based

10
  • Testosterone injected into men with defective
    testes
  • Testosterone levels measured in women after
    reporting number of sexual fantasies
  • Testosterone levels affect both sexual
    dysfunction in men and women

11
  • Triangular theory of love
  • Types of love
  • Styles of love
  • Gender differences

12
Human Sexuality How men and women differ
  • Peplau
  • Looks at gender differences in
  • Desire
  • Relationships
  • Aggression
  • Plasticity

13
Sexual Desire
  • Sexual desire- the subjective experience of being
    interested in sexual objects or activates or
    wishing to engage in sexual activities.

14
Sexual Desire in Men
  • More interested in sex
  • Rate their own sex drive higher then females
  • Think about sex more often
  • Want sex more them women
  • Visit prostitutes more often
  • More visually stimulated
  • Spend more money on x rated videos and magazines

15
Sexual Frequency in Couples
  • Heterosexualcompromise between the desire of
    male and female partners
  • Homosexuallesbian couples have sex less often
    than gay men or heterosexual couples
  • Women more likely to refrain from sex due to
    religious reasons.

16
Sexual Relationships
  • Womens sexuality tends to be strongly linked to
    close relationships.
  • Women have more romantic view of sexual
    relationships
  • Intimacy is the important goal.

17
Sexual Relationships in Homosexuals
  • Lesbiansmore likely to form relationships from
    preexisting friendships, sexual fantasies are
    more personal and romantic
  • Gay menmore likely to have sex with partners
    outside their relationship, have sexual fantasies
    much like heterosexual males.

18
Sexual Aggression
  • Sexual concept includes romantic, passionate
  • Men sexual selfconcept also includes aggression
  • Extent to which they see them selves as
  • Aggressive
  • Powerful
  • Experienced
  • Dominant
  • Individualistic

19
  • Men are more assertive than women
  • Initiate touching
  • Sexual intimacy
  • Sexual fantasiesmen are more likely to imagine
    doing something sexual, take more active role

20
Rape
  • Woman use many different ways to get a man to
    have sex with her but typically not force or
    violence
  • Physically coercion is more typical of male
    behavior
  • Stranger date rape
  • Also seen in heterosexual relationships

21
Sexual Plasticity
  • Womens sexual beliefs and behaviors are more
    easily shaped by cultural social and situational
    factors.
  • Changes in sexuality
  • Changes in behavior due to socialization

22
Changes in Sexuality
  • Most likely to see variability in sexual
    frequency in women
  • Women are more likely to change their sexual
    orientation
  • 25 of 18 -25 year old women who identified as
    bisexual or lesbian changed their identity five
    years later.

23
Changes Due to Socialization
  • Women more likely to change behaviors due to
    situational influences
  • Education going to college more liberal
    attitudes
  • Relocation move to new culture less sexual

24
Gender difference In Sex
  • Students at Arizona State University were asked
    what was the lowest level of intelligence that
    you would accept in
  • Single date
  • Sexual partner
  • Date steady
  • Marry

25
Women
Men
Intelligence
And the differences are even more pronounced for
one-night stands
DATE
SEX
STEADY
MARRIAGE
26
Experiment by Clark and Hatfield
  • College students were approached by member of
    opposite sex and asked one of three questions
  • I have seen you around campus and think you are
    very attractive, will you
  • Go out on a date with me tonight
  • Come to my apartment
  • Go to bed with me
  • What do you think they Found?

27
Women
100
Men
80
60
Saying Yes
40
20
0
Go out
Go to apartment
Go to bed
(Clark Hatfield, 1989)
28
Why the Differences
  • Sexual encounters with strangers do not fulfill
    women's goals for sexual relationship. Need for
    love and intimacy in order to have good sex.
  • Not just fear of pregnancy
  • Birth control
  • In lesbians where no fear of pregnancy,
  • lesbians prefer and lead less active sex lives
    then heterosexual women

29
Evolutionary Theory
  • Differences in cost
  • Given that pregnancy results, what is the minimum
    investment of copulation for
  • Minimum Female investment
  • 9 months of pregnancy, 30 lbs of nutrients, 3-4
    years of nursing
  • Minimum male investment
  • 5 minutes of copulation 1 sperm, one ten
    trillionth of an ounce
  • Females make more judicious mate choices
  • Males less discriminate about who they mate with

30
Attraction
  • What makes someone attractive?

31
Who is More Attractive?
32
Attractiveness
  • Tall/ short
  • Thin/ fat
  • Hairy/ smooth
  • Eye color
  • Hair color

33
Universal Attractiveness
  • Hygiene and cleanliness
  • Waist to hip ratio
  • Symmetrical face
  • Faces that exaggerate gender characteristics

34
Weight to Hip Ratio (WHR)
  • Calculated by dividing waist measurement by hip
    measurement
  • Women with a 0.7 WHR are often rated as more
    attractive by men regardless of culture, race,
    religion or ethnicity.
  • Examples Twiggy, Kate Moss, Salma Hayek
    Marilyn Monroe

35
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36
Preference in Men
  • Asked to rank the attractiveness of 12 line
    drawings of average height females figures
  • Different levels of WHR (.7, .8, .9)
  • Three levels of body weight (underweight- 90lbs,
    normal weight- 120 lbs, and overweight- 150 lbs).

37
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38
  • A WHR of 0.7 for women and 0.9 for men have been
    shown to correlate strongly with general health
    and fertility
  • Women within the 0.7 range
  • Optimal levels of estrogen
  • Less susceptible to major diseases such as
    diabetes, cardiovascular disorders and ovarian
    cancers.
  • Men with WHR around 0.9
  • More healthy and fertile
  • Less prostate and testicular cancer

39
Symmetry
  • Symmetry of features seen as more attractive
  • Symmetrymarker for good health
  • Greater asymmetry was related to more
    self-reported depression, neuroses, infertility,
    more physical health problems
  • Associated with greater masculinity and dominance
  • More symmetrical men have shorter courtships
    before intercourse, they invest the least money
    and time in them and they cheat on their mates
    much more often

40
Faces that Exaggerate Gender Characteristics
  • Faces that exaggerate gender characteristics
    seen more attractive then average faces
  • Males
  • Big jaw, chin and large brow reflect androgen
  • Females
  • Smaller chin, nose, fuller lips reflect estrogen

41
Beauty
  • Who is it more important to?

42
  • More important to men then to women.
  • Attractive women can raise a mans social status
    but does not work the other way around.
  • Women more concerned with a mans social status.

43
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44
  • Townsend and Levy (1990). Looked at the effects
    of status (measured by clothing), and
    attractiveness on female willingness to engage in
    a romantic relationship.
  • Male targets were pre-rated for physical
    attractiveness
  • 2 categories handsome and homely
  • Wore one of three costumes
  • Blazer, shirt designer tie, Rolexdescribed as
    being doctors (high status)
  • Plain white shirtdescribed as being teachers
    (medium status)
  • Uniform of a Burger King employeedescribed as
    being trainee (low status)
  • Women were more willing to engage in
    relationships with high status/homely males than
    with medium or low status handsome males

45
Halo Effect
  • Cognitive bias in which the assessment of an
    individual quality serves to influence and bias
    the judgment of other qualities
  • Attractive people are seen as having a more
    desirable personality and more skills than
    someone of average appearance

46
Benefits of Attractiveness
  • Attractive individuals more socially competent,
    have higher self esteem, are less shy and have
    better social skills
  • Limitations to Attractiveness
  • Super attractive make others feel inferior, not
    as influential as less attractive
  • Super attractiveness may cause resentment
  • Seen as intellectually inferior

47
Goal of Romantic Relationships
  • Sexual satisfaction
  • Establish family bonds
  • Gain resources and status
  • Same as friendshipreassurance and information

48
Establishing Bonds
  • Passion Fades, so why do we stay on long term
    relationships?
  • Feeling of intimacy grows as passion fades

49
  • Long term commitment in lovers is different than
    in friends
  • Friends can go on long trip and we easily adjust
    to their absence
  • Separation from lovers is extremely emotional
  • Losing spouse to divorce or death causes more
    emotional distress then any other life event
  • Having a marriage partner protects against major
    illness like cancer

50
Why Do We Form Attachments
  • People need to belong
  • Separation of lovers is similar to that shown by
    infants separated from their mothers
  • Protest
  • Crying active searching
  • Despair
  • Obvious sadness
  • Emotional Detachment
  • Coldness when reunited

51
Attachment Styles
  • Some easily form relationships
  • Some demand to much
  • Others avoid commitment by having casual affairs

52
3 Types Of Attachment Style
  • Secure attachment
  • Anxious/ ambivalent attachment
  • Avoidant attachment style

53
Secure Attachment Style
  • Easily expressed affection towards their mother,
    did not worry about being abandoned
  • Mothers acted consistently warm and responsive

54
Anxious/Ambivalent
  • Visibly upset at any separation from their
    mother, preoccupied with possible abandonment
  • Mothers acted inconsistently
  • Sometimes ignoring children and some times
    intruding on activities

55
Avoidant Attachment
  • Disregarding their mother
  • Refusing attention when their mother returned

56
  • Often translates into Adult Relationships

57
  • I find it easy to get close to others and feel
    comfortable having them depend on me. I dont
    worry about being abandoned

58
  • Secure Attachment

59
  • I am someone uncomfortable being close to others.
    I have had a hard time trusting. My Partner wants
    me to be more intimate then I feel comfortable
    with.

60
  • Avoidant Style

61
  • I am reluctant to get close as I would like. I
    worry about my partner not really loving me and
    leaving me. I want to merge completely with
    another person and that pushes people away.

62
  • Anxious/ Ambivalent Style

63
Threats and Attachment
  • Mothers provide a safe haven
  • Situations in life can cause
  • Fear
  • Anxiety
  • Insecurity

64
Harlow Monkey Study
  • Infant rhesus monkeys separated from mothers
  • Given mom substitutes
  • Monkeys frightened
  • Ran to mother for comfort
  • After comforted went back to explore

65
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66
  • Infants develop a schema about feeling and
    beliefs
  • Secure attachedpeople can be trusted, they can
    be a safe haven
  • Insecure attachmentclose relationships provide
    acceptance but sometimes rejection, people are
    caring one minute and uncaring the next

67
Adult Attachment
  • Hazan and Shaver
  • Adult theory of attachment
  • Secure
  • Anxious/ Ambivalent
  • Avoidant

68
Play/work
  • In children Play
  • Secure explore, new toys
  • Anxious/ Ambivalent too worried about caregiver
  • Avoidant use play to avoid caregiver

69
Play/work
  • In Adults work
  • Secure enjoy work, no fear of failure
  • Anxious/Ambivalent use as a way to again
    acceptance
  • Avoidant use as a way to avoid social
    interaction, less satisfied with work.

70
Do Attachment Styles Change?
  • Remain constant over time
  • Attachment styles of 12 month old still the same
    at 6 years old.
  • Major disruptions can cause change
  • SES/divorce
  • Change in adults
  • Anxious/Ambivalent Avoidant
  • Anxious/Ambivalent Secure

71
Goals of Romantic Relationships
  • Sexual satisfaction
  • Establish family bonds
  • Gain and maintain resources


72
  • Women tend to prefer older men
  • Men tend to prefer younger women
  • What are they looking to gain?

73
  • Older men can potentially provide financial
    resources
  • Younger women can potentially provide more
    offspring

74
Differences in want ads
  • Men tend to advertise financial resources/ women
    request them
  • Mature stockbroker looking to invest his time and
    bank account on young attractive women
  • Young attractive college student looking for
    older man to spend time and money on her

75
When Women Gain Resources and Status
  • Women who have high status/resources
  • more assertive
  • look more for personality/attractiveness
  • Personal ads
  • Independent professional woman looking for a fun
    and attractive man to travel around the world
    with

76
  • Norm Li asked people to design a mate under two
    conditions
  • High budget mate dollars
  • Low budget mate dollars
  • High budget low sex differences
  • Low budget men and women made very different
    choices

77
Marital Patterns and Resources
  • Marital patterns include
  • Monogamy
  • Polyandry
  • Polygamy

78
  • Monogamyone woman and one man
  • Polygamyone man with more then one wife
  • Polyandryone woman with more then one husband
    usually brothers
  • Why brothers?

79
  • Harsh conditions make it hard for single man and
    woman.
  • Pool resources
  • When couple has more girls then the marriage
    patterns become polygamist

80
  • Polygamy has to do with resources
  • The more resources the more wives
  • A poor man might be able to spend more time with
    only wife
  • Rich man can provide more resources

81
When Love Goes Bad
82
  • Lose of a partner causes severe emotional
    distress
  • What if that person was never your partner?
  • What if you just wont let go of a relationship?

83
  • Erotomania is a disorder where a person is
    fixated and delusional in the belief that they
    are passionately loved by another person
  • Usually a spiritual union rather then sexual
    desire

84
  • Mostly seen in women
  • 246 cases 70 women
  • Single
  • Mid 30s
  • Older high status males
  • In men
  • Late 20s
  • Younger attractive women
  • Harass till law intervenes

85
  • Erotomania most commonly seen in former lovers or
    marriage partners
  • Incessant attempts to restore relationship
  • Typically non violent

86
Unrequited love
  • 93 of people have experienced unrequited love.
  • Bad for both parties involved
  • Targets feel guilt, confusion and annoyance
  • Would be loversdamage self esteem, feel led on

87
Why So Hard to Let Go?
  • Movies and books win in the end
  • Target not always clear
  • Self preservationwont admit to self
    unacceptable as a lover

88
Jealousy
  • Common problem in relationships
  • Usually over same sex competitor
  • Looked at differently by men and women

89
  • Imagine that you discover the person with whom
    you are in a relationship with has become
    interested in someone else. Which would cause you
    more distress?
  • Your partner falling in love with someone else
  • Your partner having sex with someone else

90
  • Men more distress in sexual infidelity
  • Women more distress in emotional infidelity
  • Why the difference?

91
  • Evolutionary theory
  • Men dont want to raise children that are not
    their own
  • Women lose resources if man falls in love with
    another women and leaves her.

92
Marriage Dissatisfaction
  • ½ of marriages end in divorce
  • More at risk
  • Lower SES
  • Younger when married
  • Living together before marriage
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