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Parenting 101

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Post-Pregnant Wardrobe. Many new moms feel inferior and inadequate at their jobs. ... Like many new moms, you don't want to go and buy a whole new wardrobe. ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Parenting 101


1
Parenting 101
  • Finally, a manual just for new parents!
  • From burping bathing, to choosing the perfect
    babysitter.

2
Introduction
3
  • Parents have the most important job in the world!
  • On the first day of a new job, youre given a
    procedures manual which will help you solve any
    problems you may come across in that position.
    Why is it there is no such manual for becoming a
    parent?!
  • Take heart, PARENTING 101 A CRASH COURSE FOR
    NEW PARENTS is here to help you cope!

4
I. Job Description
5
Career Objective
To raise a normal, bright, healthy,
well-adjusted, independent, refined, clever,
rational, sensitive, wise, reasonable,
resourceful, thoughtful, perceptive, courteous,
astute human being who will be an outstanding
member of our society.
(Without making any mistakes)
6
A. Physical Requirements
  • Be able to make a five second dash to babys room
    from any room in the house.
  • Know and be able to use the proper diapering
    procedure.
  • Be aware and use accordingly the proper burping
    techniques.
  • Know and use proper bathing techniques.

7
A. Physical Requirements Cont
  • Be able to execute the 3 in 1 talking on the
    phone, holding baby, and changing the TV with
    your toes.
  • Be able to eat and hold baby without dropping
    food or spilling drink on him.
  • The ability to function safely and efficiently
    with little or no sleep.

8
A. Physical Requirements Cont
  • Calf roping skills needed while changing the
    active babys diaper.
  • Balance beam skills needed while holding baby and
    picking up things with your toes.
  • Be able to assemble baby bottle components in
    less than 3 seconds.

9
Mental Requirements
  • Be able to change a poo poo diaper in the middle
    of breakfast.
  • Learn how to be wide awake in two seconds for
    those middle of the night awakenings.
  • Be able to keep a sense of humor at all times!
  • Be able to tolerate any body secretions that may
    fall on, in, or be projected at you.

10
II. Policies, Practices Benefits
11
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
Hours You will be required to work 24 hour days,
and you will be on call at night, on weekends,
and during holidays.
Coffee Break You will be allowed one coffee break
during the day somewhere between laundry,
errands, meals, cleaning, phone calls, doctor
visits, grocery shopping, budgeting and daily
child care.
12
Attendance Your presence is critical in order for
your domestic structure to continue in a smooth
working order.
Absences Absences are not tolerated well by
household members and often result in pink
laundry. You will be required to report to work
during minor illnesses such as the flu, common
colds, PMS, and respiratory infections. Unless,
you have an order from the U.S. Supreme Court, a
physicians report and an excuse from your
husband you will be expected to report to work.
However, in the event of a serious illness or
injury you will be given the maximum time off 2
days.
13
Personal Days Time off will be granted under the
following conditions military leave, national
guard reserve, your own death and jury duty.
However, you will be required to give six months
notice and you will be responsible for finding an
appropriate replacement for your job.
Dress Code Unlike the parents on TV you are not
encouraged to wear formal clothing, including
high heels, sequin dresses, suit and tie, while
performing your duties. You should wear
practical, comfortable clothing that will hold up
well to the abuses of baby food, numerous baby
body fluids and thousands of washings.
14
Benefits
  • Holidays The majority of your holidays
    will be spent visiting relatives you havent seen
    since YOU were a baby. Your baby will be showered
    with thousands of gifts and you will have to rent
    a U-Haul to get back home safely.

15
Benefits
Vacation Vacations are mandatory however, the
word vacation may take on a new meaning. A
vacation may be a trip to the grocery store all
by yourself, a long, hot bath without the
optional child, or a metal vacation to Hawaii,
the Caribbean or Europe.
16
Benefits
Pay Day Your job cannot be measured monetarily.
However, research has shown that if the average
parent was paid for the various jobs they
perform they are worth 40,000 a year. You will
be paid thousands of times over that monetary
amount with Kodak moments. Your bonus checks
will be the most rewarding, those special times
when only you can make it all better.
17
III. Maintenance
18
A. Bathing Your Newborn
  • Object To successfully hold your slippery, limp
    newborn with one hand and clean him with the
    other hand, while providing a secure environment.

19
Bathing Methods
  • Foam Rubber Mat placed in the bath tub. This
    method can be hazardous to your back and provides
    the least secure environment.
  • Baby Bathtub used on a table or used in the
    kitchen sink. This is better method for saving
    your back, but it is still hard to hold on to
    your slippery newborn, and most of the time you
    end up with more water on you and the floor than
    on your baby.

20
Bathing Methods Cont
  • Take a Bath with Baby! The only method for
    saving your back, and it provides the most secure
    environment for your newborn!
  • Spit-Bath when you need to clean up baby in a
    hurry and you dont have much time. For example,
    your mother-in-law called and said, We just
    happened to be in the area and were dying to see
    our little grandbaby well be there in five
    minutes! When you find yourself in this
    situation use diaper wipes to clean your baby and
    help give him that fresh all over feeling.

21
Bathing Frequency
  • Most new parents bathe their newborn at the same
    time every day. Do they really need a bath every
    day? All they do for the first couple of months
    is sleep and eat. Its not like they are running
    around outside eating bugs and playing in the
    dirt. That comes later. You are not a bad,
    neglectful parent if you dont bathe your newborn
    every day! Every parent skips a bath every now
    and then, but they would never admit it. That is
    whats so great about being a parent you get to
    set the rules!

22
B. Diapering Procedures
  • Step 1 Place baby on changing surface.
  • Step 2 Carefully unfasten dirty diaper.
  • Step 3 (A) If your baby is a girl, proceed to
    STEP 4
  • (B) If your baby is a boy, quickly
    place a cloth over genital area.
  • Step 4 (A) If baby is wet proceed to Step 5
  • (B) If baby has made a dirty
    diaper simply clean the area with diaper wipes.

23
B. Diapering Procedures Cont
  • Step 5 Gently lift the baby up by grabbing
    his ankles with one hand, and
    remove the soiled diaper.
  • Step 6 Quickly and accurately place a new
    diaper down on the changing
    surface, making sure that the tapes
    are in the back (if you are using
    disposables) and that the new diaper is
    directly under the babys bottom.

24
B. Diapering Procedures Cont
  • Step 7 Fold diaper up and secure.
  • Note If you have a baby boy and forget to
    remove cloth go back to Step 1.

25
C. Burping Your Baby
  • Whether you breast-feed or bottle-feed your baby,
    you should burp him. Burping helps alleviate any
    air bubbles that could cause gas in the stomach.
    Following are some common burping techniques that
    you may find helpful.

26
Over The Shoulder
  • This technique is quite successful. Place the
    babys head on your shoulder with his abdomen on
    your chest and pat gently. If after several
    minutes, no disgusting guttaral sounds are heard,
    you can assume that there are no bubbles present
    at this time.
  • (Disadvantage) The caretaker is often unaware
    of the white, runny substance that has dribbled
    out of the babys mouth and down their back.

27
Lap burping
  • Simply position baby face down on your lap with
    his stomach across your legs and tap gently on
    his back.
  • (Disadvantage) Due to gravitational forces the
    results are often more than expected!

28
Sitting Position
  • The most popular form of burping place baby in
    sitting position supporting his head with one
    hand under his chin and with the other hand pat
    gently on his back.
  • (Disadvantage) This method usually produces
    louder burps and should only be used when you are
    around unwanted guests.

29
D. Care of the Umbilical Cord or Belly Button
  • Newborns dont become real babies until they have
    belly-buttons. The umbilicus is the part of the
    umbilical cord that remains on the baby. It is
    very important to clean the umbilicus daily and
    to keep it dry. It will eventually dry up and
    fall off.

30
Step 1 When diapering your newborn fold the
diaper down and then tape it to keep the
umbilicus dry. Step 2 Use alcohol and cotton
balls or Q-tips to clean around the
umbilicus. Simply apply the alcohol to the
cotton and squeeze the alcohol onto the
umbilicus and then take a Q-tip and clean around
the outer edges. Step 3 Most new parents
stop at step 2. You MUST proceed with step
3, You MUST lift up the umbilicus and clean
UNDER it!!. Even when half of it is still
attached and the other half is just hanging
there, you, you must continue to clean it in
this manner until it finally fall off, and
then you are confronted with another problem.
What am I supposed to do with it?
31
Helpful Hints From The ExpertsReal Parents!
32
New parents often discover tricks of the trade
while caring for their babies. Some of the more
ingenious ideas were discovered by accident while
others were the result of sheer desperation.
Listed below are some creative ideas and helpful
advice from peer parents.
33
Bath Time
  • If you use baby lotion after bath time, put the
    bottle of lotion in the bathtub with baby, and
    when its time to apply the lotion it will be
    nice and warm.
  • When giving your baby girl a bath wash her hair
    last this helps prevent infections that are
    caused from prolonged exposure to the chemicals
    in shampoos and conditioners.

34
Bath Time Cont
  • Keep a watering can in the bathroom it comes in
    handy when washing hair and it also makes a fun
    bath toy.
  • To control all the bath toys that accumulate in
    the bathroom find a large wicker basket with a
    lid and place it near the bathtub.

35
Bed Time
  • Your baby is fast asleep, but every time you put
    him in the bed he wakes up! Try placing a
    heating pad on the mattress, while putting baby
    back to sleep, and when its time to try again,
    remove the heating pad and place baby on the warm
    spot.
  • Dont tiptoe around baby at nap time continue
    making normal sounds during the day and evening.

36
Crying
  • Dont let your newborn baby cry babies cry for a
    reason.
  • To keep a newborn from losing his pacifier while
    in a reclined position, like an infant seat,
    place a cloth diaper or blanket under his chin
    and halfway over the pacifier then tuck the ends
    of the blanket under babys shoulders.

37
Crying Cont
  • Baby is crying and youve tried everything? Take
    baby to the sink and let him watch running water.
    Sometimes babies are calmed by the sound of
    running water.
  • Try putting him in infant seat and place it on
    top of the dryer. The sound, rhythm and warmth
    of the dryer seem to have a calming effect.

38
Crying Cont
  • Use a music box to quiet a crying baby.
  • Go for a little drive the sound and rhythm of a
    car will sometimes help put baby to sleep.
  • Try swaddling your baby to keep him from crying.
    Place a receiving blanket in a diamond position.
    Fold the bottom corner up, wrap one side around
    baby gently tucking in the ends, and wrap the
    remaining side around.
  • Place him in a Snuggli and vacuum the house.
  • Baby is still crying! Bring a rocking chair in
    the bathroom, turn the shower on, and rock gently.

39
Diapering
  • If your baby is sensitive to diaper wipes try
    using a spray bottle filled with warm water, and
    use tissues and baby oil to clean his bottom.
  • If you have a baby boy keep a dry washcloth
    nearby during diaper changes to intercept any
    surprises that may come your way!

40
Feeding
  • Disposable diapers make great bottle insulators.
    Wrap a bottle in a clean diaper and secure the
    tapes around it. This will keep the milk cool
    for up to two hours.
  • Dont feed you baby when hes lying flat it
    helps to prevent ear infections.
  • Follow your babys lead dont watch the clock!

41
Feeding Cont
  • If you ever find yourself without a bib, try
    using a disposable diaper. Just tape the diaper,
    with the plastic side up, on the babys
    shoulders. It works great because you can wipe
    off any spills and reuse the diaper later.
  • When preparing your own baby food, pour the
    processed food into ice cube trays and freeze.
    The ice cube sized portions make great single
    servings.

42
On The Go
  • When traveling in the car, tape interesting
    pictures, faces or graphic symbols to the back of
    your seat to keep baby from getting bored.
  • Jingle bells tied on babys shoes can help keep
    him entertained while traveling.
  • Time to go grocery shopping, and baby has learned
    to stand up in front of the cart. One way to
    keep him seated is to tie his shoelaces together.
    This prevents him from pulling up his legs.

43
On The Go Cont
  • If you are going out for the evening and want
    your baby to feel secure, take a blanket or cloth
    diaper, rub it on your neck and leave it with
    baby. You can also use clothing that you have
    worn.
  • Bring plenty of cassette tapes for baby to
    listen to while running errands in the car
  • If youre traveling with an already loaded diaper
    bag you can save space if you use powdered
    formula. Place pre-measured amounts in plastic
    baggies, roll them up and secure with rubber
    bands.

44
On The Go Cont
  • Always take 50 more diapers than you think
    youll need when traveling long distances. This
    helps you to be prepared for unforeseen
    circumstances, such as when you are traveling by
    plane and your connecting flight gets canceled or
    your flight is held over due to bad weather.
  • When preparing the family for an outing (church,
    visiting family/friends, or the doctors office),
    always dress the baby last.

45
On The Go Cont
  • When one or both parents are going to be absent
    from the baby for an extended period of time
    (business trip, vacation or hospitalization) make
    a cassette tape of the person/persons reading or
    talking to the baby. The sound of their voice
    will be reassuring.

46
Teething
  • There are several teething rings on the market,
    but what about when baby is getting his molars?
    Try freezing water in Popsicle molds Tupperware
    molds work best, as they are long enough and thin
    enough to reach babys back teeth.
  • When baby is teething let him chew on a frozen
    banana.
  • Another way to relieve teething pain is to soak a
    washcloth in apple juice and freeze it. Not only
    will it feel good on the gums it will taste good
    too!

47
Miscellaneous
  • To encourage your cautious toddler to walk, try
    placing Cheerios along the furniture.
  • When talking on the phone you can prevent baby
    noise by breast-feeding or bottle feeding young
    babies with other children keep a box of
    special toys near the phone.
  • Just when you think that you cant stand it any
    longer, your kid always grows out of what ever
    phase is driving you crazy. This is how we
    survive as parents.

48
Miscellaneous Cont
  • Be flexible.
  • Take time for yourself!
  • Take time to enjoy your children the housework
    will always be there, but your children wont!
  • If one thing doesnt work try something else!
  • If youre having trouble giving medicine to a
    young baby, try using a bottle nipple without the
    bottle!
  • While traveling tie toys, bottles and pacifiers
    to babys car seat with SHORT pieces of ribbon.

49
Miscellaneous Cont
  • Change your babys position in the crib or
    playpen from time to time so he isnt always
    looking at the same things. Babies get bored
    too!
  • Tape magazine pictures of faces, bold designs or
    symbols around the inside of his bassinet or crib
    to keep baby visually stimulated. You can make
    you own abstract shapes using a black marker and
    white poster board.

50
Miscellaneous Cont
  • Always bring Tylenol to the doctors office. Give
    baby the Tylenol immediately after he receives
    his vaccination. It takes time for the
    medication to work and if you wait until you get
    home he may already be feverish and fussy. Be
    certain to ask your doctor what kind of Tylenol
    to use and what the proper dosage is for your
    baby.

51
Miscellaneous Cont
  • If your baby has suffered a finger or hand injury
    fill a bottle with juice and ice cubes and let
    him hold it while he drinks the juice. The cool
    contact on the injured area combined with the
    sucking reflex will comfort him.
  • Many babies detest lukewarm baths when they have
    a fever. Another alternative would be to place
    ice bags wrapped in hand towels, one under each
    arm, while rocking or holding him until the fever
    breaks.

52
Miscellaneous Cont
  • If your baby has an ear infection and is
    uncomfortable, use a hair dryer set on warm and
    direct the air into the affected area.
  • Use toothpaste on bee stings it soothes the
    pain and helps draw out the stinger.
  • Lower your expectations. You dont have to be
    prefect!

53
Miscellaneous Cont
  • When trying to wean your toddler from the
    pacifier, tie the pacifier to the bedpost with a
    SHORT piece of ribbon. Explain to the toddler
    that he may have it any time he wants it but it
    has to stay tied to the bed.
  • When toilet training your boy, place a few
    Cheerios in the toilet for target practice!

54
V. Occupational Hazards
55
The Successful Post-Pregnant Wardrobe
56
  • Many new moms feel inferior and inadequate at
    their jobs. After all, the new moms on TV and in
    magazines always have their make-up on, their
    hair looks great, their houses are immaculate and
    they are back in their pre-pregnant clothes after
    only three days! Since you were a little girl,
    all you dreamed about was getting married, having
    a family and living happily ever after! Being a
    mom is NOT an easy job. And the more children
    you have, the harder it gets.

57
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58
  • Like many new moms, you dont want to go and
    buy a whole new wardrobe. You want to lose that
    extra weight! Some women continue to wear their
    maternity clothes until they reach their
    pre-pregnant weight! Most women are so sick of
    their maternity clothes that they burn them at
    the stake a week after they get home from the
    hospital. The practical new mom resorts to
    wearing her husbands clothes until she reaches
    her pre-pregnant weight.

59
The practical new moms wardrobe consists of
only seven articles of clothes
  • (2) pair of husbands shorts with an elastic
    waist
  • (1) pair of husbands elasticized warm-up pants
  • (2) of husbands oversized sweatshirts
  • (1) of husbands short-sleeved sport shirts
  • (1) pair of husbands button-up jeans

60
The following accessories will also be needed
  • Belts with and without buckles
  • Safety pins of all sizes
  • A few scarves or bandanas to add just a splash of
    color!
  • With the proper combinations, you can make
    several DIFFERENT outfits!

61
  • Remember, the keys to a successful wardrobe are
    knowing how to mix and match properly, proper
    placement of accessories, and choosing flattering
    colors that work well for you. Have fun the
    possibilities are limitless.

62
VI. Diagrams Comparisons
63
A. Blessed Events
  • New parents are supposed to get carried away with
    every little thing their baby does. Following
    are the most important developmental milestones.
    Be sure and compare your newborn to the chart to
    see if he is developing normally.

64
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66
How Much Does A Baby Cost?
  • You have probably never considered how much it
    costs to raise a child until now. The following
    statistics will help you understand the true cost
    of child-rearing!
  • In 1960, to raise a child form birth to the age
    of 18 years old, with a middle class income cost
    27,323.
  • In 1990, to raise a child from birth to the age
    of 22 years old, with a family income of
    50,000/yr cost 265,249
  • In 2020, estimating using the same rate of
    acceleration from 1960 to 1990, (an increase of
    7,930.87 per year) it will cost 503,175.

67
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68
C. Martyr Mom
  • When you become a mother, you have to learn how
    to take care of your new baby. You soon learn
    how to meet his needs just by the sound of his
    cry, and you continue meeting his needs 24 hours
    a day! Its easy to lose yourself! Youve got
    to learn to meet your needs too!
  • If you are taking time out for yourself, you will
    be a happier person, and if youre a happier
    person you will be a better mother.
  • The laundry, dishes, nurturing, cleaning and all
    of the other activities are things you do, they
    are not you. Find something that you enjoy
    doing, make time for it, steal the time if you
    have to, and do it! If you dont ..you could
    turn into a MARTYR MOM!

69
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70
The Parental Clock
  • Everyday living is crowded with all kinds of
    chores and activities. When you have children
    time seems to slip away more quickly. Before you
    know it the day is over and you havent
    accomplished as much as you wanted to. Following
    is the ideal parental clock it shows how many
    hours are needed each day to get EVERYTHING done!!

71
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72
E. Trouble-Shooting
  • As part of your education in parenting you must
    learn how to handle a variety of situations. The
    following will guide you through the most common
    of these

73
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78
Why Parenting Cant be a 50/50 Propositionthe
cold hard facts!
  • There is not way that it can be 50 - 50 unless
    you are so wealthy that neither one of you have
    to work. In most families today both spouses
    work. But for the lucky new mothers who get to
    stay at home, they become the main caretakers.

79
  • The following chart shows the total number of
    hours the main caretaker spends with the children
    vs. the total number hours the provider is
    capable of spending with the children.

80
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81
G. How to Choose the Perfect Babysitter
  • Knowing how to choose the right babysitter is a
    very important part of being a good parent. New
    parents are somewhat over-protective and very
    careful about with whom they leave their new
    baby.
  • The ideal babysitter is at least 40 years old,
    has her own transportation, a degree in early
    children education, a degree in nursing, used to
    be a nun, is available every weekend and only
    charges 50 cents an hour!

82
This questionnaire may prove helpful in selecting
the perfect baby sitter
83
How old are you?2. Have you had any previous
experience?NO YES
  • - If yes, please list the dates, times, persons
    involved, what phase the moon was in, how old the
    children were, the parents names, addresses,
    occupations and yearly income.

84
Have you taken any first aid and/or safety
courses?NO YES
  • - If yes, please list the dates you were
    enrolled, instructors name and phone number,
    your grade at the end of the course and what you
    ate prior to each class.

85
Have you, or any member of your family, ever been
arrested and/or convicted of a misdemeanor or a
felony?NO YES
  • If yes, please supply a copy of you criminal
    record, including any and all speeding or parking
    tickets that you have received since birth.

86
Do you attend church on a regular basis? If yes,
please quote LUKE 1213-226. Are you presently
employed? If so, for how long and who is your
employer? Please provide us with last years
income tax forms and W-2 statements.
87
Were you ever enlisted in the military? If yes,
what branch of service and did you receive an
honorable discharge?8. Are you now or have
you ever been married? If you are divorced,
please supply us with any and all court
documents, including but not limited to property
settlements, custody documents, child support or
alimony payments, and divorce settlements.
88
9. Do you have your own transportation? If
yes, please list the make, model, license ,
drivers license , and how much you paid for
your car at the time of purchase.10. Please
list below, the members of your family, their
occupations, and their yearly income.
89
Have you completed any courses in early childhood
education? If yes, please list the courses
taken.12. What do you charge for your services?
90
FOR PARENTS USE ONLY!(Please circle
one)OVERALL APPEARANCE(1) poor (2) fair (3)
average (4) good (5) excellentPERSONALITY(1)
poor (2) fair (3) average (4) good (5)
excellentMOTHERING CAPABILITIES(1) poor (2)
fair (3) average (4) good (5) excellent
91
OVERALL RATING(Please check one)
  • ___ (1) Wouldnt let her babysit my dog!
  • ___ (2) Would be adequate for house sitting
    only!
  • ___ (3) Seems to be capable but theres
    room for improvement.
  • ___ (4) Would use her if no one else was
    available!
  • ___ (5) I would trust her with my life!

92
VII. ORAL DRILLS
93
YOU HAVE TO SOUND LIKE A PARENT
  • (Oral Exercises for New Parents)

94
Congratulations, you have just become a parent!
It may seem a little early, but you must start
acting like a parent. All the things that you
said you would NEVER say to your kids are locked
away in your subconscious and, ready or not, they
will come out!! With a little practice, you will
start to sound like parents, maybe even YOUR
parents!!
95
INSTRUCTIONS
  • Read the list out loud.
  • Read the list again out loud with an increase in
    volume and tone.
  • Read the list out loud, with increased volume and
    tone, while adding the correct facial expression
    and body language.
  • NOTE REPEAT THESE EXERCIES AS OFTEN AS NEEDED.
    IF AFTER PRACTICING YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU NEED
    ADDITIONAL TRAINING, TRY STANDING IN FRONT OF A
    MIRROR WHILE RECITING THEM.

96
  • As long as you live under my roof!
  • I dont care who started it, Im gonna finish
    it!
  • Your room looks like a pig-sty!
  • Because I said so!
  • Just wait until you have kids!
  • Im not asking you, Im telling you!
  • Im doing this for your own good.
  • If you cant say anything nice, dont say
    anything at all.
  • Im going to count to 10! 1 2 3.
  • How many times do I have to tell you?
  • Do you think Im made out of money?!
  • If I told you once, I told you a thousand times!

97
FINAL EXAM FOR PROSPECTIVE PARENTS
  • ARE YOU FIT TO BE A PARENT?

98
TRUE OR FALSE (each question is worth 5 points)
  • ___ 1. After feeding your baby, you should always
    toss him around to make sure the food is mixed
    properly with the stomachs digestive juices.
  • ___ 2. Your babys belly button usually fall off
    after his first birthday.

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  • ___ 3. Cradle cap is a term used to describe a
    hat that protects your newborn against harmful
    ultraviolet sun rays during the first year of
    life. They can be ordered through the hospital
    and come in two colors, blue and pink.
  • ___ 4. Babys diaper should only be changed
    after it reaches the proper saturation level the
    normal range is from five to ten pounds.

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  • ___ 5. Circumcision is a term used to describe
    the total circumference of the babys head.
  • ___ 6. Baby acne is caused most often by an
    abundance of chocolate in the babys diet.
  • ___ 7. The soft-spot is located on the instep of
    the left foot which becomes red and swollen when
    the baby is hungry

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  • ___ 8. Babies are usually born elbows first.
  • ___ 9. Umbilicus is a device used to measure the
    length of your newborn.
  • ___ 10. The startle reflex is found in 90 of all
    new parents.

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MULTIPLE CHOICE (each question is worth 5
points)
  • ___ 1. If your babys belly-button (umbilicus)
    does not fall off after 14 days, you should
  • a) rush him to the emergency room
    immediately
  • b) turn it clockwise three times and say
    Theres no place like gone
  • c) turn it counterclockwise three times
    and say Theres no place like gone
  • d) ask your doctor to check it.

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  • ___ 2. You should bathe your newborn
  • a) at every diaper change
  • b) every two weeks
  • c) only on his birthday
  • d) none of the above
  • ___ 3. When your baby is crying which of the
    following should you not do
  • a) check his diaper
  • b) every two-four days
  • c) every two-four weeks
  • d) every two-four months

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  • ___ 5. You should clean the belly-button
    (umbilicus)
  • a) with turpentine
  • b) with a sand blaster
  • c) with nail polish remover
  • d) with rubbing alcohol.
  • ___ 6. You should burp your baby
  • a) after you change his diaper
  • b) when he wakes up from his nap
  • c) before he eats
  • d) after he eats

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  • ___ 7. The average baby usually gets his first
    tooth
  • a) at birth
  • b) when hes two days old
  • c) when he is two weeks old
  • d) none of the above
  • ___8. The average baby uses
  • a) ten diapers a day
  • b) ten diapers a week
  • c) ten diapers a month
  • d) ten diapers a year.

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  • ___ 9. Colic means
  • a) your baby has the hiccups
  • b) your baby has a cold
  • c) your baby has an ear infection
  • d) nobody really knows what colic is!
  • ___10. When bathing your newborn, you
    should always start with
  • a) the head and work down
  • b) the feet and work up
  • c) the hands and work in
  • d) the stomach and work out

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ESSAY QUESTIONS(Extra Credit)
  • (In your best words) Describe what colic means.
    (5 points)
  • Name five creative uses for the nasal aspirator
    (5 points)
  • Name three other uses for the disposable diaper
    (5 points)
  • NOTE WE PURPOSELY WITHHELD THE ANSWERS SO THAT
    YOU WOULD NEED TO FIND THEM ON YOUR OWN!!

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RATING FOR SCORES(Total possible points is 100)
  • 100-90 EXCELLENT green flag, you may proceed in
    starting a family!
  • 89-70 GOOD borrow a real baby for one week,
    study hard and take the test again.
  • 69-50 AVERAGE borrow a real baby for one month,
    study hard, take the test again, and then
    proceed with caution.
  • 49-30 POOR Call Adopt-A-Pet and practice
    parenting skills on your new pet.
  • 29-0 EXTREMELY POOR PLEASE buy a stuffed animal
    or check out a video that just shows a baby and
    pretend its yours!

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Glossary of Terms
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PARENTING FACTS
  • A newborn babys head accounts for about ¼ of its
    entire weight.
  • In Medieval China it was not unusual for a mother
    to breastfeed a child until the age of seven.
  • It is possible for a fetus to get hiccups.
  • Newborns cry 90 of the time.
  • Some newborns have a strong sucking reflex and a
    pacifier may help them adjust to the new world.
  • You cannot spoil a newborn.
  • Newborns can focus on objects approximately ten
    inches away.
  • Three month old babies prefer faces over other
    patterns.
  • At nine weeks babies prefer high-contrast black
    and white mobiles to colored ones.
  • A newborns hearing is fully mature at birth.
  • Newborns favor simple linear patterns.

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This is to certify thatYOU
  • Have successfully completed a course in
  • PARENTING 101 A CRASH COURSE
  • FOR NEW PARENTS
  • WARRANTY AND RESTRICTIONS The completion of
    this course in no way guarantees against or
    prevents parental error, may lead to the
    development of spoiled brats or future teenagers
    from hell. The creators of this course can not
    be held liable for any of the undesirable results
    listed above.
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