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Crucial Conversations Parts I and II

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Understanding of your response style ... stakes are high, opinions vary, and. emotions run strong. What We Can Do in Crucial Conversations ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Crucial Conversations Parts I and II


1
Crucial ConversationsParts I and II
  • Nancy G. Dodd
  • University Ombuds
  • July 7, 2009
  • August 6, 2009

2
What We Will Do Today and Next Month
  • Define Crucial Conversations and how we usually
    deal with them
  • Learn the steps to take for a successful crucial
    conversation
  • Learn your Style Under Stress
  • Learn how to put things into action

3
Giving Credit Where Credit is Due
  • Crucial Conversations Tools for talking when
    stakes are high, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph
    Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler. McGraw-Hill,
    2002.

4
What I Hope You Will Take Away
  • A way to think about the conversations that
    affect your life
  • Understanding of your response style
  • Clues about and techniques for having a
    successful conversation about tough issues

5
Definition of a Crucial Conversation
  • A discussion between two or more people when
  • stakes are high,
  • opinions vary, and
  • emotions run strong

6
What We Can Do in Crucial Conversations
  • Avoid them
  • Face them and handle them poorly
  • Face them and handle them well

7
Some Common Crucial Conversation Issues
  • At work
  • A coworker who behaves offensively
  • Giving feedback to the boss
  • A colleagues work performance
  • A team member who isnt keeping commitments
  • An unfavorable performance review
  • A coworker with a personal hygiene problem

8
Some Common Crucial Conversation Issues
  • At home
  • Ending a relationship
  • Asking a friend to repay a loan
  • Resolving custody or visitation issues with an
    ex-spouse
  • Dealing with a rebellious teen
  • Confronting a loved one about a substance abuse
    problem

9
Pool of Shared Meaning
  • Get information out in the open
  • Create a dialogue
  • Dont debate, stay silent, or run away
  • Contribute your information
  • Create favorable conditions and stay in dialogue

10
Tools to Be Covered
  • Start with Heart
  • Learn to Look
  • Make it Safe
  • Master My Stories
  • STATE My Path
  • Explore Others Paths
  • Move to Action

11
Start With Heart
  • How to Stay Focused on What You Really Want

12
Think About
  • What you really want for yourself
  • What you really want for others
  • What you really want for the relationship

13
Then Ask Yourself
  • How would I behave if I really wanted these
    results?

14
Get Away From the Win/Lose Choice
  • I really want Pat to let me learn how to do some
    of the more important activities of the
    department.
  • I really dont want to get a lecture about how
    busy she is and how it is easier for her to do
    things herself.

15
Combine Into An And
  • I really want to learn how to do the more
    important activities of the department without
    getting a lecture about how it is faster for Pat
    to do things herself.

16
Learn To Look
  • How to Notice When Safety is at Risk

17
Silence
  • Masking understating or being selective
  • Avoiding avoiding the real issue
  • Withdrawing exiting

18
Violence
  • Controlling forcing or dominating
  • Labeling stereotyping
  • Attacking making the person suffer

19
Your Style Under Stress
  • Fill out the survey and score it

20
Form A
21
Form B
22
Learn To Look Recap
  • At content and conditions
  • For when things become crucial
  • To watch for safety problems
  • To see if others are moving toward silence or
    violence
  • For outbreaks of your style under stress

23
How to Make it Safe
  • To Talk About Almost Anything

24
Establish Mutual Purpose
  • Working toward a common outcome
  • Care about goals, interests, values
  • Find a shared goal

25
Maintain Mutual Respect
  • Avoid defending dignity
  • Respect basic humanity
  • Look for similarities
  • Sympathize or empathize

26
To Regain Purpose or Respect
  • Apologize
  • Contrast
  • CRIB to get to Mutual Purpose
  • Commit
  • Recognize
  • Invent
  • Brainstorm

27
Master My Stories
  • How to Stay in Dialogue when Youre Angry,
    Scared, or Hurt

28
Retrace Your Path
  • Notice your behavior, take an honest look
  • Get in touch with your feelings
  • Analyze your stories
  • Get back to the facts
  • Watch for clever stories
  • Victim
  • Villain
  • Helpless
  • Tell the rest of the story

29
STATE My Path
  • How to Speak Persuasively, not Abrasively

30
The What Skills
  • Share your facts
  • Tell your story
  • Ask for others paths

31
The How Skills
  • Talk tentatively, not wimpily
  • Encourage testing

32
Explore Others Paths
  • How to Listen when Others Blow Up or Clam Up

33
Start With Heart
  • Be sincere
  • Be curious
  • Stay curious
  • Be patient

34
Encourage Others to Retrace Their Paths
  • They are acting out their stories
  • Every sentence has a history
  • Break the cycle
  • Power up

35
Power Listening Skills AMPP
  • Ask to Get Things Rolling
  • Mirror to Confirm Feelings
  • Paraphrase to Acknowledge the Story
  • Prime When Youre Getting Nowhere

36
What If You Dont Agree?
  • Agree
  • Build
  • Compare

37
Move to Action
  • How to Turn Crucial Conversations Into Action and
    Results

38
Methods of Decision Making
  • Command
  • Consult
  • Vote
  • Consensus

39
How To Choose a Method
  • Who cares?
  • Who knows?
  • Who must agree?
  • How many people is it worth involving?

40
Assignments to Put Decisions into Action
  • Who?
  • Does what?
  • By when?
  • How will you follow up?

41
Any Questions?
42
Thanks for Your Time and Attention!
  • Feel free to contact me
  • Nancy Dodd
  • 441 Reid Hall
  • 994-6195
  • ndodd_at_montana.edu
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