How to Get Along with Difficult People

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How to Get Along with Difficult People

• What I Learned in Kindergarten

DENR Lunch n Learn Facilitator Sondra Wilson,
Office of State Personnel Oct. 22, 2009
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Playing Nice with Others
All I Really Need To Know I Learned In
Kindergarten http//www.robertfulghum.com/
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Play Nice!

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In
Kindergarten http//www.robertfulghum.com/
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More Play Nice

• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some
  and draw
• and paint and sing and dance and play and
  work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for
  traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in
  the Styrofoam cup the roots go down and the
  plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why,
  but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the
  little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die.
  So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the
  first word you learned - the biggest word of all
  - LOOK.

http//www.robertfulghum.com
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Today people skills are as important as
technical skills when it comes to getting ahead
on the job. 
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Think about

• People who place nice at DENR
• How do they behave?
• What makes them effective?

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Source http//www.uni-ulm.de/uni/intgruppen/memo
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Perceptions
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Lets Watch
difficult people in action!
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Characteristics

• Predictably abrasive Consistently perceived as
  difficult by most people, not just you
• Does not own the problem - Keeps blame and
  responsibility outside of themselves not my
  fault this is a messed-up place and you caused
  it!
• Robbers of you time and energy. They can
  literally make you sick. Affects your
  cardiovascular, digestive, muscles. 10 of the
  work population are difficult people but they
  take up conservatively 40 -60 of a managers
  time.
• Behavior is out of proportion to the problem
  They surround themselves with drama.

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Pitfalls

• Excusing their behavior
• Ignoring their behavior (watch it escalate!)
• Trying to change their personality. Work on
  changing their behavior, not their personality --
  which may or may not be possible through
  long-term counseling.
• Colluding and rewarding negative behavior

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Asssertiveness is ...


Standing up for one's rights by expressing one's
thoughts and feelings directly, honestly, and
appropriately without denying the rights of
others.
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Asssertiveness is ...

• A communication thats two-way
• Both verbal and non-verbal
• Breaking down your own and others defenses
• Dealing with conflict
• Describing specific behaviors
• Not aggressive or threatening
• Not backing down
• Using open and honest statements

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Asssertiveness is ...

• Knowing what you want
• Speaking up for yourself
• Using Open body language
• Not afraid to ask why
• Not afraid to say no
• Matching delivery with your message
• Using "I" statements
• Demonstrating good listening
• Going for win/win solutions

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NON-ASSERTIVE
ASSERTIVE
AGGRESSIVE
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Strategies

• Stand up ____________________
• Do not ______________________
• Dont take it __________________
• Make sure youre ______________the right things
• Remember to _____________, really __________.
• With bullies, dont ___________ but dont
  __________ either.
• With yes people (puppy dogs), make it _________
  for them to say ________.
• Remain _________________________.
• Dont get ____________________________.
• Focus on the _______________, not the
  __________________.

Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People
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The Power of
Empathy
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Practicing Empathy

• First, acknowledge that how we see things is our
  perception, not necessarily reality.
• Practice active listening to be sure our message
  is clear.

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• Lions they like to roar

They like to roar
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They like to crow in your ear
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Beware of the Backstabber
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The Insecure
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Negative Nellie
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I just want to be loved.
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How About YOU?
Source http//rulingcatsanddogs.com