The State of the Environment Today is Largely Due to Man’s Activities.

1
The State of the Environment Today is Largely Due
to Mans Activities.

• Some common errors, and related advice

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Handwriting

• A serious issue- if your writing cant be read,
  you cannot be given credit for what you have
  written
• In future, please leave a line after every line
  you write

Graphology
3
Essay length

• Too short- you cant cover all the points and
  develop your argument in a satisfying manner.
• Too long- you run the risk of including
  irrelevant information.

Essay
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Range of essays

• Range from primary school level essays to those
  that seem copied off a website
• Problem with the latter is that
• (a) it may not be relevant to the question and
• (b) suddenly your writing will be very different
  under test conditions.

Essay
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Harking back to the days of yore

• Little evidence of new learning
• At the upper secondary level, issues are dealt
  with in greater depth, so the right type of
  structure is essential for shaping a more mature
  handling of the topic.
• Plunging straight into the essay- no build up
• Lack of organization, no thesis statement and
  immature outbursts.
• Imagine if everyone wasted paper or imagine if
  everyone lit a cigarette at the same time

Essay
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The issue of human culpability

• Much more emphasis is needed on this- HOW are
  humans responsible for the state of the
  environment?
• Deforestation has also played a part in
  producing the state of the environment today.
  Deforestation is the cutting down of trees in a
  large area. After cutting trees down, many have
  not been bothered to plant them back. This has
  resulted in more extinction of animals as their
  habitats are being destroyed. For example,
  Tongass, which is a rainforest in the United
  States, is facing forest destruction as trees are
  being cut down thoughtlessly. Hence,
  deforestation is at fault for creating the
  situation of the environment today.

Essay
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Bright spark

• it is true that the state of the environment
  today is largely due to Mans activities. These
  acts have contributed to worldwide deforestation,
  extinction of animals and pollution.
• Good idea to list the underlined points as
  consequences or evidence of harmful activity, and
  not activities themselves

Essay
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Getting too emotional

• Difference between writing a speech and an essay
• It is evident that humans are cruel beasts that
  sacrifice innocent lives just to satisfy their
  greed and vanity.
• Man has lost his sense of mind
• Appropriate tone

Essay
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Main points

• Points must be on same level eg smoking is not
  something that can compare with industrial
  emissions or deforestation.
• This is where extensive reading and developing
  maturity of thought and expression are very
  important

Essay
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Counter argument and rebuttal

• The but still fallacy commonly employed (this
  is not a valid rebuttal)
• Invalid counter arguments
• some say that there is nothing we can do about it
  now
• some say man has no choice if he wants to
  progress
• Valid counter arguments
• some say that man cannot be held even largely
  responsible, because so much depends on natural
  forces
• one species cannot possibly have such a major
  impact on the world
• Counter argument should be developed and rebuttal
  should be complete, not a mention of a point and
  then a summary dismissal

Paragraph
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Example of counter argument

• Some people think that the state of the
  environment now is natural, and part of the
  process of evolution. This is a common
  misconception. The fact is that human activities
  such as the emission of greenhouse gases, the
  cutting down of trees and the hunting of animals
  for profit have caused many changes to the
  environment. Had it been for these activities,
  there would not have been global warming, and
  many more animals would have survived.

Paragraph
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The opening line

• Most of us are aware that the earth is facing a
  huge problem and mans activities are responsible
  for the destruction of the environment.
• Renders whole argument unnecessary.

Paragraph
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Insufficient transition

• I was sleeping soundly in my large and
  comfortable bed when I was rudely disturbed by
  the interrupting noise produced by the workers
  that were busy chopping down trees near my
  apartment. I heard from my neighbors that a new
  housing estate would be constructed just opposite
  our estate. // Thinking of what my neighbor had
  claimed, I thought of how our earth would look
  like after a century. Would there be sufficient
  resources for the younger generations?
• The connection between the new building/tree
  removal and resource for the next generation is
  not made.

Paragraph
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Complete sentences

• Firstly, the emission of greenhouse gases.
• Not a full sentence.
• Why?

Sentence
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Run-on sentences

• Lets look at some slides on run-on sentences

Of course many of the actual errors are more
complicated than that, but now you will know what
it means when you see the phrase run-on
sentence in the margin of your essay.
sentence
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Inconsistent Adjacent Clause Structure

• News reports of floods and droughts in parts of
  China and India, areas of forested lands are
  disappearing at a fast speed, and ice caps at
  Antarctica and Arctic are melting.
• This should be changed to read News reports of
  floods and droughts in parts of China and India,
  rapidly disappearing areas of forested lands in
  places such as the Amazon Basin, and melting ice
  caps in Antarctica and the Arctic

Sentence
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Consistent structure of listing clauses- creates
rhythm (1)

• I totally agree, the state it is in now is
  caused by the mass clearing of forests for land
  use, fossil fuels burnt to generate energy and
  the motor vehicles that emit gas which are
  harmful.
• I totally agree that the state it is in now is
  caused by the mass clearing of forests for land
  use, the burning of fossil fuels to generate
  energy, and the emission of harmful gases by
  motor vehicles.

Sentence
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Consistent structure of listing clauses- creates
rhythm (2)

• Factories and industries produce greenhouse
  gases that harm the ozone layer, deforestation
  forms hazes and production of chlorofluorocarbon
  products are just some of the reasons
• Factories and industries produce greenhouse
  gases that warm the climate to dangerous levels,
  deforestation leads to widespread problems and
  the manufacture of CFC-containing products
  damages the ozone layer. All these are examples
  of the negative effects man has had on the
  environment , through his various activities

Sentence
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Subject consistency across adjacent clauses

• Places like America, where abundant fields of
  vegetation and lush green forests once stood, are
  now replaced by cities and buildings crammed at
  every corner.
• Places like America, where abundant fields of
  vegetation and lush green forests once stood, are
  now covered with cities and buildings crammed at
  every corner

Sentence
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Grouping of list items

• Man causes water pollution, global warming and
  takes natural resources for granted.
• Man causes water pollution and global warming,
  and takes natural resources for granted.

Sentence
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X X and O construction

• The main sources of pollution are water
  pollution and air pollution.
• Whats wrong with this sentence?
• EVERY WORD COUNTS!
• Circular I agree with this because it is true
• EVERY SENTENCE COUNTS!

Sentence
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Avoid dangling participles

• Lets look at some slides on dangling participles

By killing all these trees, they are unable to
absorb carbon dioxide.
Some DP errors are less easy to spot. But with
practice, and by constantly being on the lookout
for them, you will soon be a super DP detective!
Sentence
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Active and passive

• The use of the passive can be helpful, but it
  work against us when we actually need to
  highlight a sense of guilt
• An example of an animal which is used for human
  needs and is endangered is the elephant. The
  ivory of an elephant can be extracted to make
  jewelry and the ears are used as padding on
  donkeys backs. Other animals like sharks and
  pandas, which are captured for Mans purposes,
  also face extinction.

Sentence
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What is the stand on rhetorical questions?

• Do not overuse them. No more than two in the
  whole essay
• Do not use them as topic sentences
• Did you ever wonder why?
• Creates inappropriate tone
• A statement that clearly sets out what the
  paragraph is about in relation to the question is
  needed

Sentence
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The government should

• But the question is extensive in its scope and
  obviously expects you to go beyond one country.
• Only if you are asked, for example, This country
  needs to do more to protect the environment.
  Discuss. Here, you are clearly asked about a
  specific country.

Word
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Less negation

• Not using environmentally friendly products
• Why not say- Using environmentally unfriendly/
  harmful products.
• Less negation shows you in a more positive light

Word
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Vocabulary

• Doing activities
• Engaging in activities
• Carrying out activities
• Environmental friendly
• Environmentally friendly
• Lesser oxygen
• Less oxygen
• lesser inferior

Word
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Repetition

• I agree with this statement as it is true. Mans
  activities have been a threat to our environment
  since civilization started. It is only in recent
  years that the harm we have done to the
  environment has been recognized by more people.
  Although Man has now realized that many of the
  things he is doing are harming the environment,
  he still does not stop harming the environment.
  The damage to the environment is just the result
  of humans work.

Word
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Pronoun and other references

• When you use a reference, it must be clear what
  you are referring to
• Eg They, this, it. Which noun or noun
  phrase do these words refer back to?
• Man he, not they

Word
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The way things appear

• How and like do not have to be used in the
  same clause when referring to appearance.
• So you either say how (something) looked or
  what (something) looked like.

Word
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General nouns and articles

• In English, when we refer to general nouns, we do
  not add any article
• Industries, especially those energy plants
  should read Industries, especially energy
  plants

Word
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Modality
Word

• Use of modality creates impression of hypothesis
• Deforestation is the clearing of forests. This
  would mean that the homes of animals would also
  be destroyed. This would also lead to the
  extinction of animals as they no longer have a
  home to stay inThis would increase the amount of
  carbon dioxide
• If all the land is used for the dumping of
  rubbish, where would people live? The smell of
  the rubbish would be unbearable. The rubbish
  would contaminate the seas and rivers Fishes
  would die too.

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The good and the bad

• The most overused words in English compositions
  good, bad, nice, happy, sad.
• How can you improve your vocabulary?

Word