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Communication, Power and Conflict

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Chapter 7 Communication, Power and Conflict Chapter Outline Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Nonverbal Communication Gender Differences in Communication ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Communication, Power and Conflict


1
Chapter 7
  • Communication, Power and Conflict

2
Chapter Outline
  • Verbal and Nonverbal Communication
  • Nonverbal Communication
  • Gender Differences in Communication
  • Communication Patterns and Marriage
  • Problems in Communication

3
Chapter Outline
  • Power, Conflict, and Intimacy
  • Explanations of Marital Power
  • Intimacy and Conflict
  • Experiencing and Managing Conflict
  • Consequences of Conflict
  • Resolving Conflicts

4
True or False?
  • The party with the least interest in continuing a
    relationship generally has the power in it.

5
True
  • The principle of least interest, describes the
    situation in which the partner with the least
    interest in continuing a relationship enjoys the
    most power in it.
  • The less involved partner may threaten to leave
    as leverage in an argument.

6
True or False?
  • Wives tend to give more negative messages than
    husbands.

7
True
  • Wives tend to give more positive or negative
    messages they tend to smile or laugh when they
    send messages, and they send fewer clearly
    neutral messages.
  • Husbands neutral responses make it more
    difficult for wives to decode what their partners
    are trying to say.

8
True or False?
  • Conflict and intimacy go hand in hand in intimate
    relationships.

9
True
  • It is common and normal for couples to have
    disagreements or conflicts.
  • Couples who resolve conflict with mutual
    satisfaction and who find ways to adapt to areas
    of conflict tend to be more satisfied with their
    relationships overall and are less likely to
    divorce.

10
True or False?
  • Negative communication patterns before marriage
    are a poor predictor of marital communication
    ecause people change once they are married.

11
False
  • Many couples who communicate poorly before
    marriage are likely to continue the same way
    after marriage, and the result can be disastrous
    for future marital happiness.

12
Functions of Nonverbal communication
  • Convey interpersonal attitudes
  • Express emotions
  • Handle the ongoing interaction.

13
Touch
  • Touch is one of our primary means of
    communication.
  • It conveys intimacy, immediacy, and emotional
    closeness.

14
Gottmans Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
  • Warning signs of serious risk of divorce
  • Contempt a feeling that the target of the
    expression is undesirable.
  • Criticism Especially when it is overly harsh.
  • Defensiveness
  • Stonewalling or avoiding.

15
Women and Communication
  • In nonverbal communication
  • Women smile more than men.
  • Women express a wider range of emotions through
    facial expressions.
  • Women occupy, claim, and control less space.
  • Women maintain more eye contact with others with
    whom they are interacting.

16
Women and Communication
  • In use of language and style of speaking
  • Women use more qualifiers.
  • Women use more tag questions.
  • Women use a wider variety of intensifiers.
  • Women speak in more polite and less insistent
    tones.

17
Men and Communication
  • Male speech contains fewer words for such things
    as color, texture, food, relationships, and
    feelings.
  • Men use more and harsher profanity.
  • Men talk more and interrupt women more than women
    interrupt men.
  • In conversations with other men, men disclose
    less personal information and restrict themselves
    to topics such as sports, politics, or work.

18
Communication and Marital Satisfaction
  • After the first year, couples with negative
    premarital communication patterns were less
    satisfied than those with positive communication
    patterns.
  • A later study found that premarital couples who
    responded more to positive than negative
    communication were more satisfied in marriage 4
    years later.

19
The Cohabitation Effect
  • Couples who live together before marrying are
    more likely to separate and divorce than couples
    who dont live together before marriage.
  • Catherine Cohan and Stacey Kleinbaum hypothesized
    that spouses who live together before marrying
    display more negative problem solving and support
    behavior compared with couples who marry without
    first living together.

20
Cohabitation and Poor Marital Communication
  • Compared with couples who dont cohabit,
    cohabitants tend to be younger, less religious,
    and more likely to come from divorced homes.
  • People who cohabit may be more accepting of
    divorce and less committed to marriage and use
    less effort to develop good marital
    communication skills.
  • Cohabitation is associated with alcohol use,
    infidelity, and lower marital satisfaction, which
    in turn are correlated with less effective
    communication.

21
Characteristics of Satisfied Marriages
  • Willingness to accept conflict but to engage in
    conflict in nondestructive ways.
  • Less frequent conflict and less time spent in
    conflict.
  • The ability to disclose or reveal private
    thoughts and feelings, especially positive ones,
    to a partner.

22
Characteristics of Satisfied Marriages
  • Expression by both partners of equal levels of
    affection, such as tenderness, words of love, and
    touch.
  • More time spent talking, discussing personal
    topics, and expressing feelings in positive ways.
  • The ability to send verbal and nonverbal messages
    accurately and to understand such messages
    accurately.

23
Conflict
  • Conflict is an inevitable and normal part of
    being in a relationship.
  • Rather than withdrawing from and avoiding
    conflict, we should use it as a way to build,
    strengthen, and deepen our relationships.

24
Ten Topics That Are Most Difficult for Couples to
Discuss
25
Ten Topics That Are Most Difficult for Couples to
Discuss
26
Styles of Miscommunication
  • Placaters
  • Always agreeable, placaters are passive, speak in
    an ingratiating manner, and act helpless.
  • Blamers
  • Acting superior, blamers are tense, often angry,
    and gesture by pointing.

27
Styles of Miscommunication
  • Computers
  • Correct, reasonable, and expressionless, they
    dont show feelings.
  • Distractors
  • Acting frenetic and seldom saying anything
    relevant, they flit about in word and deed.

28
Obstacles to Self-Awareness
  • We place obstacles in the way of expressing
    feelings.
  • We suppress unacceptable feelings, especially
    anger, hurt, and jealousy.
  • We deny our feelings.
  • We project our feelings. Instead of recognizing
    that we are jealous,we may accuse our partner of
    being jealous instead of feeling hurt, we may
    say our partner is hurt.

29
Trust
  • Belief in the integrity of a person.
  • In order for trust to develop
  • A relationship has to have the likelihood of
    continuing.
  • We must be able to predict how our partner will
    behave.
  • Our partner must have other acceptable options
    available to him or her.

30
Response and Feedback
  • If your partner discloses doubts about your
    relationship, you can respond in different ways
  • Remain silent - Conveys you do not want your
    partner to disclose this information.
  • Respond angrily - Sends a message that
    self-disclosure can lead to arguments.
  • Respond neither negatively nor positively.
  • Acknowledge your partners feelings as valid and
    disclose how you feel in response.

31
Constructive Feedback
  • Focus on I statements.
  • Focus on behavior rather than the person.
  • Focus on observations rather than judgments.
  • Focus on the observed incidence of behavior.

32
Constructive Feedback
  • Focus on sharing ideas rather than giving advice.
  • Focus on its value to the recipient.
  • Focus on the amount the recipient can process.
  • Focus on an appropriate time and place.

33
Communication Loop
34
Mutual Affirmation
  • The basis of good communication in a
    relationship.
  • Includes
  • mutual acceptance
  • mutual liking
  • expressing liking in words and actions

35
Power
  • The ability to influence another person or group.
  • Traditionally, legal as well as de facto power
    rested in the hands of the husband.
  • Recently, wives have been gaining more actual
    power in relationships, although the power
    distribution still remains unequal.

36
Six Bases of Marital Power
  • Coercive power is based on the fear that one
    partner will punish the other.
  • Reward power is based on the belief that the
    other person will do something in return for
    agreement.
  • Expert power is based on the belief that one
    partner has greater knowledge than the other.

37
Six Bases of Marital Power
  • Legitimate power is based on acceptance of roles
    giving the other person the right to demand
    compliance.
  • Referent power is based on identifying with the
    partner and receiving satisfaction by acting
    similarly.
  • Informational power is based on the partners
    persuasive explanation.

38
Basic versus Nonbasic Conflict
  • Basic conflicts challenge the fundamental
    assumptions or rules of a relationship, leading
    to the possible end of the relationship.
  • Nonbasic conflicts are more common and less
    consequential couples learn to live with them.

39
Gender and Conflict
  • Women are more likely to initiate discussions of
    contested relationship issues.
  • Men are more likely to withdraw from negative
    interactions, women are more likely to pursue
    conversation or conflict.
  • Women are more aware of the emotional quality of
    the relationship.
  • In conflict management and resolution, men have
    instrumental roles and women have expressive
    roles.

40
Communication Behaviors of Happily Married Couples
  • Summarizing
  • Each person summarized what the other said.
  • Paraphrasing
  • Each put what the other said into his or her own
    words.

41
Communication Behaviors of Happily Married Couples
  • Validating
  • Each affirmed the others feelings.
  • Clarifying
  • Each asked for further information to make sure
    he or she understood what the other was saying.

42
Communication Behaviors of Unhappily Married
Couples
  • Confrontation
  • Both partners confronted each other.
  • Confrontation and defensiveness
  • One partner confronted and the other defended.

43
Communication Behaviors of Unhappily Married
Couples
  • Complaining and defensiveness
  • One partner complained and the other was
    defensive.
  • Overall, distressed couples use more negative and
    fewer positive statements.

44
Five Conflict Management Styles
  • Competing
  • Assertive and uncooperative
  • Can lead to increased conflict and to either or
    both spouses feeling powerless and resentful.

45
Five Conflict Management Styles
  • Collaborating
  • Assertive and cooperative
  • Couples confront disagreements and engage in
    problem solving to uncover solutions.

46
Five Conflict Management Styles
  • Compromising
  • An intermediate position in assertiveness and
    cooperativeness.
  • Avoiding
  • Unassertive and uncooperative
  • Characterized by withdrawal and refusal to take a
    position.

47
Five Conflict Management Styles
  • Accommodating
  • Unassertive and cooperative.
  • One person attempts to soothe the other person
    and restore harmony.

48
Styles of Conflict Management
49
Common Conflict Areas
  • Communication
  • Children
  • Sex
  • Money
  • Personality differences
  • How to spend leisure time
  • In-laws
  • Infidelity
  • housekeeping

50
Family Problem-Solving Loop
51
Resolving Conflict
  • Less productive conflict resolution strategies
  • Coercion - threats, blame, and sarcasm
  • Manipulation - attempting to make your partner
    feel guilty
  • Avoidance

52
Resolving Conflict
  • Positive strategies for resolving conflict
  • Supporting your partner - through active
    listening, compromise, or agreement
  • Assertion - clearly stating your position and
    keeping the conversation on topic
  • Reason - use of rational argument and
    consideration of alternatives
  • Negotiation - coming to a mutually acceptable
    agreement

53
Forgiveness
  • Conceptualized as
  • A reduction in negative feelings and an increase
    in positive feelings toward a transgressor
    after a transgression.
  • An attitude of good will toward someone who has
    done us harm.
  • Showing compassion and foregoing resentment
    toward someone who has caused us pain.

54
Forgiveness
  • A crucial element of married life and important
    in efforts to restore trust after a
    transgression.
  • Can resolve existing difficulties and prevent
    future ones.
  • Wives who display tendencies to forgive seem able
    to do so in both minor and major transgressions.
  • For husbands tendencies to forgive apply more to
    major transgressions.
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