Dealing with (angry, unhappy, dissatisfied, miffed, ticked off) Parents

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Dealing with (angry, unhappy, dissatisfied,
miffed, ticked off)Parents
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Objective Slide (as required)
At the conclusion of this presentation, the
attendee will be able to , when faced with an
angry, unhappy or disgruntled parent, be able to
expertly access the source of their
disgruntlement (is there such a word?) and
skillfully redirect their angst and hostility
into positive attitudes and behaviors.
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In addition
They will be able to assess, associate,
classify,compare,contrast, demonstrate, describe,
differentiate, discuss, distinguish, explain ,
express, extrapolate, interpolate, locate,
predict, report, apply, employ, illustrate,
interpolate, operate, translate , solve, select,
prescribe, and, especially to validate, skills
needed to effectively deal with a parent who is
actively yelling at you or otherwise making life
miserable for you and your colleagues.
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Why do parents get (angry, unhappy,
dissatisfied, miffed, ticked off ?)
Lets ask Michael Douglas!
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Why do parents get (angry, unhappy,
dissatisfied, miffed, ticked off ?)
We fail to meet their expectations!
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So whats a nurse to do?

• Rules 1-3

Rule 1 Listen Rule 2 Listen Rule 3 Listen
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If you need to speak.
Use the person's name. This will help you get the
angry person's attention. Slow down and lower
your voice.
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But what if they are REALLY angry?

• Safety First!
• Be REALLY calm!
• Diversionary Tactics
• Abandon ship!

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How to Listen

• 1) Sit down and shut up
• The magic minute
• no questions, no interruptions, no defense
• 2) Draw the line
• identify unacceptable language or actions

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How to Listen

• 3) Clarification questions
• questions should relate to what they said
• 4) Recapitulation
• summarize what they said and ask for their
  approval of your summary. Repeat process until
  agreement.

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Baby, do you understand me now?Sometimes I feel
a little mad Well don't you know that no-one
alive Can always be an angel?When things go
wrong I seem to be bad!I'm just a soul who's
intentions are goodOh Lord, please don't let me
be misunderstood
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What can happen when we dont listen?

• Lets ask Paul Newman!

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What is important?

• Of all the issues they have raised, what is the
  most important to them. If they insist on
  several, rank them in order of importance

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Search for a feeling

• Expressing feelings is therapeutic- expressing
  just facts is complaining
• Take major issue, and either ask how that made
  them feel or suggest a feeling.
• when my child was in pain, I felt helpless
• Avoid the wrong feeling!
• If I were in your place, I would have felt
  useless

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Validate the feeling

• People have a right to feel whatever way they
  want to- give them that right!
• I can understand how that would make you upset.
• This is NOT the same as agreeing with them!

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So, what do you want?

• Find out what will make them feel better.
• At this point, what can I do for you?
• What would make you feel better about this now
  ?
• Focus on the present and the future, not the past.

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What do people want?

• Apologies
• An explanation
• Assurance that it wont happen again
• A new doctor
• A new nurse
• Fire someone
• Just the chance to complain
• A change in policy or procedure
• And of course..

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So, what should I do now ?

• Youve listened
• Youve recapped
• Youve reached for feelings
• Youve validated the feeling
• Youve asked what their expectations are
• Youve done very little talking!
• Now its time to talk!

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What do you say?

• If what they want is reasonable, do it!

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What can happen if there is a reasonable solution
and we dont do it?
Lets ask Jack Nicholson!
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If what they want is unreasonable, address it and
offer a reasonable alternative I understand
that you want me to fire doctor Jones, but that
violates our personnel policy. What I can do is
see that your complaint is put in their file.
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When you come to a fork in the road, take
it. -Yogi Berra
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Two Possibilities

• They are happy
• Or
• They are not

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If they are happy..

• Thank them for taking the time to express their
  concerns to you
• Follow up if possible

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If they are not happy

• Try again to see what would make them happy
• If you were in my position, what would you do?
• Agree to disagree
• Tell them their options
• Follow up, regardless of how unpleasant

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Final thoughts

• Learn from your each case
• Dont take it personally
• Unload on someone
• Remember you can not satisfy everyone

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• He has exceeded my expectations and done even
  better
• -Yogi Berra