Title: Science Writing for Research JRNL 488-0PF 1.General Format
1Science Writing for Research JRNL 488-0PF
1.General Format
- Instructor Richard Rothenberg MD
- Office 140 Decatur St. Atlanta GA 30302-3995
- Phone 404-413-1144
- Email rrothenberg_at_gsu.edu, rrothen_at_emory.edu
2Overview
- Part 1 Language as dialect
- Part 2 Form The scope of scientific
presentation - - Macrostructure of scientific articles
- Part 3 Substance The scientific content
- - From research design to scientific paper
- Part 4 Style Words and Rules
- - Microstructure form and function in language
- Part 5 Public versus Written Presentation
- Part 6 The Review Process
3Part 1 Language as dialect Part 2 Form The
scope of scientific presentation -
Macrostructure of scientific articles Part 3
Substance The scientific content - From
research design to scientific paper Part 4
Style Words and Rules - Microstructure form
and function in language Part 5 Public versus
Written Presentation Part 6 The Review Process
4Language as dialect
- Regional dialects
- A dialect is a language without an army.
- Dialects within a standard language
- Pulp fiction
- Literature
- Bureaucratese
- Computerese
- Scientific language
- Language of the underclass (Ebonics, Cockney,
Verlan, Argot, Espanol de Tepito Cantinflas)
5Pulp fiction
Jack Python walked through the lobby of the
Beverly Hills Hotel with every eye upon him. He
had money, charisma, a certain kind of power,
razor-sharp wit, and fame. It all showed. He
was six feet tall with virile good looks. Thick
black hair worn just a tad too long, penetrating
green eyes, a two-day stubble on a deep suntan,
and a hard body.
6Literature (i)
Miss Coldfield in the eternal black which she
had worn for forty-three years now, whether for
sister, father, or nothusband none knew, sitting
so bolt upright in the straight hard chair that
was so tall for her that her legs hung straight
and rigid as if she had iron shinbones and
ankles, clear of the floor with that air of
impotent and static rage like childrens feet,
and talking in that grim haggard amazed voice
until at last listening would renege and
hearing-sense self-confound and the long-dead
object of her impotent yet indomitable
frustration would appear, as though by outraged
recapitulation evoked, quiet inattentive and
harmless, out of the biding and dreamy and
victorious dust.
7Literature (ii)
Today, mama died. Or maybe yesterday I dont
know. I received a telegram from the Home
Mother deceased. Burial tomorrow. Deepest
sympathies. That leaves the matter in doubt.
Perhaps it was yesterday.
8Bureaucratese
Original Such preparation shall be made as will
completely obscure all Federal buildings and
non-Federal buildings occupied by the Federal
Government during an air raid for any period of
time from visibility by reason of internal or
external illumination. Such obscuration may be
obtained by blackout construction or by
termination of the illumination.
Translation In buildings where they have to keep
the work going, cover the windows. If the work
can stop for a while, turn out the lights.
9Computerese
Older FS/NOFS temporarily overrides the FS/NOFS
system option to specify whether HELP information
is displayed in full screen format on the display
terminal
Newer You can correct common typing errors
automatically as you work by using the
AutoCorrect command on the Tools menu. This
feature automatically capitalizes the first word
of a sentence and the names of days, changes two
capital letters at the beginning of a word to a
single capital letter, and corrects
capitalization errors caused by accidental use of
the CAPS LOCK key.
10Scientific language
In 1990, the percentage of adults who reported
having had their cholesterol checked ranged from
48 in the District of Columbia to 70 in Rhode
Island (median 63) (Table 1). The percentage
of adults who had been told their cholesterol
level ranged from 29 in the District of Columbia
to 58 in Washington and New Hampshire (median
48), and the percentage of adults who knew their
level ranged from 12 in the District of Columbia
to 37 in Rhodes Island and New Hampshire
(median 29).
11The Challenge of Scientific Writing (i)
Content
12The Challenge of Scientific Writing (ii)
Content
Writing
13The Challenge of Scientific Writing (iii)
Concise Coherent Clear
Complex Unambiguous
Non-self-referential Nonintrusive
14The Challenge of Scientific Writing (iv)
Concise Coherent Clear
Complex Unambiguous
Non-self-referential Unintrusive
Content
15The Challenge of Scientific Writing (v)
To stay within the required format and still say
something interesting.
16 The Scope of Scientific Presentation
- Original contributions
- Brief Reports
- Methodological contributions
- Reviews
- Commentary
- Hypotheses
- Editorials
- Letters
17 Je n'ai fait celle-ci plus longue que parce que
je n'ai pas eu le loisir de la faire plus
courte. I have written a long letter because I do
not have time to write a short one. - Blaise
Pascal, "Lettres provinciales", Letter 16,
December 4, 1656 http//www.ac-nice.fr/philo/text
es/Pascal-Provinciales.htm
18Usual Format
Original contributions
- Size (text) 2,500 to 5,000 words
- Size (abstract) 150 to 250 words
- Illustrations 3 to 6 Tables, Figures, Graphics
19Overall Structure
Original contributions
I
Introduction (Why did you do it?)
M
Methods (How did you do it?)
R
Results (What did you learn?)
D
Discussion (Who cares?)
20Introduction (i)
Original contributions
- Key point SHORT
- State the issue (3-5 sentences)
- State the commonly held belief (4-6 sentences)
- State what you will do (2-4 sentences)
21Original contributions
Introduction (ii)
Example The rationale underlying contact
investigation for tuberculosis (TB) is that
certain clinical presentations pose a risk of
infection to patient contacts through inhalation
of airborne droplet nuclei containing
Mycobacterium tuberculosis.1,2 This rationale
has generated a set of priorities for contact
tracing justified by the frequency of
transmission of M. tuberculosis to close contacts
of infectious patients. For example, contacts of
patients with non-cavitary, or smear-negative
pulmonary TB would have a lower priority than
contacts of patients with sputum AFB
smear-positive pulmonary disease. Contacts with
evidence of latent TB infection (LTBI) can reduce
their risk of progression to active disease by
60-70 upon completion of a 6 to 9 month course
of isoniazid.3 In recent years, primarily as a
result of the HIV and STD epidemics, interest has
grown in the contribution that social network
analysis can make to understanding disease
transmission.3-5 Several examples of its
application in the field of TB control suggest
that a network-informed approach holds promise
for improving both the understanding of
transmission dynamics and the effectiveness with
which secondary TB cases and contacts with LTBI
may be discovered through the contact tracing
process.6,7 The underlying hypothesis for a
network-informed approach to contact
investigations is that in areas of ongoing
transmission, this strategy will provide access
to a wider group of persons involved in a
transmission milieu. An infectious persons
contacts may have TB or LTBI because of direct
contact with him or her, or by having acquired it
elsewhere. Thus, a network investigation, it
might be predicted, would be able to uncover a
group that is epidemiologically and biologically
interconnected (that is, have social, sexual, or
drug-using connections and have M. tuberculosis
isolates with matching DNA fingerprint patterns)
as well as persons with epidemiologic
connections, but unique DNA fingerprint
patterns. In this study, we explore the use of
network-informed approaches, coupled with RFLP
typing, in the investigation of a protracted TB
outbreak in Wichita, Kansas in a group of 19
young persons (25-35 years of age) diagnosed with
TB over a seven year period. The outbreak was
first identified among women who worked as exotic
dancers, and we investigated the role of social,
sexual, and drug-using network relationships in
understanding TB transmission
22Original contributions
Introduction (iii)
Example (The Issue) The rationale underlying
contact investigation for tuberculosis (TB) is
that certain clinical presentations pose a risk
of infection to patient contacts through
inhalation of airborne droplet nuclei containing
Mycobacterium tuberculosis.1,2 This rationale
has generated a set of priorities for contact
tracing justified by the frequency of
transmission of M. tuberculosis to close contacts
of infectious patients. For example, contacts of
patients with non-cavitary, or smear-negative
pulmonary TB would have a lower priority than
contacts of patients with sputum AFB
smear-positive pulmonary disease. Contacts with
evidence of latent TB infection (LTBI) can reduce
their risk of progression to active disease by
60-70 upon completion of a 6 to 9 month course
of isoniazid.3 (Common Beliefs) In recent years,
primarily as a result of the HIV and STD
epidemics, interest has grown in the contribution
that social network analysis can make to
understanding disease transmission.3-5 Several
examples of its application in the field of TB
control suggest that a network-informed approach
holds promise for improving both the
understanding of transmission dynamics and the
effectiveness with which secondary TB cases and
contacts with LTBI may be discovered through the
contact tracing process.6,7 The underlying
hypothesis for a network-informed approach to
contact investigations is that in areas of
ongoing transmission, this strategy will provide
access to a wider group of persons involved in a
transmission milieu. An infectious persons
contacts may have TB or LTBI because of direct
contact with him or her, or by having acquired it
elsewhere. Thus, a network investigation, it
might be predicted, would be able to uncover a
group that is epidemiologically and biologically
interconnected (that is, have social, sexual, or
drug-using connections and have M. tuberculosis
isolates with matching DNA fingerprint patterns)
as well as persons with epidemiologic
connections, but unique DNA fingerprint
patterns. (What you will do) In this study, we
explore the use of network-informed approaches,
coupled with RFLP typing, in the investigation of
a protracted TB outbreak in Wichita, Kansas in a
group of 19 young persons (25-35 years of age)
diagnosed with TB over a seven year period. The
outbreak was first identified among women who
worked as exotic dancers, and we investigated the
role of social, sexual, and drug-using network
relationships in understanding TB transmission
23Methods (i)
Original contributions
24Original contributions
Methods (ii)
Overall structure
25Original contributions
Methods (iii)
Provide the context 1-2 paragraphs give
general background for study describe setting
in which study was done (do NOT provide
justification)
26Original contributions
Methods (iv)
Describe what you did 7-10 paragraphs sample
selection and ascertainment instruments
used biologic measurements (procedures) analyt
ic approaches (data management) (human
subjects considerations)
27Original contributions
Methods (v)
Reference standard methods 1-2
paragraphs cite analytic methods cite
statistical and computer tools cite standard
data bases
28Original contributions
Methods (vi)
Acknowledge Human Subjects issues One
paragraph mention use of informed
consent mention IRB approval
29Original contributions
Methods (vii)
- Some donts
- Do not include methods considered but abandoned
(dont recreate the thinking) - Do not justify the methodological choices
- Do not discuss their implications
- Do not offer results or opinion
30Original contributions
Results (i)
Key point Dont tell them everything you know.
31Original contributions
Results (ii)
- Overall structure
- Results should be parallel with Methods (roughly)
- Proceed from simple to more complex
- General description
- Univariable (unadjusted) comparisons
- Multivariable (adjusted) comparisons
- More complex models and statistical approaches
- Mention only other approaches that were
confirmatory or noncontributory
32Original contributions
Results (iii)
- Illustrative material (i)
- lt7 Tables
- avoid tables if you can say it in the text
- avoid text tables whenever possible
- lt4 Graphs and Figures
- avoid graphs if you can use tables
- use legends to graphs instead of footnotes
- Avoid duplication in tables and text
depending on overall length and specifications
of the journal
33Original contributions
Results (iii)
- Illustrative material (ii)
- Do not use a table, graph, or figure that is not
referred to (cited) in the text - Cite tabular content, not the table itself
- Wrong The comparative heights of men and women
are shown in Table 3. - Right In general, men are taller than women
(Table 3).
34Original contributions
Results (iii)
- Illustrative material (iii)
- Avoid appendices if possible
- Do not include data tables, questionnaires
- Include numerical examples, proofs, etc.
- Avoid footnotes
- Incorporate material into text
35Original contributions
Results (iv)
- Illustrative material (iv)
- Avoid graphs and figures with a low
- ContentInk ratio
36Original contributions
Results (v)
- General coherence
- Do not use a technique in the Results that is not
mentioned in the Methods - Do not mention something in the Results that you
do not consider in the Discussion
37Original contributions
Discussion (i)
Key point Dont go beyond the data.
38Original contributions
Discussion (i)
- Overall structure (i)
- First Paragraph
- Use the first paragraph to restate the basic
question and the major result(s) that illuminate
the issue - Do not use the first paragraph to summarize the
findings
39Original contributions
Discussion (i)
Overall structure (ii) Discussion sections
40Original contributions
Discussion (i)
- Overall structure (iii)
- 3-5 Major points
- Offset each point visually, using either a 2nd
level header or by beginning a paragraph with an
italicized phrase. - To the extent possible, maintain parallelism
between the Discussion, the Results, and the
Methods.
41Original contributions
Discussion (i)
Overall structure (iv) Example Discussion This
is the opening paragraph that restates for the
reader what the major research questions is and
what the importance is of this study. A major
point This is the first paragraph that discusses
a major point. This is the second paragraph that
discusses a major point. A second major
point This is the first paragraph. This is the
second paragraph.
42Original contributions
Discussion (i)
Overall structure (v) Alternative
example Discussion This is the opening
paragraph that restates for the reader what the
major research questions is and what the
importance is of this study. A major point.
This is the first paragraph that discusses a
major point. It uses an italicized phrase at the
beginning of the sentence to offset the
point. This is the second paragraph that
discusses a major point. A second major point.
This is the first paragraph of second major
point. It uses an italicized phrase at the
beginning of the sentence to offset the
point. This is the second paragraph that
discusses a second major point
43Original contributions
Discussion (i)
- Overall structure (iv)
- Strengths and Limitations
- Understate. Dont break your arm patting
yourself on the back. - Avoid phrases like This is the first study to
do such-and-such. - Include real limitations, not strawmen (items
that sound like limitations but are really
strengths). - Avoid phrases like This study has several
limitations. - Defend the methods used, as appropriate
44Original contributions
Discussion (i)
- Overall structure (v)
- Implications of the findings
- Understate. Do not go beyond the data
- Provide biological plausibility for findings, if
appropriate - Point to parallels in other lines of inquiry, if
appropriate
45Original contributions
Discussion (i)
- Overall structure (vi)
- Future directions
- Try to say something that enhances the readers
perspective on the issue, based on the presented
findings. - Avoid saying More research is needed. (If more
research is needed, be more specific.) - Draw conclusions if warranted by the data
46Original contributions
Discussion (i)
- Overall structure (vii)
- Extraneous Sections
- Do not include a separate section for Conclusions
(these are integrated into the Discussion) - Do not include a section called Summary (that is
what the Abstract is for)
47Original contributions
Discussion (ii)
- General coherence (i)
- Dont include results that you do not discuss.
- Dont discuss findings that were not presented in
results. (That is do not introduce new material
in the discussion.)
48Original contributions
Discussion (ii)
- General coherence (ii)
- Keep Methods, Results, and Discussion
- roughly parallel
- mutually exclusive
- Dont put results or discussion in Methods
- Dont discuss the findings in the Results
- Dont put methods or results in the Discussion
49Original contributions
Structured abstract (i)
- Key points
- Write the abstract AFTER you write the paper
- Remember that is probably the only part of the
paper that most people will read
50Original contributions
Structured abstract (ii)
- Generally 150-250 words
- Several alternative formats
- Check the uniform guidelines and the specific
instructions from the journal to which the
manuscript will be submitted
51Original contributions
Structured abstract (iii)
Example (i) (from Sexually Transmitted Diseases)
Background Goal Study Design Results
Conclusions
52Original contributions
Structured abstract (iv)
Example (ii) (from JAMA) Context Objective
Design and Setting Participants Main
outcome Measure Results . Conclusion
53Original contributions
Structured abstract (v)
Example (iii) (from IJE, NEJM) Background
Methods Results Conclusions
54Original contributions
Structured abstract (vi)
Example (iv) (from American Journal of Public
Health) Objectives Methods Results
Conclusions
55Original contributions
Structured abstract (vii)
Example (v) (from Annals of Epidemiology)
Purpose Methods Results Conclusions
Notes Do not include references in the
abstract Do include numeric results, if applicable
56Original contributions
Structured abstract (viii)
Example (vi) (from Journal of Immunology)
Summary (no structure)
57Original contributions
Structured abstract (ix)
Example (vi) (from Cell) Summary (no structure)
58Original contributions
Structured abstract (x)
Example (vi) (from Journal of Molecular Biology)
Summary (no structure)
59Title (i)
Original contributions
- Not too long
- Effect of glycoprotein IIb/IIIa receptor blockage
with abciximab on clinical and angiographic
restenosis rate after the placement of coronary
stents following acute myocardial infaction. J
Am Coll Cardiol 200035915-921
- Not too short
- Occupational asthma. J Allergy Clin Immuno
2001108317-328
- Just right
- A prospective study of obesity and risk of
coronary heart disease in women. NEJM
1990322882-889
60Title (ii)
Original contributions
- The colon () approach
- The effects of pre-emptive treatment of
postherpetic neuralgia with amitriptyline a
randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled
trial. J Pain Symptom Manage 199713327-331
- The question
- What to do with HLA-DO?. Immunogenetics.
51(10)765-70, 2000
- The statement
- Supporting community initiatives is crucial to
scaling up orphan support activities in Africa.
Int Conf on AIDS, Barcelona, Spain, abstract
61Title (iii)
Original contributions
- The inscrutable reference
- The key and the lamppost. J Clin Oncol
1999173007-3008
- Terminally cute
- Recidivism redux. Sexually Transm Dis.
200026350-352
- The neverending story
- Users' guides to the medical literature XIV.
How to decide on the applicability of clinical
trial results to your patient. JAMA.
1998279(7)545-9
62Title (iv)
Original contributions
- Clever and meaningful
- Telling tails explain the discrepancy in sexual
partner reports. Nature. 1993365(6445)437-40 - telling tails telling tales
- Chronicle of an epidemic foretold. Millbank
Quarterly 199371565-574 -
- (after Chronicle of a death foretold by Gabriel
García Márquez)
63Original contributions
Housekeeping (i)
- The numbering of the tables should agree with
citations in the text - Figures quoted in text and tables should agree
- All the references in the reference list should
be quoted in the text. Conversely, no citation
in the text should be missing from the reference
list - Do not reference material that would not be
available to the reader - Personal communications and articles in
preparation should be cited in the text (keep to
a minimum) - Keep citations in press to a minimum
64Original contributions
Housekeeping (ii)
- Spellcheck
- Remove all word processing word processing
detritus. - Align the left, but not the right, margin
- Use the journals style sheet for size,
paragraphs, citations, superscripts, subscripts,
etc. - See Uniform Requirements (handout)
- Send the required number of copies (if journal
is not web-based)
65Original contributions
Housekeeping (iii)
Please do not use the cover letter as a marketing
device.
66Original contributions
Housekeeping (iv)
Example (i) Dear Editor We are enclosing the
article Collisions with passenger cars and
moose, Sweden, for your consideration. We
believe this article is the most comprehensive
summary yet attempted of adverse moose-human
interactions. We have conducted an extensive
epidemiologic investigation of each reported
incident, with post-tracking of other moose in
the area to observe further moose behavior and
determine whether or not the general comportment
of moose in the area is conducive to
accidents. We appreciate your prompt
consideration of this manuscript and look forward
to its acceptance and publication. Sincerely (
NOTE This article was published in the Am J
Public Health. 76(4)460-2, 1986) the letter is
fictitious, with apologies to the authors)
67Original contributions
Housekeeping (v)
Example (ii) Dear Editor We are enclosing the
article Collisions with passenger cars and
moose, Sweden, for your consideration. This
article demonstrates the importance of human
interactions with wildlife species that are
present in a given environment. The specifics
of human-moose interactions provide some examples
of how the manner in which space is shared with
wildlife can be improved. We appreciate your
consideration of this manuscript and look forward
to learning of your assessment. Sincerely (NOT
E This article was published in the Am J Public
Health. 76(4)460-2, 1986) the letter is
fictitious, with apologies to the authors)
68ON THE ELECTRODYNAMICS OF MOVING BODIESA.
Einstein, June 1905
It is known that Maxwell's electrodynamics--as
usually understood at the present time--when
applied to moving bodies, leads to asymmetries
which do not appear to be inherent in the
phenomena. Take, for example, the reciprocal
electrodynamic action of a magnet and a
conductor. The observable phenomenon here depends
only on the relative motion of the conductor and
the magnet, whereas the customary view draws a
sharp distinction between the two cases in which
either the one or the other of these bodies is in
motion. For if the magnet is in motion and the
conductor at rest, there arises in the
neighbourhood of the magnet an electric field
with a certain definite energy, producing a
current at the places where parts of the
conductor are situated. But if the magnet is
stationary and the conductor in motion, no
electric field arises in the neighbourhood of the
magnet. In the conductor, however, we find an
electromotive force, to which in itself there is
no corresponding energy, but which gives
rise--assuming equality of relative motion in the
two cases discussed--to electric currents of the
same path and intensity as those produced by the
electric forces in the former case.
69An abstract from J Immuno
Engagement of the TCR can induce different
functional outcomes such as activation,
proliferation, survival, or apoptosis. How the
TCR-mediated signaling cascades generating these
distinct cellular responses are organized on the
molecular level is so far not completely
understood. To obtain insight into this question,
we analyzed TCR/CD8-mediated signaling events in
mature OT-I TCR transgenic T cells under
conditions of stimulation that lead to either
proliferation or apoptosis. These experiments
revealed major differences in the phosphorylation
dynamics of LAT, ZAP70, protein kinase B,
phospholipase C-1, protein kinase D1, and ERK1/2.
Moreover, input signals leading to apoptosis
induced a strong, but transient activation of
ERK1/2 mainly at sites of TCR-engagement. In
contrast, stimuli promoting survival/
proliferation generated a low and sustained
activation of ERK1/2, which colocalizes with Ras
in recycling endosomal vesicles. The transient
activation of ERK1/2 under pro-apoptotic
conditions of stimulation is at least partially
due to the rapid polyubiquitination and
subsequent degradation of ZAP70, whereas the
sustained activation of ERK1/2 under survival
promoting conditions is paralleled by the
induction/phosphorylation of anti-apoptotic
molecules such as protein kinase B and Bcl-xL.
Collectively, our data provide signaling
signatures that are associated with proliferation
or apoptosis of T cells. The Journal of
Immunology, 2008, 180 67036712.
70Exercise 1 An abstract from J Immuno
Engagement of the TCR can induce different
functional outcomes such as activation,
proliferation, survival, or apoptosis. How the
TCR-mediated signaling cascades generating these
distinct cellular responses are organized on the
molecular level is so far not completely
understood. To obtain insight into this question,
we analyzed TCR/CD8-mediated signaling events in
mature OT-I TCR transgenic T cells under
conditions of stimulation that lead to either
proliferation or apoptosis. These experiments
revealed major differences in the phosphorylation
dynamics of LAT, ZAP70, protein kinase B,
phospholipase C-1, protein kinase D1, and ERK1/2.
Moreover, input signals leading to apoptosis
induced a strong, but transient activation of
ERK1/2 mainly at sites of TCR-engagement. In
contrast, stimuli promoting survival/
proliferation generated a low and sustained
activation of ERK1/2, which colocalizes with Ras
in recycling endosomal vesicles. The transient
activation of ERK1/2 under pro-apoptotic
conditions of stimulation is at least partially
due to the rapid polyubiquitination and
subsequent degradation of ZAP70, whereas the
sustained activation of ERK1/2 under survival
promoting conditions is paralleled by the
induction/phosphorylation of anti-apoptotic
molecules such as protein kinase B and Bcl-xL.
Collectively, our data provide signaling
signatures that are associated with proliferation
or apoptosis of T cells. The Journal of
Immunology, 2008, 180 67036712.
71How the TCR-mediated signaling cascades
generating these distinct cellular responses are
organized on the molecular level is so far not
completely understood.
To obtain insight into this question, we
analyzed TCR/CD8-mediated signaling events in
mature OT-I TCR transgenic T cells under
conditions of stimulation that lead to either
proliferation or apoptosis.
To understand the molecular organization of
TCR/CD8-mediated signaling events, we stimulated
mature OT-I TCR transgenic T cells to produce
either proliferation or apoptosis.
72Macrostrucure vs. Microstructure
Words and Rules
- MACRO
- Abstract
- Introduction
- Methods
- Results
- Conclusion
- MICRO
- Paper
- Section
- Paragraph
- Sentence
- Word
73Words and Rules
Macrostrucure vs. Microstructure
Pagraphs and sentences The opening sentence of a
paragraph states the guiding idea for that
paragraph. Middle sentences expand on that
fundamental notion. Often, the middle sentences
provide detail and perspective that illuminate
the guiding idea. The final sentence bring
closure to the paragraph and permits transition
to the next paragraph. Try to avoid one-sentence
paragraphs, particularly if they do not relate to
the previous thought. Such hanging thoughts can
be avoided by making sure that any
sentencewhether it begins a new paragraph or
notrelates to the sentence that came before and
leads naturally to the one that comes next.
Discontinuity of structure is a clue to
underlying confusion.
74Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
- i Passive voice
- Hesitant and unconvincing
- Seems to be concealing something
- Takes more words to say
- Lends itself to twisted sentence constructions
- Example
When the condition of the patient at the time of
discharge was suggestive of an undiagnosed wound
infection, an effort was made to trace the
patient through local nursing homes and family
physicians.
When the patients condition at discharge
suggested an undiagnosed wound infection, we
tried to trace the patients through local nursing
homes and family physicians.
75Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
- ii Hedging (overqualifying) to death
- Candor, caution, and modesty are virtues
- Dont overdo it
- Keep the caution in the content, not in the
modifiers - Example
It appears that this finding might possibly
suggest a potentially new approach to analysis.
It (i)appears that this finding (ii)might
(iii)possibly (iv)suggest a (v)potentially new
approach to analysis.
This finding may suggest a new approach to
analysis.
76Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
- iii Big-deal words
- Sometimes a big word captures the exact meaning
- It backfires if you use a big word that adds
nothing - Instead of being precise, it makes you appear to
be showing off - Examples
77Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
- iv Noun strings (i)
- A string of consecutive nouns, each of which acts
as a modifier, presumably of the final one - Acceptable, and even required, in German
- In English, it creates confusion, since it is not
always clear which are modifiers and which are
the important nouns - Examples
- Computer systems analyst
- Health information system retrieval protocol
- Human resource development specialist
- Health promotion material dissemination services
- Human capital investment paradigm
78Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
iv Noun strings (ii) Examples
Diabetic patient blood pressure reduction may be
a consequence of renal extract depressor agent
application.
Applying depressor agents from renal extracts may
reduce blood pressure in diabetic patients.
The procedure must produce a valid analysis of
the diabetes in pregnancy adverse outcome
prevention program.
The procedure must produce a valid analysis of a
program for preventing adverse outcomes resulting
from diabetes during pregnancy.
79Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
- v Verbs weak or smothered (i)
- Inactive or linking verbs (to be, to have) are
weak - They are smothered by prepositions and
qualifying phrases - The verb is effectively turned into a noun
- Examples
There is a need to investigate these association
in additional populations for further elucidation.
These associations should be investigated in
other populations.
The identification and classification of the
various histologic types of lymphomas are vital
steps toward the introduction of new therapies
and the reduction of mortality.
Classifying the histologic types of lymphomas may
lead to new therapies and reduced morality.
80Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
- v Verbs heaped (ii)
- Strings of verbs, each of which adds only a shade
of meaning - Particularly favored in bureaucrat-ese
- Often motivated by a fear of incompleteness
- Examples
We were attempting to construct, develop, and
implement a program to prevent contamination of
the blood supply.
We started a program to prevent contamination of
the blood supply.
81Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
- vi Tack-ons (i)
- One form of misplaced modifier
- Tacking onto the end of a sentence a phrase that
begins with - compared with
- resulting in
- based on
- Examples
Varying prevalences are observed in other groups,
resulting in lower R-squared values
The varied prevalences in other groups result in
lower R-squared values.
82Microstructure
The Seven Deadly Sins of Scientific Dialect
- vi Redundancy (i)
- Wordiness or repetition
- Can apply to sentences, paragraphs, or whole
sections - probably the most important source of
unnecessary length