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No Longer a Victim: Coping with Sexual Abuse and Rape

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Title: No Longer a Victim: Coping with Sexual Abuse and Rape


1
No Longer a VictimCoping with Sexual Abuse and
Rape
  • Pamela T. Parsons, M.A.
  • Licensed Psychological Associate
  • Mission, Texas

2
Definition Rape
  • RAPE is forced sexual intercourse, including
    both psychological coercion and physical force.
    Forced sexual intercourse means vaginal, anal or
    oral penetration by the offender(s). This
    category includes incidents where the penetration
    is from a foreign object such as a bottle. This
    definition includes attempted rapes, male and
    female victims, and heterosexual and homosexual
    rape.

3
Definition Sexual Assault
  • SEXUAL ASSAULT includes a wide range of
    victimizations, distinct from rape or attempted
    rape. These crimes include completed or
    attempted attacks generally involving unwanted
    sexual contact between the victim and the
    offender. Sexual assaults may or may not involve
    force and include such things as grabbing or
    fondling. Sexual assault also includes verbal
    threats.

4
Myths and Facts AboutSexual Assault
  • MYTH Most sexual crimes are committed by
    strangers.
  • FACT The vast majority of sexual assaults
  • occur between people who know each
    other.
  • MYTH Sex crimes are crimes of passion or
    desire.
  • FACT Every sex crime is a crime of violence,
    power and control.

5
More Myths . . .
  • MYTH Sexual offenders commit these crimes in
  • order to obtain sexual gratification.
  • FACT Sex offenders get gratification from
    intimidating, humiliating, and degrading
    their victims.
  • MYTH People provoke sexual assaults by
  • dressing sexy. Only certain types of
  • people are sexually assaulted.
  • FACT People of both sexes, all ages,
  • professions, and styles of dress have
    become victims of sexual assaults.

6
And Still More Myths . . .
  • MYTH If the victim doesnt fight back, its not
    rape.
  • FACT When someone is being forced to have
    sex, s/he may believe that the rapist is
    capable of other types of violence. S/he
    may be frozen with fear and shock of what
    is happening. S/he may also decide that
    fighting now will only anger the person
    further to commit violence that could be
    fatal. In other cases, the victim may have
    been coerced into having sex, or may have
    been forced to have sex while
    intoxicated or otherwise impaired.
    Ultimately, it does not matter if the victim
    fought back or not, if consent was not
    given freely, then it was rape.

7
And One Last Myth . . .
  • MYTH Men and boys cant be raped.
  • FACT Anyone is vulnerable to sexual
    victimization.
  • Can you think of other myths about sexual
    assault?

8
Rape Trauma Syndrome
  • Identified by Ann Wolbert Burgess and Lynda Lytle
    Homstrom in the mid-1970s after studying the
    typical reactions of rape survivors.
  • RTS describes a cluster of short- and long-term
    emotional responses to the extreme stress
    experienced by the survivor during the sexual
    assault.
  • Every rape situation is unique and it is very
    important to treat each rape survivor as an
    individual.

9
Phase One The Acute (Initial) Phase
  • Lasts anywhere from a few days up to 2 - 6 weeks
  • Expressed open emotion
  • Controlled repressed emotion
  • Shocked disbelief dissociated emotion

10
Phase Two Repression or Outward Adjustment
  • Victim resumes what appears to be from the
    outside her/his normal life, even though there
    is considerable inner turmoil
  • Minimization Itll be okay.
  • Dramatization Incessant focus on the rape
  • Suppression As if it didnt happen
  • Explanation analytical / intellectual approach

11
Phase Three Reorganization, Integration, or
Resolution
  • Individual begins to reorganize life, resolve
    issues, and learn to cope again
  • Acceptance the rape happened and wont be
    forgotten
  • Coming to terms I must carry on, and I will.
  • Regression the individual may experience
    emotional setbacks in the recovery process
  • Survivorship identity changes from victim to
    survivor

12
Physical Symptoms of RTS
  • Shock often an immediate response. May include
    numbness, chills, faintness, confusion,
    disorientation, trembling, nausea and vomiting
  • Sleep problems unable to sleep, sleeping more
    than usual, or other sleep disturbance
  • Eating problems no appetite and subsequent
    weight loss, or compulsive eating and subsequent
    weight gain
  • No energy or too much energy
  • Physical illness the stress may weaken the
    immune system and making them more vulnerable to
    illness. The rapist may have infected the
    survivor with STD, or other illness. A general
    feeling of unwellness is normal.
  • Tension headaches
  • Physical pain this may be as a result of
    injuries inflicted by the rapist, or a physical
    reaction to emotional pain
  • Cardiovascular problems heart palpitations,
    breathlessness, tightness or pain in the chest,
    high blood pressure
  • Gastrointestinal problems loss of appetite,
    nausea, diarrhea, constipation, dryness in mouth,
    butterflies in stomach, feelings of emptiness in
    stomach, etc.
  • Exaggerated startle response overreacting to
    sudden noise or movement
  • Oversensitivity to noise
  • Gynecological problems irregular, heavier and/or
    painful periods, vaginal discharges, bladder
    infections

13
Behavioral Symptoms of RTS
  • Crying
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Being restless, agitated, and unable to relax or
    feeling listless and unmotivated
  • Not wanting to socialize or see anybody, or
    socializing more than usual, so as to fill up
    every minute of the day
  • Fear of being alone
  • Avoiding anything that reminds survivor of the
    rape
  • Pretending that it never happened
  • Stuttering or stammering more than usual
  • Being more easily frightened or startled than
    usual
  • Being very alert and watchful
  • Becoming easily upset by small things
  • Neglecting themselves or other people
  • Increased washing or bathing
  • Self-blame
  • Relationship problems irritability,
    argumentative, withdrawal, dependence, too
    independent
  • Fear of sex, loss of interest in sex, or loss of
    sexual pleasure
  • Possible substance abuse

14
Psychological Symptoms of RTS
  • Increased fear and anxiety
  • Self-blame and guilt
  • Helplessness, no longer feeling in control of
    ones life
  • Humiliation and shame
  • Lowering of self-esteem, feeling dirty
  • Anger and desire for revenge
  • Feeling alone and that no one understands
  • Losing hope in the future
  • Emotional numbness
  • Confusion
  • Loss of memory unable to remember the rape or
    parts of it
  • Constantly thinking about the rape
  • Having flashbacks to the rape, feeling as if it
    is happening again
  • Nightmares
  • Depression
  • Suicidal ideation
  • Indecisiveness
  • Difficulty problem-solving
  • Grief and loss

15
Negative Cognitions in RTS
  • The world is not a safe place.
  • I am less than.
  • Sex is something painful.
  • People cannot be trusted.

16
Factors that Influence Recovery
  • Support systems
  • Relationship with the offender
  • Degree of the violence used
  • Social and cultural influences
  • Previous experience with stress
  • Ability to cope with stress
  • Attitude of those immediately contacted after the
    assault
  • Ability to forgive

17
CHOOSING TO FORGIVE
  • I. Definition of Forgiveness
  • Christian forgiveness is an action of the will,
    accepting as ones own the guilt of anothers
    wrong toward me, and then counting that guilt
    paid for by Christs sacrifice.
  • Forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also
    has forgiven you. Ephesians 432
  • Forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint
    against anyone just as the Lord forgave you, so
    also should you. Colossions 213

18
CHOOSING TO FORGIVE
  • II. The Cost of Forgiveness
  • Forgiveness cost God His Son, Christ His life,
    and the Christian his pride. (The proud person
    will not truly forgive. Condescend---yes
    forgive---no). It costs the forgiver all her/his
    feelings of vengeance, righteous indignation,
    anger, and blame. All these must be let go. To
    exercise true forgiveness requires the strength
    and grace of God.
  • Hebrews 1215 See to it that no one comes short
    of the grace of God that no root of bitterness
    springing up causes trouble, and by it many be
    defiled.

19
CHOOSING TO FORGIVE
  • III. The Necessity of Forgiveness
  • Without true forgiveness every offense is
    treasured up against the offending person
    (perpetrator, rapist, molester, etc.), ready to
    be cashed in when ones feelings become
    overloaded. This cashing in usually involves
    retaliation, accusation, and condemnation of the
    offending person. These are then used to prove
    how bad the offender is and justify ones own
    wrong actions.
  • Without true forgiveness the spirit of
    unforgiveness fosters resentment which
    crystallizes into bitterness. This makes the
    unforgiving person harsh, critical, cynical, and
    mistrustful---not only toward the offender but
    toward anyone else in the victims present or
    future life who bears a likeness to the offender.
    (This may help clarify the immediate and
    unwarranted feelings of hostility or fear one
    sometimes senses toward a person one has never
    met before.)

20
CHOOSING TO FORGIVE
  • IV. The Process of Forgiveness
  • A. Clearly describe to yourself the actual
    offense committed (rape, molestation, verbal
    abuse, etc.) Write it out, listing the
    ramifications as they affect you.
  • B. Alone before God (or with a trusted
    confidante) go down the list item-by-item,
    telling Him that you are now taking each wrong
    (sin) upon yourself---no longer holding the
    offender responsible.
  • C. Then, in prayer pass each offense that
    you have accepted upon yourself---on to God .
  • D. Destroy the cancelled list.

21
Synopsis of Forgiveness
  • The offense of another produces hurt to the
    offended (victim). (Guilt is laid by God upon
    the offender).
  • The offended person is BOUND to the offender by
    the grudge she/he holds. Such a grudge sustains
    the hurt the offended person feels.
  • This bondage can never be broken (no matter how
    much distance is put between them)---but by
    forgiveness.
  • The offenders guilt can only be removed by the
    offended (victim), who TAKES THE WRONG UPON
    HERSELF/HIMSELF, whether it is requested or not.
  • This is forgiveness.
  • The offended person (victim) then gives the
    offense, hurt, grudge, and offender to God.

22
Synopsis of Forgiveness
  • Because you have taken the offense upon
    yourself---the offender is no longer responsible
    to you regarding it. (This does not exclude the
    offender from being held responsible by the law,
    courts, etc.)
  • Because you have given that same offense to
    God, you no longer have any responsibility for
    it.
  • God may yet deal with the offender, but that
    is no longer your concern.
  • Do not tell the offender that he/she is forgiven.
    This may simply create more conflict, especially
    if they have not asked for forgiveness. The
    offender all may not be focusing upon his/her
    wrongs. Your forgiveness of the offender is
    between you and God.

23
Synopsis of Forgiveness
  • V. The Outcome of Forgiveness
  • When true forgiveness is exercised, the blame
    which one is holding toward the offender
    disappears. This means that the fact of the
    offense now carries no guilt, shame, etc. It may
    still be remembered as a learning experience, a
    fact of ones life, but the pain and hurt have
    been removed. True forgiveness in Christ brings
    release, freedom, and emotional healing. With
    forgiveness, one can move beyond the point of
    being a victim to being who God created her/him
    to be.

24
Synopsis of Forgiveness
  • VI. Tests of Forgiveness
  • Can you talk about the offense without getting
    angry, without feeling resentful, without
    bitterness, without shame, and without feeling
    vengeful?
  • Can you revisit the scene, remember the incident,
    or person involved in your hurt without
    experiencing a negative reaction (shame, guilt,
    worthlessness, pain, etc.)?
  • Can you accept the offense as part of your
    historical, factual background without anger or
    bitterness toward God, and thank God for what you
    have learned through the pain?

25
Sexual Trauma IndicatorsWhat You Should Look For
  • Sleep Problems
  • Fear of being alone
  • Fear of sleeping alone
  • Fear of the dark
  • Nightmares
  • Chronic insomnia or hypersomnia

26
Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
  • Physical Problems
  • Feelings of suffocation
  • Alienation from the body
  • Numbing out physically
  • Body memories
  • Distorted body image

27
Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
  • Health Problems
  • Eating disorders
  • Chronic migraines
  • Compulsive behaviors
  • Chronic gynecological disorders
  • Fibromyalgia

28
Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
  • Sexuality Issues
  • Crying during or after sex
  • Feeling dirty
  • Indiscriminate sexual behavior
  • Fetishes/eroticism that mimics abuse
  • Sexual codependency
  • Confusion about sexual identity

29
Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
  • Emotional Issues
  • Suicidal thoughts/attempts
  • Chronic depression
  • Anxiety
  • Phobias
  • Splitting (dissociation)
  • Self-abuse or mutilation
  • Inappropriate guilt, shame
  • Can discuss trauma with no affect

30
Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
  • Behavioral Issues
  • Need to be invisible
  • Learned helplessness
  • Chronic people pleasing
  • Chronic high risk behaviors
  • Hypervigilance
  • Amnesia
  • Gaps in childhood memory
  • Chronic Lethargy

31
Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
  • Interpersonal Difficulties
  • Strong fear of abandonment
  • Inability to commit
  • Chronic issues around trust
  • Boundary rigidity or no boundaries
  • Conflict-laden relationships
  • Repeating of family dramas

32
Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
  • Spirituality Issues
  • Rigid religiosity
  • Extremely anti-religious
  • Spiritual confusion or doubts

33
Special Indicators for Children
  • School refusal or excessive absences
  • Chronic hiding
  • Regression
  • Fear of certain people or excessive familiarity
  • Conduct problems Stealing, fire-setting, torture
    of animals
  • Bedwetting or encopresis (without medical reason)
  • Short attention span
  • Promiscuity
  • Frequent masturbation
  • Overly compliant behavior

34
Your Role
  • Remain calm
  • Interview her in private
  • Sit next to her
  • Tell her that you believe her
  • Tell her you are glad she told you
  • Reassure her that it was not her fault
  • Assure her that you will do everything in your
    power to help her
  • Address her need for safety
  • Invite her to ask questions
  • Contact appropriate authorities
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