Title: No Longer a Victim: Coping with Sexual Abuse and Rape
1No Longer a VictimCoping with Sexual Abuse and
Rape
- Pamela T. Parsons, M.A.
- Licensed Psychological Associate
- Mission, Texas
2Definition Rape
- RAPE is forced sexual intercourse, including
both psychological coercion and physical force.
Forced sexual intercourse means vaginal, anal or
oral penetration by the offender(s). This
category includes incidents where the penetration
is from a foreign object such as a bottle. This
definition includes attempted rapes, male and
female victims, and heterosexual and homosexual
rape.
3Definition Sexual Assault
- SEXUAL ASSAULT includes a wide range of
victimizations, distinct from rape or attempted
rape. These crimes include completed or
attempted attacks generally involving unwanted
sexual contact between the victim and the
offender. Sexual assaults may or may not involve
force and include such things as grabbing or
fondling. Sexual assault also includes verbal
threats.
4Myths and Facts AboutSexual Assault
- MYTH Most sexual crimes are committed by
strangers. - FACT The vast majority of sexual assaults
- occur between people who know each
other. - MYTH Sex crimes are crimes of passion or
desire. - FACT Every sex crime is a crime of violence,
power and control.
5More Myths . . .
- MYTH Sexual offenders commit these crimes in
- order to obtain sexual gratification.
- FACT Sex offenders get gratification from
intimidating, humiliating, and degrading
their victims. - MYTH People provoke sexual assaults by
- dressing sexy. Only certain types of
- people are sexually assaulted.
- FACT People of both sexes, all ages,
- professions, and styles of dress have
become victims of sexual assaults.
6And Still More Myths . . .
- MYTH If the victim doesnt fight back, its not
rape. - FACT When someone is being forced to have
sex, s/he may believe that the rapist is
capable of other types of violence. S/he
may be frozen with fear and shock of what
is happening. S/he may also decide that
fighting now will only anger the person
further to commit violence that could be
fatal. In other cases, the victim may have
been coerced into having sex, or may have
been forced to have sex while
intoxicated or otherwise impaired.
Ultimately, it does not matter if the victim
fought back or not, if consent was not
given freely, then it was rape.
7And One Last Myth . . .
- MYTH Men and boys cant be raped.
- FACT Anyone is vulnerable to sexual
victimization. - Can you think of other myths about sexual
assault?
8Rape Trauma Syndrome
- Identified by Ann Wolbert Burgess and Lynda Lytle
Homstrom in the mid-1970s after studying the
typical reactions of rape survivors. - RTS describes a cluster of short- and long-term
emotional responses to the extreme stress
experienced by the survivor during the sexual
assault. - Every rape situation is unique and it is very
important to treat each rape survivor as an
individual.
9Phase One The Acute (Initial) Phase
- Lasts anywhere from a few days up to 2 - 6 weeks
- Expressed open emotion
- Controlled repressed emotion
- Shocked disbelief dissociated emotion
10Phase Two Repression or Outward Adjustment
- Victim resumes what appears to be from the
outside her/his normal life, even though there
is considerable inner turmoil - Minimization Itll be okay.
- Dramatization Incessant focus on the rape
- Suppression As if it didnt happen
- Explanation analytical / intellectual approach
11Phase Three Reorganization, Integration, or
Resolution
- Individual begins to reorganize life, resolve
issues, and learn to cope again - Acceptance the rape happened and wont be
forgotten - Coming to terms I must carry on, and I will.
- Regression the individual may experience
emotional setbacks in the recovery process - Survivorship identity changes from victim to
survivor
12Physical Symptoms of RTS
- Shock often an immediate response. May include
numbness, chills, faintness, confusion,
disorientation, trembling, nausea and vomiting - Sleep problems unable to sleep, sleeping more
than usual, or other sleep disturbance - Eating problems no appetite and subsequent
weight loss, or compulsive eating and subsequent
weight gain - No energy or too much energy
- Physical illness the stress may weaken the
immune system and making them more vulnerable to
illness. The rapist may have infected the
survivor with STD, or other illness. A general
feeling of unwellness is normal. - Tension headaches
- Physical pain this may be as a result of
injuries inflicted by the rapist, or a physical
reaction to emotional pain - Cardiovascular problems heart palpitations,
breathlessness, tightness or pain in the chest,
high blood pressure - Gastrointestinal problems loss of appetite,
nausea, diarrhea, constipation, dryness in mouth,
butterflies in stomach, feelings of emptiness in
stomach, etc. - Exaggerated startle response overreacting to
sudden noise or movement - Oversensitivity to noise
- Gynecological problems irregular, heavier and/or
painful periods, vaginal discharges, bladder
infections
13Behavioral Symptoms of RTS
- Crying
- Difficulty concentrating
- Being restless, agitated, and unable to relax or
feeling listless and unmotivated - Not wanting to socialize or see anybody, or
socializing more than usual, so as to fill up
every minute of the day - Fear of being alone
- Avoiding anything that reminds survivor of the
rape - Pretending that it never happened
- Stuttering or stammering more than usual
- Being more easily frightened or startled than
usual - Being very alert and watchful
- Becoming easily upset by small things
- Neglecting themselves or other people
- Increased washing or bathing
- Self-blame
- Relationship problems irritability,
argumentative, withdrawal, dependence, too
independent - Fear of sex, loss of interest in sex, or loss of
sexual pleasure - Possible substance abuse
14Psychological Symptoms of RTS
- Increased fear and anxiety
- Self-blame and guilt
- Helplessness, no longer feeling in control of
ones life - Humiliation and shame
- Lowering of self-esteem, feeling dirty
- Anger and desire for revenge
- Feeling alone and that no one understands
- Losing hope in the future
- Emotional numbness
- Confusion
- Loss of memory unable to remember the rape or
parts of it - Constantly thinking about the rape
- Having flashbacks to the rape, feeling as if it
is happening again - Nightmares
- Depression
- Suicidal ideation
- Indecisiveness
- Difficulty problem-solving
- Grief and loss
15Negative Cognitions in RTS
- The world is not a safe place.
- I am less than.
- Sex is something painful.
- People cannot be trusted.
16Factors that Influence Recovery
- Support systems
- Relationship with the offender
- Degree of the violence used
- Social and cultural influences
- Previous experience with stress
- Ability to cope with stress
- Attitude of those immediately contacted after the
assault - Ability to forgive
17CHOOSING TO FORGIVE
- I. Definition of Forgiveness
- Christian forgiveness is an action of the will,
accepting as ones own the guilt of anothers
wrong toward me, and then counting that guilt
paid for by Christs sacrifice. - Forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also
has forgiven you. Ephesians 432 - Forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint
against anyone just as the Lord forgave you, so
also should you. Colossions 213
18CHOOSING TO FORGIVE
- II. The Cost of Forgiveness
- Forgiveness cost God His Son, Christ His life,
and the Christian his pride. (The proud person
will not truly forgive. Condescend---yes
forgive---no). It costs the forgiver all her/his
feelings of vengeance, righteous indignation,
anger, and blame. All these must be let go. To
exercise true forgiveness requires the strength
and grace of God. - Hebrews 1215 See to it that no one comes short
of the grace of God that no root of bitterness
springing up causes trouble, and by it many be
defiled.
19CHOOSING TO FORGIVE
- III. The Necessity of Forgiveness
- Without true forgiveness every offense is
treasured up against the offending person
(perpetrator, rapist, molester, etc.), ready to
be cashed in when ones feelings become
overloaded. This cashing in usually involves
retaliation, accusation, and condemnation of the
offending person. These are then used to prove
how bad the offender is and justify ones own
wrong actions. - Without true forgiveness the spirit of
unforgiveness fosters resentment which
crystallizes into bitterness. This makes the
unforgiving person harsh, critical, cynical, and
mistrustful---not only toward the offender but
toward anyone else in the victims present or
future life who bears a likeness to the offender.
(This may help clarify the immediate and
unwarranted feelings of hostility or fear one
sometimes senses toward a person one has never
met before.)
20CHOOSING TO FORGIVE
- IV. The Process of Forgiveness
- A. Clearly describe to yourself the actual
offense committed (rape, molestation, verbal
abuse, etc.) Write it out, listing the
ramifications as they affect you. - B. Alone before God (or with a trusted
confidante) go down the list item-by-item,
telling Him that you are now taking each wrong
(sin) upon yourself---no longer holding the
offender responsible. - C. Then, in prayer pass each offense that
you have accepted upon yourself---on to God . - D. Destroy the cancelled list.
21Synopsis of Forgiveness
- The offense of another produces hurt to the
offended (victim). (Guilt is laid by God upon
the offender). - The offended person is BOUND to the offender by
the grudge she/he holds. Such a grudge sustains
the hurt the offended person feels. - This bondage can never be broken (no matter how
much distance is put between them)---but by
forgiveness. - The offenders guilt can only be removed by the
offended (victim), who TAKES THE WRONG UPON
HERSELF/HIMSELF, whether it is requested or not.
- This is forgiveness.
- The offended person (victim) then gives the
offense, hurt, grudge, and offender to God.
22Synopsis of Forgiveness
- Because you have taken the offense upon
yourself---the offender is no longer responsible
to you regarding it. (This does not exclude the
offender from being held responsible by the law,
courts, etc.) - Because you have given that same offense to
God, you no longer have any responsibility for
it. - God may yet deal with the offender, but that
is no longer your concern. - Do not tell the offender that he/she is forgiven.
This may simply create more conflict, especially
if they have not asked for forgiveness. The
offender all may not be focusing upon his/her
wrongs. Your forgiveness of the offender is
between you and God.
23Synopsis of Forgiveness
- V. The Outcome of Forgiveness
- When true forgiveness is exercised, the blame
which one is holding toward the offender
disappears. This means that the fact of the
offense now carries no guilt, shame, etc. It may
still be remembered as a learning experience, a
fact of ones life, but the pain and hurt have
been removed. True forgiveness in Christ brings
release, freedom, and emotional healing. With
forgiveness, one can move beyond the point of
being a victim to being who God created her/him
to be.
24Synopsis of Forgiveness
- VI. Tests of Forgiveness
- Can you talk about the offense without getting
angry, without feeling resentful, without
bitterness, without shame, and without feeling
vengeful? - Can you revisit the scene, remember the incident,
or person involved in your hurt without
experiencing a negative reaction (shame, guilt,
worthlessness, pain, etc.)? - Can you accept the offense as part of your
historical, factual background without anger or
bitterness toward God, and thank God for what you
have learned through the pain?
25Sexual Trauma IndicatorsWhat You Should Look For
- Sleep Problems
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of sleeping alone
- Fear of the dark
- Nightmares
- Chronic insomnia or hypersomnia
26Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
- Physical Problems
- Feelings of suffocation
- Alienation from the body
- Numbing out physically
- Body memories
- Distorted body image
27Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
- Health Problems
- Eating disorders
- Chronic migraines
- Compulsive behaviors
- Chronic gynecological disorders
- Fibromyalgia
28Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
- Sexuality Issues
- Crying during or after sex
- Feeling dirty
- Indiscriminate sexual behavior
- Fetishes/eroticism that mimics abuse
- Sexual codependency
- Confusion about sexual identity
29Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
- Emotional Issues
- Suicidal thoughts/attempts
- Chronic depression
- Anxiety
- Phobias
- Splitting (dissociation)
- Self-abuse or mutilation
- Inappropriate guilt, shame
- Can discuss trauma with no affect
30Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
- Behavioral Issues
- Need to be invisible
- Learned helplessness
- Chronic people pleasing
- Chronic high risk behaviors
- Hypervigilance
- Amnesia
- Gaps in childhood memory
- Chronic Lethargy
31Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
- Interpersonal Difficulties
- Strong fear of abandonment
- Inability to commit
- Chronic issues around trust
- Boundary rigidity or no boundaries
- Conflict-laden relationships
- Repeating of family dramas
32Sexual Trauma Indicators (contd)
- Spirituality Issues
- Rigid religiosity
- Extremely anti-religious
- Spiritual confusion or doubts
33Special Indicators for Children
- School refusal or excessive absences
- Chronic hiding
- Regression
- Fear of certain people or excessive familiarity
- Conduct problems Stealing, fire-setting, torture
of animals - Bedwetting or encopresis (without medical reason)
- Short attention span
- Promiscuity
- Frequent masturbation
- Overly compliant behavior
34Your Role
- Remain calm
- Interview her in private
- Sit next to her
- Tell her that you believe her
- Tell her you are glad she told you
- Reassure her that it was not her fault
- Assure her that you will do everything in your
power to help her - Address her need for safety
- Invite her to ask questions
- Contact appropriate authorities