First Impressions: What You Dont Know About How Others See You

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First ImpressionsWhat You Dont Know About How
Others See You

• Based on by
• Ann Demarais, Ph.D., Valerie White, Ph.D.

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What is a First Impression

• A first impression is our first and sometimes
  only opportunity to provide someone with a sense
  of who we are a sense that will most often be a
  lasting one
• What makes a good first impression?

- A good first impression is the one that
reflects the real you.
- If you are presenting the best of yourself, the
self you want to share, then you are making the
impression that is right for you.
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Purpose of this session

• To ensure that the first impression we are giving
  is the one that we want.
• To do this
• Some actors to demonstrate no-nos
• OPEN MIND
• First Impressions Self-Assessment Booklet
• Test your First Impressions Style

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Seven Fundamentals of First Impressions

• Accessibility
• Showing Interest
• Subject Matter
• Self Disclosure
• Conversational Dynamics
• Perspective
• Sex Appeal

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Accessibility

• Openness is the first part of a first impression
• Smiling
• Making eye-contact
• Orienting yourself toward others
• Making the introduction
• Passive vs. Active
• Tone
• Not setting a positive tone is in essence setting
  a negative tone
• Primacy Effect

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Accessibility

• Recognize your Positive Accessibility Behaviours
• Recognize Common Miscommunications you may be
  exhibiting
• Any interesting revelations?

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Showing interest

• Interest is a gift you can give someone
• Process directing your physical energy
• Looking
• Leaning
• Non-verbally responding
• Style intensity of your curiosity
• How you compliment and show appreciation
• ACTORS Faux Segue
• ACTORS That Reminds Me of Me

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Showing interest

• Tips
• Cocktail Party Effect
• Avoid the Faux Segue
• Ask open ended questions
• Listen actively
• Avoid That Reminds Me of Me
• Deliver compliments in ways that further
  conversation

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Subject matter

• The Usual Order
• Level 1 The Field- Where we are
• Helps others feel relaxed around you
• Level 2 The Facts Whats Happening
• Safe, little risk of offending anyone
• Level 3 The Fun-Stuff Ideas and Opinions
• Here you will decide if you like one another
• Topics
• Add topics and variety
• Give conversational partner opportunity to change
  the subject

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Subject matter

• Talking At (Duh-duh-duh for EWB)
• Teller and audience
• Style 1 Lecture Circuit
• Data dump
• WARNING Always a positive experience for the
  lecturer
• Style 2 Storytelling
• ACTORS - Storytelling
• Style 3 Sermonizing
• Delivered with the intention of convincing
• Instead try and leave an interaction having
  learnt something from a different perspective
• Style 4 Telling Jokes
• Alienating if others have to assume the role of
  audience

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Self disclosure

• Be prepared to answer basic questions
  imaginations are unforgiving
• Share to connect
• Sends the message I trust you, I value your
  opinion
• ACTORS Disclosure Agendas
• Passions are Positive, Blunders are Sexy
• Avoid topics that put conversational partner in
  nurturing role
• Complaints NO ONE CARES

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Conversational dynamics

• Energy and ability to synchronize outweigh what
  you say
• Energy
• How much
• How fast
• How loud
• Synchronize
• Take turns
• Yield the floor
• Mutually satisfying rhythm
• ACTORS Im-really-interested-in-you-now-let-me-t
  alk
• ACTORS - Speed

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Conversational dynamics

• Tips
• When you mimic the movements of your partner it
  makes the interaction smoother
• Women have a more negative view of interrupters
  regardless of the sex of the interrupter

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perspective

• How you see yourself and the world we live in
• Situations out of your control
• People judge you by the way you react to
  situations out of your control
• ACTORS Situations out of your control
• ACTORS Being combative
• One Up Position
• One Down Position
• Parity Position

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perspective

• Your Outlook
• You have the power to bring out the positive or
  the negative in someone, without the person even
  knowing it
• When you convey a negative outlook you rob others
  the opportunity to enjoy the situation
• ACTORS Pollyanna Perils
• Trait Transfer

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Sex appeal

• About showing appreciation for others, having
  confidence in your body and presenting a relaxed
  style of sexual expression
• The way you feel about yourself impacts how
  others feel about themselves in your presence

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LESSONS FOR EWB

• Demonstrating openness with body language
• Finding commonalities with conversational partner
• Avoid talking at by
• Allowing partner to change topic

• Sharing your feelings
• I was apprehensive asking for donations too
• I was skeptical at first until
• Set a positive tone
• Follow usual order

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Tweaking your first impression

• Awareness
• Review your tables
• Identify best and worst assets
• Reflect on secret sensitivities
• Garner feedback from trusted source
• Changing
• DISCOMFORT IS PART OF THE PROCESS
• Psych yourself up
• Choose 1 behaviour
• Focus on reactions not behaviour
• Let go of first nature
• Start Now
• Make a goal
• Reassess with tables
• Garner feedback

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• Personal development means learning different
  ways of being based on informed choices, not just
  reactions to situations