Companioning: A Hospice Essential - PowerPoint PPT Presentation


PPT – Companioning: A Hospice Essential PowerPoint presentation | free to download - id: 2072fb-YjFkN


The Adobe Flash plugin is needed to view this content

Get the plugin now

View by Category
About This Presentation

Companioning: A Hospice Essential


If I find words to describe you it is so I can better walk with you; never to dismiss you ... 'Don't Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart' Kenneth Haugk, Ph.D. ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

Number of Views:355
Avg rating:3.0/5.0
Slides: 46
Provided by: rodneyb6


Write a Comment
User Comments (0)
Transcript and Presenter's Notes

Title: Companioning: A Hospice Essential

Companioning A Hospice Essential
  • Rodney Bolejack, D.Min.
  • American Hospice, Denton TX

  • When one of his classmates died, an
    eight-year-old friend visited the boys home one
    day after school.
  • What did you say? asked the mother gently when
    the child returned.
  • Nothing, he replied. I just sat on his moms
    lap and helped her cry.
  • --Dan Zabra
  • Forever Remembered

  • Value the need for companioning the hospice
  • Relate the tenets of companioning to patient

A Few First Thoughts
  • Everyone must make this journey through life and
    death alone
  • No one should make this journey without a
  • Breakfast with Jo
  • What are your biggest fears for the
    future of hospice?

  • A strong, deep person
  • wise enough to allow me to grieve in the depth of
    who I am, and strong enough to hear my pain
    without turning away.
  • I need someone who believes that the sun will
    rise again, but who does not fear my darkness.
  • Someone who can point out the rocks in my way
    without making me a child by carrying them.
    Someone who can stand in thunder and watch the
    lightning and believe in a rainbow.
  • Fr. Joe Mahoney
  • This is companioning.

What is Companioning?
  • Companioning is a willingness to be present with
    another, wherever they may be in their journey,
    and walk with them through their personal and
    often unchartable territories without having
    the need to say the right thing or to fix the
  • Companioning creates a safe place for those who
    are hurting to find their own answers.

Creating a Safe Place
  • Creating a free, empty space where a stranger may
    enter and become a friend instead of an enemy
  • It is the space in the relationship between me
    and thee
  • I have created that safe place when you are free
    to be you
  • -- Henri Nouwen

(No Transcript)
To love means not to impose your own powers on
your fellow man but offer him your help. And, if
he refuses it, to be proud that he can do it on
his own strength. --Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Companioning Essentials
I want to be with you
  • Presence
  • Non-anxious
  • I will not abandon you Sue W
  • Physically
  • Spiritually
  • Emotionally
  • You can tell me to stay away, but you cannot push
    me away
  • Joe H

I want to be with you
  • Creating relationship that allows the other to
    risk the courage to trust you.
  • How? Short time!
  • Faithful presence and responsiveness
  • I didnt think God could find me
  • Promises fulfilled
  • Physical
  • Spiritual
  • Kindness and care
  • Knowledge and skills

  I want you to teach me
  • Behold, I stand at the door and knock and say to
    myself, I am about to meet my teacher.
  • Curiosity
  • Being teachable
  • Believing that this other knows how they wish
    to approach death dying
  • They may not have words to describe it
  • May need a companion to explore values with them

  I want you to teach me
  • Believing that this other has life-gifts to
    give to anyone who would learn
  • What did you learn about life?
  • What gives you peace? Meaning? Joy?
  • How do you wish to approach death dying?
  • What do you fear most about the days ahead?
  • What would a good death look like for you?
  • It was horrible. Noisy. Crowded. Not at all

I want to hear you
  • Its not that
  • we all have stories
  • that need to be told
  • …..rather….
  • We are stories
  • that need to be heard.

I want to hear you
  • Listening to empathize
  • To see the world through another persons eyes
  • Listenings primary purpose
  • Listening to reflect
  • As a mirror
  • Allows them to hear their own story
  • Remembers that most of the answers are within
  • Listening to learn each ones uniqueness
  • Unique story
  • Unique perspective on life, illness, death
  • Unique coping

Being comfortable with just listening
  • The hardest part of listening is getting
    comfortable just listening
  • Being just a listener allows us to be a catalyst
    that helps them react to their feelings in a more
    comfortable way that allows them to establish
    significance with their loss

By-products of Listening
  • Remember These are not the primary purpose of
  • Insight
  • Insight happens when people talk and someone
  • Connecting the dots for a full picture
  • Emerging solutions
  • Validating and processing emotions
  • Showing acceptance
  • Finding meaning
  • Learning
  • fears, struggles, joys, hopes, comfort

  I accept you
  • I am not here to judge or critique
  • He who gets labeled is he who gets dismissed
  • You will not be labeled as a good or bad patient
  • He who gets labeled is he who gets dismissed!
  • Non-compliance and other frustrations
  • No blaming the patient (even when I return to the
  • Creative caring
  • Arlon

Demonstrating Acceptance
  • Acceptance of another person is a matter of
    deep, empathic understanding, as Carl Rogers
    terms it, which allows you to see the world the
    other person inhabits through his or her eyes.
    It means a respect and liking for the person
    as a separate person….It means an acceptance of
    and regard for his or her attitudes of the
    moment, no matter how negative or positive.

Demonstrating Acceptance
  • Meet the person where he or she is.
  • Trying to move your interaction with a hurting
    person to any other level is merely singing songs
    to a heavy heart.
  • Focus on here and now rather than there and then.
  • Meet with me in the moment not in the future
    its a waste of time telling the hurting
    individual, Youll feel better as time goes on.
  • Acknowledge the feelings.
  • Respond to that hurting individual and their
    negative feelings in a feeling way rather than an
    intellectual way.
  • Dont Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart - Kenneth
    Haugk, Ph.D

Acceptance doesnt need to
  • Judge
  • Advise
  • Rescue
  • Preach To

I want to know you
  • So I can be with you on your journey
  • Not so I can analyze and label you in IDT
  • If I find words to describe you it is so I can
    better walk with you never to dismiss you
  • Your story
  • Past, present, and future
  • Your struggles, fears, hopes, grief, anger, joys
    , comfort, peace, values
  • Because you are dying and not someone else

  I want to walk alongside you
  • I will go where you go
  • Into the struggles of your body
  • Into the mix of emotions that come
  • Into the wilderness of your soul
  • Into the sanctuaries of your heart
  • Into the celebrations of your life
  • Into the time of your good-byes
  • Into the reverent silence of letting this world go

  I want to walk alongside you
  • Together we will discover and learn
  • What works for your body
  • How to bring creation from chaos
  • Meaning for this journey
  • Finding a path in the wilderness
  • Sacredness in the stillness
  • The joy of a shared journey
  • The Ultimate

Stages/Phases/Tasks/ Touchstones of Grief/Mourning
  • Stages Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
  • Phases Colin Murray-Parkes
  • Tasks J. William Worden
  • Touchstones Alan D. Wolfelt
  • Dont memorize and then use them to try to
    analyze people into a category
  • You dont need to be a counselor to be a
    companion to the dying

I believe you
  • You can believe me
  • Its about trust
  • Mutual trust
  • Open
  • Truthful
  • Physical needs
  • Emotional- Spiritual needs

I see you as a fellow-pilgrim
  • We travel the same road, you and I….. …..the
    difference is that, today, youre just a bit
    further down the road than I.
  • Brothers and sisters in the human condition
  • Equals
  • Not healthy and unhealthy
  • Not expert and apprentice

I see you as a whole person
  • Body and soul
  • One with a past, present, and future
  • One with relationships and a self
  • Not broken because you are dying

I want to honor your spirit
  • I am your advocate
  • I will be your voice (at IDT)
  • I will honor your spirit to your family and
  • This is about you.

I want to bring all my skills all of my self to
comfort you
  • Medical training
  • Hospice training
  • Life experiences
  • My self

  • The more you are able to understand
    a suffering individual and value him or
    her as a unique person with a unique life
    history, a unique set of
    circumstances, and a
    unique set of resources to draw on,
    the more likely you will be able to relate
    effectively with that person.
  • Come as a guest to the suffering persons house
    of painwithout assumptions, without
  • Come with a heart open to understanding.
  • Dont Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart
  • Kenneth Haugk, Ph.D.

  • Dont try to be too wise dont always try to
    search for something profound to say. You dont
    have to do or say anything to make things better.
    Just be there as fully as you can. And if you are
    feeling a lot of anxiety and fear and dont know
    what to do, admit that openly to the person you
    are with and ask for their help.
  • --Sogyal Rinpoche
  • The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Whats in their bucket ?
Their buckets are full!
Whats in your bucket ?
Say Something
Make them feel better
Be Needed Be Liked Be Smart Be Profound
Be Right
Whos Bucket Needs Carrying?
Can we fit our needs into their already filled
buckets ????
We need to empty our bucket to be able to get
into theirsthen we can help them as a companion
carrying some of their load.
HEAL-ing People
  • Here. Present for you when you need them
  • Empathetic. No one else can truly understand what
    youre feeling, but with empathy theyll do their
    best to understand and let some of your pain
    touch them.
  • Accepting. They dont judge you, try to change
    you, or tell you what you should do or how you
    should think or feel.
  • Listening. They really focus on what you have to
    say. They let you share your feelings and know
    how important it is for you to tell your story
    again and again.

From a Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
  • Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled
    as to console,
  • To be understood as to understand,
  • To be loved as to love,
  • For it is in giving that we receive…

Hail guest! Not only the door, but the heart of
my owner lies open to you.

From a stone wall in Assisi, Italy
Tenets of Companioning Alan Wolfelt
  • Being Present
  • Going to the wilderness of the soul with another
    human being
  • Its not about finding a way out of the wilderness
  • Honoring the spirit
  • Not focusing on the intellect

Tenets of Companioning Alan Wolfelt
  • Listening with the heart
  • Not analyzing with the head
  • Bearing witness to the struggles of others
  • Not judging or directing the struggles
  • Walking alongside
  • Not leading or being led
  • Discovering the gifts of sacred silence
  • Not filling the moments with words

Tenets of Companioning Alan Wolfelt
  • Being still
  • Not constant busy-ness
  • Respecting disorder and confusion
  • Not imposing order and logic
  • Learning from others
  • Not always being the teacher
  • Curiosity
  • Not expertise

  • Wolfelt, Alan D. Companioning the Bereaved A
    Soulful Guide for Caregivers. Companion Press.
  • Nouwen, Henri J.M. Our Greatest Gift A
    Meditation on Dying and Caring. Harper Collins
    Publishers. 1994.
  • Nouwen, Henri J.M. Reaching Out The Three
    Movements of the Spiritual Life. Image Doubleday.