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One Heart, One Mind, One Voice: A Celebration of Difference

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Fame is one prerequisite for celebrity status, but not always sufficient. ... Name: Jade Goody. Oh, Brother! (No, sorry, I meant, ex-BIG Brother) Performance: ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: One Heart, One Mind, One Voice: A Celebration of Difference


1
One Heart, One Mind, One Voice A Celebration of
Difference
  • To draw in the pundits
  • one needs
  • Celebrities!

2
Who has Celebrity Status?
  • A celebrity is a person who is widely
    recognized in a society. Fame is one prerequisite
    for celebrity status, but not always sufficient.
    Traditionally, politicians are rarely described
    as celebrities, but in the era of television,
    some have had to become de facto celebrities. ...

3
Our Invited Celebrities Included
  • Three members of Parliament
  • A famous singer and songwriter
  • A model wife
  • Star of TV Programmes
  • And a dog…

4
Invited Celebrity
  • Name Jack Straw MP
  • Performance
  • The Dance of the Seven Veils

5
Declined Because
  • Jack was involved in a horrid incident
  • During a keynote speech on
  • The Need To See What People Say
  • A breech of the peace was committed
  • as he bent and turned his back
  • to speak clearer to the audience…….

6
Alternative Views of Jack Straw
  • Or would you prefer

7
Invited Celebrities
  • Name Paul and Heather
  • Performance
  • A two part harmony

8
Declined Because
  • Sadly, Paul and Heather are still in court
    fighting out a bloody, bitter battle for custody
    of…
  • Heathers spare leg

9
Invited Celebrity
  • Name Margaret Hodge MP
  • (former Minister of Disabled People)
  • Performance
  • Conjuring tricks

10
Declined Because
  • Reported to have said
  • Oh, I am not worthy to perform with such brave
  • and plucky people. That doesnt sound too
  • patronising, does it? Besides, I only know one
  • illusory trick… Putting all my knowledge and
  • experience of disability issues onto a…
  • Well, I think its an illusion..

11
Invited Celebrity
  • Name David Cameron MP
  • (Leader of the Opposition)
  • Performance
  • Story Telling

12
Declined Because
  • An Aid said in a text
  • Sorry, schedule too tight. Planning new
    multi-
  • functional buildings
  • Jails, asylum centres, special schools, etc.
  • Organising focus group on benefits and
  • decriminalising an aspect of street crime
  • Begging.
  • Before attend a performance of The Beggars
    Opera…

13
Invited Celebrity
  • Name Jade Goody
  • Oh, Brother!
  • (No, sorry, I meant,
  • ex-BIG Brother)
  • Performance
  • Stand up comedienne

14
Declined Because
  • Recorded answer phone message
  • Is this beep thing working?
  • Me, stand up?
  • Not after bleeping eight thirty, I dont!

15
  • Anyhow, Im not coming
  • unless I can have those
  • two new parking bays
  • outside the Arena Theatre.

16
Invited Celebrity
  • Name Lucy
  • (Im the real bitch in his life)
  • Performance
  • Reading extracts from her new diary

17
Declined Because
  • I wouldve loved to come, but…
  • …wouldve have to come with…
  • Talks about disability equality but he hates
  • being with …
  • Can you read extracts for me? If you do,
  • thatll really piss him off!

18
Paws for Thought
  • The Diary of a Guide Dog called
  • Lucy

19
About Me
  • My name is Lucy.
  • I work for his nibs David Blunkett MP.
  • He hasnt a cat in hells chance of getting
  • anywhere without ME!

20
A Guide Dog for the Blind
  • Without me hed plough head first into
  • a pile of smelly stuff…
  • ….Come to think about,
  • he does that anyway!
  • I am what they call a guide dog for the
  • blind not my choice of words, I assure
  • you…

21
  • A more suitable title might be
  • Guide dog for a slippery snake
  • Guide dog for a dumb arse politico
  • Guide dog for a repetitive disaster maker
  • Guide dog for a Minister of Silly Walks
  • Guide dog for someone beyond help

22
Why Write A Diary?
  • Better than listening to Parliamentary gob shite
    all day long
  • Theres a limit to putting up with having to keep
    looking up his nibs trouser leg
  • And if he can do it…
  • …Besides, have you read his load of bollocks?

23
Who does he think he is?
  • As Ive already suggested, Im the leader he
    just follows my lead.
  • They all crap on about how wonderful he is how
    hes overcome blindness, etc.
  • Excuse me, whats been my role here?
  • Who made the Civil Service jump?
  • Sorted out his Access to Work?
  • Oh, and fked up the Nannys travel permit?

24
And another thing…
  • Who ensured maximum media coverage
  • EACH TIME he put his foot …
  • …and that other thingy he has…
  • …in it?
  • Look at this?

25
David Blunkett News Articles from around the
world focusing on David Blunkett.
  • The mass media love stories about
  • Triumph over Tragedy
  • or
  • High flyers who end
  • tits up!
  • Yes, the media just adore, David!

26
  • Thats enough about his nibs…
  • …My diary

27
Part of the job being a poser
28
Extracts from My Diary
  • August 2001
  • Im dragged to another bloody dinner party by his
    nibs. Hate standing round, nose at crotch level,
    with a bunch of pretentious snobs. As time goes
    by and the alcohol flows, in more senses than
    one, its not a pleasant experience.
  • Talking about bitches nosing around and crotches
    his nibs got friendly with some media type
    called, Kimberley Quinn. I felt a right
    spectator.

29
  • So, tell me, what could SHE do for him,
  • that I couldnt?


30
Extracts from My Diary
  • Tuesday October 17th 2006
  • David Blunkett's dogs dinner of a diary
  • Cheeky bastards!
  • My dinners arent crap, I have you know!

31
Extracts from My Diary
  • Wednesday October 11th 2006
  • His nibs relationship with the PM is
  • going to be the death of me. First of all,
  • we have Cabinet meetings God, theyre
  • so boring!
  • …At least I dont feel out of place there
  • licking my private parts in public.

32
  • Then theres the PMs gift…
  • …the second coming!
  • After dropping a bollock and having to clear his
    desk …neither of them learnt any lessons…
  • Heres another post for you, David.
  • Itll be good therapy…
  • Oh, yeah? Home Secretary therapeutic?

33
  • And, finally, why go along with all the PMs
  • half baked ideas?
  • Ill lead you, he says. Kept saying, we need
  • to go down the 3rd way.
  • What kind of instruction is that?
  • Took me awhile, but I cottoned on that it
  • meant, keep turning right.
  • Then theres that other time I let the PM lead
  • arm in arm they strolled off, and before I knew
    it,
  • we were in Iraq!

34
People I have known…
  • Mixed with all sorts from Kings and Queens,
  • (plenty of queens, but dont tell his nibs),
  • through to prisoners he was quite willing to
  • see shot if they got out of hand.
  • Maybe its because I work with his nibs, but I
    have a thing about people who are, well
  • Up themselves…

35
Stand up
  • Now, take that Jimmy Carr.
  • Hes far too deep for my liking…
  • (Think about it)
  • He went to Cambridge…so he thinks hes a
  • Clever dick.
  • I think hes 50 accurate there!

36
Heres a tasteless piece of his own medicine
  • They say he has a deadpan face…
  • …Deadpan?
  • Bedpan, more like!
  • Whats the difference between Jimmys face
  • and a baboons arse?
  • Never been tempted to put my
  • fist in a Baboons arse…

37
  • Carr tells a lot of jokes about his girlfriend.
  • Does she need a guide dog I could fit her up…
  • However lots of men claim to have a girl friend
    because they dont want to feel left out
  • What if girl friend is a code phrase for
    something
  • quite different?
  • You dont mean…

38
A Whole New Meaning
  • I got arrested for being seen out in public with
    my girlfriend
  • How would I describe by girlfriend?
  • Rather small, fat and wears a polo neck
  • No, Im not going to flash my girlfriend
  • up on the screen for you…

39
Thats All Folks!
  • If anyone was upset, shocked, disgusted, offended
    or
  • traumatised
  • by this performance…
  • ...please seek professional help!
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