Setting Boundaries in Relationships

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Setting Boundaries in Relationships
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Boundary Definition

• The dictionary meaning 'boundary' is something
  that indicates bounds or limits. A territory or
  a line that should not be crossed.
• It is very important to know your personal
  boundaries in a relationship to ensure that you
  are treated with respect and your identity is
  safeguarded.
• Everything in Life has boundaries. Country,
  marriage, family, friends.

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Types of Boundaries

• Most people are very aware of boundaries for
  material objects, yet struggle to realize the
  importance of implementing emotional, physical,
  spiritual and mental boundaries for self.
• Ex Prodigal Son.
• Bank account.
• Max out cc (outside boundary)

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Lack of Boundaries

• Effects include
• Depression, heaviness in your life, Chip on your
  shoulder, resentment, anger.

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Setting Boundaries

• People have right to set boundaries. (ex mother/
  2 daughters) (respect the needs)
• Relationships of all kinds can be complicated.
  The relationships isnt healthy If either person
  feels overburdened then the bond will not last.
  Set boundaries to keep your relationships
  functioning properly. (This is very difficult)

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• The first application of 'boundaries' resides in
  differentiating between what is/is not within our
  responsibility. (sit/examine self)
• It is also the ability to say 'NO' to people
  when they inconsiderably ask too much of us thus
  putting our life at the risk of chaos and
  confusion.
• This requires Confrontation
• However, Confrontation is very hard.

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Confrontation

• Easier to talk about and not to people.
• Ex haircut

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Confrontation

• Other person will not be happy or like it.
• War is on, throw a fit, Rebellious
• Will fight back will be sarcastic/ judge/blame
• You must be calm
• Confront, Leave to God, Dont mistreat the
  person.
• Note if you dont let the person know your
  needs, you can not blame them.

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Confrontation

• Example Galatians 211-12
• 11 Now when Peter had come to Antioch, I
  withstood him to his face, because he was to be
  blamed 12 for before certain men came from
  James, he would eat with the Gentiles but when
  they came, he withdrew and separated himself,
  fearing those who were of the circumcision.

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Psalm 91 1-2

• He who dwells in the secret place of the Most
  High Shall abide under the shadow of the
  Almighty.2 I will say of the Lord, He is my
  refuge and my fortress My God, in Him I will
  trust.
• Your boundaries should match Gods and you should
  put your trust in the lord.

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• Take responsibility, set boundaries and enforce
  them. Ex (punishing children)
• Help people but dont sacrifice/destroy your own
  life. Dont be distracted for what your purpose
  is
• Our Lord Jesus helped people but they also must
  be willing to be helped
• Ex Story in John Chapter 5

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Paralyzed man 38 years

• Do you want to be healed??????????

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Knowing yourself

• It is necessary that you learn to treat yourself
  decently first, be confident, understand your
  true worth or else you will end up attracting
  narcissists who will misuse you, ill-treat you or
  trick you. Creating boundaries in relationships
  means being very clear about your likes and
  dislikes.
• If you pamper someone, they will expect it all
  the time.

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• Also, you can be stretched too far, you have to
  go on with life. (ex. Luke 1027)
• The story of the Good Samaritan.
• Body of believers, share the burden, delegate

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Marriage Boundaries

• Setting boundaries is a good way to develop and
  maintain trust, strengthen a relationship, and
  prevent disputes.
• It is a good idea to set firm and fair boundaries
  that both parties agree on. (Women love to give
  hints)
• (but not a prenuptial)

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• Identify with your spouse what areas of your
  marriage need some sort of boundaries. This could
  include curfews, work restrictions or
  relationships with friends. While two adults can
  do as they please when they please, it benefits
  the marriage to enact some restrictions.

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Baby Steps

• Set small boundaries initially. As each of you
  becomes more proficient at avoiding breaking the
  marriage boundaries, set bigger boundaries if you
  choose. This is not to say that every facet of
  your marriage should have a boundary rather, it
  means that as you become more adept at meeting
  your spouse's expectations, you can stretch
  yourself further

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The Compliant Person

• The Compliant Person A compliant person's gates
  are always open and he say 'YES' to the right and
  the wrong, to the good and the bad. Such people
  do not have the ability to say 'NO' to a task
  they cannot perform for one reason or the other.

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The Guilt Person

• The Guilt Person These people are harsh on
  themselves full of self blame for things for
  which God does not convict them. St. Paul
  described these people as possessing "weak
  conscience" (1 Corinthians 87).

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The Fearful Person

• The Fearful Person Their deeds are prompted by
  fear of losing other people's acceptance, or
  arousing their anger, punishment, and/or
  devaluation or depreciation.

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The avoidance Person

• The Avoidance Person This person's gates are
  closed to the good and bad. Such people, under
  the misconstrued concept of "independence",
  refuse help either out of feeling of unworthiness
  or haughtiness.

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The Controlling Person

• The Controlling Person These people cannot
  tolerate a 'NO' They do what they desire but deny
  others their right to say 'NO' to a service they
  cannot perform. They use either of two
  techniques

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The Controlling Person

• Manipulation, a device commonly used by Satan and
  dominantly by women. Through manipulative lying,
  Satan convinced Eve to sin and she in turn,
  through the same technique, convinced her husband
  to eat from the forbidden fruit and disobeyed
  God, the source of their happiness and peace.
• Ex Delilah, Salome, Photiphars wife

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The Controlling Person

• Aggression, a device used mostly by men through
  which they appeal to violence in order to obtain
  what they want. Below is a chart showing the
  correlation between types of personalities and
  barriers.

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You can say NO

• The Holy Bible approves of the concept of 'No" as
  a protective weapon when applied at the right
  place and right time. "But let your 'Yes' be
  'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more
  than these is from the evil one" (Matthew 537).

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You can say NO

• Parents should train themselves to accept a 'NO'
  from their children. Children should be trained
  to say 'NO' to bad company and wrong choices.
  Husbands and wives should learn how to prioritize
  options and services before they push themselves
  to the limit and lose hold of the essentials
  which are God, their families and their children.
  

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Conclusion

• Setting boundaries and saying 'NO' at the right
  place and the right time help us to conduct a
  peaceful fruitful life.

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Glory be to God forever

• Amen