Chapter 6: Love and Loving

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Chapter 6 Love and Loving
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Love is a Cultural Experience

• Collectivist Cultures
• Goals of whole society are given priority over
  individual goals
• Members strive to be equal
• Behavior is driven by sense of obligation and
  duty
• Latinos value interdependent relationships
• Asians emphasize importance of collective whole

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Love is a Cultural Experience

• Individualist Cultures
• Individual goals are promoted over group goals
• People define their identity by personal
  attributes
• Wealth
• Social status
• Education level
• Promote the idea of autonomy and individuation

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History of Love and Romance

• Ancient History
• Examples of love and romance
• Adam and Eve
• Gilgamesh 2000 BCE
• King Solomon 970 BCE
• Account of love and romance between bride and
  groom
• Greeks 450 BCE
• Love was bittersweet emotion

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History of Love and Romance

• Middle Ages and Renaissance
• True era of romance, courtship
• 16th century love viewed as physical union
• Coming to America
• Puritans were romantic lovers
• Expected sex within marriage

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History of Love and Romance

• Back in Europe
• Victorian Era (1837-1901)
• Attitudes towards sexuality were stuffy
• Ideal of love promoted couple togetherness
• Romantic Love
• 20th century saw social change
• Emancipation of women
• Romantic attraction became accepted

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What is love?

• Greek definitions
• Eros sexual, physical components
• Philos brotherly love
• Agape self sacrificing, spiritual

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What is love?

• Love as a prototype Beverley Fehr
• Prototype is a model
• Twelve central features of love
• Love maps John Money
• Present an ideal image of love
• Shaped by experiences in infancy and childhood

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Table 6.1 Fehrs Twelve Central Features of Love
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What is love?

• Passionate love
• Infatuation intense, extravagant, short-lived
  passion for the other person
• Simple infatuation a physical attraction
• Infatuation as Romance
• Romantic infatuation romantic love
• Foolish, unreasoning passionate attraction

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What is love?

• Passionate love
• Intense longing for the selected love object
• Emotional manifestations
• Idealizing the romantic partner
• Intense sexual attraction
• Surge of self confidence
• Adoration of the love interest
• Fatuous relationships end as quickly as they began

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Table 6.2 The Passionate Love Scale
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What is love?

• Infatuation as Limerence
• Similar to romantic love
• Intrusive thoughts about love object
• Love sick
• Symptoms
• Longing for reciprocation
• Aching for the limerent object
• Intense emotions

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What is love?

• When limerence ends three possibilities
• Consummation
• Feelings have been reciprocated or there is
  mutual, lasting love
• Starvation
• Limerence is starved out of existence
• Transformation
• Limerence is transferred to new object

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Companionate Love

• Deep, mature, affectionate attachment bonds
• Less dominated by lust
• Develops over time
• Partners accept all of the failing, faults,
  shortcomings, etc
• Liking necessary ingredient

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Expression of Love

• Triangular theory of love Sternberg
• 8 different types of love relationships
• Love relationships consist of
• Passion
• Intimacy
• Commitment

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• Figure 7.1 Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love

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Expression of Love

• Intimacy
• Feelings of closeness
• Connectedness
• Bondedness
• Self-disclosure
• Respect
• Trust
• Builds slowly over time

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Expression of Love

• Commitment
• Loving another person and making a conscious
  decision to maintain that love over time
• A deliberate choice
• Being loyal to another individual

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Expression of Love

• Passion
• Physical attraction
• Romantic feelings
• Most intense and immediate component
• Sexual consummation

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• Figure 6.2 Sternbergs Love Types

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Sternbergs Eight Love Types

1. Nonlove absence of intimacy, commitment and
   passion
2. Empty love void of passion and intimacy,
   commitment is the only element
3. Liking intimacy is the sole element in this
   type, no passion or commitment
4. Infatuated love consists of passion only,
   idealized love, relationships begin and end
   quickly

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Sternbergs Eight Love Types

1. Companionate love combines intimacy and
   commitment, intimacy builds
2. Fatuous love combines passion and commitment,
   relationship lacks intimacy
3. Romantic love intimacy and passion with sexual
   attraction and arousal
4. Consummate love combines all three elements of
   love-intimacy, commitment and passion

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Developing Love First Experience

• Altruistic love love parents give their child,
  promotes the well being of one with no
  expectation of reciprocity
• Intrinsic rewards joy, satisfaction,
  contentment, pleasure, gratification

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Reciprocity and Love

• Interdependent love love is a give and take
  process, requires give and take and changes over
  time
• Attachment emotional bond that binds a child to
  the parent, begins in infancy and influences
  personality

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Attachment Types

• Secure attachment maintain close relationships
  with one another
• Avoidant attachment seldom find real love,
  uncomfortable when too emotionally or physically
  close to another person
• Anxious/Ambivalent attachment insecure,
  constantly afraid partner doesnt love them

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The Genogram

• Used to understand the transmission of relational
  behaviors from one generation to the next
• Diagrams with various figures are used to
  illustrate relationships between family members

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• Figure 6.4A Basic Genogram Symbols

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• Figure 6.4B Genogram Symbols for Relationship
  Dynamics

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Lees Six Types of Love Styles

• Eros erotic lovers are passionate and romantic
  and seek out passionately expressive lovers
• Ludus playful, carefree and casual lovers who
  do not care as much about commitment as they do
  about playing the game of love

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Lees Six Types of Love Styles

• Storge love that is based on friendship or
  affection between friends, love grows over time
• Manic jealous lovers, everything is in chaos,
  highs are high and lows are low, relationships
  are like a roller coaster ride

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Lees Six Types of Love Styles

• Pragma pragmatic, weigh the costs and benefits
  of the relationship
• Agape selfless, enduring, other-centered love,
  provides intrinsic satisfaction without
  reciprocity

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Reisss Wheel Theory of Love

• Four Processes
• 1. rapport establish rapport, usually with
  someone like us
• 2. self-revelation self-disclosure about goals
  and dreams
• 3. mutual dependency relationship deepens, and
  couple relies on one another
• 4. Personality need fulfillment established
  pattern of exchange and support

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• Figure 6.5 Reisss Wheel Theory of Love

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Love Economic Model

• Based on the assumption that people are rational
  decision makers and as a result compare the costs
  and benefits of falling in love and being in love
• Sex and commitment are the only differences
  between friendship and love

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Table 6.3 Love Economics Translations
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Benefits of Love

• Emotional needs
• Self esteem, social needs, spiritual needs
• Entertainment needs
• Social aspects of day-to-day living
• Materialistic needs
• Required for survival and happiness,
• Food shelter and clothing

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Costs of Love

1. Search cost ability to attract potential
   partners
2. Rejection costs rejection sensitivity, immunity
   to rejections and emotional costs of rejections
3. Maintenance costs emotional costs and time
   costs in finding right person

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Costs of Love

1. Breakup risk includes determining the overall
   benefits with the partner
2. Breakup costs emotional costs, financial costs
   and the search cost to find someone else