Chapter 3: Family Communication, Conflict, and Forgiveness

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Chapter 3Family Communication, Conflict, and
Forgiveness
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The Communication Process

• Transactional Process one in which we
  simultaneously affect and are affected by our
  intimate relations
• Focus is on the interconnectedness of the
  relationship

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Family Systems Theory

• Views the family as an interconnected system
• Developed by Murray Bowen

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Family Systems Theory

• Family System is a dynamic entity that consists
  of various individuals and their interconnected,
  intergenerational patterns of interaction.
• The primary function is to bring the parts
  together and arrange them into a whole, organized
  entity.

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• Figure 3.1 Virginia Satirs Concept of the
  Family as a Mobile

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Key Concepts of Systems Framework

• Interconnecting family members affect and are
  affected by each other
• Looking at the whole individual members
  behavior can only be understood by looking at the
  whole

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Key Concepts of Systems Framework

• Establishing boundaries every system has some
  border between it and its environment
• Closed boundaries no information in or out
• Open boundaries information is unobstructed,
  families lose identity
• Maintaining balance families work to achieve
  and maintain homeostasis

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• Figure 3.2 Types of Boundaries

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Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems

• Addresses family cohesion, adaptability, and
  communication
• Assesses familys level of functioning

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• Figure 3.3 Olsons Circumplex Model of Family
  Functioning

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Creating Rules for Communication

• What we can and cannot talk about
• Feelings that are allowed to be shared
• Decision making
• How we can talk about it
• Communication strategy

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• Table 3.1 Cultural Competence Enhancing
  Cultural Communication Skills

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• Table 3.1 Cultural Competence Enhancing
  Cultural Communication Skills

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Symbolic Interaction Framework

• All human behavior revolves around social
  behavior where there is an exchange of messages
  and symbolic meanings between actors.
• Symbols used to share meanings
• Roles a system of meanings
• Role strain competing demands from multiple
  roles
• Role conflict conflicting role pressures

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Types of Communication

• Communication the process of making and sharing
  meanings
• Transaction parties act as senders and receivers
  of information
• Process dynamic and ever changing
• Involves Co-Construction constructing
  definitions
• Involves Symbols used to construct meanings and
  definitions

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Verbal Communication

• Exchanges of thoughts, messages, or information
  through the spoken word
• Fundamental Processes of Verbal Communication
• Communication Effectiveness
• Perceptual Accuracy
• Predictive Accuracy
• Interpersonal Cognitive Complexity

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• Table 3.2 Verbal Communication Processes

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Nonverbal Communication

• Emotional communication gestures and movements
  that convey our emotions
• Occurs with or without the spoken word
• Includes facial expressions, motions of the body,
  eye contact, patterns of touch, expressive
  movements, hand gestures and more

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Relational and Non-relationalMessages

• Relational those having something to do with
  the partnership
• Non-relational those dealing with issues or
  topics outside of the relationship
• Decoding interpreting the unspoken exchanges

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Types of Emotional Messages

• Positive Emotional Messages
• Love, pleasure, affection
• Negative Emotional Messages
• Anger and irritation
• Neutral Emotional Messages
• Non-specific, ambiguous, hard to interpret

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Private Couple Meanings

• Special interaction between partners
• Predictive in nature
• Based on information that only partners share
  with one another

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Conflict in Relationships

• Areas of conflict
• Money matters
• Division of household labor
• Sex
• Tremendous trifles

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Constructive Conflict

• Constructive Conflict builds relationships and
  fosters loyalty, commitment and intimacy
• How couples handle conflict determines marital
  longevity

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Regulated Couples

• Use communication patterns that promote closeness
  and intimacy
• Validating Couple empathetic, supportive, seldom
  express negative emotions
• Volatile Couple charged with intense emotion,
  passion, romance, intense disputes but remain
  intimately connected
• Conflict-Minimizing Couple avoid conflict,
  minimize significance of trouble, conflict kept
  below the surface

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Non-regulated Couples

• Have difficulty resolving conflicts, interactions
  far more negative
• Criticism involves attack on the partner
• Defensiveness criticism/defend pattern becomes a
  cycle of negativity
• Contempt disrespect, scorn, hatred
• Stonewalling communication between partners
  shuts down

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Destructive Conflict

• May be overt or covert
• Denial when words and actions do not match
• Disqualification when a person covers-up an
  expressed emotion
• Displacement when a person takes out anger on
  someone else
• Disengaged no emotional closeness
• Pseudo-mutuality false closeness with underlying
  anger and hostility

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Functional and Nurturing Communication

• Functional Communication
• Addresses the important functions of daily life
• Nurturing Communication
• Conveys intimacy, caring, recognition and
  validation of family members

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Cornerstones of Communication

• Developing Relational Cultures
• Relational culture is a framework of
  understandings
• Coordinate attitudes, actions and identities of
  the couple and family

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Cornerstones of Communication

• Confirming messages and responses
• Acknowledgement of the other person
• Willingness to be involved in the relationship
• Recognition confirming and acknowledging, may be
  verbal or nonverbal
• Confirming simple recognition and acceptance of
  one another
• Acceptance every family feels they belong

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Cornerstones of Communication

• Self-disclosure voluntarily sharing personal
  information
• Self-disclosure
• Increases as relational intimacy increases
• Increases when there are rewards
• Tends to be reciprocal
• Increases relational satisfaction

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Cornerstones of Communication

• Communicate often
• Family communication can be enhanced or hindered
  by the time spent in the process of communication
• Family meetings provide structure and
  organization to the family system

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Cornerstones of Communication

• Listen actively
• means actually hearing what the other person is
  saying
• reflective listening means paying attention to
  verbal and nonverbal messages

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• Table 3.3 Poor Listening Styles

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Cornerstones of Communication

• Use humor
• Laughing produces endorphins which relax and calm
  us
• Laughter and humor provide a way to relieve
  stress in certain situations
• Humor brings people together and helps keep
  things in perspective

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• Table 3.4 Rank Ordering of the Forgiveness
  Process by Study Participants