A Spirit Of Gentleness is About...

1
A Spirit Of Gentleness is About...

• Our non-violence
• Our sense of social justice
• Our expression of unconditional love
• Our warmth toward those who are cold
• Our teaching others to feel safe, loved, loving
  and engaged
• Our teaching a feeling of companionship with the
  most marginalized
• Our forming community
• Our sense of human interdependance and solidarity
• Our option to be side by side with the most
  devalued

2
Basic Assumptions...

• Each human being is made up of a mind-body-spirit
• Personal change comes from within the heart
• Each of us hungers for a feeling of
  being-with-others
• The care giving relationship is based on
  unconditional love
• Personal and community change occurs from the
  bottom up
• Care giving is an act of justice

3
Hunger for Love
Fear of Loss

• To be connected
• To be responded to
• To respond to others
• To care about others
• To love and be loved

• To be disconnected
• To be ignored
• To withdraw
• To ignore others
• To be scorned

4
Culture of Life
Culture of Death

• Based on companionship
• Leading to community
• Centered on the person
• Involving mutual change that starts with us

• Focused on control
• Leading to compliance
• Centered on behavior
• Imposed change under the guise of choice

5
Feel Fearfull
Feels Safe...

• Stays with others
• Expresses joy
• Relaxed
• Contented appearance
• Well-cared for
• Respects own body/others
• Sleeps well
• Expresses love
• Enjoys participating
• Eats well
• Enjoys hobbies
• Uplifts others
• Shares

• Runs away
• Cries a lot
• Expressionless
• Sad appearance
• Slovenly
• Hits self/others
• Sleeps poorly
• Complains
• Eats poorly
• Self-stimulates
• Curses
• Hordes
• Flinches

6
PSYCHOLOGY OF THE SELF
PSYCOLOGY OF INTERDEPENDANCE

• Earned reward
• External change
• Imposed change
• Emphasizing compliance
• Learning self-reliance
• Authoritarian

• Unconditional love
• Inner change
• Mutual change
• Companionship
• leading to community
• Authoritative

7
Authoritarian
Authoritative

• Inconsistent
• Moral direction based on a lift yourself up by
  the bootstraps attitude
• Focused on the self, independence and
  self-determination

• Consistent
• Moral direction based on feeling safe and loved,
  first with us, then others
• Focused on others, companionship and community

8
Companionship Is Built On Teaching To Feel...

• SAFE
• LOVED
• LOVING
• ENGAGED

9
Feels Unloved
Feels Loved...

• Asking for help
• Finding joy in others
• Pride in self
• Socializing
• Pride in hobbies
• Caring for bodily needs
• Helping others
• Contentment
• Finding joy in caregivers/peers
• Sweetly communicating
• Loving sexual expression
• Sense of self-esteem

• Complaining
• Addicted to drugs or alcohol
• Poor grooming and dress
• Withdrawl
• Self-stimulation
• Hurting self
• Hurting others
• Irritability
• Running from caregivers/peers
• Screaming
• Hoarding objects
• Hurtfull sexual expression
• Sense of worthlessness

10
Loving Others...
Despising Others

• Smiles
• Touches warmly
• Communicates joyfully
• Approaches other
• Stays with others
• Seeks out others
• Shares personal objects

• Frowns, cries, clings, curses
• Grabs, hurts, disrespects
• Communicates harshly
• Withdraws
• Self-stimulates
• Prefers solitude
• Hordes

11
Engagement is Learning that it is Good...

• To be together
• To do things together
• To do things for one another
• To do things for others

12
Disengagement
Engagement

• Seeks others out
• Enjoys care givers/ friends/ family
• Offers to help
• Finds joy in others
• Find joy in self
• Participates
• Has Hobbies
• Takes pride in self
• Seeks to socialize
• Likes school or work

• Ignores others
• Rebels against care givers/ friends/ family
• Refuses to share
• Sees no joy others little joy in self
• Withdraws
• Self-stimulates
• Has little pride in self
• Prefers to be alone
• Dislikes school or work

13
Becoming Engaged
Evoking Peace

• Be soft, slow and gentle
• Do things for the person
• Draw the person into activities with you
• Always be ready to help or even back off
• Give gradual responsibility
• Focus on the relationship
• Honor the person for being with you and doing
  things with you

• Rebellious
• Passive participation
• Doing things together
• Ebb and flow of rebellion
• Doing things by self
• Mutual enjoyment
• Pride in being together and doing things together