DWELL IN POSSIBLILITY: THE PLACE OF HOPE IN WORK WITH CHILDREN

1
DWELL IN POSSIBLILITYTHE PLACE OF HOPE IN WORK
WITH CHILDREN

• TED BOWMAN
• EDUCATOR

2

• A CHILD
• IS LIKE
• A PIECE OF PAPER.
• EVERY PASSERBY
• MAKES A MARK
• Chinese Proverb

3
CHILDREN WILL LISTEN

• Careful the things you say,
• Children will listen.
• Careful the things you do,
• Children will see.
• And learn.
• Children may not obey,
• But children will listen.
• Children will look to you
• For which way to turn,
• To learn what to be.
• Careful before you say,
• "Listen to me."
• Children will listen From Into the Woods
  by Sondheim and Lapine

4

• If something should happen to you on the way home
  - God forbid - and you should not make it,
• What messages would you want to give to a child
  in your life before it is too late?
• Limit yourself to two or three messages

5

• To me, the practice of a healer, therapist,
  teacher, or any helping professional should be
  directed towards him or herself first, because if
  the helper is unhappy, he or she cannot help many
  people. We practice enjoying the positive
  elements in life in order to nourish the flower
  in us, and we practice in order to transform the
  seeds of suffering in us. Otherwise, we cannot
  succeed in our work helping other people.
• Thich Nhat Hanh

6
HORTONS EXAMPLEFROM DR. SEUSS

• Through the high jungle tree tops, the news
  quickly
• spread "He talks to a dust speck! He's out of
  his
• Head! Just look at him walk with that speck on
  that
• flower!
• And Horton walked, worrying, almost an hour.
• "Should I put this speck down?..." Horton thought
  
• with alarm. "If I do, these small persons may
  come to
• great harm. I can't put it down. And I won't!
  After
• all a person's a person. No matter how small."

7
QUALITIES OF EFFECTIVE CARERS

• Human presence
• Empathy
• Empathizing with yourself
• Respect
• Authenticity
• Flexibility
• Mutual participation
• Directiveness, control, and responsibility in
  helping

8
WHAT ARE OTHER SIGNS OF CARING?

• NAME OTHER QUALITIES YOU SEE AS ESSENTIAL
• IF A NEW CHILD CARE WORKER WAS
• BEING HIRED AND CARING WAS A KEY FILTER FOR
  HIRING, WHAT WOULD YOU LOOK FOR?

9
PSYCHOLOGICAL FAMILY

• A PSYCHOLOGICAL FAMILY IS COMPRISED OF THOSE
  PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE WITH CONTINUITY OF SOCIAL
  SUPPORT.
• BECAUSE MANY FAMILIES ARE NOW SPREAD FAR AND
  WIDE (GEOGRAPHICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY), THE
  CREATION OF PSYCHOLOGICAL OR SURROGATE FAMILIES
  IS MORE COMMON.
• adapted from Boss

10
RESILIENCY

• The capacity to spring back, rebound, and
  successfully adapt to adversity
• The ability to connect, reconnect, and resist
  disconnection in response to hardships,
  adversities

11
FACTORS THAT PROMOTE RESILIENCY

• Stable, emotional relationships
• Social support
• Active involvement in coping
• Problem-solving Skills
• Sense of Hope
• Ability to Make Meaning
• Rituals, Stories, Traditions

12
PROTECTIVE FACTORS

• STABLE CARE
• PROBLEM-SOLVING ABILITIES
• ATTRACTIVENESS TO PEERS AND ADULTS
• COMPETENCE AND PERCEIVED EFFICACY
• IDENTIFICATION WITH
• COMPETENT ROLE MODELS
• PLANFULNESS AND ASPIRATION
• Norman Garmezy

13
HOPE

• Definitions usually include
• EXPECTATION
• DESIRE
• Which can involve GOALS, ATTRIBUTES,
  REDEFINITION, MEANING, PEACE, ENERGY

14

• HOPE IS USED BOTH AS A
• NOUN,
• VERB,
• AND OTHER FORMS OF SPEECH
• HOPE IS, THEREFORE, AMBIGUOUS

15
PROPOSITION

• CARERS,
• PROFESSIONALS AND VOLUNTEERS,
• ARE ABLE TO INFLUENCE
• (ENHANCE, AFFIRM, OR WEAKEN)
• HOPE IN CHILDREN AND FAMILIES
• THROUGH THEIR ATTITUDES, BEHAVIORS, AND WAYS OF
  COMMUNICATING

16
SURVING ADVERSITY

• Almost without exception those who
• survive a tragedy give credit to one
• person who stood by them, supported
• them, and gave them a sense of hope.
• ROBERT VENINGA

17
ASSUMPTIVE WORLD

• All of us from the moment of our birth, have
• Been building inside ourselves a model of the
• world, a set of assumptions on the basis of
• which we recognize the world that we meet
• and plan our behaviour accordingly. Because
• this model is based on reality it is, most of the
  
• time, a valid and useful basis for thought and
• behaviour. We rely on the accuracy of these
• assumptions to maintain our orientation in
• the world and to control our lives.
• Anything which challenges this model
• can incapacitate us.
• C.M.PARKES

18
EXPECTATIONS

• When expectations about the course of life
• are not met, people experience inner chaos
• and disruption. Such disruptions
• represent a loss of the future. Restoring
• order to life necessitates reworking
• understandings of the self and the world,
• redefining the disruption and life itself.
• Gay Becker

19
FUTURELESSNESS

• For some children, repeated exposure to violence
  can
• produce what appears to be a functional
  adaptation to
• the violence but is actually a pathological
  effect.
• Although the adaptation is successful in the
  short run,
• it may prove detrimental in the long run. For
  example,
• some children develop a sense of
  "futurelessness," or a
• profound fatalism about their lives. They come
  to
• expect more violence directed at them and death
  at an
• early age. Participation in dangerous, violent
  activities
• loses its threatening character and takes on a
  special
• psychology for them, since they expect to die no
  matter
• what they do. Having a big funeral is the most
  that
• some children can look forward to.
  James Garbarino

20

• Some day I will have a best friend all
• my own. One I can tell my secrets to.
• One who will understand my jokes
• without my having to explain them.
• Until then I am a red balloon, a balloon
• tied to an anchor.
• From House of Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

21
MANY KINDS OF HOPE

• Hope is important, but we have been too limited
• in the kind of hope we prescribe...Our idea that
• the only kind of hope is hope for cure limits
  what
• we can offer. There are, in fact, many kinds of
• hope hope for a good period of life ahead, hope
• for enriching relationships, hope for control of
• pain, hope for a strong sense of care and support
  
• from your doctors.
• David Spiegel

22
(No Transcript)
23

• Hope differs from optimism. Hope does not
• arise from being told to "think positively," or
• from hearing an overly rosy forecast. Hope,
• unlike optimism, is rooted in unalloyed reality.
• Hope acknowledges the significant obstacles
• and deep pitfalls along that path. True hope
• has no room for delusion.
• Clear-eyed, hope gives us the courage to
• confront our circumstances and the capacity to
• surmount them. For my patients, hope, true
• hope, has proved an important as any
• medication I might prescribe or any procedure
• I might perform.
• Jerome Groopman

24
BUFFERS OF MEANING

• The genius of our black foremothers and
  forefathers
• was to create powerful buffers to ward off the
  nihilistic
• threat, to equip black folk with cultural armor
  to beat
• back the demons of hopelessness, meaninglessness,
  
• and lovelessness. These buffers consisted of
  cultural
• structures of meaning and feeling that created
  and
• sustained communities this armor constituted
  ways of
• life and struggle that embodied values of service
  and
• sacrifice, love and care, discipline and
  excellence...
• These traditions consist primarily of black
• religious and civic institutions that sustained
  familial
• and communal networks of support.
• CORNEL WEST

25
Little Boy / Old Man

• Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
• Said the old man, "I do that too."
• The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
• "I do that too," laughed the old man.
• Said the little boy, "I often cry."
• The old man nodded, "So do I."
• "But worst of all," said the boy, " it seems
• Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."
• And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
• "I know what you mean," said the old man.
• Shel Silverstein

26

• It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life
  
• doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The
• tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It
  isn't a
• calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it
  is
• a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to
  
• be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a
• disaster to have no ideal to capture. It is not
  a
• disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a
• disgrace to have no stars to reach for. Not
• failure, but low aim, is sin. Benjamin Mays

27
WHAT HE DIDNT SAY

• The debt I owe my psychiatrist is beyond
  description. I remember sitting in his office a
  hundred times during those grim months and each
  time thinking, What on earth can he say that make
  me feel better or keep me alive? Well, there was
  never anything he could say, thats the funny
  thing. It was all the stupid, desperately
  optimistic, condescending things he didnt say
  that kept me alive all the compassion and warmth
  I felt from him that could not have been said
  all the intelligence, competence, and time he put
  into it and his granite belief that mine was a
  life worth living. Kay Redfield Jamison

28

• A BIRD DOESNT SING BECAUSE
• IT HAS AN ANSWER.
• IT SINGS BECAUSE IT HAS A
• SONG.
• Unknown

29

• Hope includes a future story.
•  
•  
• Hope includes a shared story.
•  
•  
• Hope includes stories of meaning.
•  
•  
• Hope includes an affirmative story.
•  
•  
• Hope includes the real story.

30
SUGGESTIONS HOPE PROMOTION

• 1) HOLD ONTO YOUR HOPE
• 2) CREATE A CULTURE OF HOPEFULNESS
• 3) SEE, EXPLORE, GRASP FOR POSSIBILITIES
• 4) INVITE COLORING OUTSIDE THE LINE
• 5) USE ASSIGNMENTS THAT INVITE LOOKING AHEAD
• 6) USE STORIES THAT INSPIRE
• 7) OPTIONS / ALTERNATIVES / CHOICES
• 8) LISTEN, BEFRIEND, SEEK TO UNDERSTAND

31

• FOR MORE INFORMATION,
• CONTACT TED BOWMAN
• bowmaOO8_at_umn.edu