Interpersonal Relationships Rony Jose Thekkel

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Interpersonal RelationshipsRony Jose
Thekkel
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Overview

• Understand of the nature of relationships.
• Understand how strong interpersonal skills will
  magnify your personal power
• Explore your interpersonal behaviours
• Analyze various communication styles and
  recognizing your own
• Provide strategies for effectively interacting
  with communication styles different from yours
• Build skills in conflict prevention and
  management, and
• Consider behavioural standards that guide
  relationships

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Ms. Jones

• Dr. Jones and Dr. James are teachers. Dr. James
  would leave most of the departmental duties for
  Dr Jones to perform. Dr. James usually criticize
  her teaching style and her ideas in the
  departmental meetings. Dr. Jones Dr. James
  have been in charge of the entry for the
  National Science Fair for the past 3 years. Dr
  Jones receives no help from Dr. James and very
  limited help from the other science teachers.
  When the school won the award last year for most
  outstanding amateur alternative heating source,
  Dr. James, took all the accolades without
  acknowledging Dr Jones hard work. Dr. James is
  now head of the Science Department and she is now
  even more critical and insulting. Dr Jones felt
  slighted as she is the one who has done most of
  the work in the Department for the past 5 years.
  Dr Jones should

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• No matter how hard you work or how many brilliant
  ideas you may have, if you cant connect with the
  people who work around you, your professional
  life will suffer.

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• Team work is crucial!

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TEAM

• Research indicates skills essential for effective
  teamwork are
• communicating and relating effectively,
• empathy and respect for the feelings and views of
  others,
• accurate self-evaluation of performance and
  relationships, and
• conflict management using active listening skills
  and empathy.

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What is Interpersonal Relationship (IR)?
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Interpersonal Relationships
between two or more people
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• Interpersonal Relationships vary in differing
  levels of intimacy and sharing, implying the
  discovery or establishment of common ground, and
  may be centered around something(s) shared in
  common.

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• We define types of interpersonal relationships in
  terms of relational contexts of interaction and
  the types of expectations that communicators have
  of one another to participate in positive,
  caring, and respectful relationships.

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Six success elements in Relationships

• It takes a combination of
• Self-awareness,
• Self confidence,
• Positive personal impact,
• Outstanding performance,
• Communication skills and
• Interpersonal competence
• to succeed in your career and life.

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Self-awareness

• Becoming self-aware is the first step to
  improving our interpersonal effectiveness.
• Most of our behaviours are natural for us.
• We aren't aware of the impact these behaviours
  have on others. That leaves us with "blind spots"
  that others don't want to mention to us because
  they don't want to hurt our feelings, they are
  afraid of a reaction from us, or they just don't
  care.
• Through self-awareness we learn what impact our
  behaviours - both positive and negative - have on
  others.  That knowledge helps us become more
  effective in our interactions with others.

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• Once we become self-aware we can examine and
  change behaviours that need changing. The option
  is our own. So are the consequences. When we
  choose to seek ways to modify our undesirable
  behaviours we begin the process of
  self-regulation. This is a conscious process
  through which we may ask for input from our
  family, trusted coworkers or friends, or a
  professional therapist.  

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Self-Confidence

• SELF-CONFIDENCE Sureness about ones
  self-worth and capabilities

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Positive Personal Impact

• Do you know how other peoples see you? When you
  leave a meeting or end a conversation, what
  impression do you leave behind? What picture do
  other people have of you? How do you think they
  perceive you?
• We impact on others through our opinions, the
  amount we contribute, the sound of our voice, the
  effect of our silence, the expressions we use.
• Personal impact is about other things apart from
  your looks of course. Improving your posture,
  knowing how to shake hands properly, having good
  manners, not fidgeting and controlling your
  nerves in meetings, looking friendly and
  confident.

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Outstanding performance

• What ever you do it to the best of your ability.
• DO it with thy MIGHT! (MICOs Motto)

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Communication skills

• Interpersonal communication can mean the ability
  to relate to people in written as well as verbal
  communication.  This type of communication can
  occur in both a one-on-one and a group setting. 
  This also means being able to handle different
  people in different situations, and making people
  feel at ease. 

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Communication skills

• active listening,
• giving and receiving criticism,
• dealing with different personality types, and
• nonverbal communication.

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3-Factor Model of interpersonal competence

• Interpersonally competent people
• are self aware. They use this awareness to better
  understand others and to adapt their behaviour
  accordingly.
• build and nurture strong, lasting, mutually
  beneficial relationships.
• resolve conflict in a positive manner. (Bilanich)

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What are Interpersonal Skills?

• A set of behaviours which allow you to
  communicate effectively and unambiguously in a
  face-to- face setting
• They can also be thought of as behaviours which
  assist progress towards achieving an objective

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• Interpersonal relationship skills help us to
  relate in positive ways with our family members,
  colleagues and others. This may mean being able
  to make and keep friendly relationships as well
  as being able to end relationships constructively

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Six interpersonal skills

• There are just six interpersonal skills which
  form a process that is applicable to all
  situations
• Analyzing the situation
• Establishing a realistic objective
• Selecting appropriate ways of behaving
• Controlling your behaviour
• Shaping other people's behaviour
• Monitoring our own and others' behaviour

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Applicability of Interpersonal Skills

• Analyzing the situation helps us to set realistic
  objectives
• Establishing objectives, in turn, provides the
  context in which to make choices about how best
  to behave
• By being conscious of our own behaviour in
  working towards the achievement of objectives we
  are more likely to influence other peoples
  behaviour
• Constant monitoring will provide the feedback we
  need to make situation-dependent adjustments

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• Good interpersonal skills
• Interpersonal competence

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Five dimensions of interpersonal competence

• 1. Initiating relationships.2.
  Self-disclosure.3. Providing emotional
  support.4. Asserting displeasure with others'
  actions.5. Managing interpersonal conflicts.

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Interpersonal Communications

• Most people want to be understood and accepted
  more than anything else in the world.
• Knowing this is the first step toward good
  communication. Good communication has two basic
  components
• You listen to and acknowledge other people's
  thoughts and feelings Rather than showing that
  you only care about broadcasting your feelings
  and insisting that others agree with you, you
  encourage others to express what they are
  thinking and feeling. You listen and try to
  understand.
• You express your own thoughts and feelings openly
  and directly If you only listen to what other
  people are thinking or feeling and you don't
  express your own thoughts or feelings, you end up
  feeling shortchanged or "dumped on."

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Communication Styles

• There are four styles of communication
• passive
• aggressive
• passive-aggressive
• assertive
• Passive communication involves the inability or
  unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings.
  Passive people will do something they don't want
  to do or make up an excuse rather than say how
  they feel.
• The aggressive style of communication involves
  overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive
  people try to get their way through bullying,
  intimidating or even physical violence. They do
  not or will not consider the rights of others.

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• Passive-aggressive is a combination of the first
  two styles - they avoid confrontations (passive),
  but will be manipulative to get what they want
  (aggressive). Passive-aggressive people will
  sometimes use facial expressions that don't match
  how they feel, i.e. smiling when angry.
• Assertive behaviour involves standing up for
  oneself. Assertive people will say what they
  think and stand up for their beliefs without
  hurting others.

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Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness

• Assertiveness, or confrontation, means taking the
  initiative or first steps to deal with a problem
  in a constructive, self-protective manner.
  Assertiveness attacks the problem, not the
  person.
• Aggressiveness attacks the other person rather
  than the problem. It is a destructive desire to
  dominate another person or to force a position or
  viewpoint on another person it starts fights or
  quarrels.

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Coping with some communication differences

• Aggressive Communicator Get to the point right
  away. Speak directly and clearly. Since
  aggressive types can be brutally honest and
  sometimes inconsiderate, it is important to take
  what they say with a grain of salt. Usually their
  criticism and confrontational matter isn't meant
  to be taken personally.

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• Passive Communicator It can be particularly
  frustrating to talk to a passive communicator
  because they may seem to not have any opinion of
  their own. Though it may be frustrating, avoid
  being pushy or confrontational. Passive
  communicators just need time to feel comfortable
  with others.

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• Passive-Aggressive Communicator Just as
  passive-aggressive communicators are a
  combination of two styles, an approach to them
  must be a combination as well. Recognize that
  talking to them might be frustrating like with
  the passive communicator (since they avoid
  conflict), but it also important to not take
  anything they say or do personally (like with the
  aggressive types), because it may conflict with
  what they say.

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• Many causes of conflict arise due to
  miscommunication.
• Once you understand your own communication style
  pitfalls, you can correct them and communicate
  more effectively.
• Remember Aggression breeds Aggression!

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What is Conflict?

• Conflict occurs in situations in which there is
  opposition. Opposition occurs when a solution
  cannot be found in a disagreement.
• Conflict is a disagreement through which the
  parties involved perceive a threat to their
  needs, well-being, interests or concerns.
• Perceive a threat can be physical, emotional,
  power, status, intellectual, etc.
• Conflict is healthy and a normal part of any
  human relationship.

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Conflict Resolution

• Conflict resolution involves identifying areas of
  agreement and areas of compromise so that a
  solution to the disagreement or conflict occurs.

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How do I handle/prevent/reduce conflicts?
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There are five methods to handle conflict

• Running away
• Being obliging to the other party
• Defeating the other party
• Winning a little/ losing a little
• Co-operating

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Resolving conflict is an art of communication
Use interpersonal communication skills
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Interpersonal Communication skills

• I-statements help you express the way you feel
  and what you want with great clarity. Sometimes
  people use "you" statements, such as "You never
  collect the registers on time and then we have to
  leave school late in the evenings waiting on
  you!" This type of statement can make others feel
  angry and defensive immediately. When you use
  I-statements, such as, "I really need to get the
  registers before 100pm so that I can complete
  the attendance sheet so that I can leave school
  at dismissal time." you express your the concern
  in terms of you.
• A respectful tone of voice conveys that you are
  taking others seriously and that you also expect
  to be taken seriously. In addition, people with
  good communication skills are assertive without
  being aggressive or manipulative.

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Interpersonal Communication skills

• Eye contact is vital for good communication. For
  example, how would you feel if the person you
  were talking to kept looking around the corridor
  or out the window?
• Appropriate body language encourages
  conversation. Nodding your head, smiling,
  laughing, using words such as "uh-huh" and "yeah"
  and asking questions at appropriate times assure
  the person that you are really listening.
• Clear, organized ideas help you accurately and
  honestly describe your feelings and contribute to
  conversations and to decisions that need to be
  made. Good communicators are also specific. For
  example, a good communicator would say, "I need
  to use the computer from 7-9," as opposed to
  "I'll need the computer today."

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Tips for resolving conflicts

• Make sure that you remain calm at all times.
• Speak with a non-provoking tone of voice
  quietly, slowly, and calmly.
• Listen to the other person carefully without
  interrupting them.
• Respect the other person when voicing your own
  opinion or point of view.
• Let the other person know that you understand
  them fully by asking questions pertaining to his
  or her understanding and repeating what the
  person is saying.
• Use humour if possible.

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Tips for resolving conflicts

• Try placing yourself in the other person's shoes.
  
• Try not to be judgmental. Do not do anything to
  embarrass the other person. Do not accuse the
  other person of anything. Also, do not punish or
  scold them.
• Do not stand close to them. Stand a few feet away
  from them.
• Make sure that your posture, body language, and
  tone of voice is non-threatening.
• Do not talk with the other person in front of a
  group of people. Go into an office or some other
  place to discuss the situation. (Caution Do not
  go into place that will prevent you from
  receiving help if you need it.)

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Tips for resolving conflicts

• Make sure that what you say is simple, clear and
  direct.
• Do not take anything the other person says
  personally when he or she is angry, because they
  probably do not mean it.
• Make sure that you are not alone just in case the
  other person becomes very hostile.
• If you are having a heated argument with another
  person, save your feelings and opinions for
  another time and place.
• Do not rush.
• Let the other person know that you do not want to
  fight, but that you want to resolve the situation
  in a friendly manner.
• Make sure that you apologize for anything you may
  have said or done to offend them

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• We need teachers and researchers who can
  participate as a member of a team, teach others
  new skills, serve students, exercise leadership,
  negotiate, and work with diversity.
• These skills have been linked with higher
  productivity, product quality, and increased
  quality of work life.

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Remember Dr Jones!

• She should use interpersonal communications
  skills and show her interpersonal competence!
• Dr. James should receive interpersonal
  relationship building skills!

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TEACHERS

• Become aware of your communication style
• Improve your Interpersonal competence
• Reduced conflict in the workplace
• Increase productivity!
• Thank-You!