Life

1
Lifes Transitions

• Handling our own and helping others

2
The Trajectory of Life

• LIFE BEGINS WITH CONCEPTION!!! At that time we
  transit from non-being to being
• We do not need coping mechanisms
• We do need protection

3
The Trajectory of Life

• As a physician and psychiatrist I was not taught
  that there was a trajectory to life
• I was taught about some of the nodal points on
  the trajectory
• The three nodal points that were emphasized were
  birth aging and death
• There was little discussion of what was in between

4
The Trajectory of Life

• Actually our trajectory begins with conception
• At that time all that our body will be is
  determined
• Our mind exists only in the nascent form it is to
  develop into during the rest of our life
• We are, however, created in disjunction from a
  person of the opposite sex and from God

5
The Trajectory of life

• Our life consists of three interdependent systems
• Body
• Soul
• Spirit
• These interact with one another. If anything is
  not functioning correctly it influences the other
• They do not have the same trajectory

6
Nodal Points

• There are points where positive and negative
  changes take place
• The first is our birth
• Prior to birth we have developed enough mind to
  begin to learn
• We learn about the voices in the environment
• We learn about music

7
Birth

• We are traumatized by our birth, but our body is
  so designed that we can tolerate the physical
  trauma
• Before birth we are nourished through the
  umbilical cord, but after birth we must take in
  food through our mouth
• Before birth we did not have to worry about
  keeping warm. After birth we have to be kept warm
  and fed
• We must also be loved because we have a radical
  need for it!!!!

8
Birth

• Before birth we are in constant contact with our
  mother. After birth we have to be held and
  cuddled and stimulated verbally
• We are still totally dependent on our mothers and
  other caregivers
• Before birth we did not have to interact with the
  environment now we have to begin interacting and
  communicating with people in it

9
Infancy

• As we grow we have to learn to walk, talk, relate
  to people, take in food and drink, maintain
  hygiene, and dress ourselves.
• We remain dependent until we start to school. Now
  we have to take on responsibility for a part of
  our lives. This is a transition

10
Early Childhood

• We remain in a dependent state until we are 9 or
  10 years old.
• Our sex hormones kick in and we suddenly begin to
  separate from our parents and individuate
• This is the second nodal point in our lives. Here
  we have to assume increasing responsibility for
  our lives

11
Early Childhood

• Parents who are used to a child being dependent
  have to adjust
• They have to give the child more responsibility,
  but they give him/her only as much as they can
  effectively handle
• As the child advances in age they will come to a
  point where they will want to be free and
  exercise adult responsibility, but they will for
  a while they will be ambivalent about it

12
Late Childhood

• This is the beginning of puberty
• Abstract thinking now begins to occur and the
  child wants to have more freedom
• They begin to form girl-boy relationships
• Sexual maturity begins and the child can
  associate sex with gender
• Conflicts develop in and about relationships

13
Adolescence

• This is one of the critical transitions of life
• This time of life is filled with turmoil
• Children are transiting from childhood to
  adulthood
• They are trying to establish their own identity
• They are setting goals and making plans for their
  future
• They are also trying to establish relationships
  that will last for a lifetime

14
Adolescence

• This period of life is very traumatic
• It is especially so if they person comes from a
  dysfunctional familya family with inadequate
  supplies of love and wisdom
• The conflicts may seem insoluble and the young
  person despairs
• This leads to a high incidence of suicide
• Or major depression

15
Early Adulthood

• Here the person is on their own at least
  partially
• They may still for the most part be economically
  dependent
• Here they have to live lifeobtain housing, food,
  clothing, transportation, recreation, and find a
  support community
• The latter will determine who their friends are
• They also will have to find their lifes work

16
Early Adulthood

• Establishing the latter is often conflict ridden
• On major work that has to be done is to find a
  mate
• A person needs to know that the selection of
  their mate must be in love. They must be
  born-again in love
• There are practical considerations too
• Finally, they have to establish economic
  independence

17
Adulthood

• Having made the transition---finding a mate,
  establishing a career, and becoming economically
  independent they embark on the next phase of life
• Then very soon there is a transition to living
  family life. This comes with children
• We have a radical need to have childrenwhen they
  come we are once more born-again
• Some of us had to die when we married, and some
  of us has to die when children come
• The major transition comes with the first child

18
Adulthood

• The next nodal point comes when we reach middle
  age
• Mid-life crises arise with differing degrees of
  severity
• There are a number of factors that precipitate
  these
• Children leave home
• Careers have reached their highest levels of
  achievement

19
Midlife Crises

• Physical vigor decreases
• Career goals have been reached, and we suffer
  Alexander the Greats syndrome
• There are few new experiences to be had so
  boredom sets in
• Excitement goes out of marriage
• Parents become dependent or die
• We despair
• We may try to compensate

20
Midlife Crises

• A crisis that occurs in many in over 50 of
  people today is divorce and remarriage
• This is a major transition for both spouses
• To transition from marriage to single again is
  most difficult and requires detaching oneself
  from a partner
• Becoming a single parent is a major transition
• Remarriage to another partner is difficult

21
Midlife

• Many people develop ennui in midlife
• This is a kind of meaninglessness or emptiness
• We may try one of two courses to overcome the
  ennui that we feel in midlife
• One is to get a new wife or husband
• Or we try a new career
• Or we can turn to alcohol and drugs
• These things do not resolve the ennui. They only
  temporarily help

22
Early Old-age

• At the present time most people look forward to
  retirement at age 62-65
• Until then they mark time by doing what they have
  always done
• Then they retire. Most do not plan for it
• They need to have some plans for their retirement
  years

23
Early Old-age

• In their plans they should consider the
  environment they are going to live in
• The people they are going to live among and with
• The availability of good medical care
• Their income
• Available recreational facilities
• Closeness to their extended family

24
Old age

• I consider old age to have its onset when we no
  longer have the stamina to continue our usual
  productive work
• Most of the causes will be physical disabilities
• Mental disability is the most handicapping
• We may, however, still have our mind being
  renewed and must have some outlets to continue
  limited productivity

25
Coping With Transitions

• Living life and dealing with the stresses of the
  transitions is possible so that happiness is
  possible
• One cannot do much about the stress of being
  conceived.
• The same is true of being born
• Once a child is born he/she must be loved
  unconditionally and taught the rules of life
• They must be loved just because they are
• But if you were not loved as an infant this will
  not be known to you but it is possible that you
  can be loved with inner healing

26
Coping cont.

• Most persons cannot recall memories of the first
  five years of life, but God will reveal those
  memories to you, and since he is the Lord of time
  he will go back with you and heal any traumas
• When we start to school we leave home for the
  first time and become responsible for gaining
  more knowledge to help us cope with life
• Here we are developing skills to relate to the
  community of mankind

27
Coping cont.

• At puberty we find ourselves interested in
  persons of the opposite sex and have to develop
  relationship skills
• Our efforts to do this may be frustrated and
  result in the development of inadequate
  relational skills
• Sooner or later we realize that there are
  positive and negative skills so we have to learn
  the positive
• It is imperative that our parents and they church
  teach them to us

28
Coping

• Since life is lived in relationships it is
  important that we know how relationships develop
• 1. All relationships are established in love
• 2. Love is an emotion that draws us to one
  another
• 3. There are four kinds of love
• A erotic love or love for a person of the
  opposite sex

29
Coping cont.

• Filial love or love of a parent for a child or a
  child for a parent
• Love for a friend
• And the love of God for us and our love for him
• All love results in the installation of the
  object of our love in us
• The degree of installation is determined by the
  object

30
Coping cont.

• Our mate and God are completely installed in us
• Our children are installed completely early in
  life but as they become separated and
  individuated they will be released
• Our installation of friends is only partial
• In all instances they have to be emotionally
  released to end a relationship.

31
Coping cont.

• Happiness in life comes about because of our love
  relationships
• Our relationship with God
• Our relationship with a mate
• Our relationship with our children
• Our relationship with our friends
• And vocational creativity

32
Coping cont.

• Since all transitions have to do with
  relationships let us see how we cope with them
• After our birth and until we have separated and
  individuated from our parents we need a stable
  home where love and order are manifest
• Loving parents will help us make the transition
  from infancy to childhood.

33
Infancy to Childhood

• They will teach their children
• How to relate to the environment
• How to love themselves
• How to love others
• Who they are in Gods eyes
• Some preliminary goals for our life
• A proper attitude about education
• About work
• About God

34
What do we teach them about God?

• Who he is
• What his attributes are
• The nature of the Trinity
• Who Jesus is
• The work and person of the Holy Spirit
• How we can relate to him
• We can start this anytime in life

35
Childhood to Adolescence

• This period of life requires much attention
• Children need to be taught
• About sex
• About values
• About the elements of character
• About relationships
• About a worldview
• About God

36
Adolescence to Adulthood

• At this period of life our young people need to
  be taught
• How to select a vocation
• About goals and plans for life, and how to
  achieve them
• About courtship marriage and family
• About God

37
Adulthood

• The primary need of all young adults is to know
  about marriage and family
• The nature and rules of courtship
• Selecting a mate
• Installing the beloveds in one another
• How to communicate and its importance
• Planning for living together

38
Midlife

• The major work here is to be sure that boredom
  does not occur in
• Our work
• Our marriage
• Our relationships
• We need to keep excitement in our lives
• We also need to keep on learning

39
Old age

• The same rules apply for old age that apply to
  midlife
• There are though general rules for advising
  people of any age
• 1. A relationship with God gives us power to deal
  with transitions, to obtain guidance and
• 2.Provides us with wisdom (James 15)
• 3. He gives us knowledge
• 4. He teaches us how to relate

40
Rules to live by

• He has given us a handbook for living and will
  illuminate its rules when we have a specific
  need.
• We do therefore need to cultivate our
  relationship with God and He will tell us that
• We are accepted (John 112)
• We are secure (Romans 835-39)
• We are significant (John1516)
• He will provide guidance
• He will supply all of our needs
• And nothing can separate us from his love

41
Conclusions

• In the foregoing I have tried to tell you that
  there is a trajectory of life
• It is not the same for our body soul and spirit
• Our body develops decays and dies
• Our soul develops and only decays if our brain is
  diseased. Even then it does not cease to exist
• Our soul is immortal and it will exist in
  eternity either in heaven or hell

42
Conclusions

• If we are in Christ and he in us we go to heaven
• If we are not in Christ we will go to hell and be
  separated from God for eternity
• Our charge is to help as many people manage their
  transitions as possible and introduce them to the
  Lord of life