Title: The Same and Different: Crossing Boundaries of Color, Culture, Sexual Preference, Disability, and Age By: Letty Cottin Pogrebin
1The Same and Different Crossing Boundaries of
Color, Culture, Sexual Preference, Disability,
and Age By Letty Cottin Pogrebin
- By Brooke Farber
- Workshop Chapter 11 Part 4
- Monday April 13th 2009
2Question
- all of us have friends that are "different" than
us. How would you explain your relationship? is
it a comfortable and trusting relationship? Or is
it difficult to communicate? What have you
learned from this relationship?
3Steps We Must Follow for Friendship
- Explaining To Yourself
- Explaining To Your Community of Origin
- Explaining To Each Other
Whatever the boundary being crossed- race,
ethnicity, or any other social category-both
partners in a crossing friendship usually find
they have to do a lot of explaining- to
themselves, to each other, and to their
respective communities.
4Explaining To Yourself
- What is the meaning of my being friends with
someone not like me? - When you have a friend of a different race, ask
yourself whether youre sincerely fond of this
person or using them as an entree into a group
you want to belong to. - Study by Gordon Allport, the difference between
groups, the group which you factually belong, and
the reference group, which is the group to which
you relate or aspire. - Example blacks who wish to partake of white
skin privilege that they seek only white friends.
5Explaining to Your Community of Origin
- Accountability to ones own group can be the most
difficult challenge to the maintenance of
friendship. - Black and white friendships are conducted
unground Some individuals report that it is
easier to limit intimacy with other groups then
fight the system. - Historically the biggest enemies of boundarys
crossing friendships have been by majority whites
due to exclusive clubs, schools and businesses
6Explaining to Each Other
- Ongoing mutual clarification is one of the
healthiest characteristics of crossing
friendships. - You discover which aspects of the other persons
in-groupness you can share and what you cant.
Be honest about your cultures sore points and
ignore others ignorance. - Have you ever had to explain an exclusive
cultural tradition? - -Clip From Boy In the Stripped Pajamas
- http//www.youtube.com/watch?vmuJ0gVl5jDofeature
PlayListp17CD45A2B2DD9AFBindex3
7Same but Never Quite the Same
- This occurs when people leave their safe inner
circle and build friendships with others even
though their life experiences might be different.
- Example Pg 507 Relationship between Irish
Catholic couple and Jewish friends over 1967
Israeli Bombing.
8Moving In One Anothers World
- Certain differences remain barriers in
friendships. - Language
- Racism
- Feminism
- Friends can embrace differences and be enriched
by them.
9The Hazard of Crossing
- Can cause temporary misunderstanding
- Overly cautious of voicing an opinion to prevent
interference with social climbing - Example Pg 511
- The Black housekeeper of a White family was
treated with limited respect and concern for her
well being.
10The Problem with Them is Us
- Barriers exist because we dont know each other.
- Example is homophobia
- Our hang ups may prevent us from interacting with
gay,elderly or disables individuals since we keep
them different there maybe troubling or strange
emotions during interactions. It is imperative to
allow all people to be distinctive and equal.
11Different Types of Friendships
- Gay Straight Friendship
- Disabled and Non-Disabled Friends
- Cross Age Friends
To a large degree, our society still wants to
keep them out of sight-- gays and lesbians for
flaunting their alternative lifestyles, the
disabled for not not getting better, and the
old for reminding us of our eventual fate.
12Gay and Straight Friendship
- Homosexual society is a culture unto itself.
- Forming relationships across gay-straight
boundaries can be challenging due to the need of
explanations. - Gay men and lesbians must function in a straight
world during most of their life.
13Disabled and Non-Disabled
- Form an invisible subculture
- 36,000,000 Americans have some type of disability
- Wheel chair-bound, deaf,blind,speaking and
thinking. - We need friends who wont treat us as weirdo
asexual second-class children or expect us to be
Supercrips- miracle cripples who work like
crazy to make themselves whole again We want to
be accepted the way we are
14Cross-age Friendship
- Age segregation keeps us apart
- Miscommunications between young and old
- Same age individuals have common history and
culture - Study by Claude Fischer reveled that elderly
people prefer friends of their own age - People of diverse ages can enjoy friendships are
same and different
15Race Friendship
- What boundaries are expectable to cross.
- Comfort level with slang (could be considered
racist) Pg. 50 - Friendship is usually conducted Underground
- Other friend might not be
- comfortable
- Obama Racism Speech Clip
16Probes
- Which of the three kinds of explaining has been
most difficult for you? - Why was gay-straight relationship discussed in
this essay? - What are you thoughts about relationships with
disabled people? - Have you encounter problems in relationships with
older persons?
17Reading Analysis
- Thought provoking
- Reflected upon my own friendships
- Included relevant studies on stereotypes
- Noticeable exclusions religion and class