Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

1
Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

• Conflictan expressed struggle between at least
  two people who perceive the situation differently
  and are experiencing interference from the other
  person in achieving their goals.

2
Causes of Conflict

• Control over resources
• Preferences and Nuisances
• Values
• Beliefs
• Goals
• The nature of the relationship between the
  partners

3
Positive Effects of Conflict

• Promotes Growth in an Relationship
• Allows for Healthy Release of Feelings
• Increases Motivation and Self-Esteem

4
Negative Effects of Conflict

• The Manner in Which We Approach Interpersonal
  Conflict
• Larger Problems and Deeper Personal Resentments
  May Occur

5
In Conflict

• Conflict involves Self (my feelings), Other
  Person (his/her feelings) and the Issue (what the
  conflict is about)
• The Placatertakes the self out of the conflict
  to please the other
• The Blamertakes the other out of the conflict to
  find blame or fault
• The Computertakes both self and other out of
  conflict and only focuses on facts
• The Distracteravoids self, other and issue

6
Dealing with the Emotional Dimension of Conflict

• First and foremost, remember that the emotions
  have priority over any issue
• Treat the other person with respect (facial
  expressions, empathic listening, tone of voice,
  words and emphasis)
• Listen until you experience the other side
  (remember our empathic listening exercise?)
• State your views, needs and feelings clearly and
  concisely

7
Conflict Management Styles

• Passive
• Aggressive
• Passive-aggressive
• Assertive

8
Passive Style

• Responds to conflict by avoidance
• Communication does not appreciate ones own
  feelings or thoughts (and is, therefore,
  dishonest)
• Has a belief that we should never make anyone
  uncomfortable or displeased
• Avoids rejection
• Stores up anger and resentment
• When neither the goal nor the relationship is
  very important, this may be a good style to employ

9
Aggressive Style

• Responds to conflict by a fight and domination
• Go on verbal attack (the best defense is a good
  offense)
• Characterized by loud, abusive, rude and
  sarcastic behaviors
• Believes that I have to put others down in order
  to protect myself
• Aggressive people appear to be in control
• Others tend to avoid aggressive people because of
  the effects of humiliation, resentment, etc.
• When the goal is important and the relationship
  is considerably less important, this may be useful

10
Passive-Aggressive

• Appears passive and agreeable
• Uses subtle, underhanded aggression or behind
  the back behaviors
• Sarcasm is one of the ways that the aggression
  plays outif I can appear as if Im just having
  fun and yet, make you feel put down, I win.

11
Assertive

• Responds to conflict by using cooperative problem
  solving
• Presents ones honest feelings and thoughts and
  appreciates the honest feelings and thoughts of
  others
• Recognizes that both parties may be right and
  win
• I respect myself and have equal respect for
  othersIm myself and you can be yourself
• You can exercise your freedom without guilt
• Leads to more open, honest and direct
  communication

12
Learning to be Assertive

• Basic Assertionlearning to stand up for your
  rights or express your feelings
• Learning to express positive feelingslearning to
  give compliments
• Learning to be assertive when people fail to
  respond to your request
• Learning to use the I message

13
I Messages

• Contains four parts
• An objective, nonjudgmental description of the
  persons behavior in specific terms
• How I feel about this
• The concrete effects on me
• A request and an invitation to respond

14
Delivering I Messages

• Write and practice your message before delivering
  it
• Develop assertive body language with your I
  message
• Dont be sidetracked by the defensiveness or
  manipulation of others

15
Albert Einstein

• Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be
  achieved by understanding.

16
Saying No

• Start smallpractice saying no when there is
  little at stake
• Keep it simpleyou do not have to offer long
  explanations as to why you are saying no
• Buy timegive yourself some distance between the
  invitation/request and your response
• Remain generousplace another invitation or offer
  within the no
• Understand your Yesknowing what you want to
  say yes to will make the no easier

17
Culture and Conflict Management

• High-Context Culturesvalue self-restraint, avoid
  confrontation, rely heavily on non-verbalspreserv
  ing the face of the other person is the goal
  (Japanese, Chinese, Asian and Latin American
  cultures)
• Low-Context Culturesuse more explicit language,
  more direct meanings, stress goals and outcomes
  over relationships (German, Swedish, American and
  English cultures)

18
Methods of Conflict Resolution

• Win-Loseone person gets his or her way and the
  other does not
• Lose-Loseneither person gets his or her way
• Win-Winboth win because the solution must be
  acceptable to both

19
Steps for Win-Win Conflict Resolution

• Define the problem in terms of needs, not
  solutions
• Share your problem and unmet needs
• Listen to the other persons needs
• Brainstorm possible solutions
• Evaluate the possible solutions and choose the
  best one
• Implement the solution
• Evaluate the solution at a later date

20
When Conflicts Cannot be Resolved

• Differences in Basic Beliefs, Values, and Past
  Issues
• Struggles Where there is No Solution
• Situations Out of Our Control
• When Things Have to Be a Certain Way