Marriages and Families: Changes, Choices and Constraints Seventh Edition

1

• Marriages and FamiliesChanges, Choices and
  ConstraintsSeventh Edition
• Nijole V. Benokraitis
• Chapter Fifteen
• Separation and Divorce

2
(No Transcript)
3
Separation Processand Outcome

• There are several types of separation and
  separation can mean several things to different
  people.
• It can be a trial separation in which an
  overly-stressed couple can try living apart.
• If religion does not allow divorce, it can be a
  more permanent arrangement.
• It may be a legal separation.

4
The Phases of Separation

• Separation is usually a long and painful process
  that has four phases
• Preseparationduring this phase, the partners may
  fantasize about what it would be like to live
  alone, to let go of family responsibility. They
  may fantasize about new lovers and this may make
  separation seem appealing.

5
The Phases of Separation

• Early separationduring the early separation, the
  couple is feeling ambivalent about leaving the
  marriage. The couple is usually discussing both
  serious and mundane questions.
• Couples must also confront economic issues such
  as paying bills.

6
The Phases of Separation

• Middle separationthe harsh realities of everyday
  living set in. The pressures of maintaining two
  households and meeting the needs of the children
  mount and the stress increases.
• The couple may actually reconcile for a short
  time.

7
The Phases of Separation

• Late separationin this phase, the partners must
  learn how to survive as singles again. Both
  spouses must also deal with mutual friends and
  with family who may disapprove of the separation.
  

8
Some Outcomesof Separation

• Not all separations end in divorce. Sometimes
  people reconcile and try and give their marriage
  a second try.
• Research is sketchy on reconciliation, but
  approximately 10 of couples who have separated
  do reconcile.

9
Separation without Divorce

• About 6 of couples never make the divorce final.
  Even though they go through the process and do
  the necessary paperwork, they dont get the final
  decision from the judge. They may in fact think
  they are divorced when they are not.

10
Separation and Divorce

• Divorce has been around as long as marriage has
  been around.
• Trends in Divorce
• Over a lifetime between 43 to 46 of marriages
  end in divorce.
• Divorce rates have actually been decreasing
  throughout the 20th century.
• Divorce rates are lower today than they were
  between 1975 and 1990.

11
The Process of Divorce

• Few divorces are spontaneous acts. It is usually
  spread over a long period of time during which
  couples gradually redefine their relationships
  and their expectations of each other.

12
Emotional Divorce

• The emotional divorce begins long before any
  legal steps are taken. One or both partners may
  feel disillusioned or unhappy in the marriage.
• The couple may share the house and the rearing of
  the children but may not be emotionally sharing a
  life.

13
Legal Divorce

• The legal divorce is the formal dissolution of a
  marriage. During this stage, couples reach
  agreements on issues like custody of children and
  an economic dissolution of assets. Some issues
  may include alimony and child support.

14
Economic Divorce

• During the economic divorce the couple may argue
  about what bills each will be responsible for.
• Coparental divorce involves agreements about
  legal responsibility for financial support of the
  children and of school or day care
  responsibilities.

15
Community Divorce

• Partners go through community divorce when they
  inform family and friends, teachers, and others
  that they are no longer together.
• Some people actually send out formal cards
  announcing their divorce others do it more
  informally.

16
Psychic Divorce

• The psychic divorce is the final stage, in which
  the couple separate from each other emotionally
  and establish separate lives.
• One or both spouses may undergo a period of
  mourning. Some never complete this stage because
  they cannot let go of the pain, anger, and
  resentment toward the spouse.

17
Why Do People Divorce?

• People divorce for three interrelated reasons
• 1. macro-level or social reasons
• 2. demographic variables
• 3. micro-level or interpersonal reasons

18
(No Transcript)
19
(No Transcript)
20
(No Transcript)
21
Why Do People Divorce?

• Macro-level reasons for divorce
• Divorce lawsall states have no-fault divorce
  laws now, so that neither partner needs to
  establish guilt or wrongdoing by the other
  partner to obtain a divorce.
• Before no-fault divorces, one partner had to
  prove that the other partner did something
  seriously wrong to make the marriage not work,
  such as cheating or being abusive.
• Couples now can give incompatibility as a reason
  for divorce.

22
Why Do People Divorce?

• Religious institutionsno religious group
  encourages divorce, but religious institutions
  affect divorce rates. American religions endorse
  marriage but also allow divorce. The Catholic
  Church does not allow divorce but does allow
  annulments for a variety of reasons. U.S. uses
  the majority.

23
Why Do People Divorce?

• The economycompanionate marriage emerged during
  the industrial revolution. No longer were people
  marrying because of family obligations, but
  because of emotional ties between husband and
  wife.
• The economy also affects the quality of a
  marriage. As more couples must work long hours,
  they spend less time together and experience more
  stress.

24
Why Do People Divorce?

• Military serviceincreases marital quality due to
  access to higher education and better job
  opportunities, thus puts less stress on a
  marriage. However, the wars in Iraq and
  Afghanistan have been seen as increasing the
  divorce rate as couples spend less time together.

25
Why Do People Divorce?

• Cultural valuesAmericans acceptance of divorce
  has grown.
• Social integration social bonds have decreased.
• Technologyhas made divorce more accessible and
  affordable.

26
Demographic Variablesand Divorce

• Parental divorceif the parents of one or both of
  the couple were divorced when the couple were
  young children there is more of a chance that the
  couple themselves will divorce.
• Age at marriage a number of studies have found
  that early age at marriage, especially younger
  than 18, increases the chance of divorce.
• Premarital pregnancy and childbearing women who
  conceive or give birth to a child before marriage
  have higher divorce rates than those who dont.

27
(No Transcript)
28
Demographic Variablesand Divorce

• Premarital cohabitationcouples who live together
  before marriage have a higher divorce rate than
  those who dont. Studies have shown that
  cohabitators have a more lenient attitude toward
  divorce and less commitment.
• Presence of childrenthe presence of especially
  young children in the home seems to deter
  divorce, perhaps because it would be more costly.
• Genderwomen are twice as likely as men to
  initiate a divorce.

29
Demographic Variablesand Divorce

• Race and ethnicitydivorce rates vary by race and
  ethnicity. In 2007, 12 of blacks in the U.S.
  were divorced, compared with 11 of whites, 8 of
  Latinos, and 4 of Asians. Across all ethic
  groups, African American women have the lowest
  marriage rates but higher divorce rates than
  Latinas or Asian women.
• Social classlow educational attainment, high
  unemployment rates, and poverty increase the
  likelihood of separation and divorce.

30
Demographic Variablesand Divorce

• Religionaccording to some studies, about 21 of
  spouses have different religious backgrounds.
  Married couples who are religious report being
  happier with their marriages than those who are
  not religious.
• Similarity between spousesspouses who are
  similar to each other on demographic
  characteristics such as age, religion, race,
  ethnicity, and education are less likely to
  divorce.

31
Micro-Level/Interpersonal Reasons for Divorce

• Unrealistic expectationspeople now have fewer
  children and more time to focus on their
  relationship as a couple. One result is that the
  couple can become disillusioned.
• Conflict and abusearguments and conflicts are
  major reasons for divorce for both sexes. 42 of
  women but only 9 of men said that domestic
  violence was a major reason for divorce.
• Infidelitycheating is a major reason for
  divorce, especially for women.

32
(No Transcript)
33
Micro-Level/Interpersonal Reasons for Divorce

• Communicationcommunication problems derail many
  marriages. Couples who stay together listen to
  each other respectfully even when they disagree.
• Other important reasons for divorce include many
  couples try to stay together for the children,
  but find they are dissatisfied when the children
  are gone wives grow disillusioned with their
  husbands who cant keep a job underemployed men
  who have trouble finding work say that their
  wifes nagging about the bills makes them feel
  worse.

34
Same-Sex Divorce

• Laws regarding same-sex divorce and marriage are
  relatively new so we know little about same-sex
  divorce. Studies done in other countries that
  have allowed same-sex marriage for some time have
  found similar patterns as other studies have
  found, such as the younger the couple is the more
  likely they will divorce.

35
How Divorce Affects Adults

• Divorce is usually an agonizing process for both
  men and women because nearly all people enter a
  marriage with the expectation that it will be a
  lifelong partnership.
• Divorce has significant effects in at least three
  areas of the ex-spouses lives physical,
  emotional, and psychological.

36
How Divorce Affects Adults

• Physical well-beinggenerally, divorce decreases
  physical well-being. Studies have found that
  divorce affects men and women in negative ways
  physically.
• Married men tend to be the healthiest, largely
  due to economic resources.
• Emotional and psychological well-beingthe
  psychic divorce may continue for many years.
  Even when both partners know that their marriage
  cannot be salvaged, they are often ambivalent
  about getting divorced.
• The degree of emotional and psychological
  distress involves other important factors.

37
Economic and Financial Changes

• Generally, marriage builds wealth while divorce
  depletes it. Married couples accumulate more
  wealth than single people for a variety of
  reasons
• Alimonythis still exists in some states.
• Genderaccording to some observers, no-fault
  divorce has done more harm than good to many
  women.
• Agewomens age in particular can affect income
  after a divorce. Especially if she has devoted
  her life to raising her children and being a
  housewife, getting a job may be difficult.

38
Child Custody

• Custody is a court-mandated ruling as to which
  divorced parent will have the primary
  responsibility for the welfare and upbringing of
  the children. Most child-custody cases are
  settled out of court because they are not
  contested.

39
Types of Custody

• Sole custodyone parent has sole responsibility
  for raising the children.
• Split custodychildren may chose which parent
  they want to live with.
• Joint custodythe children divide their time
  between their parents, who share in the decision
  making.
• Co-custodyparents share legal and physical
  custody of their children equally.

40
Child Support

• Child support is usually a critical issue.
• Because mothers get sole custody in 84 of cases,
  most court-ordered child support is paid by
  fathers.
• Nearly half of all men neither see nor support
  their children.
• The number of noncustodial fathers who saw their
  children did rise from 18 in 1976 to 31 in
  2002.
• A parent is most likely to receive full child
  support payments if she or he has at least a
  college degree, has divorced (rather than
  breaking up outside of marriage), and the
  noncustodial parent has current contact with the
  children and is over 40 years of age.

41
(No Transcript)
42
Child Support and Visitation

• In 2006, 85 of mothers who received child
  support also had visitation arrangements with the
  childs father.
• Despite the laws, court-ordered child support has
  several problems. States vary a great deal in
  the extent to which they enforce court-ordered
  child support.

43
How Divorce Affects Children

• Nearly 1 million American children undergo a
  parental breakup before reaching adulthood.
• It is always stressful for adults, but for
  children it is often a defining event in their
  lives. Children are often hurt in every way by
  their parents divorce.

44
What Helps ChildrenAfter a Divorce?

• The children who experience the least negative
  effects are those who receive support from
  friends, neighbors, and schools.
• Parents can reassure the children that they are
  loved and supported by both parents.
• Parents should talk about their feelings because
  doing so sets the stage for open communication.

45
What Helps ChildrenAfter a Divorce?

• They should emphasize that the children are not
  responsible for the problems.
• They should reassure the children that they will
  continue to see extended family.
• They should maintain an ongoing relationship with
  the children.
• They should encourage children to talk about
  their feelings and experiences freely.

46
Positive Outcomes

• There can be positive outcomes of divorce. Less
  parental fighting can cause less stress for
  children.
• Earlier parental separation is better for
  children in the long run than in growing up in an
  intact family where there is continuous conflict.

47
Counseling and Divorce Mediation

• Counseling and divorce mediation are alternatives
  to the traditional adversarial approach that is
  typical of legal processes. Mediated divorces
  tend to be less bitter and less expensive and
  offer each partner more say in child custody
  arrangements.