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Love, partner choice and culture

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Title: Love, partner choice and culture


1
Love, partner choice and culture
  • Prof Robin Goodwin
  • Social Sciences and Law
  • Brunel University

2
What are the top 6 things you are looking for in
a boy (girl) friend (casual partner)?
3
What are the top 6 things you are looking for in
a husband (wife)?
4
Who we choose (partner preferences)
  • An old topic at least 60 years of questions
  • Western research abstract qualities (honesty,
    kindness)
  • More traditional, rural communities in collective
    societies pragmatic qualities (money, family
    connections, religion)
  • Of course, choice is often non-existent, or
    limited.

5
But it does depend
  • Partly on type of relationship (boyfriend,
    husband). Hofstede (1996) in 8 Asian cities
  • Boyfriends with humour
  • Husbands with status, and wealth
  • This particularly the case in masculine countries
    (sex-role orientated) e.g. Japan rather than
    Thailand.

6
Migrant populations
  • In the UK considerable variation amongst ethnic
    groups in
  • Opportunities for mixed sex contact
  • Who is allowed to date at all
  • Choice of boyfriends (if any)
  • Timing of marriage
  • Pre-marital meetings (if any)
  • Marital choice (religion/ caste/ family
    connections)
  • Asian parents maybe more protective towards
    daughters and who they meet

7
Migrant relations (2)
  • Often this expressed in individualistic terms
    less the union of families as the finding of a
    suitable like-minded partner.

8
We get evidence from personal ads
  • Education and income frequently mentioned in more
    collectivist societies
  • GSOH etc in Western societies
  • But sex dependent not good for a Chinese woman
    to be too educated (Honig Herschatter, 1988)
    she should be beautiful, with poise, and good
    household manager.

9
Being beautiful helps
  • An old notion what is beautiful is good (Dion
    et al, 1972)
  • But depends on the judgement made (Eagly, 1991,
    Feingold, 1992) we dont necessarily think
    beauty modesty
  • Stereotyping on beauty might depend on culturally
    important beliefs (e.g. integrity maybe beauty
    in collectivist countries)

10
On Love Contrasting cultures
  • Burgess Wallin (1953) The expected, approved,
    and sanctioned precondition to marriage in
    American society is falling in love. According to
    our mores, love is the only right basis for
    marriage
  • Hsu (1981) An American asks how does my heart
    feel? A Chinese asks What will other people
    say?

11
In reality
  • Love is probably important everywhere (Jankowiak
    Fischer, 1992).
  • Just because authorities oppose it, doesnt mean
    it doesnt happen!
  • But may be a fairly recent phenomenon love and
    marriage only really together in Western
    literature for last 300 years.

12
Expression of love depends on culture
Not much at all
A great deal
Taliban
Hollywood ideal
13
Love as disruptive
  • Goode (1959) stratification and lineage
    challenged by effects of love
  • Where extended family is important, love
    relationships must be kept to minimum
  • Love only sanctioned within certain situations,
    and then encouraged as social glue. Love as
    fusion
  • Individualism seen as damaging as self interests
    put before those of the community (Beck
    Beck-Gernsheim, 1995).

14
Love as the basis for marriage
  • Love as fission an exciting emotion that is the
    logic behind sexual union
  • Passionate and intimate, rather than just
    commitment
  • Individualism seen as a complement to this love
    a retreat from a cruel world, and reflective of
    true selves (Dion Dion, 1993).
  • Although self-choice, emotion not necessarily
    longer-lasting or more intense.

15
But the story often complicated
  • Work in African and West Indian societies on love
    scales (e.g. Stones, 1986 Payne Vandewiele,
    1987) shows importance of traditional beliefs,
    local conditions (e.g. employment).
  • Chinese societies love often seen as sad. Holding
    hands in public traditionally scorned. Yuan-fen
    scores similar in Chinese and British students
    (Goodwin Findlay, 1997) reflects Hollywood?
  • In traditional Indian literature, infatuation and
    romantic love reported, but not necessarily
    relevant to marriage

16
Discuss
  1. If a boy (girl) had the qualities you desired,
    would you marry this person if you were not in
    love with him (her)?
  2. If love has disappeared from a marriage, is it
    best for a couple to make a clean break and start
    new lives?
  3. Is the disappearance of love a sufficient reasons
    for ending a marriage?

17
Some answers showing love as important Levine et
al (1995)
Question 1 Question 2 Question 3
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21
Love styles (Lee, 1973)
  • Eros (romantic, passionate)
  • Ludus (game playing)
  • Storge (friendship)
  • Mania (obsessive)
  • Pragma (logical)
  • Agape (altruistic)
  • Discuss Which are men? Older people?

22
Cultural differences in love styles
UK/US students Asian students
Eros ? X
Ludus
Storge X ?
Mania X ?
Pragma X ?
Agape
Hendrick Hendrick (1986) Dion Dion (1993)
Goodwin Findlay (1997)
23
Attachment styles (and other individual-level
variables)
  • Maybe more important than culture? (Doherty et
    al, 1994)
  • Anxiety-ambivalent high highly passionate love
  • Secure styles less passionate, but comfortable
    and companionate.
  • Avoidant styles less passion, and less
    commitment. Pretty sad, generally.

24
But social change is happening, fast!
  • Rapid industrialisation in India, China changing
    communities and limiting ability of parents/
    family to control partner choice
  • Migration, internet exposure etc opening
    individuals to new ideas and partner choices (e.g
    through internet dating)
  • At same time, resistance Traditional values
    being reinforced in some parts of world, largely
    through religious influence. New adaptive
    strategies developed (e.g. Gujarati partner
    choice in Leicester)
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