Civility in the Workplace

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• Civility in the Workplace

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What is Workplace Incivility?

• Behaviors with ambiguous intent to harm the
  target, in violation of workplace norms for
  mutual respect.
• Uncivil behaviors are characteristically rude and
  discourteous, displaying a lack of regard for
  others.

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Why should you care about civility?
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The Incivility Continuum

• Negative Behavior
• Rude comments
• Insensitive actions
• Unintentional slights
• Complaining
• Gossip/rumors
• Cultural bias
• Crude jokes
• Profanity

• Verbal Aggression
• Yelling / loud voice
• Belittling comments
• Intimidation / threats
• Discriminatory comments
• Cursing at someone
• Humiliation

• Physical/Sexual Aggression
• Assault / Battery
• Throwing objects
• Violent outbursts (e.g., hitting the
  wall)
• Inappropriate touching
• Harrassment

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Why Choose to be Civil?

• One person can have a positive impact on the work
  environment
• Improved Morale
• Improved Productivity
• Improved Teamwork
• Being nice feels good
• 83 of workers report that it is very important
  to work in a civil environment (Baltimore
  Workplace Study, 2003)

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The Incivility Spiral (adapted from Andersson
Pearson, 1999)
An eye for an eye makes the whole world
blind --Mahatma Gandhi
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Contributors to Incivility

• Long hours / overwork
• Hot temperament
• Workplace stress
• Inflexibility
• Passive aggression
• Hurt feelings
• Intolerance of individual differences
• Being in a protected position or position of
  authority

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The Costs of Incivility

• Lost work time and productivity
• Lost employees / high turnover
• Decrease in feelings of teamwork
• Work avoidance
• Lowered job motivation
• Health costs due to stress
• Legal costs due to litigation
• Incivility to customers / clients

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Human Needs Affecting Interpersonal Interactions

• Power
• Approval
• Inclusion
• Justice
• Identity

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Communicating Civility

• Remember pleasantries
• No interrupting
• Be open-minded
• Say what you mean
• Be aware of your tone and volume
• Dont argue for the sake of arguing / PICK YOUR
  BATTLES
• Be respectful, even in disagreement

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Communicating Civility (cont.)

• Address conflicts in private when possible
• Be aware of your own defensiveness
• Depersonalize your comments
• Avoid accusations / ask questions instead
• Allow others to respond and give them your
  attention
• Consider that you could be wrong
• Use active listening skills

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Watch Your Language!
Conflict as War Conflict as Opportunity
We shot down that idea. What would you like to see happen instead?
Your position is indefensible. This issue presents us with a real challenge.
He dropped a bomb on me. Your feedback helped me see some ways I could improve.
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Words that Promote Conflict

• You must
• You lied to me
• This is so typical of you
• You always / you never
• The problem is
• If you dont do this, then
• Youll never change
• Youre being hysterical

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The Iceberg of Conflict
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Questions to Take You Below the Surface

• Can you tell me what bothered you about what I
  did?
• What is the most important thing to you in
  solving this problem?
• Would you be willing to start again right now and
  do it differently?
• What would it take for you to let go of this
  conflict and feel that the issue has been
  completely resolved?

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The Art of Active Listening

• Listen to your co-workers with the same basic
  courtesies you extend to customers
• No interrupting
• Reflect back understanding of views
• Ask clarifying questions
• Really listen, dont prepare your rebuttal until
  you have HEARD the other person
• Use of I statements

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Clearing the A-I-R
Appreciate Explicitly tell others you want to hear their point of view I appreciate the opportunity to discuss this problem with you
Inquire The other person has the floor be an active listener Let me make sure I understand your position
Respond Now you have the floor Now that I have a sense of your point of view, let me explain where Im coming from
From Workplace Wars
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Civility in Emails

• Dont ignore emails
• Is your point better communicated in person?
• Have a trusted colleague review before sending
• Keep emails to the point
• Dont forget pleasantries
• Be aware of tone

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Civil Behavior

• Be on time for meetings
• Do not do unrelated work in meetings
• Watch your body language
• Apologize when you are in the wrong
• Respect co-workers stuff (e.g., food in the
  refrigerator)
• Positive reinforcement

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Responding to Incivility

• Have healthy boundaries
• Avoid escalation
• Stay away from the low road
• Vent your frustration

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Dealing with Bullies

• Approach bully, then next line supervisor if
  necessary
• Document and seek assistance from leadership
  early
• Leaders must take bullying seriously and
  intervene

Source Bullying at Work Report (2005) at
www.cipd.co.uk
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A Culture of Civility

• Have a cooperative approach
• Be aware of underlying needs
• Recognize individual differences
• Be open to adapting position
• Leaders model civility for others
• Clearly define expectations for how employees
  treat each other
• Reward civil behavior
• Encourage stress management

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The Caveats

• Being civil does not mean
• Rolling over and playing dead
• Being someone you are not
• Avoiding conflict when it is necessary
• Pretending to be nice, then stabbing someone in
  the back
• Giving up your rights to file complaints or seek
  assistance in dealing with difficult people at
  work

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Final Thoughts

• Dont wait for someone to be nice to you, and
  avoid keeping score
• Dont be afraid to put yourself in Time Out, so
  you can cool off before expressing yourself
• Consider letting some things slide, especially
  slights that you know to be unintentional

You must be the change you want to see in the
world --Mahatma Gandhi
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Helpful References

• Choosing Civility The Twenty-Five Rules of
  Considerate Conduct (2002) by P.M. Forni
• Conflict Resolution (2001) by Daniel Dana
• People Styles at Work (1996) by Robert Bolton
  Dorothy Grover Bolton
• Resolving Conflicts at Work (2005) by Kenneth
  Cloke Joan Goldsmith
• Rude Awakenings Overcoming the Civility Crisis
  in the Workplace (2002) by Giovinella Gonthier
• Workplace Wars and How to End Them (1994) by
  Kenneth Kaye