From Courting to Dating

1
From Courting to Dating

• The history, ramifications, and discernment
  regarding courtship and dating.

2
Introduction

• Man can learn a lot from history.
• Value comes when reflecting on the good/bad
  examples set before us and how we learn from
  them.
• It gives us a barometer between our actions and
  the standard of Gods word.
• It provides for us the opportunity to employ
  wisdom to our current walk in life (making better
  anything that is lacking).

3
Introduction

• Through the history of courtship Christians can
  discern and employ a practice in the transition
  from being single into a biblically blessed
  marriage.
• This lesson will focus on
• Historical path of courting and dating.
• Note difficulties, concerns, and temptations when
  faced under certain circumstances.
• Next lesson Promoting (attitude) and practicing
  what will bring about fruit for a blessed
  marriage.

4
History Of Courting and Dating
Any gal that got a bed, calico dress, coffee pot
and skillet, knows how to cut out britches and
can make a hunting shirt, knows how to take care
of children can have my services till death do us
part. - Batesville News, Arkansas, 1841?
5
History Of Courting and Dating

• Colonial times (up till the 1840s). Gen. 24
• New towns, farming, movement out west, low life
  expectancy necessitated large families.

6
History Of Courting and Dating
A young lady residing in one of the small towns
of Central New York, is desirous of opening a
corre-spondence with some young man in the West,
with a view to a matrimonial engagement . . .
She is about 24 years of age, possesses a good
moral character, is not what would be called
handsome, has a good disposition, enjoys good
health, is tolerably well-educated, and
thoroughly versed in the mysteries of
house-keeping. Waterloo, Iowa, newspaper in 1860
7
History Of Courting and Dating

• Colonial times (up till the 1840s). Gen. 24
• New towns, farming, movement out west, low life
  expectancy necessitated large families.
• Children grew up knowing each other very well
  (church other local activities) males courted
  in the parlor of the female home.

8
History Of Courting and Dating
Much of the customs of courtship during the
Colonial times revolved around rational needs and
not lust (Cate Lloyd, 1992). A man was only
able to marry when he could support a family with
his income and possessions. Many believed that
love developed only after a marriage progressed
and not before. Nevertheless, this quickly
changed during the 1800s when love started to
become important. The love referred to, however,
was not romantic love for romantic love was seen
as childish. Instead, couples sought openness and
sincerity in a mate (Cate Lloyd, 1992).
9
History Of Courting and Dating

• Colonial times (up till the 1840s). Gen. 24
• New towns, farming, movement out west, low life
  expectancy necessitated large families.
• Children grew up knowing each other very well
  (church other local activities) males courted
  in the parlor of the female home.
• Minimal parental interference, social norms
  dictated morally pure relationships prior to
  marriage (1770s aberration out-of-wedlock
  pregnancy rate at 30).

10
History Of Courting and Dating

• 1840s-1900.
• Gender roles between men and women lead to formal
  roles regarding courtship (notice the separation
  of men/women even in church services).

11
History Of Courting and Dating
The importance of romance spurned from the need
of the woman to ensure her financial security
since women relied almost entirely on their
husbands economically. Women would even test
their new suitors to see if their suitors would
remain loyal to them, regardless of the
circumstances. These tests included feigning
illness, family disapproval, and possibly even
breaking off the relationship (Cate Lloyd,
1992).
12
History Of Courting and Dating

• 1840s-1900.
• Gender roles between men and women lead to formal
  roles regarding courtship (notice the separation
  of men/women even in church services).
• Purity during this time were generally of utmost
  importance.
• Romantic love began to be central in the
  courtship leading to marriage.

13
History Of Courting and Dating

• Early 1900s Transition from courtship to
  dating.
• Among the poor many began living in city
  apartments or smaller homes without parlors
  leading the courtship from the home to public
  gatherings.
• The rich liked the idea of going out and began
  following this exciting public courtship
  custom.
• These public outings also lead to private
  getaways and sexual encounters.

14
History Of Courting and Dating
This experimentation (public dating, MD)
developed out of a need of sexual fulfillment
during marriage. One requirement was, though,
that the woman only have sexual relations with
the man she intended to marry (Cate Lloyd,
1992).
15
History Of Courting and Dating

• Todays dating.
• Dating, generally, transitioned from a philosophy
  of seeing if their partner would make for a good
  spouse. This was a try and see practice.

16
History Of Courting and Dating
Today, adolescents consider dating to be a fun
activity that is not so much delegated by
authority figures. Young adolescents often date
in the sense of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend
and these relationships are usually short in
duration (Feiring, 1996). These relationships are
also frequently intense emotionally in that the
couple will see and talk to each other daily.
17
History Of Courting and Dating

• Todays dating.
• Dating, generally, transitioned from a philosophy
  of seeing if their partner would make for a good
  spouse. This was a try and see practice.
• The dating scene has moved more into a fun
  activity, while some relationships evolve into a
  serious courtship.

18
Difficulties, Concerns, Temptations

• The purpose of looking at the history of
  courtship and dating. Cp. 1 Cor. 106
• To see the philosophical shift from necessity to
  romance to fun activity.
• More importantly, to see the moral implications
  behind the courtship practices during the various
  courtship eras.
• To note current difficulties, concerns and
  temptations in todays dating scene.

19
Difficulties, Concerns, Temptations

• Current difficulties with the dating scene
• Dating leads to intimacy without the commitment.
  Cp. Rom. 72-3 1 Cor. 739
• Constant breaking of relationships not
  necessarily a healthy pattern for commitment.
• Temptations for couples left alone. 2 Tim. 222
• Double standard (kissing, intimacy) without the
  marriage covenant. Cp. Matt. 119
• High teenage pregnancy illicit sexual relations
  correlation with the method of courting that is
  practiced today.

20
Conclusion

• The modern concept of courting is foreign to
  history and especially the Bible.
• It is time for Christians to learn from history
  and discern how dangerous (and potentially
  destructive) our modern practice of dating can be
  for our Christian children.
• Tonight, we look at ways to promote a healthy
  practice of courtship to better equip our
  children for biblically blessed marriages.