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Dr. Barbara C. Fisher

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They will evoke anger in you. They will elicit fear and discomfort ... Sulky, withdrawn, physical illness. Feels guilty after becoming angry ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: Dr. Barbara C. Fisher


1

Dr. Barbara C. Fisher United Psychological
Services Clinic Director 47818 Van Dyke
Rd. Shelby Twp., MI 48315 586.323-3620
Brainevaluation.com
2
Dealing with Difficult People
3
Difficult People.
  • Argue for the sake of arguing
  • Tend to be angry about something else
  • Nothing pleases them
  • They enjoy being angry
  • There is no smile or warmth
  • Descriptive adjectives
  • The Irritable Malcontent
  • Never happy
  • Full of doom and gloom

4
Beware
  • They will evoke anger in you
  • They will elicit fear and discomfort
  • They will make you question yourself if you let
    them
  • They will make you want to avoid them especially
    if reminder of significant person
  • Watch out for the reaction in you!

5
Difficult People
  • Say no all the time
  • Go against the crowd, the dissenter
  • They go the opposite way of the group
  • What do they need?? Lots of Attention

6
Typical Feelings of Difficult People
  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Look for the worst
  • Predict doom and gloom
  • Pessimistic
  • Worrier, anticipates problem
  • No plans for changing, ego-syntonic

7
The Challenge
  • Control the anger and discomfort that arises in
    you
  • Do not allow the atmosphere to be altered

8
When Are You More Vulnerable?
  • When stressed
  • When sad
  • When your esteem is low
  • When it feels like life is not working
  • Lack of coherence, not feeling peaceful or content

9
What is Anger?
  • A very powerful feeling
  • An emotional response
  • Right brain driven
  • Emotional vs. factual processing
  • Irrational vs. rational
  • Repressed feelings due to public reaction of
    being inappropriate and unacceptable

10
Types of Anger
  • Reaction to the loss of something
  • Sadness over expected outcome
  • Anger begins at home
  • Usually angry at self first
  • Fearful, anticipation of being hurt
  • Fear of being controlled or feeling out of
    control

11
People get Angry more easily when.
  • Stressed
  • Depressed
  • Scared
  • Frustrated
  • Hopeless
  • Empty emotional bank account

12
Ability to cope with Anger
  • Unrelated to you vs. cannot please
  • No fear of loss (person or situation job,
    spouse, friend)
  • Knowledge of love and acceptance
  • Short duration vs. will never be over
  • Power of person who is angry and
    degree of direct impact

13
Ability to cope with Anger
  • Loud sound, angry expression, uncontrolled
    emotions, intense
  • Familiarity vs. novelty (not happening very
    often)
  • Pervasive in life vs. not often seen or
    experienced (positive and negative effects,
    novelty vs. buildup)
  • Trauma vs. no childhood issues

14
Ability to cope with Anger
  • Fear of physical violence
  • Part of abusive situation emotional, physical or
    sexual
  • Degree of stress under, outlets,
    buffers
  • Locus of control Actor vs.
    reactor
  • Ability to diffuse

15
Power Hierarchy of Difficult People
  • Employer vs. friend
  • Parent vs. spouse
  • Spouse vs. child

16
Qualities of Anger
  • Predictable vs. unpredictable
  • Critical vs. constructive help
  • Modulated vs. explosive
  • Cold, uncaring vs. emotionally invested
  • Repressed vs. at the time of the event
  • Defeatist outcome vs. learning experience
    (Communication of disgust, confirmation of
    expected problem behavior)
  • Unexplained vs. explained

17
Anger Evoking Situations Predicting When People
Will Be More Difficult
  • Crowded spaces
  • Airplane seats
  • Highway construction
  • Ice storms
  • Loud noises
  • Noisy, smoky room
  • Extremely hot or cold rooms

Can be idiosyncratic related to the person and
their experiences
18
Difficult Personalities
  • Dependent
  • Anxious and Avoidant
  • Dramatic and Histrionic
  • Borderline
  • Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal
  • Type A
  • Depressive

19
Dependent Personality
  • Repressed anger until explodes
  • Saved up anger, Longer to resolve
  • Difficult to diffuse and relieve
  • Guilty, unclear, vague, less exact
  • Sulky, withdrawn, physical illness
  • Feels guilty after becoming angry
  • Disguises with nasty comment, teasing, humor

20
Avoidant, Anxious Personality
  • Fear driven, intense, clipped tone, tense
  • Critical and judgmental if let down
  • Driven by fear of consequences
  • Uses humor to disguise anger
  • Stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed,
  • Avoidance, withhold love and affection, not
    talking about anger

21
Dramatic and Histrionic Personality
  • Emotionally reactive, lots of drama
  • Usually more angry at others than at self
  • Complains of being let down
  • Self-Defeating Features, predicted problems
  • Feels sorry for self, melodramatic, How could
    you do this to me?
  • Very justified being angry, blaming others

22
Borderline Personality
  • Unpredictable, out of control, accusatory,
    irrational, mean, impulsive, brutal
  • Anger for small things, petty
  • Intense, threatening, unforgiving
  • Justifies inappropriate behavior
  • Rules do not apply to them
  • No regard borders and boundaries

23
Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal Personality
  • Suspicious, untrusting, fragile, withdrawn
  • Difficulty becoming angry
  • Keeps it inside and turns against self
  • Unpredictable, Vague in presentation
  • Does not talk about things makes resolution
    difficult
  • Feels hurt and wounded, does not let things go

24
Type A Personality
  • Ism Alcoholic type, extreme, black white
    personality
  • Intense, loud, abusive, emotionally charged and
    reactive
  • Dominating, not honoring borders
  • Short duration, forgotten within the hour
  • Can be derogatory and blaming

25
Depressive Persona
  • Just as predicted, blames you
  • More fuel for prediction of doom and gloom,
  • Unforgiving uses as confirmation of inadequacies
    or bad traits
  • Unforgiving, bitter, unhappy, impulsive,
    critical, judgmental, derogatory,
    nasty comments,
  • Irritable malcontent

26
Difficult Personality Types that Cut You Off When
Angry or Upset
  • Depressive
  • Paranoid
  • Borderline
  • Schizoid, Schizotypal
  • Type A

The Need to be Right!
27
Diffusing Emotions
  • Dependent KeyRecognition and Attention. Attempt
    to last the duration for cleaning of the closet
  • Avoidant, Anxious KeyCalm and Assurance. Listen
    to feelings and why they are worried
  • Dramatic and Histrionic KeyControl. Keep it
    short and make them arrive at the primary issue
  • Borderline KeyDistance. Dont take it
    personally, distance, acknowledge feelings, be
    prepared for no resolution

28
Diffusing Anger
  • Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal KeySafety,
    Honor Borders. Provide necessary time to sort
    through confusion and express feelings adequately
  • Type A KeyDont Argue, Listen. Agree to
    disagree, provide feedback to promote feeling
    heard, present opposing thoughts at later time
  • Depressive KeyMaintain Happy, Positive Stance.
    Confirm you heard and address crooked thinking

29
Your Reaction to Difficult People Avoid..
  • Fighting
  • Personally attacking, Rejection or humiliation
  • Reactive screaming or abusive behavior
  • Running away or leaving the argument
  • Ridiculing or teasing
  • Off topic discussion, Hurling words
  • Opening Pandoras box Revealing long kept
    secrets or deceptions

30
Handling Difficult People Dos and Donts
  • Not using terms You did this and that
  • Use I in speech I feel.
  • Do not generalize be specific
  • No kitchen sink routine
  • Keep it short, no sermons or lectures
  • Honor borders/boundaries
  • Stick to the point Address the issue.

31
Getting rid of your own Reaction, Four Step Method
  • Discharge the anger energy
  • Disengage (anger diary, activities, exercise)
  • 2. Look underneath the anger
  • Identify the feelings (ask why questions)
  • 3. Consciously decide what to do with the anger
  • Examine alternatives (options, big picture)
  • 4. Re-frame the situation to re-engage
  • Different Perspective (seek to understand)

32
Tip for the Day..
  • When people remain Angry
  • They change their personality
  • They look more hardened
  • They do not age as well
  • Stress is present more of the time
  • Lowered immune system
  • It takes years off of their lives
  • Coherence is the key to graceful aging

33
Cognitive Dissonance
  • Anger escalates, calm dissipates
  • Being loving and anger are two opposing thoughts
  • Bring in loving thoughts and you cannot be angry
  • When you feel loving so does everyone around you
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