Healthy Leadership for a Healthy Church

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Healthy Leadership for a Healthy Church

• Raymond F. Dlugos, OSA, Ph.D.
• The Southdown Institute

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Part One

• Four Steps to Health and Holiness

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Four Steps To Health and Wholeness

• Name the reality of experience without denial or
  illusion.
• Engage in honest self-awareness and acceptance of
  responsibility for self in the midst of reality
  as it is.
• Be clear about my mission and purpose.
• Choose to engage in behaviors that promote
  personal integrity, health, and wholeness in the
  service of my mission.

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Naming Reality

• Experience is what happens to us.
• We have little control over our experience,
  especially the actions of others toward.
• Our response to that experience defines our moral
  nature.
• Victims, Survivors, Thrivers.
• So what has happened to you and the Diocese of
  Fredericton?

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Primal Experiences

• Powerlessness/Power
• Abandonment/Rejection
• Affection/Attraction/Love
• Pain/Hurt/Loss
• Threat/Safety
• Loneliness/Emptiness/Meaninglessness
• Awe/Understanding/UncertaintyConfusion/Doubt
• Satisfaction

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Toward Honest Self-Awareness

• Experience
• Happens to us
• Name without Illusion
• What is it like to be me having this experience?
• Feelings
• Emotional Response to Experience
• Check externalization of blame
• Needs
• Revealed by Feelings
• Accept personal responsibility
• Values
• Choices for Life or Death

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Feelings

• Automatic, instinctive, inner reactions to
  whatever I perceive happening to me.
• As feelings do not involve choice, there is no
  morality to feelings.
• Every experience evokes feelings.

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The Language of Feelings

• I think versus I feel
• I am _____ is the same as I feel _____.
• Feelings are not descriptions of our experience
  They are our inner response to our experience.
• I feel ashamed that I am lonely says more than
  I am lonely.
• Feelings belong to me. Therefore, feelings are
  expressed as an "I" statement in the active
  voice.
• I am angry because I experience you hurting me
  not you hurt me.

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Naming Feelings

• Primary emotions
• Joy
• Anger
• Sadness
• Fear
• Shame
• Curiosity
• Disgust
• Degrees of intensity
• Layers of feelings
• Anger often on the surface
• Fear lurks just beneath
• Sadness and shame closer to the core of the self

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The Connection Between Feelings and Needs

• Whenever one of our needs is unmet, we will
  experience anger.
• Fear is the inevitable emotional response to a
  sense or belief that a need currently being met
  might cease to be met.
• We will feel sad when a need that has been well
  met will no longer be met or when we realize that
  a need we have will never be met.
• At those times when we sense that our needs are
  at least reasonably met, we feel happy,
  contented, or even joyful.
• Shame is the emotion we experience whenever we
  know ourselves to be defective, inadequate, or
  imperfect.

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Feelings reveal our needs.

• Needs deprives us of the illusion of
  self-sufficiency and reveal our dependence and
  vulnerability.
• Honest acknowledgement of my needs in whatever
  reality I experience is key to the ability to
  make responsible choices.

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Behavior is determined by Values

• Values are what are important to us
• There are two sources of our values
• Our unmet needs
• That which we choose to be valuable and
  important.
• Involve the intellectual and spiritual aspects of
  the self.
• When these conflict, we face a moral choice
  point.
• The behavior that results from that choice point
  is subject to moral judgment.

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Questions for Reflection

• Choose an experience
• Attend to the emotions that arose within you
• What needs were being revealed by those emotions?
• Identify any layering of those emotions.
• What conflict of values did you experience?
• How did you choose to act?
• What would your shadow do?

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Part Two

• Engaging the Reality of the Church in the 21st
  Century

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Name the Reality

• Disillusions and Disappointments
• Positive Experiences
• Sources of Hope
• Sources of Despair
• What different realities need to be held in
  tension?

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External and Internal Forces

• Integration happens as a result of the self
  engaging both separately and simultaneously.
• Both serve as foils for the ego.

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EXTERNAL FORMATIVE FORCES
Ecclesial
Societal
Theological
Scriptural
Familial
SELF
Economic Realities
National/Ethnic Groups
Spiritual
Communal
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Reality of the Formative Forces

• They are real, powerful, and motivated toward
  influencing individuals to conform to their
  wishes.
• They are in competition with each other and the
  self is the battleground of this competition.
• They are unlikely to change and self does not
  have the power to influence a formative force.
• They use fear as a primary motivational force
  because it works.
• There are real consequences to acting contrary to
  a formative force.

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Integration and Individuation in Response to
External Forces

• Self in relationship with formative forces
  external to the self.
• Dynamics of power, authority, resistance at play.
• Requires acknowledgement and acceptance of what
  is and who the self is in relation to these
  external forces.

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The Self in Relationship to Formative Forces

• Forces are necessary to the integrative project
  of the self.
• Dismissing or disempowering the formative forces
  does not serve the integrative project.
• Acting with freedom requires conscious assertion
  of values arising from the self that may be
  contrary to the values of the formative forces.

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Engaging the Formative Forces

• Each one matters to some extent
• How do I resolve the competition for my mind,
  heart, and soul?
• The self matters
• What is it like to be me in response to these
  demands?
• The tension arising from competing demands and
  desires seeks resolution.
• Premature resolution of the tension thwarts
  growth toward integration.
• Dismissal of the Self as irrelevant or
  meaningless.
• Dismissal of Formative Force as irrelevant or
  meaningless

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Integration and Individuation in Response to
Internal Forces

• Inherent tension between sexual energy and drive
  and the essential boundaries of personal identity
  and meaning.
• Premature resolution of the tension
  short-circuits the process of integration.
• Minimizing the sexual drive.
• Minimizing the meaning of the self.

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What is it like to be you?

• Feelings
• Needs
• Values

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Clarity About Mission

• What does the Word of God call you to?
• What does your religious tradition call you to?
• What might the Holy Spirit be calling you to?
• What feelings do these invitations evoke in you?

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Life Giving Choices

• What options are available to you personally?
• What options are available to your communities?
• What consequences do you anticipate for following
  each of these options?
• What would need to pursue the most life-giving
  option?

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Part Three

• The Dynamics of Effective Leadership

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Definitions

• Power The ability to do work
• Authority Assigned to carry out a certain task
• Resistance Preventing work from being done
• Power does not imply authority
• Authority does not imply power

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Use and abuse of power

• Power used rightly is power used to accomplish an
  authorized task
• Power used rightly is power consistent with the
  authorized task
• Power is abused when its use contradicts the
  authorized task even as it accomplishes it
• Power is abused when it is used to accomplish an
  unauthorized task

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Expectations

• What community members want from their community
  and its leaders?
• How are these desires expressed?
• What are the consequences of failing to meet
  these needs?
• Which are reasonable which are unreasonable?
• What can the community authentically (consistent
  with its mission) offer?
• What does the community need from its members?
• How are these desires expressed?
• What are the consequences for failing to meet
  these needs?
• Which are reasonable which are unreasonable?

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Relational Styles and the Exercise of Authority
DOMINANT Managerial/Autocratic
SECURE
DISMISSIVE
self/others
self/-others
Hostile-dominant
Friendly-dominant
HOSTILE Aggressive/Sadistic
FRIENDLY Cooperative/Conventional
Hostile-submissive
Friendly-submissive
ANXIOUS
AMBIVALENT
SUBMISSIVE Self-effacing/Masochistic
-self/-others
-self/others
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A Group Is a Group Is a Group

• People gather in groups and invest authority in
  leaders for the purpose of alleviating
  existential anxiety.
• Individuals seek assurance that their needs will
  be met.
• The fundamental tension of a group is between
  individual and collective needs.
• Autonomy vs. Relatedness.

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Disempowerment of Authority

• The advantage of disempowering a leader is to
  ensure that an individuals need will not be
  sacrificed for the good of the group.
• Accomplished primarily through distraction from
  the authorized task.
• Demands for individual needs ahead of group
  needs.
• Characteristic of postmodern culture and the rise
  of individualism.

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Experiences of disempowerment

• How have you experienced those over whom you have
  authority attempting to disempower you?
• What is it like to be you when this occurs?
• How have you responded to this well (in your
  opinion)?
• How have you responded to this badly (in your
  opinion)?

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Anxiety of the Leader

• Initial anxiety of the group invests the leader
  with considerable power.
• Leaders anxiety is threatening to the groups
  sense of safety.
• For the sake of its sense of safety, group will
  defend against the anxiety evoked by the leaders
  flaws.
• Charisma may be more appealing than competence or
  wisdom.

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Parallel Process

• Leaders anxiety will create the upper limit of
  how much of the groups conflicting desires can
  be tolerated before abdicating authority or
  imposing power for the sake of his/her own safety
  and survival.
• Use of power by leader maintains dependency but
  thwarts growth.
• Premature abdication by the leader causes more
  anxiety than what will promote growth toward
  interdependency and mutuality.

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Parallel Stage

• All members relate individually to the leader.
• Leader is vested with omnipotence and omniscience
  but that will be constantly tested overtly and
  covertly.
• The wish of the group is that the leader will
  pass all of its tests by meeting each members
  needs for safety.
• Crisis of authority the leader cannot meet our
  needs, we are left to ourselves.

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Leadership Tasks at Parallel Stage

• Sufficiently meet individual needs to create
  safety and commitment.
• Guide the process of establishing norms for group
  functioning.
• Initiate the tasks of the group.
• Inevitably fail at satisfying the individual
  needs of group members.

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Inclusion Stage

• Power begins to be shared Sub-grouping
  Scape-goating Emergence of indigenous leaders.
• Unsatisfactory alleviation of anxiety.
• Leader is disempowered.
• Crisis of intimacy.

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Experience of Inclusion Stage

• How do you see the dynamics of the inclusion
  stage occurring your diocese?
• How do you find yourself responding?

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Leadership Tasks at Inclusion Stage

• Name the process and invite group responsibility
  for the process.
• Invite group toward group as a whole tasks and
  goals and away from individual satisfaction.
• Point out the groups ability to meet individual
  needs.
• Challenge to risk the intimacy of mutuality in
  the group.

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Challenges for Leaders During Inclusion Stage

• Withstand dismissal of authority without being
  authoritative.
• Avoid temptation to respond to the groups demands
  for satisfaction of needs.
• Awareness of the process that includes leader
  intimately and intensely.
• Maintain awareness of the mission of the group.

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Mutuality Stage

• Group members relate to one another and the
  leader.
• Leader is able to act as facilitator rather than
  expert.
• Engage creatively in conflict over norms, goals,
  roles without losing sight of the authorized task.

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Leadership Tasks During Mutuality Stage

• Call the group to deepen their intimacy.
• Name regression to earlier stage when conflict
  emerges.
• Allow conflict to be explored thoroughly.
• Termination
• Evangelization.
• Discovery of new leaders (vocations?).
• Formation of new groups.

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Part Four

• Maintaining Passionate Commitment to Ministry

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Mark 1 32-38

• What is the most striking aspect of this reading?
• With whom do you most strongly identify on an
  emotional level?
• Jesus?
• The Disciples?
• Those who have been cured?
• Those who are left behind as Jesus goes on with
  his mission?
• What is it like to be you when there are more
  demands on you than your mission allows you to
  meet?

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Burnout

• A state of fatigue and frustration brought about
  by devotion to a cause, way of life, or
  relationship that failed to produce the expected
  reward.
• Manifested through physical, behavioral,
  psychological, and spiritual signs and symptoms.

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You know you are burned out when
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Factors Contributing to Burnout

• Intrapersonal Factors
• Systemic Factors
• Interaction of the Two
• Individuals blame systems systems blame
  individuals

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Intrapersonal Factors

• Needs
• Masked Narcissism

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Needs

• Maslows Hierarchy of Needs
• Survival
• Food, Water, Shelter
• Safety
• Control, Power, Dominance
• Belonging
• Community, Friendship, Love
• Approval, Recognition, Affirmation
• Self-esteem
• Identity, Vocation, Values
• Self-actualization
• Transcendence, Service

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Masked Narcissism

• The unconscious expectation that my needs will be
  met by meeting the needs of others.
• Selfish Selflessness.
• Martyrs and Messiahs.
• Honest Acknowledgment of Needs and Expectations.

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Reflection Questions Answer with Rigorous Honesty

• What rewards do I expect as a result of my
  commitment to ministry?
• What rewards do I experience?
• What needs of mine are met by ministry? (Hint
  When do I experience joy in ministry?)
• What needs do I expect ministry to meet that are
  not met? (Hint When do I feel angry in
  response to my experience of ministry?)

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Systemic Factors

• Systems are by Nature Insatiable!
• Competition Among Systems
• Family
• Career
• Church
• Community
• Friendship
• Leisure/Recreation
• Spirituality

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Systems and Burnout

• Systems are limited and focused on what needs
  they can meet.
• Burnout occurs when I expect one system to make
  up for the failure of another system to meet my
  needs.
• Systems will not reward us beyond their
  capability regardless of how hard we work for
  them.

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Reflection Questions

• What systems are competing for my attention?
• What do I expect in return from the systems to
  which I commit my energy?
• How do I respond when a system fails to meet my
  expectations?

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Passionate Commitment

• A pervasive and long-lasting state of being
  energized and invigorated by work rather than
  drained and exhausted by it
• thriving and loving ones work in spite of the
  personal and environmental obstacles one might
  face in it
• balance and harmony with other aspects of ones
  life
• energizing and invigorating those with whom one
  works.

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Questions for Reflection

• Would I be nominated by others as passionately
  committed to ministry? Why or why not?
• Who among my peers would I nominate? Why?

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Boundaries and Balance

• Boundaries between work and the rest of life.
• Allow experiences in each to energize and refresh
  the other.
• Activities that allow for the expression and
  integration of other aspects of personality.
• Maintenance of appropriate professional
  boundaries.
• Acceptance of and respect for limits.

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Openness/Adaptiveness

• Obstacles become opportunities.
• Avoid externalization of blame
• Actively seeking accurate feedback about
  performance.
• Supervision
• Response to Criticism

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Transcendence/Humility

• Clarity about mission
• Acceptance of limitations
• Ability to locate ones personal reality within
  the larger picture.
• Spiritual grounding that leads to greater
  consciousness and awareness.