The Basics of Communicating with Others

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The Basics of Communicating with Others

• This presentation is prepared by
• Gulten Argamak

http//web.mit.edu/hr/oed/learn/comm/art_basics.ht
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Some key questions to get you started in
understanding interpersonal communication skills

• What are interpersonal communication skills?
• What are the benefits of improving interpersonal
  communication skills
• Are there specific interpersonal communication
  skills?
• How do I know if I need to improve my
  interpersonal skills and, if so, which ones?
• How can I actually improve my interpersonal
  communication skills?

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What are interpersonal communication skills?

• Interpersonal communication skills are the tools
  we use to let others know what we think, feel,
  need and want. And they are how we let others
  know that we understand what they think, feel,
  need and want.

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What are the benefits of improving interpersonal
communication skills?

• Even those who are individual contributors in the
  workplace need to be able to communicate
  effectively with bosses and customers. Most
  people have colleagues with whom they need to
  communicate in order to be successful at their
  job. Every one of us has her/his own preferred
  style of communicating with others. In addition,
  given our unique histories, we have different
  strategies for communicating in different types
  of situations. As a result, there is a very real
  possibility that when two of us get together
  there are certain circumstances in which we are
  less effective at communicating with each other
  than we would like. By increasing your repertoire
  of interpersonal communication skills, you can
  increase your overall effectiveness and perhaps
  your job satisfaction.

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Are there specific interpersonal communication
skills?

• Yes. Active listening or assertive communications
  are two examples of interpersonal communication
  skills. In addition, there are techniques for
  certain circumstances, such as communicating in
  difficult situations or communicating upwards,
  that can be useful. See OED's course offerings on
  these skills.

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How do I know if I need to improve my
interpersonal skills and, if so, which ones?

• Every one of us can benefit from improving our
  interpersonal skills. We each have certain
  situations that are more difficult for us and/or
  have particular communications skills that we
  would like to improve. You can assess your own
  interpersonal communications skill level and/or
  you can ask for feedback from others.
• One approach is to think about three or four
  situations where an interaction with someone else
  did not go as well as you would have liked. The
  Two-Column Case Model might help you organize
  your recollection and identify patterns to help
  you see areas where you could improve.

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How can I actually improve my interpersonal
communication skills?

• As with any skills development, once you have
  identified the need and feel motivated to make a
  change, you need to be introduced to new
  strategies and tools, and seek out opportunities
  to practice and to receive feedback. Try
  approaching this as a project plan. Identify your
  goal. Pick two or three approaches to getting
  there. Maybe register for two workshops and read
  one book.
• Identify explicit opportunities to practice and
  ask a trusted colleague to give you feedback. The
  Gourmet's Guide to Giving Feedback article might
  be helpful if you are working on how to give
  someone constructive feedback. The article When
  Emotions Get in the Way can help you follow
  through with an important and difficult
  conversation.
• Don't forget Interpersonal skills development is
  a life-long challenge. Pick something specific to
  learn, practice, expect some awkward moments,
  learn from them and celebrate your progress.

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Some of OED's Recommended Courses about
Communicating with Others

• Active Listening
• Learn about one of the most important, but often
  elusive, communication skills listening.
• Anyone who wants to improve their listening
  skills.

http//training.mit.edu/tr?courseid11083
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Assertive Communication

• How can you communicate more assertively, without
  being aggressive or passive? Learn about
  assertive communication in this 3-hour workshop.
• Anyone who is interested in communicating more
  effectively.

http//training.mit.edu/tr?courseid11084
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Communicating in Difficult Situations

• In this course, you will identify patterns that
  hinder effective communication and develop
  strategies for improving how you communicate with
  others.
• Anyone who is interested in improving how they
  communicate in challenging situations.

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Communicating Upward

• The focus of this course is on identifying
  strategies and techniques to enhance your
  interpersonal communication with your supervisor.
  
• Anyone who is interested in improving how they
  communicate with others, particularly with their
  supervisor.

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Communication Skills for Customer Service

• Learn a variety of approaches for communicating
  effectively with your customers. You will focus
  on communicating so that customers feel welcome
  and involved in the problem-solving process.
• Anyone who is interested in improving how they
  communicate with customers.

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Preparing For and Giving Great Presentations

• Learn strategies and techniques for preparing and
  delivering successful presentations in this
  hands-on workshop.
• Anyone who currently gives presentations or
  expects to give presentations in the future.

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http//web.mit.edu/hr/oed/learn/index.html
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• What is communicating?
• What can I learn or do here?

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What is communicating?

• Any time you are in the presence of another
  person, you are communicating. Speaking or
  silent, whether you are aware of it or not, you
  are communicating that is, sending a message
  which may or may not be understood accurately by
  the other person. Communicating with Others is
  about gauging your current effectiveness in
  communicating your message, and learning
  strategies and techniques for improving your
  interpersonal communication effectiveness. Learn
  more about interpersonal communication skills.

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What can I learn or do here?

• Communication is a broad topic. This site offers
  a basic introduction to some key concepts and
  tools. You might want to start with our Basics of
  Communicating with Others article to get a better
  understanding of the particular focus of this
  site. One tool for narrowing your communications
  learning goals is the Two Column Case Model. The
  Gourmet's Guide to Giving Feedback article might
  be helpful if you are working on how to give
  someone constructive feedback. The article When
  Emotions Get in the Way can help you follow
  through with an important and difficult
  conversation.

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What is Meeting Design Facilitation?

• Have you ever been to a meeting where no one
  seemed to be in charge? Or a meeting where there
  was no clear reason to meet or no agenda? If you
  have, you know it can be frustrating. Meeting
  design is a field that identifies techniques and
  methods that help meetings run smoothly. One of
  those techniques is the role of a facilitator --
  a person who leads the meeting process. Learn
  more about meeting design and facilitation in our
  Basics of Meeting Design article.

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What can I learn or do here?

• This learning topic on meeting design and
  facilitation includes articles, tools and
  resources for meeting leaders, participants and
  facilitators at all levels of experience. If
  you're new to planning and leading meetings, be
  sure to check out our Meeting Agenda tool and our
  Mastering Meetings Tools for Collaborative
  Action course. More experienced facilitators
  might be interested in our Essential Facilitation
  course.

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What does it mean to be a manager and a leader?

• Managers have many complex, interrelated
  responsibilities. They organize how an
  organizations work gets done and by whom. They
  coach employees, motivate them, and hold them
  accountable. They often budget for and allocate
  resources. They organize work processes and plan
  for how a group will reach its goals. Performing
  these core managerial activities successfully is
  critical to being an effective manager.
• Managers also play a vital role in leading people
  through organizational change. When managers
  manage as leaders, they proactively take steps to
  lead their group towards a vision of the future,
  which may look different than the present. During
  this process, they continue to be responsible for
  making sure that their group is operating
  effectively on a day-to-day basis, but they are
  also responsible for leading their group towards
  change that allows the organization to meet its
  strategic goals.

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What can I learn or do here?

• This learning topic provides background and tools
  to help managers develop their abilities to
  provide effective leadership, particularly in
  times of change. In these complex times of
  advancing technology, integrated work processes,
  and increasingly flat organizations, this
  learning topic intentionally focuses on how
  managers can be effective leaders of
  organizational change.
• While this learning topic focuses on managers as
  leaders in times of change, the basics of
  management (planning, goal setting, delegating,
  coaching) continue to be critically important.
  For this reason, we recommend that you consider
  some courses to develop basic managerial skills.
  For new managers, you might be interested in our
  Transitioning to Management course. For new
  managers or experienced managers who want to
  refresh their knowledge, we recommend our
  Management Principles courses to learn about MIT
  policy, the law, and good management practice.

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What is not included in this learning topic?

• This learning topic is intentionally not targeted
  for people who are interested in developing their
  individual leadership capabilities outside of the
  context of an organizational hierarchy. For this
  interest, we do offer a course, Everyday
  Leadership, which helps people learn about how
  they can provide leadership in any situation,
  regardless of the formal leadership
  responsibilities of the position.
• If you are interested in learning about MIT's
  twelve-month leadership development program, see
  Leader to Leader for more information.

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• What is a team?
• What can I learn or do here?

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• What is a team?
• Teams share a commitment to a common purpose,
  mission and goals and work in an environment of
  mutual accountability. Successful teams develop
  effective group process, using groundrules and
  norms to promote effective interpersonal
  communication. Teams go through recognizable
  stages of development, with distinct
  characteristics in each phase. Every project
  group or work unit is not a team. Learn more
  about teams.

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• What can I learn or do here?
• Management journals, books and libraries offer a
  wealth of information and tools available to help
  you be a more effective team member, whether your
  team is new or well established, a time-limited
  project team or a standing team. You might start
  by learning what defines a team, and move on to
  learn about factors for team success. Want to
  learn more about your own team? Take a look at
  our tools to help you determine what development
  stage your team is in, or how to evaluate your
  team's effectiveness.

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Communicating with others-links and resources

• http//www.epals.com/
• http//www.coping.org/copingbook/others.htm
• http//www.skillsoft.com/corporate/curicula/mgmt/M
  GMT0332A2.htm
• http//www.cfalliance.org/commprin.html

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To your spouse

• Your child's diagnosis and what it means
• The programs and services your child needs
• Your needs, including the level of support you
  want from your spouse
• Plans for a mutual approach to the child's needs
• Ways to handle this while growing as a couple

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To your other children

• Your child's diagnosis and what it means
• The support and ''normal'' treatment the target
  child needs from them
• How to answer questions about the target child's
  disability
• How your children can make things go smoother
• Ways to handle this situation while growing as a
  family

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To your parents and in-laws

• Your child's diagnosis and what it means
• Treatment the child is receiving and what it does
  for the child
• The support you and your spouse need from them
• How important it is for them to be clear,
  specific, and supportive in sharing this
  information with the relatives and their friends
• How not to coddle or be overly sympathetic or
  spoil the child
• How to treat the child as normally as possi

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To other relatives, friends, and neighbors

• Your child's diagnosis and what it means
• The services the child is receiving
• How you need their support and understanding
• How what has happened in your family has not made
  you any different than what you were before
• How you will need help in caring for your target
  child and your other children as you link up with
  the necessary services to address the disability.

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To the professionals, doctors, therapists, and
teachers working with your child

• Your child's diagnosis as given to you
• When the diagnosis was given and by whom Any
  second or third opinions about the diagnosis
• Treatment services the child has received, when
  they were given, and by whom
• Your current concerns, fears, and doubts
  concerning the diagnosis and services being given
  to your child
• How the child is responding to treatment,
  training, classes, medical care, etc.
• How your child is relating to others with similar
  disabilities
• How your child is functioning at home with
  siblings and parents
• What milestones are being exhibited at home

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To strangers who ask you questions when you are
in the public eye

• Your child's diagnosis and what it means
• How they can change the public's perception and
  attitude about people with disabilities
• What your child needs from people like them in
  order to be treated as normally and fairly as
  possible
• What agencies and programs exist to serve your
  child
• How these agencies depend on donations for
  financial and physical support to serve children
  like your own
• What can be done to lessen discrimination against
  those with disabilities in employment, housing,
  religious and social/recreational opportunities

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What beliefs, attitudes and behavior traits are
necessary to respond to questions about your
children in a healthy manner?

• Parents who are successful in communicating with
  others concerning their children with special
  needs have to maintain a rational perspective in
  such communication. They need to have worked
  through a number of emotional issues if they are
  to be successful in their communications about
  their children. What follows are some of the
  actions you as parents need to have accomplished
  so as to insure sound communications with those
  people involved in your life and the life of your
  children

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What beliefs, attitudes and behavior traits are
necessary to respond to questions about your
children in a healthy manner?

• Acceptance of your children's diagnoses
  Information about the conditions and
  disabilities, their causes, and their prognosis
  Information about the recommended course of
  treatment for your children's conditions
• To believe that you can handle your children's
  needs
• To discuss your children's condition without
  apologizing for their disabilities
• A resolution for your anger, resentment, and
  hostility over what has happened to your
  children's and your lives.
• To maintain your sense of humor.
• To have patience with others' ignorance, lack of
  information, and misinformation about your
  children's disabilities.
• To know that others may lack understanding and
  compassion regarding your children's conditions.
• To believe that others will be advocates for
  your children once they have proper information.
• To know that it is best to treat your children
  as normally as possible and to demonstrate that
  knowledge in their presence.
• To put people at ease in the presence of your
  children by your ''normal'' treatment and
  reactions.
• To accept that those not living with these
  conditions on a daily basis do not feel as
  comfortable or as knowledgeable about it as you.
• To believe that innocent questions from others
  are not meant to be hurting to you or your
  children.
• To educate society with information and common
  sense training to reduce discrimination against
  people with disabilities.
• To contain your emotional reactions to upsetting
  questions and discourage overreacting as this
  will do more harm than good.

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What are some negative consequences of
inadequately or inappropriately communicating to
others about your child?

• Parents of children with special needs have to be
  aware that they as the "spokespersons" for their
  children have a major impact on how well their
  children will be served so that their life needs
  are met. For this reason it is important to
  consider the following negative consequences of
  poor communications on the part of parents.

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If you lose your temper or seem to get angry at
questions others may

• Leave you alone, isolating you from any support.
• Be convinced that their negative, ill-informed
  beliefs about children such as yours are correct.
• Become stuck in their discriminatory beliefs.
• Be turned off to offering help or support to you
  and your children
• Find you repulsive, feel sorry for you, or pity
  you and the burdens you must carry because of
  your child's problems.

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If you ignore questions others may

• Grow in their ignorance and lack of information.
• Be confused.
• Feel you are either a snob or an elite
  individual who considers yourself better than
  others.
• Be discouraged from contributing financially and
  physically to your child, you, or the agencies
  involved in the treatment and support program.
• Entrench and grow deeper in their old beliefs,
  attitudes, and discriminatory behavior.

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If you make fun of or are sarcastic in response
to questions others may

• Feel offended and put off.
• Become stuck in their negative beliefs about
  such conditions.
• Continue to be ignorant and ill-informed.
• Take a revengeful or hurtful attitude.
• Be lost as supporters or advocates for you or
  your child.
• If you become overly emotional, lose control, or
  cry others may
• Be convinced that their negative beliefs about
  the condition are well founded.
• Become uncomfortable and decide never to ask
  questions of you again.
• Become sympathetic, feeling so sorry for you
  that they smother, spoil, or in many ways treat
  your children as ''special,'' not respecting the
  need to treat them as normally as possible.
• Continue to lack information and be misinformed.
  
• Become embarrassed and begin to avoid you, thus
  isolating you even more.

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If you blame, lecture, or accuse others for their
stereotypic beliefs or lack of information they
may

• Become defensive or put you under attack.
• Become embarrassed and avoid contact with you in
  the future.
• Feel insulted and attempt to put you down in
  return.
• Continue to remain as ill-informed and ignorant
  as they were before you talked.
• Be lost to the ongoing support needed by you and
  your child.

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What communication skills help parents of
children with special needs to discuss their
children?

• To be a successful communicator about your
  children, you need to develop some new skills.
  What follows are some communications skills which
  you will need to grow in if you expect to be a
  good communicators and spokespersons for your
  children with special needs. You will need to be
  able to

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What communication skills help parents of
children with special needs to discuss their
children?

• Use effective listening skills to hear what the
  others are asking and feeling about your children
  and your children's condition.
• Paraphrase back to others what they have said or
  ask for them to clarify what they meant to ensure
  that the content and feelings involved are on
  target.
• Use reflective responses to indicate to the
  others that they are being listened to and are
  not being judged.
• Use understanding and clarification responses to
  put others at ease and enable them to be open to
  a clear, precise statement concerning your
  children's condition, treatment, and prognosis.
• Use an effective combination of listening and
  responding skills to solve issues, leaving all
  parties to the conversation feeling like winners.
• Develop a sensitive approach with people who are
  uncomfortable but cannot express it.
• You need to initiate the conversation and begin
  the discussion.

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