Dealing with Difficult People: Making Libraries Safe

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Dealing with Difficult People Making Libraries
Safe Sane
An Infopeople Workshop Winter 2007- Spring
2008 Presented by Edmond Otis, M.S.,
M.F.T. eotis_at_BaronCenter.com
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This Workshop Is Brought to You By the Infopeople
Project
Infopeople is a federally-funded grant project
supported by the California State Library. It
provides a wide variety of training to California
libraries. Infopeople workshops are offered
around the state and are open registration on a
first-come, first-served basis. For a complete
list of workshops, and for other information
about the project, go to the Infopeople website
at infopeople.org.
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• OUR AGENDA
• The Team Approach
  Understanding the Rules of the Game
• Knowing Whos Who, Knowing Whats What
• Face to Face Walking the Walk Talking the
  Talk
• Applications, Situations, Emergencies Urgencies
• Summary and Evaluation

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Our Goals

• Learn why teamwork, clarity, and consistency are
  the cornerstones of safe and sane libraries.
• Learn to develop the culture your library needs
  to deal with challenging people and situations.
• Learn to distinguish difficult people from
  dangerous people.
• Learn to identify and communicate with the
  mentally ill or unbalanced patron in the most
  effective ways possible.
• Learn to interact with EVERYONE (difficult people
  included) in a way that encourages civility and
  makes your library a happier and calmer place.
• Learn to communicate and gain cooperation from -
  the difficult, the demanding, the angry, the
  irrational, and, yes - the scary.
• Learn what to do in emergencies - and how to do
  it...

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Where Do Our Most Difficult Patrons Come
From? Youre Going to Hate the Answer...
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Exercise 1 Your Favorite Three
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Part I -The Team Approach
Understanding the Rules of the Game
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Teamwork Everyone Speaks with the Same Voice

• A team addresses problems with the same outcome
  in mind. Have a consensus.
• A team meets regularly. But keep it light.
• A team understands all policies.
• A team has an open but respectful communication
  style.
• A team can question authority, but doesnt
  sabotage its own hierarchy!

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Clarity

• Everyone is clear about what is acceptable
• Rules
• Norms
• Standards
• Without internal clarity (inter-team) there can
  be no clarity with patrons

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Consistency

• Policies are reinforced the same way every time.
• Rules that are not always enforced are not rules.
  They are booby-traps for us and for them.
• Flexibility and exceptions are good.
  Institutionalize and standardize them.

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Strict or Lenient? It Really Doesnt Matter
So You Decide
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We Can Create the Library We Want

• Who are our patrons?
• How do we want our library to look?
• How do we want it to feel?
• How do we want it to sound?
• How do we want our employees to act?
• How do we want our patrons to act?

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Everyone.Yes! Everyone can follow rules.Heres
my favorite example...
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Exercise 2 Teamwork. Clarity. Consistency
.Is There Room for Improvement?
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Why 10 70, and 90 30.

• What are some traits that make the 10, the 10?

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Reminder While todays material can
certainly apply to everyone, our
primary focus is on addressing the needs
of the 10
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Part II - Knowing Whos Who.
Knowing Whats What
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Taking the Lead - Setting the Tone

• The Broken Window Theory is more important then
  ever...
• Respond quickly - before a problem becomes a
  pattern.
• Respond quickly - before small problems become
  large.
• Have a team response.
• Favorite Three Where might this have helped?

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The Safest Barrier - Customer Service
Imperatives

• Respect is the currency use it with patrons and
  each other.
• Use your greeting to establish rapport before
  there is trouble.
• Maintain rapport with every patron.
• There is strength in numbers.

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Rule 1Its not personal

• What is the opposite of personal?
• What makes it personal?
• Dont be distracted, stay focused on the NOW.

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Rule 1-bIt takes more energy to be professional
but its worth it.

• Always Choose
• Empathy over Apathy
• Attentiveness over The Brush-off
• Warmth over Coldness
• Respect over Condescension
• Engagement over Robotism
• Flexibility over The Rulebook
• Responsiveness over The Runaround

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Rule 2Triangulation works! Polarity doesnt!

• Triangulation works physically, verbally,
  conceptually
• Offering choices gives you power Triangulation
• Giving ultimatums make you weak - Polarity
• Remember, rules go both ways its not you
  making them do something its the rules
• You must have leverage
• Use lamination with your explanation

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Rule 3Focus on immediate behaviors as you try
to resolve problems.Dont be distracted by
plot.
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Rule 4Restrictions should be mechanical -
positives are personal

• i.e., computer use policy, closing
  times/off-limit areas, etc.

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Rule 5Know what youre talking about. Only
say what you mean - Always mean what you say.
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Rule 6We dont need to be right. No one needs
to be wrong.It is irrational to rationalize
with someone who is irrational.
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Rule 7Show respect to everyone.How do you
spell respect?
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Master the Zen of No.Please dont be
confused!The question is Can I Help
You?Not Can I make you happy?
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Exercise 3 Master the Zen of No.
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Becoming comfortable with the Concept of No
allows us to communicate clearly with the 10,
and reduce everyones anxiety...

• But its tough.
• The 10 knows who has a hard time with this.
• By nature we want to be accommodating and
  helpful.
• The important thing to remember is that in a
  professional setting, saying and hearing NO is
  a non-personal part of the job.

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Best Practices for Working with the Public? At
the risk of being redundant, its Teamwork,
Clarity, and Consistency. Nothing is more
interesting to the 10 then chaos, confusion, and
inconsistency.
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Part III - Walking the Walk
Talking the Talk
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Recognizing trigger points and land
mines...What are some signs we need to look out
for?
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Body language! 65 of what you communicate is
non-verbal! The percentage increases as emotions
rise.

• When emotions are hot, what you do is much more
  important then what you say.

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Master These Essential
Non-verbal Tools for Communicating with the
10

• Maintain the universal safe-distance range.
• Posture, and angle triangulate!
• Keep calm facile expressions and voice.
• Use a barrier or carry one with you.
• Maintain calm, slow, controlled gestures and
  movements.

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Exercise 4Walking the Walk Non-verbal
communication for the 10
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• Why Do People Yell?
• What gets them to stop?
  Think in terms of text and subtext.
• What does the yelling communicate?

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Exercise 5 Talking the Talk The
Communication Two-stepA reference interview
for the hot-headed and the
emotionally unstable
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Remember the Conversational
Sequence...

• I understand that this is important to you...
• Let me make sure I understand what youre
  telling me...
• Youre (fill in the emotion) because...
• Is that right?

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...Avoid the Phrase of Doom!

• Never ever, ever, ever, tell anyone to CALM DOWN!

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...finish with the Formula for Compliance
Current behavior consequencesNew behavior
benefits
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Part IV Response
Applications, Situations,
Emergencies, Urgencies
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Always help each other and watch out for each
other. There is power in numbers.Sometimes a
second person makes all the difference.
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Use Your Hierarchy Productively

• How to pass the buck...
• Go to the supervisor together
• Repeat the story
• Hand off to supervisor
• Leave
• You can do the same on the phone

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Exercise 6 Lets Get Good at
Passing the Buck!
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When Dealing with a Group - Follow the Leader!

• Respect the rules of the group
• When dealing with groups - negotiate with
  individuals
• Find and follow the leader!
• Share a confidence
• Separate angry individuals from each other and
  the crowd

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Interacting with the Police or Your Own Security
Team

• Have a good police relationship arrange an
  emergency training session and regular visits
• Know your phone system is it 911 or 9-911 from
  a facility phone?
• Interacting with the dispatcher
• What will they ask?
• What information is critical?
• Be specific and precise
• Should you use Code words?
• Expected police response

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Physical Confrontation - Get Away!

• Before it happens - little steps are often the
  fastest way out.
• Dont let someone grab you or hold you.

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Knowing Your Facility Whats Ours? And Whats
Theirs?

• Know the ins and the outs of your library.
• Know the difference between public areas,
  private areas, semi private areas, and secure
  areas.
• Work through emergency scenarios in your library.
• Identify Safe Rooms - cell phones, portable
  radios, water, blanket, first-aid kit, etc.

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Document. Document. Document.

• Official documentation
• Incident reports
• Behavior records
• Unofficial documentation is important, too!

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Documentation and Follow Through

• What are your librarys options?
• What is your librarys policy?
• Special cases - i.e., assault, threats, stalkers,
  pedophiles, etc.

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Be Savvy about Using Your Communitys Resources

• If you dont want to function as a social
  services agency know how to make referrals, and
  provide information.
• Police
• Shelters
• Child Protective Services
• Adult Protective Services

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DONT FORGETPlease fill out an evaluation
before you leave.Thank you and be safe!