The PersonCentred Approach: A Relational Therapy

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The Person-Centred ApproachA Relational Therapy

• Professor Dave Mearns

The Counselling Unit,University of
Strathclyde,Jordanhill Campus,Glasgow G13
1PPwww.davemearns.com
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Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

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Same family different emphases

• emphasising non-directivity (Brodley, Bozarth,
  Sommerbeck)
• emphasising the clients process (Greenberg,
  Elliott)
• emphasising focusing (Gendlin, Lietaer)
• emphasising the clients existential experiencing
  (Cooper, Mearns)
• emphasising the relationship (Schmid, Mearns,
  Cooper)

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A World View of PCE

• The World Association of Person-Centered and
  Experiential Psychotherapy and Counseling
  (WAPCEPC) ltpce-world.orggt
• The Biennial World Conference
• 2010, Venice
• The International Journal Person-Centered and
  Experiential Psychotherapies. 2001-present.

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PCE Worldwide

• U.S.A.
• Britain
• Germany
• Austria
• Holland
• Belgium
• France
• Italy

• Greece
• Croatia
• Slovakia
• Portugal
• Brazil
• Argentina
• Japan
• China

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Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

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A Schema of Working at Relational Depth
B Negotiating client processes (including
difficult process)
C Contact with the existential process
A Offering relational depth
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• PROBLEMS PROCESSES
  EXISTENTIAL
• AND
  PROCESS
• SELF-DIALOGUES

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THE PROCESS OF RELATIONAL DEPTH

• The counsellors humanity is focused upon the
  client
• the client lets himself experience that humanity
• this creates a huge therapeutic space/safety for
  the client
• the client experiences himself more fully
• On an on-going basis the client is more sensitive
  to himself-in-relation.

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I stopped needing to pretend

• Box 3.6 on page 65 of Mearns, D. Thorne, B.
  (2007). Person-Centred Counselling in Action,
  Third Edition. London Sage.

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Schmid, P.F. (2002). Knowledge or
acknowledgement? Psychotherapy as the art of
not-knowing prospects on further developments
of a traditional paradigm, Person-Centered and
Experiential Psychotherapies, 1(1/2) 56-70.
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Encounter, not invasion
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Two Aspects of Relational Depth

• moments of relational depth
• relational depth experienced as a continuing
  relationship

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Presented Dimensions of Self
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Approach/ Avoidance towards being met at
relational depth
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Disguises, Clues, Lace Curtains and Safety
Screens
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How do we show our client that we are willing and
able to meet him at relational depth?

• We touch him in his experiencing
• We knock on his door at a deeper level of his
  experiencing
• We respect his positioning
• But we do not collude with a superficiality norm.

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TOUCHING THE CLIENT IN HIS EXPERIENCING

• Richard I dont know where to go with this
• decision. Im torn apart with it
  dips head and begins to cry. On the one hand I
  need to leave Robert. On the other hand I cant
  leave him. I need to leave him so that I can
  survive clenches and shakes fist. The weight of
  our relationship is too much for me to bear. But
  I cant leave him because it might kill him and I
  couldnt live with that shakes head and cries.
  What can

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• I do? What on earth can I
  do? looks at counsellor. What would you do?
• Counsellor A Like its a really difficult
  decision to leave him or not you cant win
  either way. And you wonder what I would do is
  that right?
• Counsellor B It is tearing you apart I can
  feel that in you. You crave to be free but at
  what consequences might that be? You shake your
  head and

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• you cry you feel it terribly. And
  you ask me to share the weight of it with
  you.
• Mearns, D. Thorne, B. (2007). Person-Centred
  Counselling in Action. Third edition. London
  Sage. (Chapter 4).

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How do we show our client that we are willing and
able to meet him at relational depth?

• We touch him in his experiencing
• We knock on his door at a deeper level of his
  experiencing
• We respect his positioning
• But we do not collude with a superficiality norm.

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Creating the conditions for meeting the client at
relational depth

• High levels of the therapeutic conditions in
  mutually enhancing interaction.
• The stillness and fearlessness of the
  therapist.

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Two aims in offering the client an engagement at
relational depth

• Listening to the expressing rather than the
  expression
• Meeting the client inside his experiencing

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Listening to the Expressing/Entering the
experiencing

• Tony I cant, I cant, I cant, I cant, I cant
  ..
• Bill No, .. you cant.
• Tony No one can.
• Bill Silence
• Tony (Thumping his fist on the floor and
  screaming) I need to kill myself.
• Bill Silence.
• Tony I need to go .. I must go .. I must go
  away from me.
• Bill Silence.

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• Tony I dont know how to do it.
• Bill Its hard, Tony . Its hard .. theres
  no way ..
• Tony No way .. no way .. How do people do
  it?
• Bill God knows Tony.
• Tony Can you warm me Bill?
• Bill Puts his arm round Tony.

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Much later Bill comments on this meeting

• Its an example of how you can be with someone
  and have conversation without having any idea
  what its about. Yet all the time you can feel
  them - and be with them feeling. It was weeks
  later that I found out the content of this
  meeting. Tony was being the part of him which
  had done some bad stuff. In war people can do
  bad stuff that they cant live with later. Tony
  was feeling that part - he wanted to get rid of
  it - to kill it or for it to go away. But, of
  course, there was no way to do it - thats what
  we were in.

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Relational depth is about the quality of the
relational contact, not the quantity
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Relational Depth in Everyday Life

• Doug the teacher
• Mhairi the nurse
• Lillian the social worker

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Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

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RESONANCE

• Through self-awareness in therapy the therapist
  becomes conscious of their experiencing, ie. the
  immediate present flow of experiences. What they
  experience is resonance to both the clients
  world and/or for their own world. Resonancemeans
  the echo in the therapist triggered by the
  relationship with the client (p.181).
• Schmid, P.F. Mearns, D. J. (2006). Being-With
  and Being-Counter Person-centered psychotherapy
  as an in-depth co-creative process of
  personalization. Person-Centered and Experiential
  Psychotherapies, 5(3) 174-190.

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RESONANCE

• SELF-RESONANCE
• EMPATHIC RESONANCE (concordant and complementary)
• PERSONAL RESONANCE (relational resonance)

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SELF-RESONANCE

• Client Shall I love him or hate him? I
  dont know, I am confused.
• Therapist thinking of his own partner Good
  question! You never know. (p. 183)

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CONCORDANT EMPATHIC RESONANCE

• Client Shall I love him or hate him? I
  dont know, I am confused.
• Therapist primarily sensing the clients
  confusion There are mixed feelings in you. You
  experience affection, you experience dislike and
  these are in you at one and the same time. (p.
  183)

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COMPLEMENTARY EMPATHIC RESONANCE

• Client Shall I love him or hate him? I
  dont know, I am confused.
• Therapist sensing primarily that the client
  gradually has been growing tired of the person he
  talks about.or even forget about him? (p. 183)

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PERSONAL (RELATIONAL) RESONANCE

• Client Shall I love him or hate him? I
  dont know, I am confused.
• Therapist personally touched by his clients
  bewilderment..which makes me aware how much I
  truly hope you come to the right decision this
  time. (p. 185)

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When self-resonance spills over

• Box 6.3 on page 141 of Mearns, D. Thorne, B.
  (2007). Person-Centred Counselling in Action.
  Third edition. London Sage.

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Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

38
Client Processes

• Existential Process
• Psychotic Process (Prouty)
• Fragile Process (Warner)
• Dissociated Process (Warner)
• Ego-Syntonic Process
• Transference

RestrictingExistentialContact
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The Developmental Basis of Ego-Syntonic Process

• The person has survived a parenting in which love
  and acceptance was not reliable. Negative
  experiences would follow when positives might be
  expected there was no way to rely on the
  relationship. Ridicule, hate or abuse would come
  when love might be expected.
• To survive, the person needed to
• Withdraw their emotional attachment.
• Find ways to control the relationship
• Find ways to control themselves in relationship.

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Sandy

• The fellow who has a parent who is sometimes nice
  and sometimes horrible thinks that is the way the
  world is. Now, in my own case, that is how it
  was. At the time when I came to the school I
  think the difficulty was, among other things,
  that I was confronted by Patti his counsellor,
  who was an exceptionally fine human being and a
  very affectionate and decent human being. I
  wasnt able to accept the affection, which caused
  even more anger because everyone likes to accept
  affection.

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But if you condition yourself to not accepting
affection because, if by accepting it you only
let yourself in for the next downfall, you put
yourself in a position where you dont dare to
hope that the affection is for real and you keep
testing to find out if it is for real, and thats
the process where, step by step, you find out
whether it is. In a sense, maybe, that explains
my own need to hurt them, whether or not the
affection would continue to comeBettelheim, B.
(1987). The man who cared for children.
Horizon. London BBC Television.
42
Ego-Syntonic Process in Adult Life
The persons self-protective systems become
generalised to other relationships (cf Sternes
RIGs Representations of Interactions that
have become Generalised). The seriousness of the
resulting pattern can vary hugely. The person may
become

• popular but unreachable
• alone and lonely
• controlling
• cold
• cruel
• homicidal and suicidal

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In its mild expression their ego-syntonic process
leads the person to be confused and scared in
relationships. They know that things go wrong for
them and they come to expect things to go wrong.
But they genuinely do not understand why they go
wrong. They have done their best. They have even
tried to think about what the other person wants,
and be that (within limits). But it always goes
wrong.
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In another expression they attract relations but
fail in relationships because, ultimately, they
have to be so controlling. They need to define
the reality in the relationship and protect
against its changing. They provide well on a
material level, function well enough in more
superficial relationships, but they must not make
themselves existentially vulnerable. Usually they
are genuinely surprised when the other person
leaves them. Again, they had done their best.
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In a more serious expression, the person is
dangerous to themselves and others. They are so
threatened by relationship that their
self-protection manifests itself not in confusion
or controlling, but in detachment and even
violence. Their fear is so profound and the
degree of adjustment they have obtained so
tenuous that detachment and even destruction (of
self or other) are the only existential
protections they have left.
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The Hook in Ego-Syntonic Process

• But there really was someone there to love I
  saw him I saw him often.
• Its not just a rescuer thing its much
  stronger than that. I couldnt let him go
  because there were times I really saw him.
• Its so frustrating sometimes she was a
  wonderful person she was the fullest human
  being anyone could wantbut then it would
  evaporate in tears and anger.
• He couldnt let me in. For 20 years he couldnt
  let me in. We could even talk about how he
  couldnt let me in Maybe that was it at times
  he wasnt who he was.

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Client Processes

• Existential Process
• Psychotic Process (Prouty)
• Fragile Process (Warner)
• Dissociated Process (Warner)
• Ego-Syntonic Process
• Existential Disconnection
• Transference

RestrictingExistentialContact
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Getting beyond Transference

• A part of me is not sure she should trust you,
  but.
• I cant believe Ive just talked about me, like
  that, with an old man like you.

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• Difficult process rarely defines the whole of
  the person. Often there is a dissonant part that
  houses a different conception of self. Its
  appearance can be erratic and its voice very
  small. Often its dominant feeling is sadness.

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A Schema of Working at Relational Depth
B Negotiating client processes (including
difficult process)
C Contact with the existential process
A Offering relational depth
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WHAT IS MEANT BY THE TERM EXISTENTIAL PROCESS?

• It is unique to every person
• It can only be comprehended by taking a
  phenomenological perspective
• It may contain a rich mixture of
  self-experiences, self-assumptions, hopes, fears,
  fantasies, terrors, experiences in relation to
  others, assumptions about others and deeply held
  values.

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• It can contain powerful internal conflicts and it
  can also provide conflict for dimensions of the
  presentational self
• Its elements and dynamics are experienced by the
  person as more fundamental to their existence
  than the aspects of their presentational self
• Consequently, they are closely guarded. To be
  judged by another on the basis of a self we are
  presenting is one thing, but to be judged for
  what we believe is our essence is existentially
  dangerous.

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SANDRA

• I had so much hate inside me. I could never show
  it in its raw state to anyone. It came out in
  lots of ways but I could not show it in the way
  it was to me. I could not show the bile, the
  vindictiveness, the foaming at the mouth
  invective. I could not show it the way it was to
  me I could not even show it to me the way it
  was to me. It was too destructive.

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PAUL

• I cant describe how I am to me in ways that will
  make sense to others. It goes around my head and
  body in dream-like waves, at times coming into
  the foreground and then receding. It is all ugly.
  It is about how I am all ugly how, at my core,
  I am rotten. I can feel the maggots crawling
  around inside me, eating me up. Perhaps they will
  eat the rot and help me? How could I show this to
  anyone else/ How can I allow myself to see it?

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BERNARD

• Sometimes the real me watches myself at work. It
  sees the smooth operator, totally confident and
  blustering others with my confidence. It is as
  though it is a magnification of the opposite of
  who I really am, Underneath, all I am is a crying
  little boy. I am curled up, rocking and sobbing.
  My face is puffed up with a lifetime of sobbing.
  My eyes are permanently closed I can barely
  endure the pain of what it is to be me I cannot
  open my eyes to see anyone else in case I see
  them seeing me.

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Working with the Client in his Existential Process

• He gives you his self as he experiences his self.
• What he gives is not dominated by relational
  self- protective strategies
• He finds it impossible to lie.

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Striving to meet at Relational Depth with the
Client in her Existential Process

• Sandie Do you really want to know me? Like, do
  you want to meet the me that I am to myself?
• Dave Yes, I want to meet all of you.
• (Pause)
• Sandie I kill my babies.
• Dave Is that meant to put me off?
• Sandie No, its just what I do.
• Dave (serious eye contact) You kill your
  babies .. Its a difficult thing even for me to
  say. I have to steel myself to say the words.
  They are hard words for me to say - I think
  thats why I was glib.

58

• Sandie Its what I do - the words are me - Ive
  killed three babies inside me.
• Dave You sound .. You sound flat about it -
  on the outside at least - I dont know what you
  are inside about it ..?
• Sandie I need to feel flat inside about it as
  well.
• Dave Yes .. I think I can understand that .. I
  think I really can .. its the only way .. to
  ..
• Sandie Survive.
• Dave Yes.
• Sandie Isnt that funny ..
• Dave That when you feel as you do, you still
  want to survive?
• Sandie Yes - Ive never thought about that
  before.

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Striving to meet at Relational Depth with the
Client in his Existential Process

• Bobby Ive been feeling really bad things Dave -
  really bad things.
• Dave Tell me Bobby.
• Bobby I dont know if I can Dave .. I dont
  know if I can.
• Dave This is really tough for you Bobby - I can
  see that in your face. Youve tried to make
  yourself tell me by bringing it up. But its
  still maybe not possible. I say tell me Bobby
  like I usually do .. but this is not usual
  stuff - this is .. different ..
• (Pause)
• Bobby Dave .. I want to kill me.
• (Long silence)
• Bobby All the roads lead there - I could make a
  good job of it too.

60

• Dave I bet you could, Bobby - Im scared to use
  my imagination.
• Bobby It would be one thing I could do well.
• Dave What are all the feelings Bobby - how do
  all the roads lead here?
• Bobby I dont know if I want to go into it Dave
  - Ive got to this point and I feel a kind of ..
  peace.
• Dave Christ Bobby, this is tough for me. I knew
  you were going to say that. I want to stay with
  you in that and I want to pull you away from
  that. Im no use to you unless I can stay with
  you in it.
• Bobby Thats not true Dave - its nice for me to
  hear that. Anyway, you couldnt stop me.
• Dave I really knew you were going to use that
  peace word. I could feel how all the roads
  lead there. I can see how that is a conclusion
  for you .. and a retribution for you ..

61

• Its the same as cutting yourself used to be for
  you, isnt it?
• Bobby Yes, it has the same sense of punishment
  and control .. Do you understand how important
  it is for me to face this?
• Dave Yes, I do. You must face the question that
  perhaps the only way to make retribution is to
  execute yourself.
• (Long silence)
• Dave You will have worked it all out?
• Bobby In detail, Dave - in detail.
• (Long silence)
• Bobby Its funny to feel so alone, yet with
  someone.
• (Long silence)

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• When a client is met at relational depth and
  enters his existential process, he takes an
  inside view of his Self. From that perspective
  he sometimes experiences his Self in terms of
  different parts rather than a single whole.

63
Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

64
Taking an Inside View of me

• When you are close to me I go inside myself -
  and see the different parts of me. From the
  outside I look confused and self-defeating - I
  dont look alive at all. But inside me I see
  the different parts in their own right. I see
  the scared and angry little girl and her big
  sister who bosses her around, but who really
  loves and protects her. Both of these parts are
  very alive.

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Configurations

• Mearns, D. (1999) Person-centred therapy with
  configurations of Self. Counselling, 10(2)
  125-130.
• Chapter 6 The nature of configurations within
  Self.Chapter 7 Person-centred therapy with
  configurations of Self in Mearns, D. Thorne,
  B. (2000) Person-Centred Therapy Today New
  Frontiers in Theory and Practice. London Sage.

66
Definition

• A configuration is a hypothetical construct
  denoting a coherent pattern of feelings, thoughts
  and preferred behavioural responses symbolised or
  pre-symbolised by the person as reflective of a
  dimension of existence within the Self.

67
Definition of Configuration (Non-Jargon Version)

• Sometimes people experience themselves as having
  different parts to their Self. Each part, or
  configuration, is well-developed, with its own
  feelings, thoughts and ways of behaving which may
  be quite different from other parts.

68
Sam A 23 year old Traumatised Veteran

• I walk around watching people and myself. I
  watch myself watching myself. I have a me that
  I use for everyday life. It does all the normal
  things that other people do - it goes to work -
  it talks with other people - it goes to the store
  - it even makes love with my wife. It carries on
  as though nothing has happened. And I watch it.
  I stand in the background and wonder how I can do
  all that stuff.

69
The Herald NewspaperSaturday, June 30,
2001Goran Ivanisevic Vs Andy Roddick

• Against Roddick on No. 1 Court yesterday, it was
  the good Goran who turned up for work to show
  the crowd the talent in his game which many
  thought he had lost for ever. In typical
  Ivanisevic style, he later claimed that during
  the game he was listening to his inner voice and
  at times the bad Goran did turn up. When that
  happened, he had to call up Goran No. 3 to sort
  things out.

70
SOME CONFIGURED CLIENTS

• Mary Most of the time I am a little princess
  all sweetness and light. Butter wouldnt melt in
  my mouth. My little princess is friends with
  everyone and in general people treat her well.
  She developed in my childhood and she is still
  around. But I also have a hard edge as hard as
  the little princess is soft. I call this part
  vixen me. I shiver when I think about her. She
  would scratch your eyes out dont mess with
  her. She too arose in my childhood, for good
  reasons.

71

• Joe I have strong me and weak me. For years
  strong me hated weak me but that has changed
  during counselling. I understand now how weak me
  came about it wasnt just that he was
  pathetic he was scared, deeply scared. Strong
  me helped me to survive but I need weak me too
  he has parts of me that strong me doesnt.

72

• Mary and Joe are familiar with their
  configurations and have even given them names
  that reflect their main themes. For other people
  there is less familiarity, less clarity, but
  still a sense of pluralism, as with Teri who, in
  surviving a hostage situation, had discovered
  another dimension of her self

73

• Teri At first I just cried. I felt that that was
  all I could do. Then something happened I
  stopped crying and became cool, clear and
  determined. I started to work out strategy. I had
  read about the fact that more hostages survived
  when they made themselves known to their
  captors. So I stopped snivelling and started to
  engage these people. I was amazed this wasnt
  me speaking, but, in fact, it was. I wasnt
  acting I was being me, but a part of me
  that I didnt recognise.

74
PLURALIST THEORIES

• Transactional Analysis (Berne)
• Voices (Hermans, Stiles)
• Parts (Schwartz)
• Sub-personalities (Rowan)
• Complexes (Jung)
• Objects (Fairbairn)

75
Configurations are not metaphors - they are
phenomenological realities
fairytale princess me Vs I am as innocent as a
fairytale princess
vixen me Vs I behaved like a
vixen CONFIGURATIONS METAPHORS
76

• Configurations are NORMAL ways to hold dissonant
  material

77
TWO COMMON NARRATIVES CARRIED BY CONFIGURATIONS

• SELF-EXPRESSION (growthful)
• SELF-PROTECTION (not for growth)

78
Self-expressive Configurations

• The part of me that wants more out of life.
• The bit of me that isnt satisfied.
• The voice within me that screams Is this all
  there is?

79
Self-protective Configurations

• The me that just wants to curl up and do
  absolutely nothing.
• The part that wants to go back.
• The bit that protects me by sabotaging new things.

80
Person-Centred Therapy with Configurations of
Self(See Mearns Thorne Person-Centred Therapy
Today, Chapter 7)

• Staying close to the clients symbolisation
• Listen for the parts, but dont invent them
• Avoiding zero-sum responding
• Empathic mediation helping the parts to hear
  each other
• Multi-directional partiality prizing all the
  parts
• Therapists use of her configurational Self.

81

• Staying close to the
• clients symbolisation

82

• Of course, there has always been the part of me
  which is the dutiful daughter and the other one
  which is the delinquent but there is another
  sense of me as well ..... I cant grasp it .....
  it is something to do with sadness .....

83
Client there is a part of me that is
dreadfully vulnerable and sad .. she has only a
very small voice .. so I dont hear her very
often.
Therapist So I wonder what this hurt little
girl has to say to us

• Client I dont know .. I dont know ..

Therapist From what you said before it sounds
as though she is not just a hurt little girl
but an abused little girl ..?
Client I dont know .. I dont know ..
84
Listen for the partsbut dont invent them
85

• Bill Finally Im going to be free of John! I
  cant wait to get him out of my life.(stops
  talking and looks down)
• Dave Something else Bill?
• Bill When I said that, I felt like crying.
• Dave Is the feeling still with you?

86

• Bill Yes - its in the background. Its behind
  everything I do.
• Dave Its behind everything you do
• Bill Its always there.always crying.
• Dave Always with you and always crying.
• Bill Yes, but only sometimes do I hear it. It
  never says anything. It only cries.

87
Dont translate the Clients Metaphors into
Configurations

• Client I responded to him like a little girl.
• Therapist So, your little girl responded to
  him.

88
Equally, dont translate the clients
configurations into metaphors

• Client The killer part of me wanted to destroy
  him.
• Therapist So, you felt like a killer - you
  wanted to destroy him.

89
Avoiding Zero-Sum Responding

• Client Part of me feels x .. and part of me
  feels not x.
• Therapist So, you are conflicted about how you
  feel?

90
Empathic Mediation Facilitating the dialogue
among parts

• The client, Bobby, struggles with the confusion
  around two parts of his Self. One part, which he
  calls mental me, used to protect him and
  control his existence through the use of extreme
  violence towards others and towards himself. But
  there is a newly emerging part, sad me, which
  is beginning to flood into his existence

Bobby I cut myself with my knife but still the
sadness overwhelms me. Dave Cutting yourself was
your way of staying in control.
91
Bobby Yes - but its not working - that mental
part of me can no longer keep it together. Hes
in deep shit - his time is past. Dave And what
does he feel ..? Bobby .. Scared .. hes so
scared. He thinks that if he loses control I
will be done for .. Hes almost
crying. Dave Thats unusual for him
.. Bobby God yes - maybe hes not so different
from the sad part of me .. the sad part can
understand crying .. God, thats the one thing
he can understand.
92
Dave Can he understand your fear as
well? Bobby .. yes .. I was good at holding
things together. If I cant hold things
together, I might be .. Dave You might
be? Bobby Dead. The only way to survive in my
world was to be really mental - to kill and to
mutilate first .. But it comes from fear . fear
and sadness are not so far apart.
93
Multi Directional PartialityHonouring all the
parts of the Clients Self

• Therapist It seems to me that most of this
  session, so far, we have being hearing from that
  part of you which you called the strong part of
  me. You have also identified other parts of you
  that were quite different from the strong part
  of me - you called them lotus blossom and the
  frightened part of me. Is it meaningful to
  check-in with those parts - what do you think?
• Monica Fuck them - they are in the past - they
  are history.

94

• Therapist Right - let me catch up - this is
  new. Is it like they are, really, history, or
  is it that you would want them to be history?
• Monica Fuck you - you wont let them go, will
  you.
• Therapist I am not going to let them go if they
  are parts of you - I am not going to dismiss any
  of you.
• Monica Who pays you anyway! (with humour)
• Therapist Good point .. Actually, I dont know
  who pays me. Who pays me?
• Monica Clever bastard.

95

• The Therapists use of
• THEIR OWN
• configurational self

96
Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

97

• Mearns, D. Thorne, B. (2000). Advancing
  person-centred theory. Chapters 69 in
  Person-Centred Therapy Today New Frontiers in
  Theory and Practice. London Sage.
• Mearns, D. (2002). Further theoretical
  propositions in regard to Self Theory within
  Person-centered therapy. Person-Centered and
  Experiential Psychotherapies. 1(12) 14-27.
• Mearns, D. Thorne (2007). The new chapter 2 in
  Person-Centred Counselling in Action (3rd
  edition). London Sage.

98
Proposition 5

• Configurations may be established around
  introjections about self.

99
Proposition 6
Configurations may also be established around
dissonant self-experiences.
100
Proposition 7
Formative configurations assimilate other
consistent elements.
101
Proposition 8
Configurations inter-relate and reconfigure.
102
PRESENT TENSE DERIVATIVE
PAST TENSE DERIVATIVE
ME AS I WAS
ME AS I AM NOW
EMERGINGSYNERGY
ANOTHER ME
CONFLICT
BIFURCATION
DERI VATIVE
ME AS IVE ALWAYS KNOWN ME
THE CREEP
CONFLICT
PROTECTION
Alexander Map
FUCKEDME
103
Configuration Theory Using theory in the
person-centred approach

• Theory does not predict the behaviour or the
  experience of the client.
• Theory expands the imagination of the therapist.

104
General Psychological Theory Individual
Psychological Theory
105
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CONFIGURATIONS AND THE PARTS
IN DISSOCIATED PROCESS (Warner)

• Greater separation of dissociated parts
• More personification in the parts
• Information blockage between parts

106

• Configurations may develop into dissociated parts
• (Warner Mearns, 2008)

107
Reflecting upon our own Configurations of Self

• What might be the different parts within my
  Self? - If they had a voice what would they
  each say?
• What were my parts at earlier times in my life?
  - What did they say then?
• How do/did these different parts relate
  together?

108
BUT REMEMBER

• Configurations are NOT meaningful to everyone

109
Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

110

• Rogers, C.R. (1951) A theory of personality and
  behavior, pp 481-533 in Client-Centered Therapy.
  Boston Houghton Mifflin.

111

• Rogers, C.R. (1959) A theory of therapy,
  personality and interpersonal relationships as
  developed in the client-centered framework, pp
  184-256 in S. Koch (ed.), Psychology A Study of
  a Science, Volume 3 Formulations of the Person
  and the Social Contract. New York McGraw-Hill.

112

• Rogers, C.R. (1963) The actualizing tendency in
  relation to motives and to consciousness, pp
  1-24 in M. Jones (ed.), Nebraska Symposium on
  Motivation. Lincoln University of Nebraska Press.

113

• Rogers California Period
• A Unitary Theory

114
The value-added actualising tendency

• Feelings valued over thoughts
• Non-self-conscious being valued over
  considered action
• Free-expression valued over censoring
• Radical choices valued over conservative
  choices
• Volume-up expression of feeling valued over
  volume-down expression of feeling

115

• COULSON, W. (1987) Reclaiming Client-Centered
  Counseling from the Person-Centered Movement.
• Center for Enterprising Families, P.O. Box 134,
  Comptche, Ca 95427, USA.

116

• Reconfiguring Rogers
• Concept of the Self

117
Rogers (1959 200)

• Self Self-Concept

118
Mearns Thorne (2000)
119

• A Dialogical Person-Centred
• Theory of the Self

120

• Growthful Configurations
• (self-expressive)
• Not for growth Configurations
• (self-protective)

121
Proposition 5
The actualising tendency is the sole motivational
force.
122
THE ACTUALISING TENDENCY IS NOT POSITIVE

• SHEILA is unsettled in her relationship with
  Maureen. The relationship has lasted fifteen
  years despite the considerable age difference
  (Sheila is 35 and Maureen 54). But during the
  past couple of years Sheila is placing less value
  on the security the relationship has always
  offered and is craving a more exciting lifestyle.

123

• NIGEL was a prisoner of his fathers physical and
  emotional abuse throughout his first 14 years.
  His father would ceremonially tie him up and beat
  him once a week on some pretext the slightest
  piece of disobedience could bring out his
  fathers belt. Nor were the beatings only
  physical when Nigel showed signs of doing well
  at school he became subject to a torrent of
  insults. Nigel survived by going underground as
  a person. Now, at 22 years of age, he runs a drug
  empire. He tightly controls

124

• his operation and the people in it, exerting
  authority at times with considerable public
  cruelty. He gained supremacy in the gang wars
  partly through violence but also due to his
  intellect.
• (Mearns, D. Thorne, B. 2007. Person-Centred
  Counselling in Action, third edition. London
  Sage. Chapter 2.)

125
(No Transcript)
126

• I could do more with my life but I am scared to
  lose what I have.
• I need to stop this road I can see where it
  points and I dont want it not yet anyway.

127

• I fought my way out of a relationship previously,
  and I lost more than I ever imagined.
• Part of me says go for it and part of me says
  watch it I need to stay with watch it for
  now.

128

• I look at what other people have got and I want
  it like a child wants everything. But my child
  isnt going to make all my decisions.
• Everything seemed to point in the direction of
  leaving the job I needed to be free of it. But
  my family would have lost too much and that
  would mean me losing too much. So I rolled up my
  sleeves and made the best of it.

129
Proposition 7
A psychological homeostasis develops between
the drive of the actualising tendency and the
restraint of social mediation. The configuring
and re-configuring of this homeostasis is the
actualising process.
130

• In this revision of the theory, the central
  concept becomes the actualising process which is
  described by the homeostasis of the imperatives
  of the actualising tendency and social mediation
  within different areas of the persons social
  life space and the reconfiguring of that
  homeostasis to respond to changing
  circumstances.
• (Person-Centred Therapy Today p184)

131
Proposition 8
Disorder is caused when the person becomes
chronically stuck within his/her own actualising
process such that the homeostatic balance cannot
reconfigure to respond to changing circumstances.
132
A Tyranny of Growth
133

• After countless years of going against my
  instinct and fitting into other peoples wishes I
  finally broke free. For a time after that I was
  impossible to live with I couldnt compromise
  at all.

134

• Its like I couldnt go against my view of events
  and what was right for me in the moment. Having
  finally got hold of myself I wasnt going to let
  go I suppose I was scared I would lose myself
  again.

135

• I can see that my sense of myself isnt working.
  Other people are giving back a different view of
  myself, and they are pretty unanimous. They say
  that I look cold and detached, when I feel
  warm. It is difficult to know who to trust.

136

• Either they share the same illusion or I have a
  huge blind spot that I cant see past. It is
  really difficult to go against my sense of myself
  I have no sense of being wrong. But these are
  good people I need to pause awhile.

137

• Counselling in the school system of Fukuoka,
  Japan.
• Morita, Kimura, Ide, Hirai, Murayama.
• The student client is not only part of his
  community
• His community is part of him.

138

• Inayat, Q. (2005). The Islamic concept of self,
  Counselling Psychology Review, 20 2-10.
• Proctor, G., Cooper, M., Sanders, P. Malcolm,
  B. (eds.) (2006). Politicizing the Person-Centred
  Approach. Ross-on-Wye PCCS Books.

139
Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

140
The Developmental Agenda for the Therapist
Working at Relational Depth

• expanding our experience of humanity
• expanding the self available in the therapy room
• configurations
• existential touchstones

141
Expanding Our Experience of Humanity

• Eventually I realised that if I was going to
  work professionally as a counsellor, I had better
  find out something about the other half of
  humanity. So I started to work with men!
• I never actively accepted myself as
  homophobic, but I was. Joining the mens group
  soon blew that away.

142

• When it would come to the edge of meeting the
  depths of my clients despair I would always pull
  back. I got over that edge, initially, through
  reading about peoples experiences of despair.
  That would take me into my tears and closer to
  my sense of my own existence.

143

• An experience which helped me to sustain myself
  in the work with Rick was attending an
  informal rap group of veterans.I used that
  group to stay connected with the kinds of
  experiencing they spoke about.
• (Mearns Cooper, 2005 107)

144
The Developmental Agenda for the Therapist
Working at Relational Depth

• expanding our experiences of humanity
• expanding the self available in the therapy room
• configurations
• existential touchstones

145

• The Therapists use of her
• configurational self?

146
Working all together with Clair
Extract 1

• Dave 1 I really dont understand why you are
  leaving the job.
• Clair 1 No, I knew you wouldnt.
• Dave 2 You mean you knew that I wouldnt
  understand it?
• Clair 2 Yes .. Ive seen it for ages. We are
  o.k. when we are working on my strong Self - that
  work has been great - I wouldnt take anything
  away from it. But my little girl isnt so sure
  about you.
• Dave 3 She doesnt trust me.
• Clair 3 She doesnt think you want to know her
  .. She is pretty scared you know.

147

• Dave 4 (pause) I suppose we havent spent enough
  time on her. (pause) I guess I didnt hear her
  very well - I didnt realise how bad she felt. I
  see now that I didnt hear her very well.
• Clair 4 I didnt let her come out very often
  with you. Maybe I thought you wouldnt like me
  if I really showed you her.
• Dave 5 And perhaps I wasnt as open to her as I
  could have been ..
• Clair 5 Well, she has got to come out now. She
  needs to become a big girl now. So I am holding
  her hand and walking her out.
• Dave 6 And what are you feeling, little girl?
• Clair 6 I am scared .. and I am angry. I am
  not sure if I can trust you .. But I want to
  trust you.
• Dave 7 I want to apologise to you for not really
  listening to you until now.

148
Extract 2 (two sessions later)

• Clair 1 It is better now, in here. It feels as
  though there are four of us working together.
• Dave 1 You mean, two of you and two of me?
• Clair 2 Yes.
• Dave 2 The two parts of you, you have called
  your strong Self and your little girl. But
  you also sense two parts to me here?
• Clair 3 Yes, dont you?
• Dave 3 Yes, but I havent given them names yet -
  in here at least - what is your sense of them?
• Clair 4 One is watching over everything that is
  happening. He is pretty competent, but he is
  also nervous. The other is not so used to being
  here but he has been invited. He has got a
  softness and vulnerability which is really good
  for me. He helps me to be soft with myself.
• Dave 4 He helps you to be soft with yourself ..?

149

• Clair 5 When it was only your strong,
  competent self that was here - then my strong
  self just got together with you and there was no
  space for softies - no space for softies in
  either of us.
• Dave 5 And it is important that we touch that
  softness in you ..?
• Clair 6 It is important that we are all here,
  together. My parts both have strength - but they
  need to get along together, like yours do.
• Dave 6 Maybe I am more tentative, than I look,
  my soft part kind of feels okay with this but
  is a bit unsure.
• Clair 7 That is what soft parts are like,
  silly! Being unsure is part of being soft.
• Dave 7 I think you are more experienced at this
  than me, Clair.
• Clair 8 Never mind, well help each other along!

150
The Developmental Agenda for the Therapist
Working at Relational Depth

• expanding our experiences of humanity
• expanding the self available in the therapy room
• configurations
• existential touchstones

151
Definition of existential touchstones

• Life events and self-experiences that have given
  us glimpses of different dimensions of ourself
  and which we can enter to put us into a feeling
  state that is closer to our clients present
  experiencing and thus act as a bridge for us
  into a fuller meeting with our client.
• Mearns, D. Thorne, B. (2007). Person-Centred
  Counselling in Action. Third edition, p.147,
  London Sage.

152
Existential Touchstones Vulnerabilities turned
into strengths

• Five counsellors give us glimpses of earlier,
  difficult experiences that have become
  existential touchstones for them in their work
• The memory of my own earlier loneliness is
  something I can touch to bring me closer to my
  lonely client.
• It took me years to get over my own early
  experience of abuse but now it doesnt frighten
  me any more now I can even use it as a way of
  getting closer to my clients experience of
  abuse.

153

• I dont think you ever get over a major
  bereavement. But it gets to a point that it
  deepens you as a person and helps you to be with
  your client in the depth of their bereavement.
• My clients anger was frightening in its power.
  At first I shrank from it but I got back close
  to it by touching how my old anger had felt. It
  was interesting to see me use that for the very
  first time.

154

• My client talking about his suicide was difficult
  for me. I found myself repeatedly tuning in and
  then fading out. I realised that what was
  affecting me was a resistance to touching my own
  earlier thoughts about suicide. When I stopped
  resisting and touched the sense of my own
  experience, it calmed me, and deepened me, to
  meet my client.
• (Mearns, D. Thorne, B. 2007. Person-Centred
  Counselling in Action. Third edition, p.148.
  London Sage.)

155
Exercise What are, or might become, my
touchstones?

• The exercise invites participants to consider a
  range of powerful previous self-experiences and
  categorise them as follows
• 1)     Self-experiences that have already become
  touchstones for me
• 2)     Self-experiences that may become
  touchstones for me in the future
• 3)     Self experiences that are difficult to
  imagine ever becoming touchstones.
• The exercise is designed for groups of four
  people. This is an optimal size, balancing
  intimacy and diversity of experiences. The first
  half-hour is spent with people addressing the
  questions privately. Thereafter, thirty minutes
  is devoted to exploring in the group the findings
  of each of the four people in turn.

156
Contents

• PCE Worldwide
• A schema of working at relational depth
• Resonance
• Client processes
• Working with the clients configurations of
  self
• Configuration Theory
• Revising Rogers Self-Theory
• The developmental agenda for the therapist
  working at relational depth
• Existential Touchstones
• Working with Dominic.

157
From Mearns, D. Cooper, M. (2005) Working at
Relational Depth in Counselling and
Psychotherapy. London Sage.

• Dominic 1 At the start of session 3
• D1 I shouldnt have come today. Ill go away if
  you like.
• T1 Because youve been drinking?
• D2 Yeah Ive been drinking.
• T2 Do you want to go or do you want to stay?
• D3 I wouldnt mind staying.
• T3 I would like that too. But Id like us to
  keep the tape on like we usually do. Why I say
  that is that I want us to have a record of what
  happens when youre pissed its easy to forget.

158

• D4 Fine I hadnt realised it was on.
• T4 Good that I mentioned it then.
• D5 (Long pause) How do you feel about me .. now
  .. here.
• T5 Dom, I want to tell you that I feel absolutely
  nothing about the fact that youve been drinking.
  But you asked how I felt about you, now, here
  (pauses) I feel .. a bit .. scared.
• D6 Scared?
• T6 It surprises me too .. I guess it does matter
  to me that youve been drinking .. Im scared in
  case we have to start again. Its like I feel
  that weve made a really good connection .. but
  will that still be there ..today. Thats what
  makes me a bit scared.

159

• D7 Like it matters to you?
• T7 Yes it does Dom.
• D8 Like this isnt just a game to you?
• T8 I think you know that, Dom. In fact, I know
  you know that Dom.
• D9 Yes sober me knows it, but does drunk
  me?!
• T9 I dont know. Does he? Do you?
• D10 Big question maybe Ill need another vodka
  before I can answer that.
• T10 Dom be here be here drunk but dont
  play fucking games with me. Neither you nor I
  deserve that.
• D11 SILENCE
• T11 SILENCE

160

• D12 Youre really serious about this, arent
  you?
• T12 As ever.
• D13 Im sorry.
• T13 Apology accepted - where should we start
  today?
• D14 We started long ago this is me this is
  who I am.
• T14 Yes youre right I see we started at
  the beginning as usual but the start was
  different because you were different. Yes, I
  missed that.

161

• Dominic 2 Later in session 3
• D15 Its not easy to live up to a holy name.
• T15 Dominic.
• D16 Yes a good Catholic upbringing kept
  telling me how important my name was.
• T16 Like it told you what you should be?
• D17 Yeah but it was a fantasy pure fantasy
  . pure . fantasy.
• T17 Their fantasy?
• D18 Yeah It was like I didnt exist you
  know?
• T18 Like they had some image of you that was so
  far from who you were that it was like they were
  talking about someone else.
• D19 Got it in one. Youre good at this shit!
• T19 Hope so. What are you with just now?

162

• D20 (long pause) . (looks directly at T) .. I
  dont know what I m about.
• T20 (looks intensely at D and moves towards him,
  speaking slowly). That sounds like a lot,
  youdontknowwhatyoure-about
• D21 Im so full of crap.
• T21 and ?
• D22 I dont know whether to believe myself or
  not.
• T22 Say more Dom.
• D23 Im just so full of crap.
• T23 You dont know whether to believe yourself or
  not.
• D24 I think Im serious sincere. But, really,
  Im only a drunk a fuckin drunk.
• T24 You think that you are serious and sincere.
  But you are really, only, a fuckin drunk.

163

• D25 Yes.
• T25 A fuckin drunk thats all you are.
• D26 (tears welling up)
• T26 A fuckin drunk.
• D27 (hits fist on arm of chair in apparent anger
  and cries)
• T27 Dom, you are angry and you are crying.
• D28 Im so fuckin full of shit (cries).
• T28 (moves to Dominic and puts his arm round him)
• D29 (cries more and more)
• T29 It feels like a lonely place.
• D30 (looks up at T) Yes (shivers).
• T30 Cold, and lonely

164

• D31 The only warmth comes through the bottle
  whether its single malt or cheap vodka it
  doesnt matter.
• T31 It still works it still gives a feeling of
  warmth.
• D32 It does I cant describe it Im alive but
  its killing me and everything I love.
• T32 Dom can you really help me get hold of this
  It sounds really strong like you feel really
  alive that sounds real powerful. But, then,
  it is also killing you, and everything you
  love.
• D33 One part of me is really hooked on it it
  is the only buzz I get and I cant get enough
  of it.
• T33 And, there is another part?
• D34 The other part is a loving husband and
  father
• T34 Yes?

165

• D35 Who is killing his family.
• T35 You are carrying a lot a helluva lot.
• D36 And I cant carry it any more.
• T36 That sounds serious No. I dont mean to be
  glib it really does sound like you are
  serious.
• D37 Ive got to do something.
• T37 Do? What would you do Dom?
• D38 Either give it up or give it up.
• T38 I think I understand one part the one
  that is really hooked would give up on your
  normal life and the other part the one who
  is a loving husband and father would give up
  the booze.
• D39 Most people dont realize how difficult a
  choice that is.
• T39 Is it does it feel like giving up on
  living for the life you have?

166

• D40 Yes.
• T40 SILENCE
• D41 It feels like living when youre drunk
  but it isnt really.
• T41 SILENCE
• D42 Ive been scared of living all my life Ive
  been scared of living. Ive never felt like
  other people Ive never felt sure of myself
  the way other people do. If you feel sure of
  yourself you can go out and do things with your
  life. If you dont feel sure of yourself you
  cant you cant really do things with your life
  youve always got to make safe choices
  choices that dont really test you choices that
  arent really living.
• T42 SILENCE
• D43 And so, I have an ordinary life did you
  see that film?
• T43 Ordinary Lives yes.

167

• D44 LONG SILENCE
• T44 Are you stuck? Are you thinking about the
  film?
• D45 Yes their ordinary lives were blown apart
  when something terrible happened. They had taken
  the safe choices for so long that they hadnt
  developed the strength to deal with real life.
• T45 And you what about you.
• D46 Part of me tries to break free, but it also
  hasnt got experience it doesnt know how to do
  it.
• T46 SILENCE
• D47 SILENCE
• T47 I am feeling sad for it. I think I am seeing
  it better. It desperately wants to do something
  but it has been scared of living for so long
  it doesnt know what to do.
• D48 So all I can do is to go into that feeling of
  being sad and get drunk. Thats the closest I