Parents Adjustment to being a parent of a College student

1
Parents Adjustment to (being a parent of a)
College (student)

• UW Parent Orientation
• Summer/Fall 2009
• David S. Cozzens, Ph.D.
• Dean of Students/Associate Vice President for
  Student Affairs

2
Outline

• Letting go the process.
• Transition to college for the student
• Important processes of growth for your emerging
  adult who will be a college student
• Generational Differences
• Some things to help in your adjustment to being a
  parent of a college student

3

• Imagine yourself standing at your front door
  with your bags packed, ready to leave on a
  long-awaited journey. This is a special trip,
  different from the family vacations or business
  travels your are accustomed to.
• You are leaving behind everyone you know and
  moving to a new place where you have made a
  commitment to spend the next four years of your
  life.

4
When you arrive at this strange place, you look
around and see a landscape of unfamiliar faces.
Some of these people talk different than you
they have strange accents and use expressions
youve never heard before. Some of them wear
clothes that are different too. They all look
smart, confident, and outgoing.
5

• No one here knows anything about the status you
  had in your previous position or about any of
  your past accomplishments.
• You have left behind your family, friends,
  colleagues all the people who are important in
  your life.
• Youre not too sure where anything is or who
  might be able to help you.

6

• You have to share a small room with a perfect
  stranger. There are no set guidelines about
  bedtime, use of phone, stereo, radio, or
  entertaining guests. You have to negotiate
  everything.
• You have more work to do than ever before, but
  youre not too sure how you will be evaluated or
  what people will want from you. You may not get
  your first evaluation for many weeks.

7

• You have a lot of unscheduled time and there are
  plenty of distractions sports, concerts,
  movies, parties, clubs and lots of attractive
  potential partners.
• Youre not too sure where your work and new
  relationships are heading, and you dont know
  where or how you will ever fit into this new
  place. But everyone has told you that your whole
  future depends on your doing well during these
  four years preferably better than those other
  bright, confident-looking people who live here
  with you.

8

• This is your freshmans journey
• Excerpted from Letting Go A Parents Guide to
  Understanding the College Years, Coburn and
  Treeger, 4rd ed., 2003.

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Three criteria for adulthood

• Accepting responsibility for self
• Making independent decisions
• Being financially independent
• Source Emerging Adulthood The Winding Road
  from the Late Teens Through the Twenties, Arnett,
  2004. p.3.

10
Emerging Adulthood 18 to 25(ish)

• Identity Exploration

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Self-focused
12

• Feeling in-between
• Instability

13
Action(s) that will quicken the developmental and
maturational processes
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Intentional Involvement
15
Striving for Balance

• Physical
• Emotional
• Interpersonal
• Intellectual
• Spiritual
• Occupational

16
Generational Differences
17
A Generations Outlook

• is formed by the values, attitudes and
  expectations that affect an age group. This
  outlook is influenced by economy, complexity,
  adversity, diversity and technology.
• Source Center for Generational Studies, 2003.

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Each generation looks at the others with a
different set of expectations
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Millennial Generation

• As a group Millennials are unlike any other youth
  generation in living memory. They are more
  numerous, more affluent, better educated, and
  more ethnically diverse. More important, they are
  beginning to manifest a wide array of positive
  social habits that older Americans no longer
  associate with youth, including a focus on team
  work, achievement, modesty, and good conduct
  Over the next decade, the Millennial Generation
  will entirely recast the image of youth from
  downbeat and alienated to upbeat and engaged.

20
Millennial Characteristics

• Special (lots of parental involvement)
• Sheltered (baby on board)
• Confident (optimistic and technologically adept)
• Team-oriented (desire for structured activity
  used to being in groups)

• Achieving (very smart- probably most all-around
  capable teenage generation )
• Pressured (To make the right choices, etc)
• Conventional (neo-traditionalists, more modest,
  mannerly)

21
College is a time of tremendous change, growth
and development
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How to continue letting go?

• Celebrate your good work now allow them to use
  their adult skills
• Remember that challenge and struggle are
  important to maturation and independence
• Appreciate the joy, fear, relief, sadness, pride,
  etc.
• Find new ways to spend your time

23
Things to remember as a parent

• your son or daughter will be intellectually and
  personally challenged and this will bring on a
  degree of discomfort, lack of confidence, and
  confusion
• he/she might have some personal problems
  typically associated with the tremendous personal
  growth and development that occurs during the
  17-25 age period
• your child will change and you may not approve of
  some of the changes
• you might anticipate that your student may become
  a bit arrogant and overbearing about his/her new
  knowledge, freedom and independence

24
More reminders

• your son or daughter will not always think that
  UW is Gods greatest gift to American youth
• students might consider or take leave of absence,
  but this rarely means they are going to drop out
  of college permanently
• you probably shouldnt expect your child to
  understand how hard it is for you as parents to
  leave their child at the university

25
Ways to support and ease the transition for your
student

• Care packages cookies, popcornto share
• Inexpensive gifts, e.g. stamps, coins for
  laundry, etc.
• Realistic expectations including a drop from
  high school grades
• Communicate regularly letters, cards, pictures,
  clippings, phone calls, email (from your end)
• Work at understanding what they are going
  through
• Ask open-ended questions and try not to give too
  much advice
• Take advantage of Homecoming, Family weekend,
  and other reasons to visit campus (their turf)
• Be aware of campus services so as to remind your
  student occasionally
• When the opportunity arises discuss important
  issues, e.g. alcohol use, finances, working at
  balance, future plans, etc.
• Listen

26

• There is treasure everywhere!

27
Good Luck!
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• Information Resources
•  
• Beating the College Blues A Students guide to
  coping with the emotional ups and downs of
  college life, Grayson and Meilman, 1992.
• Education and Identity, Chickering and Reisser,
  2nded., 1993.
• Emerging Adulthood The Winding Road from the
  Late Teens Through the Twenties, Arnett, 2004.
• Emotional Intelligence, D. Goleman, 1996.
• Letting Go A Parents Guide to Understanding the
  College Years, Coburn and Treeger, 4rd ed. 2003.
• Millennials Go to College, Howe Strauss, 2003.
• Millennials Rising The Next Generation, Howe
  Strauss, 2000.
• The Prehistory of the Far Side, by Gary Larson,
  1989.
• Theres Treasure Everywhere A Calvin and Hobbes
  Collection by Bill Watterson, 1996.
• University of Wyoming Bulletin www.uwyo.edu

29

• Parents Adjustment to (being a parent of a)
  College (student)
• UW Parents Orientation-Summer/Fall 2009
• David Cozzens, Ph.D., Dean of Students/Associate
  Vice President for Student Affairs
• Outline
• Letting go the process.
• Transition to college for the student
• Important processes of growth for your emerging
  adult who will be a college student
• Generational Differences
• Some things to help in your adjustment to being a
  parent of a college student
•  
• ______________________
• Generally agreed characteristics of an adult
• Acceptance of responsibility for self
• Making independent decisions
• Becoming financially independent
• ______________________
• Characteristics of Emerging Adults (according to
  Arnett)
• Exploring identity

30

• Contd - Parent Adjustment to College
•  
•  
• Things to remember as a parent
• your son or daughter will be intellectually and
  personally challenged and this will bring on a
  degree of discomfort, lack of confidence, and
  confusion
• he/she might have some personal problems
  typically associated with the tremendous personal
  growth and development that occurs during
  the17-25 age period
• your child will change and you may not approve of
  some of the changes
• you might anticipate that your student may become
  a bit arrogant and overbearing about his/her new
  knowledge, freedom and independence
• your son or daughter will not always think that
  UW is Gods greatest gift to American youth
• students might consider or take leave of absence,
  but this rarely means they are going to drop out
  of college permanently
• you probably shouldnt expect your child to
  understand how hard it is for you, as parents, to
  leave their child at the university
•  
•  
• Ways to support and ease the transition for your
  student
• 1. Care packages cookies, popcornto share
• 2. Inexpensive gifts, e.g.stamps, coins for
  laundry, etc.