ARE YOU RECEIVING ME

1
ARE YOU RECEIVING ME?
Hidden Messages Printouts
2
Hidden Messages Dominant

• Head high
• slightly back (supercilious)
• slightly forward (hostile)
• Eyebrows raised
• Unwavering gaze/stare
• Jutting chin
• Extended back
• Square shoulders
• Pointing gestures
• Feet planted firmly
• Hand on top during handshake
• Hands on hips, thumbs back when standing

Note The dominant person favours the swagger
walk and tone of voice as adopted by John
Wayne Walk tall and talk firm
3
Hidden Messages Confident
Level head Face-to-face position Steady eye
contact Ready to smile Square shoulders Open
hands Expansive gestures -palm down (to make a
point) -palm up (to invite involvement) Feet on
floor, or ankles crossed Firm handshake on
greeting, with good eye contact
Note A study reported in July 2000 Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology found that
women who introduced themselves with an
assertive gesture by way of a firm handshake were
perceived as being intellectual and open to new
experiences. (Lipsitz)
4
Hidden Messages Relaxed
Head up Face-to-face position Steady eye
contact Smiles with whole face Leans slightly
back Arms slightly crossed or palm up
gestures Dry palms Legs crossed -at ankles
(politely relaxed) -at knees (very
relaxed) Languid wave favoured over handshake
5
Hidden Messages Interested
Head nods Eyebrows slightly raised Smiles Leans
forward Parallel palms Sits at edge of
chair Heels slightly raised
6
Hidden Messages Intimate
Head tilted to side Direct gaze Eyelashes
flutter Smiles Swivels toward partner Leans
forward Open arms Legs slinkily crossed Movements
mirror partner (chameleon effect) Handshake may
involve hand surrounding partners hand or
touching arm or elbow
Note Chameleon effect non-conscious mimicry of
the postures, mannerisms, facial expressions and
other behaviours of the interacting
partner. Chartrand and Bargh (1999) showed that
dispositionally empathic people exhibit the
chameleon effect more than less empathic
individuals.
7
Hidden Messages Reflective
Head leans slightly -forward (intently
thoughtful) -back (passively reflecting) Eyes
move off to left or right Fingers tented at
fingertips
Notes Conjugate Lateral Eye Movements
(CLEMs) Involuntary movements to the right or
left that signal information procession,
reflection and thought they also reflect
unvoiced doubt. Steepling The simple act of
placing the fingers of either hand together in
front of you to form a steeple is a very
effective gesture that is rarely offensive and
will establish you as someone both evaluative and
in control. (Susan Bixler, The Professional
Image)
8
Hidden Messages Doubtful
Head slightly back Eyebrows lowered Eyes look off
to left or right Lips pursed Body position
shifts Hand to face -touching/pulling chin
(unspoken doubt) -raise then lower index finger
(unspoken objection) -finger to side of nose
(strong doubt)
9
Hidden Messages Disagreeing
Head shakes Eyebrows lowered Sudden look away
(cut-off) Lips purse or pout Slight tongue
show Adams Apple jump Body bends away One hand
behind head Feet point away
Note Psychologists have long recognised the
syndrome they call flexion withdrawal. Unvoiced
negative feelings towards a speaker are revealed
by unconsciously withdrawing from the individual
pulling away hands and arms, moving body
backwards, turning feet away from the individual.
10
Hidden Messages Submissive
Head tilted to side Eyes gazing
down Crouched Shoulders shrugged One hand
behind head
Note Before entering their superiors office,
workers will pause, bend at the waist, flex their
necks forward and lower their heads to peek in.
This involuntary gesture is partly ritualistic (a
form of bow) and partly instinctive (crouching
is a natural defence mechanism).
11
Hidden Messages Nervous
Head down Avoids eye contact Rapid blinking Face
flushed Lips clenched Closed body Shoulders
shrugged Sweaty palms Defensive
gestures -crossing arms -wringing
hands -self-touching Fidgety -jingling
coins -chewing pen -jerky movements
Note Self-touch Individuals seek reassurance
through body contact. Fingertips land on lips.
Self-stimulating behaviour such as massaging
arms, scratching, pinching or rubbing the skin
increases with anxiety levels.
12
Hidden Messages Deceitful
Head still Avoids eye contact Rapid eye
blink Tense mouth Adams Apple jump Tense
body Hand touches back of neck Finger touches
between nose and upper lip
Notes There is no substitute for looking a
witness in the eye. (Kenneth Starr, US Special
Prosecutor) During interviews, I have observed
people touching the back of the neck immediately
after being told they are suspect, and then
followed up each time the investigators were
accurate in describing something only the suspect
knew about. (FBI agent)
13
Hidden Messages Disappointed
Head down Eyes look to floor Face flushed Lips
compressed Mouth drooped Closed body Shrugged
shoulders Palm to back of head
14
Hidden Messages Dress Code
Print images from Sheets A and B. Cut and paste
them onto card. Print extra sheets if you have a
larger group. Divide participants into two
groups. Distribute Sheet A images to individuals
in Group A and Sheet B images to individuals in
Group B.
15
Sheet A
16
Sheet B
17
Hidden Messages Dress Code
Individual exercise What are your impressions of
this person from what you see on the card? Write
something down about what sort of person this
might be and what he or she likes to
do. Follow-up exercise Ask members of Group A
to pair up with members of Group B by trying to
match the person with appropriate footwear. Does
everyone agree with the matches? In pairs,
compare the notes you made about the person you
imagined. Did you have similar perceptions, or
not? Discuss your conclusions with the whole
group.
18
Hidden Messages Dress Code
Dress and styling add colour, contrast, shape and
texture to a physical form. Our dress
complements our body language in providing varied
non-verbal messages. We may use clothing cues as
uniforms, fashion statements, membership badges,
signs of social affiliation and status, and as an
expression of our personality. Headgear Distincti
vely styled headgear can communicate a wearers
identity, gender, occupation, mood and favourite
sport. They are prominent and conspicuous
signs. Hats for men, now unfashionable, were
once regarded as signs of masculinity and
fierceness. Humphrey Bogarts famous fedora made
him look meaner. Sports caps are popular for
casual wear. For men they say, I belong to a
team, and, in a deeper sense, I belong to the
association of men. Unlike womens hats, which
are designed to show individuality, mens hats
are part of a uniform to show membership. Some
sports caps, with bright flashes of colour and
bold patterns, resemble the markings of animals.
These caps warn off non-members of the species.
They say Dont mess with me. A womans hat is
generally chosen for style, individuality and
presence. It can also suggest power and
strength. Sports caps, cowboy hats and fedoras
worn by women reflect allegiance to predominantly
male teams. Floppy berets and Garbo-style
slouch hats frame the face and seem more
appealing, approachable and feminine.
19

• Hairstyle
• Hairstyle is a signature display and, like the
  sports cap, a badge of identity, representing
  membership of a group or a desire to identify
  with admired others.
• The traditional contrast between mens and
  womens hair is associated with the attention
  long or short hair draws to facial features.
  Short, military-style cuts emphasise masculine
  traits bony brow ridges, prominent noses and
  larger jaws. Longer, thicker hair showcases
  feminine eyes and lips, while downplaying the
  more manly aspects. Men may project additional
  strength with beards that widen the lower face
  and moustaches that turn the lip corners down to
  suggest fierceness.
• In ancient Egypt, where the top rulers were
  nearly always male, the royal head-dress
  symbolised virility and included a fake beard.
  Upper class women in ancient Egypt developed a
  taste for huge wigs, sometimes topped with
  jewellery.
• Anthropologists report that in many societies
  long hair shows openness, passion and lack
  of inhibition, while shaved heads and short hair
  symbolise discipline, denial and
  conformity.
• A Procter Gamble study in 2000 found that
  hairstyles play a significant role in first
  impressions. Research in the US showed
• For women
• short, tousled hair conveys confidence and an
  outgoing personality, but ranks low in
  sexuality.
• medium-length, casual hair suggests intelligence
  and good nature.
• long, straight, blonde hair projects sexuality
  and affluence.
• For men
• short, front-flip hairstyles are perceived as
  confident, sexy and self-centred.
• medium-length, side-parted hair suggests
  intelligence, affluence and a narrow mind.
• long hair projects all brawn and no brains,
  carelessness and a good-natured personality.

20
Neckwear The neck dimple is a frail and hairless
part of our anatomy. An expressive body part,
its fragility is either left uncovered for
display or concealed by neckwear. In business,
government and military service, the neck dimple
is masked by button-up collars, scarves and
knotted ties, which suggest formality, strength
and reserve. The message of neckwear is step
back. A man may widen his neck and reduce his
vulnerability with a button-up collar and tie. A
long tie accentuates the height of a man. Women
in business enhance their status and formality by
hiding the neck dimple with a choker or
scarf. In courtship, men and women showcase the
vulnerable appeal of the neck by casual,
collarless clothing. As revealing the neck
dimple is a universal sign of submission and
approachability, a man who loosens his tie in the
presence of a female may be unwittingly
expressing his attraction. The modern trend in
business, however, is increasingly towards
discarding neckwear. David Givens, Director of
the Centre for Nonverbal Studies in Washington
suggests this is a paradigm shift in business
that reflects a revolution in the politics of
power. Dr Givens says In the old days of just
a few years ago, you had to look powerful in
business. But now information has won out over
brute politics and corporate hierarchy. The
information-rich young staff gained power and
pushed for casual dress, and the first items
removed were the MBA scarf and the necktie. When
youve been to Information Mecca, you no longer
need to wear the veil. Its redundant as a power
cue.
21
Business Suit Business suits have evolved through
a long history of clothing worn to achieve
broadside display the act of enlarging or
exaggerating body size to dominate, threaten or
bluff an opponent. The first broadside display
may have appeared in the animal hide worn by the
Neanderthals. In ancient Rome superior classes
draped wool or linen toga-cloths over their left
shoulder, which had the effect of making the
upper body look thicker and more formidable than
the simple tunic. The physical and psychological
effect of wearing military-style clothing is
mentioned in Beowulf Beowulf put on his
warriors dress, had no fear for his life. His
war-shirt, hand-fashioned, broad and well-worked
was to cover his body-cave so that foes grip
may not harm his heart, or grasp of angry enemy
his life. Today, the business suit is a power
uniform, allowing men and women to display larger
versions of themselves and present a more
influential silhouette in business and public
affairs. Square shoulders exaggerate the size
and strength of the upright torso. Pads and
epaulettes cover the unconscious shrugs and
droops of the shoulders that betray feelings of
submission or uncertainty in the boardroom.
Crisp shirt cuffs and watches add visibility and
authority to hand gestures delivered at
colleagues. Business suits are invariably
conservative, Navy blue and dark grey are colours
of choice. Black - intense and mysterious -
makes the wearer unapproachable. Brown is
regarded with caution. Lighter colours are seen
as insubstantial. For women too, the darker the
clothing the more authority the suit will add to
the wearer. Short skirts reduce authority
because they reveal what trousers conceal
vulnerable areas of skin suggesting frailty and
sexuality. Business suits are the corporate
uniform, the badge of club membership. In a
changing world, business suits are not being
discarded at the same rate as ties, though there
is a move towards informality, especially in the
tendency to remove jackets in the office and at
meetings. Fashion author Véronique Vienne
suggests that Taking off your jacket creates an
atmosphere of trust.
22
Jeans Marlon Brandos blue jeans in the 1954 film
The Wild One launched Levis as a medium of mass
communication, reinforced by James Dean in Rebel
Without A Cause the following year. Brando and
Dean threatened the establishment and their
images remain powerful today. Jeans, the
antithesis of the business suit, became a
universal fashion statement for independence,
rebellion and youthful rejection of the corporate
world. Footwear Sonja Bata, founder of the Bata
Shoe Museum in Toronto, claims that Shoes hold
the key to human identity. Typically, feminine
footwear shows personality and uniqueness (the
message is I am someone special), while
masculine footwear demonstrates membership of a
group (I am a business executive or Im a
cowboy, for example). High heels suggest that
women are delicate, submissive and ethereal
with feet not placed firmly on the ground.
Visually, they draw attention to the legs and
buttocks and enhance the ankle, thus showcasing
the sex appeal of the wearer, and potentially
reducing authority, though this is partly
compensated for by the extra height given by the
heels. Mens shoes can be dominant, submissive
or neutral. Once again, Marlon Brando played a
part in establishing a sustained image by
popularising the thick buckled motorcycle boots
he wore in The Wild One. The dominant stomping
image of the motorcycle boot, adopted by the
Rockers of the 1960s, contrasted with the
submissive, almost feminine winkle-pickers
favoured by the Mods. The third prototype - the
neutral shoe is the one most often seen in
business circles. It is instructive, however, to
observe how some wearers lean towards a variation
of the stomping boot, which is a conspicuous
sign of power and authority, while others choose
the more submissive gracile styles which downplay
bluntness in favour of elegance and aesthetic
quality. Grateful acknowledgement is given to
the Centre for Nonverbal Studies as the source
for facts reported in this article.
23
Hidden Messages Colour Code
Different colours represent and promote different
moods. Red excites and angers Note US
football coach Knute Rockne tried to stimulate
his players by using a red-walled locker room,
while the opponents were lulled in restful blue
quarters. Orange is emotional and
disturbing Note Employees at a certain factory
were in the habit of lingering around a drinking
fountain. When the soft green walls of the area
were repainted vivid orange, workers just took a
drink and left. Yellow is light-hearted and
fanciful Note The yellow smiley face, a
popular graphic symbol designed by commercial
artist Harvey Ball in the early 1960s, has
become a universal symbol of happiness. Green is
peaceful and secure Note Blackfriars Bridge in
London was well-known for its frequent suicides.
When it was repainted bright green suicides
declined by more than one-third. Blue is cool
and restful Note Blue Hawaii and Blue Lagoon
are examples of films associated with leisure
and coolness. Indigo is moody and
creative Note The Duke Ellington jazz tune Mood
Indigo is a good example from music. Violet is
sensuous and inspiring Note Violet is a
favourite colour among science fiction and
fantasy groups.
24
Hidden Messages International Code

• Can you recognise non-verbal signs around the
  world? Try this quiz.
• Where does shaking your head mean yes and
  nodding your head mean no?
• In India, someone grasps an ear. What does it
  mean?
• Which race responds to a compliment by fanning
  the face with one hand?
• Snapping the thumb and first finger together is a
  form of applause. Where?
• In Thailand, what body part do people use to
  point to an object?
• Where is it rude to keep your hands behind your
  back or in your pockets?
• Where is it rude to point or beckon with the
  finger?
• Showing the sole of a foot is an insult. Where?
• A Brazilian pulls down the lower lid of the right
  eye. What does it mean?

25
Hidden Messages International Code

• Quiz Answers
• Sri Lanka
• Honestly or Im sorry
• The Japanese
• Spain
• The chin
• Korea
• China and Hong Kong
• Middle East, Singapore, Thailand and Pakistan
• The listener doubts what you are saying

26
Flipchart Template
Hidden Messages

• How can you tell by observation that a person
  is
• Dominant
• Confident
• Relaxed
• Interested
• Intimate
• Reflective
• Doubtful
• Disagreeing
• Submissive

27
Hidden Messages Scenario 1A
One of you is a marketing manager, the other a
candidate for a telesales position. You are the
marketing manager. For your eyes only This is a
good candidate, but you are guarded and resentful
because the candidates father happens to be your
boss, whom you dislike. You feel bounced into
taking the candidate on. You feel you should not
say anything about this directly to the
candidate, but cant completely hide your
feelings.
28
Hidden Messages Scenario 1B
One of you is a marketing manager, the other a
candidate for a telesales position. You are the
candidate. For your eyes only Your father is
the boss of this firm and he promised you a job.
Frankly, however, you feel the telesales post is
beneath you. You could easily do the fool of a
marketing managers job. Of course you cant say
any of this openly, and you wouldnt want to
upset your father by turning the job down, but
you cant completely hide your feelings.
29
Hidden Messages Scenario 2A
One of you is a middle manager, the other is that
managers boss. You are having a social
conversation in the middle managers office. You
are the middle manager. For your eyes only This
interruption by the boss is irritating. You are
already behind on a progress report you have been
asked to produce by the end of the day. You want
to get on with it, but you dont want to say
anything directly to your boss, who probably
thinks its already done. You play your part in
this trivial conversation, but you wish your boss
would just go away.
30
Hidden Messages Scenario 2B
One of you is a middle manager, the other is that
managers boss. You are having a social
conversation in the middle managers office. You
are the boss. For your eyes only You have
worked with this colleague for ten years, but
over the weekend you have finally decided that
enough is enough you cant take any more of
this shoddy work and failure to meet deadlines.
Your former friend is going to have to go. Its
your intention to break the news today, but you
find yourself making aimless small-talk, unable
to broach this serious subject with someone you
have known so long.
31
Hidden Messages Scenario 3A
You two are close friends, but you are now
meeting in your professional capacity. One of
you is an advertising representative for a
business magazine. The other is a junior
marketing manager in an office solutions
company. You are talking about an advertising
opportunity in the next issue of the
magazine. You are the advertising
representative. For your eyes only You have not
been very successful in your job and this may be
your last chance. You told your boss you are a
close friend with the decision-maker for
advertising in this company. He called your
bluff and told you not to bother coming back
without a confirmed booking for at least a
full-page colour ad. You are too proud to tell
your friend how desperate you are to make this
sale.
32
Hidden Messages Scenario 3B
You two are close friends, but you are now
meeting in your professional capacity. One of
you is an advertising representative for a
business magazine. The other is a junior
marketing manager in an office solutions
company. You are talking about an advertising
opportunity in the next issue of the
magazine. You are the junior manager. For your
eyes only You have been guilty of boasting to
your friend about how much responsibility you
have in your job. You want to say yes to this
opportunity, but the fact is you dont have the
authority to book the ad, and your immediate boss
is on holiday. You are a bit irritated with your
friend for presuming on your friendship to make a
sale, but you dont want to say no, and you dont
want to reveal how junior you are. Remember you
must not commit to taking the ad.