SEX, TRAUMA, AND THE BRAIN: THE NEUROBIOLOGY OF SEX ADDICTION

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Sex, Trauma, and The Brain The Neurobiology of
Sex Addiction
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SEX, TRAUMA, AND THE BRAIN THE NEUROBIOLOGY OF
SEX ADDICTION
In this article, I will explain the neurobiology
of sex addiction and how trauma and traumatic
developmental wounding can cause abnormalities in
the nervous system. Once one is able to uncover
the root causes of sex addiction, it is then
possible to create an effective path to healing
and recovery and learn how to stop. The TINSA
(trauma-induced sexual addiction) model was
developed after ten years of extensive research
in the areas of sex addiction and neuroscience.
It is now the primary form of therapy in multiple
treatment centers throughout Colorado and has
been used in the treatment of over fteen hundred
sex addicts and couples. The TINSA model assumes
that the primary origin of sexual addiction lies
in a damaged autonomic nervous system (ANS) due
to developmental traumas. TINSA contends that
early
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wounding events, such as a lack of attunement and
emotional neglect, can predispose a person
to addiction by incurring damage to a persons
neurological systems. Trauma comes in many
forms. It can include sexual assault or abuse
physical assault or abuse emotional or
psychological trauma serious accidents,
illnesses, or medical procedures natural or
manmade disaster witnessing violence, including
domestic abuse school violence, including
bullying traumatic grief or separation war or
terrorism betrayal or relational trauma Many
experts divide traumatic events into two
categories big-T traumas and little-t traumas.
While big-T traumas are generally associated with
a single catastrophic event, little-t traumas
are less noticeable but are just as damaging to a
persons psyche. Although trauma is usually
equated with life-altering events, such as the
devastation of the World Trade Center on
September 11, 2001, or the impact of Hurricane
Katrina on New Orleans, the truth is that
traumatized individuals can often trace their
adverse developmental experiences back to events
that one might think of as inconsequential. In
my experience with treating addiction, I have
found that most often my clients have been
subjected to traumatic experiences that most
experts would consider to be little-t
traumas. These include any events or experiences
that affected their brains and nervous systems
over time through a series of ongoing behaviors.
If they occur during the early developmental
stages of life, little-t traumas have the
capability to impact how children view
themselves, their relationships, and their place
in the world. The long-term effects of little-t
traumas result in a person growing up with a
fear of abandonment, a feeling of not belonging,
or with a constant need to be on guard against
possible invasion or pain. That person will also
suffer from an inability to form truly intimate
relationships. Human beings are instinctual
creatures, but instinct can be skewed by trauma
traumatic events can prevent us from being able
to access appropriate responses, especially if
they occur early on in life. When we are
subjected to traumatic and overwhelming
situations, especially from a
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young age, our instinctual responses can be
obstructed. This inability to adequately respond
can
impact us in obvious ways as well as subtle ones,
such as hyperarousal, panic, rage, rigidness,
obsessions, or chronic anxiety. Alternatively,
we can experience feelings of powerlessness,
helplessness, shame, or immobility. Although
both big-T traumas and little-t traumas can lead
to addiction, it is the little-t traumas that
are most commonly reported. Ongoing psychological
or emotional trauma in the form of terrifying
and overwhelming experiences during their early
childhood is most often disclosed. To identify
the root cause of your addiction, you must
pinpoint where in your life you reached out to
connect, only to be left with the inability to
have that connection completed. The following
are examples of traumatic occurrences commonly
reported by those who suffer from sex
addiction They were not attuned to by their
caregiver. They were invalidated for who they
were. They were not emotionally recognized. They
were either told or were otherwise made to
believe that they were not good enough for their
parents or peers. They felt rejected or
abandoned. They were subjected to parental
divorce or death of a loved one. They
experienced a loss of a pet, friendship, or young
love. They may have been terrified of or
controlled by anothers anger. They were not
permitted to pursue their desires or
interests. They were made to feel bad or
insignificant because others were distant, cold,
or punishing. They were punished, rejected, or
ridiculed for being authentic (being
themselves). They were made to feel stupid or
inadequate about their intelligence. They were
dismissed, minimized, ignored, disregarded,
shamed, or ridiculed for their feelings,
thoughts, physical appearance, or spiritual
beliefs. They were made responsible for
regulating others emotions (e.g., Mom or Dads
confidence). They were made responsible for
making the family look good. They were punched,
hit, kicked, slapped, or violently shaken.
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They were sexually abused.
They were made to feel unsafe or threatened with
exclusion and alienation. They were forced to
avoid having feelings. They were not properly
instructed on how to connect with, understand,
and resolve their emotions. What is important
to note here is that most people experience many
of the above occurrences at one time or another.
The difference between most addicts and people
who do not become addicts is that non-addicted
people are able to resolve the effects of these
occurrences, but addicts cannot, and it is these
unresolved issues that lead to addiction. After
hearing hundreds of similar accounts where early
childhood traumas or ADEs were consistently
reported by my clients, I quickly began to
understand that these experiences were directly
related to their sexual addictions. I saw that
while the sexual behaviors were often different,
the core of their addictions was surprisingly
similar. The most common forms of adverse
developmental experiences reported among
sufferers of sexual addiction are a lack of
attunement and protection, thwarted emotional
development, invalidation, and abandonment.
These de ciencies are not about bad parenting,
but about a parents inability to respond to the
childs emotional needs. Most parents are doing
the best they can with the tools they have, but
whether deliberately or inadvertently, the
traumas of our childhood can have a tremendous
impact on our lives. Psychologists and therapists
have long known the importance of attachment and
attunement when it comes to human health and
relationships. However, most clients do not have
an understanding of this vital developmental
process. When asked if they received proper
attunement as a child, most of my clients answer
yes and report an above-normal amount of
physical care. They proudly report that they come
from homes where there was plenty of food, clean
water, heat, and adequate clothing. But none of
this has much to do with the process of parental
attunement, and so it is very clear that this
process is widely misunderstood. The attachment
gure is intended to be the source of joy,
connection, and emotional soothing, according
to Daniel Siegel (2017). Instead, the experience
of the child who develops a disorganized
attachment is such that the caregiver is actually
the source of alarm, fear, and terror, so the
child cannot turn to the attachment gure to be
soothed. Because attachment is linked to
attunement and being adequately cared for as a
child, attachment without attunement is not
enough for optimal development. Although one
might assume that attunement and the use of
nonverbal forms of communication with their child
should come naturally to parents, for some it
does not. Attunement and the ability to express
intimacy with another human being is a learned
skill that is passed down from generation to
generation. It is not a genetic inheritance but
is something that is either environmentally
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present or absent. A lack of attunement might be
the single most important variable in the
predisposition to addictive behavior. if a parent
or caregiver, for whatever reason, lacks the
ability to scaffold the childs emotional
development and regulate the childs nervous
system, the child will be handicapped in these
vital areas that are required for future healthy
bonding. In Patrick Carness (1992) landmark
study, 87 percent of sex addicts reported coming
from families that were disengaged, detached,
uninvolved, and emotionally absent. The people I
treat, live in a world devoid of true emotional
experience and expression. My clients have a
very dif cult time identifying their emotions, or
if they can identify what they feel, they then
often lack the skills required to regulate or
express these emotions. When people are never
given the opportunity to express emotion, they
also never learn how to regulate their emotions,
so they are led down a rabbit hole of constantly
seeking other ways by which to regulate their
emotions, either through behaviors or substances.
TINSA de nes trauma as the result of being
injured while vulnerable or when being
authentic. Vulnerability plus authenticity
enables intimacy. Since sex addiction is de ned
as an intimacy disorder, it is not surprising
then that the two most common characteristics
contributing to the formation and progression of
sex addiction are wounds to an individuals
innate vulnerability and expression of
authenticity, both of which can threaten a
persons capacity to be intimate. Although these
wounds most frequently occur within the family
unit and within the rst years of a persons
life, they can also occur outside of the family
unit and at any time throughout a persons
developmental lifespan. Understanding sex
addiction from a neurological perspective allows
each patient to see that their addictive
behaviors started as is an automatic reaction
formed by trauma. The latter stages of this
addiction is actually an intimacy disorder that
makes bonding and healthy relationships
impossible. At Begin Again Institute, we treat
sex addiction from a neurological approach
uncovering how these automatic reactions formed
early in our neurological networks. Knowing where
addiction originates (early in our lives through
adverse developmental experiences) is just the
rst step in recovery. We nd the root cause of
your addiction, making the unconscious, conscious
to build back healthy neural pathways and begin
the healing process.
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