Better Communication for Couples (Part 2): How to Avoid Becoming Defensive

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Better Communication for Couples (Part 2) How to
Avoid Becoming Defensive
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(No Transcript)
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• Now that youve had the opportunity to diffuse
  defensive behavior in others, its time to work
  on your own defense mechanisms. What causes you
  to feel insecure? Do you go on the defense every
  time someone brings up something about yourself
  that you dont want to hear?
• Here are some tips that will help you avoid
  becoming defensive
• Know that the person critiquing you means well.
  Thats why its important to listen for the truth
  in the conversation. It doesnt matter if its
  your partner or your boss offering the criticism.
  Theyre doing it because they need to bring up
  something important to you and its the easiest
  way they know how.

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• Let the speaker know that youve heard them. Give
  them the validation that they need to feel at
  ease. You dont have to agree with them but you
  should acknowledge their feelings. A simple Ive
  heard what you said and I understand, goes a
  long way in resolving an issue. Part of
  communicating is feeling heard by the other
  party.
• State what youre in agreement on. If your
  partner brings up the fact that youve spent more
  time on your phone than you have with him or her,
  you can accidentally make matters worse by
  accusing them of doing the same thing. Instead,
  you can say, I agree with you about that. Ive
  had more work-related issues come up and Ive
  spent some time at home dealing with them. You
  can agree and still state the facts without
  coming off defensive.

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• You can avoid confrontation by choosing how you
  speak. Now that you know how to keep others from
  becoming defensive, youll be able to control
  your own behavior better. Its ok to feel
  emotional when someone criticizes you. It is not,
  however, good to act on feeling angry because you
  feel like theyve threatened your sense of self.
• How you choose to answer another person is
  something you can often choose. By identifying
  defensive behaviors in yourself, you can address
  them accordingly and improve your actions.

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  therapy, marriage or couples counseling and
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  to those struggling with personal, relational,
  and mental health issues. If you are looking for
  therapist in Fort Collins or psychologist in Fort
  Collins or Greeley, please visit our site
  http//heartcenteredcounselors.com to know more
  about us and how to contact us.