There Is Life After Divorce

1
There Is Life After Divorce
You wouldn't let any Tom Dick or Harry run amuck
in your garden that you had spent years nurturing
and tending. You would have a boundary in place
that says...admire my garden from where you are
and I will let you come and have a look round it
when it's right for us both. In the same way with
relationships, it IS perfectly acceptable to set
out your boundaries.Get this, other people who
love and care for you will respect you for
defining your boundaries and they will also have
clarity on where they stand with you. People who
give you hassle are the ones with their own
undefined boundaries but who seem happier
interfering with other peoples to try and find
their own! One of my clients spent years with a
controlling husband, only to end up wrecked on
all levels and unaware how to really find the
place to exert her boundaries, for fear of
physical abuse.
2
How sad that we feel we should just let people
rampage in our lives in order to placate them.But
why do we often not have boundaries? Well in some
spiritual teachings, collapsing boundaries is
supposed to bring openness on all levels which I
assume means freedom within, but then I observe
and talk to people who have done just that and
they have opened themselves to all sorts of pain.
I have been told it can be a feeling of not being
defined in human form and of wooliness in
relationships with others. Spiritual masters have
defined boundaries as a means of control of self
and possibly others. So let's look at a
definition of control....."to exercise restraint
or direction over dominate command".
Mmmm.....just not the same....it feels
restrictive.
3
It is our perception of words and their use to a
certain extent and what that means to you, is
your use of the word and past meanings. But here
I attempt to make good my little word called
boundary.Boundaries are needed! Boundaries are
fun! Boundaries create and define who you are!
Boundaries help you to have happy healthy
relationships! In Imago Therapy the Intentional
Dialogue technique attempts to bring whole
communication to the other, in relationship. The
technique helps you to visualise your partner
being an island and when you want to talk you set
up an invitation to dialogue where you invite
your beau to be fully present on your island for
it to take place. This island is the boundary
between you and them and it is a place where they
visit your business and world. It is NOT their
place to own that space in any way shape or form.
4
Controlling, does bulldoze boundaries and yeah OK
we are all trying to control our freaks to a
certain extent, but you get the picture.Another
reason why we don't often exert boundaries with
others and this is a biggie, is the need for
love. So many of us compromise ourselves to get
our partners to love us and have given up
Prepping For Pennis all rights to being whole
because the need for love is the dominant force.
In my own experience I often morphed to become
who my boyfriends wanted me to be, so not only
did I have no boundaries but wasn't even looking
like the real me...heck!Many people step way out
of themselves in the drive to be loved and there
are gazillions of examples here. I have done it
and have seen my friends do it all over the
place. "Please love me" being the afterthought.
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