THINGS YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE WHO'VE NEVER COOKED BBQ

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THINGS YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE WHO'VE NEVER
COOKED BBQ
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Behind the shrouded curtain of smoke and steel,
barbecue pitmasters work tirelessly to supply
hungry patrons with perfect bite after perfect
bite. But if you've never walked 20 hours in a
pair of brisket-making boots, it can be hard to
understand just what goes into the art of
barbecue. To help enlighten those who've never
cooked it, we asked a group of experienced
pitmasters to share some of their secrets,
philosophies, and pet peeves of the barbecue
industry. Read on to learn just how much these
guys work, why barbecue is becoming more
expensive, and how to pick the right smoker for
yourself.
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Getting started at home Don't be scared to be
humbled Everyone fails at first. But everyone
also has the occasional lucky day. When buying a
smoker, the first thing you need to consider is
space If you live in the city and just have a
balcony, your options are limited. The second
choice is gas, charcoal, or stick-burning If you
want to set it and forget it, gas is your move.
For an excellent down dirty cooking experience,
go with charcoal. And for the realest of deals,
go all-wood. If you can't decide, they sell
hybrids that do all of the above. Sometimes the
most basic grills are the best Even very
experienced pitmasters often favor their old
starter grill for cooking at home or testing out
recipes.
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But other times your equipment makes a big
difference A cheap smoker might do the job, but
it won't retain heat nearly as well as one with
thicker metal, so you'll be adding logs all night
long.
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Cooking To achieve consistency, remove
variables A smoker is a fragile ecosystem, and
any change you make will affect every other
variable. So if you want to improve cooking at
home, try to keep constant as many variables as
you can. Every smoker is different If you put
two identical smokers next to each other, odds
are that they'll cook dramatically
differently. Smoke is an ingredient, not a
cooking method Pitmasters use smoke like a chef
uses spice. They never use liquid
smoke. Thermometers aren't that useful Purists
will tell you that it's all in the feel, not the
numbers. A brisket might be the right temperature
inside, but you don't know it's ready until you
can feel it jiggle just right.
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Not all wood is created equal Chopping a fresh
piece of wood off a tree is romantic, but you
really want that wood to be "seasoned", meaning
it's had some time to dry out. The flip is if
it's dried too long, it'll burn dark and hot and
your meat will taste like a telephone pole. Not
all smoke is created equal If the smoke looks
black, it's not a good sign. You want a nice
light grey color that's nearly transparent,
otherwise your meat will taste like a different
telephone pole. When cooking a whole hog, only
one third of the weight is edible Two thirds are
skin and bones and guts... and you're not
qualified to make hot dogs.
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The competitive circuit People take competition
barbecue very, very seriously Although there's
always room for newbies, the higher echelons of
the competitive circuit require an incredible
investment of money and time. Top teams will
spend tens of thousands of dollars for a weekend
of 'Q-ing. The payoff is an immeasurable
combination of money, press, and glory in the
annuls of barbecue history. Most competition
barbecue isn't something you'd want to buy in a
restaurant Competitors tailor their flavor
profiles to judges, not consumers. They therefore
cook the meat to be ultra rich and the sauces
super syrupy. If you want to get into
competition barbecue, don't be afraid to ask to
cook on someone's team It's the best way to
learn. You might have to chip in for beer, but
you're essentially paying for lessons.
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Regions Everyone thinks they know good
barbecue Maryland might have some secret barbecue
scene that no one knows about, but unless you're
coming from a BBQ Mecca, it's unlikely your
hometown joint has readied your palate for the
meat of legends. Regional barbecue flavors are
often defined by the wood on-hand People in
Central Texas began using post oak because it was
widely available. Same for fruitwoods in Georgia.
Proximity has helped define and develop regional
styles. Climate affects cooking In a regular
kitchen, you're isolated from the elements. In
the world of barbecue, any shift in humidity --
or, God forbid, rain -- will have a big effect on
your cooking. There are regions within
regions Texas barbecue has come to mean one thing
across the country, but the reality is there are
subtle distinctions based on what part of the
state you're in. The same thing applies
everywhere else.
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Straight from the pits It takes a lot of time A
brisket might take 20 hours to cook. Some BBQ
joints might have set-it-and-forget-it gas-assist
smokers, but most places worth their salt and
pepper are fanning a fire all night. This means
your pitmaster is most likely working at least
12-hour days, every single day. They might sell
out at 2pm, but that doesn't mean they're taking
off early.
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The best bite of barbecue often isn't for
sale Usually pitmasters save the spice-crusted
burnt ends as samples to whet their customers'
appetites. This is second only to a magic bite of
fat pulled right off the brisket or butt fresh
off the smoker before it's wrapped. The industry
is evolving Most legendary pits stick to their
traditions like smoke sticks to brisket, but the
reality is that the industry has changed wildly
over the past decades thanks to rising costs,
regional style emigration, and a return to
artisan ideals. Barbecue isn't cheap Sadly,
barbecue is becoming more and more expensive, but
it isn't because these pitmasters have payments
to make on their new speedboats. The price of
meat is rising at incredible rates, and, whereas
it pains most BBQ guys to charge a premium price
for their product, it's the only way to stay in
business.
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There are muscles within muscles The jowl holds a
juicy bit of meat just within the cheek bone
that's often referred to as the pearl. And the
very end of the shoulder is called the money
muscle because of its thick marbling and
tenderloin-like appearance. Buy an experienced
pitmaster a beer, and he will unlock an anatomy
of secrets.
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Repetition is key Barbecue's steeped in
tradition, and tradition means doing the same
things over and over and over. It's the reason
your Grandma still buys you Paddington Bear
stuff, and it's the reason that a great
pitmaster's flavor is consistent. BBQ guys love
to share their secrets Maybe not all of them, but
if you just bought a smoker and are having
trouble with it, most pitmasters will happily
give you a few tips. Some of the best BBQ joints
are only open for lunch Due to the insane amount
of time that goes into each piece of meat and the
decidedly non-infinite capacity of smoking
apparati, lower-volume barbecue joints often run
out of meat shortly after lunch. This isn't
because they're jerks/hate dinner, but because
they don't have enough hours in the day or space
on the pit to cook more.
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It's a marathon, not a sprint Barbecue isn't a
flip-switch style of cooking you can't make a
change on the fly, so consistency is usually
valued over creativity. Grilling isn't
barbecueing The word barbecue has become
synonymous with anything cooked over fire, but
most pitmasters think there's a very big
difference between grilling up a burger and
spending 20 hours on a brisket. And they're right.
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It's usually a lifetime vocation Hobbyists aside,
there are no part-time pitmasters. It's something
you dedicate your life to, waking before the sun
and going to bed long after a customer's last
bite. The legends have been doing it their whole
lives and wouldn't have it any other way.
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