Title: LOVING PEOPLE WHEN THEY GET ON YOUR LAST NERVE 101 Soquel Camp Meeting
1LOVING PEOPLE WHEN THEY GET ON YOUR LAST NERVE!
101Soquel Camp Meeting
- Diversity/Conflict Management Workshop
- July 18,2008
- Presented by Elder Roscoe J Howard III
2THE OBJECTIVES OF THIS WORKSHOP ARE
- TO DEFINE THE MEANING OF DIVERSITY
- TO ACQUIRE AN APPROPRIATE DEFINITION OF CULTURE
AND EXPLORE THE CULTURAL IMPACT OF THE
PARTICIPANTS WORLD VIEW - TO LOOK AT BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES OF UNITY AND TO
BUILD BRIDGES FOR POSITIVE COMMUNICATION - TO DIALOG ABOUT AREAS OF DIFFERENCE
- DISCOVER THE JOY OF DIVERISTY
3GROUND RULES
- LISTEN TO EACH OTHER
- IT IS NOT ABOUT RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWERS
- LEARN FROM EACH OTHER
- RESPECT DIFFERENCES OF OPINION
- AGREE TO DISAGREE
- SPEAK FROM SELF-EXPERIENCE
- CONTRIBUTE HONESTLY AND POSITIVELY
- EXPECT UNFINISHED BUSINESS
- HAVE FUN
- PRAY FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT TO GIVE US UNDERSTANDING
4DIVERSITY
5WHAT IS DIVERSITY?
- THE FACT OR QUALITY OF BEING DIFFERENT-VARIETY
- A POINT OF RESPECT IN WHICH THINGS DIFFER
- AMERICAN HERITAGE DICTIONARY
6ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH WE BLESS EACH OTHER
7- CREATING A ENVIRONMENT THAT FEELS INCLUSIVE
AND ACCEPTING. MAKING SURE THAT NO ONE FEELS
MARGINALIZED. DEVELOPING AN ATMOSPHERE THAT IS
CONDUCIVE TO ALWAYS FEELING WELCOMED AND
INCLUDED. - This is what Diversity looks like when it is
beyond definition.
8FOUNDATIONAL AND SECONDARY DIMENSIONS OF DIVERSITY
- Foundational
- AGE
- ETHNICITY
- GENDER/DNA
- RACE
- PHYSICAL ABILITY
9SECONDARY DIMENSIONS
- EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND
- GEOGRAPHICAL LOCATION
- INCOME
- MARITAL STATUS
- MILITARY EXPERIENCE
- PARENTAL STATUS
- RELIGIOUS BELIEFS
- WORK EXPERIENCE
- WORSHIP STYLE
10- THROUGHOUT THE WORLD THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT
WAYS OF DOING THINGS, MOST OF WHICH ARE NEITHER
BETTER NOR WORSE THAN OUR OWN, THEY ARE SIMPLY
DIFFERENT.
11- DO WE NEED DIVERSITY IN THE CHURCH?
12- WE CANNOT ALL HAVE THE SAME MINDS OR CHERISH
THE SAME IDEAS BUT ONE IS TO BE A BENEFIT AND
BLESSING TO THE OTHER, THAT WHERE ONE LACKS,
ANOTHER MAY SUPPLY WHAT IS REQUISITE. YOU HAVE
CERTAIN DEFICIENCIES OF CHARACTER AND NATURAL
BIAS THAT RENDER IT PROFITABLE FOR YOU TO BE
BROUGHT INTO CONTACT WITH A MIND DIFFERENTLY
ORGANIZED, IN ORDER TO PROPERLY BALANCE YOUR OWN. -
2MCP,377
13THE GLOBAL VILLAGE
- IF WE WERE A VILLAGE OF 1000 PEOPLE
- 300 WOULD BE CHRISTIANS
- 175 WOULD BE MUSLIMS
- 128 WOULD BE HINDUS
- 55 WOULD BE BUDDHIST
- 47 WOULD BE ANIMISTS
- 4 WOULD BE JEWISH
- 81 WOULD BE OF OTHER RELIGIONS
- 210 WOULD BE AN ATHEIST OF HAVE NO RELIGION
14WORKFORCE TRENDS
- INCREASE IN WOMEN
- INCREASE IN PEOPLE OF COLOR
- INCREASE IN IMMIGRANT GROUPS
- RISE IN EDUCATION AND SKILL REQUIREMENTS
- INCREASE IN SENIORS LIVING LONGER
15HOW DO THESE ELEMENTS IMPACT EACH OF US?
- THE DIVERSITY ELEMENTS IN EACH OF US ARE THE
BUILDING BLOCKS OF WHO WE ARE AS INDIVIDUALS.
THEY INFLUENCE OUR BEHAVIOR AND INTERACTIONS WITH
OTHERS AT HOME SOCIALLY AND AT WORK.
16- WE SELDOM FIND TWO PERSONS EXACTLY ALIKE.
AMONG HUMAN BEINGS AS WELL AS AMONG THE THINGS OF
THE NATURAL WORLD, THERE IS DIVERSITY. - UNITY IN DIVERSITY AMONG GODS CHILDREN-THE
MANIFESTATIONS OF LOVE AND FORBEARANCE IN SPITE
OF THE DIFFERENCE OF DISPOSITION-THIS IS THE
TESTIMONY THAT GOD SENT HIS SON INTO THE WORLD TO
SAVE SINNERS - SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF GOD PAGE 286
17WHY ARE PEOPLE IMPORTANT TO ANY ORGANIZATION?
18Culture
19Culture
20Culture
21Culture
22Culture
23Culture
24Culture
25Culture
26Culture
27Culture
28Culture
29Culture
30Culture
31Culture
32- CULTURE IS THE SUM TOTAL OF WAYS OF LIVING
INCLUDING VALUES, BELIEFS, AESTHETIC STANDARDS,
LINGUISTIC EXPRESSION, PATTERNS OF THINKING,
BEHAVIORAL NORMS, AND STYLES OF COMMUNICATION
WHICH A GROUP OF PEOPLE HAS DEVELOPED TO ASSURE
ITS SURVIVAL IN A PARTICULAR PHYSICAL AND HUMAN
ENVIRONMENT, CULTURE AND THE PEOPLE WHO ARE PART
OF IT, CULTURE IS NOT STATIC, CULTURE IS THE
RESPONSE OF A GROUP OF HUMMAN BEINGS TO THE VALID
AND PARTICULAR NEEDS OF ITS ESSENTIAL BALANCE
BETWEEN POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE DIMENSIONS. - DR. DAVID S. HOOPES AND DR MARGARET D PUSCH
33Culture
- ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH WE LIVE
34CULTURE INFORMS
- BELIEF SYSTEM
- INFORMS
- VALUES
- INFORM
- ATTITUDE
- INFORMS
- BEHAVIOR
- INFORMS
- RULES, POLICIES, AND STANDARDS
35- WHAT HAS OUR
- CULTURE TAUGHT US?
36Christ is above all culture!
- The Word of God is the litmus test for all
truth-This is absolutely crucial - Some things in every culture must go when
measured against the word of God - Some things in culture are neither morally bad or
good- Just tradition - All tradition is not bad-Some traditions are
fatal
37SABBATH OBSERVANCE
- BELIEF
- VALUES
- ATTITUDE
- BEHAVIOR
- RULES-POLICIES-STANDARDS
38MUSIC
- BELIEF
- VALUES
- ATTITUDE
- BEHAVIOR
- RULES-POLICIES-STANDARDS
39SEX
- BELIEF
- VALUES
- ATTITUDE
- BEHAVIOR
- RULES-POLICIES-STANDARDS
40DISCIPLINE
- BELIEF
- VALUES
- ATTITUDE
- BEHAVIOR
- RULES-POLICIES-STANDARDS
41FINANCE
- BELIEF
- VALUES
- ATTITUDE
- BEHAVIOR
- RULES-POLICIES-STANDARDS
42FOOD
- BELIEF
- VALUE
- ATTITUDE
- BEHAVIOR
- RULES-POLICIES-STANDARDS
43- TELL ME, I FORGET
- SHOW ME, I REMEMBER
- INVOLVE ME, I UNDERSTAND
44 45 46- A STANDARDIZED MENTAL PICTURE THAT IS HELD IN
COMMON BY MEMBERS OF A GROUP AND THAT REPRESENTS
AN OVERSIMPLIFIED OPINION, PREJUDICED ATTITUDE,
OR UNCRITICAL JUDGMENT. - MERRIAN WEBSTERS COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY
(TENTH EDITION)
47- WHETHER FAVORABLE OR UNFAVORABLE, A STEREOTYPE
IS AN EXAGGERATED BELIEF ASSOCIATED WITH A
CATEGORY. ITS FUNCTION IS TO JUSTIFY
(RATIONALIZE) OUR CONDUCT IN RELATION TO THAT
CATEGORY. - The Nature of Prejudice by Gordon W. Allport
48WHAT RACE WAS JESUS?
- Three characteristics suggest He was Puerto
Rican - His first name was Jesus
- He was bilingual
- He was always being harassed by the
authorities
49- Three characteristics suggest He was Black
- He called everybody Brother
- His hair was as Lambs wool
- He couldnt get a fair trial
50- Three characteristics suggest He was Jewish
- He went into his fathers business
- He lived at home until He was 33
- He was sure His mother was a virgin and His
mother was sure He was God
51- Three characteristics suggest He was Italian
- He talked with His hands
- He had wine with every meal
- He worked in the building trades
52- Three characteristics suggest He was White
- He couldnt dance
- He knew everything
- He was always on time
53- Three characteristics suggest He was Californian
- He never cut His hair
- He walked around barefoot
- He started a new religion
54- Three characteristics suggest He was Irish
- He never got married
- He was always telling stories
- He loved green pastures
55- And now the most compelling evidence
- Three characteristics suggest He was a woman
- He had to feed a crowd at a moments notice,
when there was no food - He kept trying to get the message across to a
bunch of men who just didnt get it - Even when He was dead, He had to get up
because there was more work for Him to do
56PEOPLE
- THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE IF WE DIDNT
HAVE TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE - LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF THERE WERE NO
DIFFICULT PEOPLE TO SPOIL THINGS - THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE IS THAT THEY ARE
HUMAN
57ONLY GOD CAN CHANGE PEOPLE
58I can only change myself as I allow the Holy
Spirit to do His work in my life.
59Dealing with Varied Dispositions
- The Lord wants us to be sanctified. We shall have
to contend with people of varied dispositions,
and we should be in a position where we know how
to deal with human minds. We must ask Christ to
give us words to speak that will be a blessing.
And as we thus seek to help others, we shall be
blessed ourselves.
Manuscript 41, 1908
60Perceptions
61(No Transcript)
62RELATIONSHIPS
63RELATIONSHIPCOMMUNICATION
- PROBLEMS COME WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP FOCUSES ON
THE DIFFERENCES - COMMON GROUND REDUCES TENSION AND BUILDS
RELATIONSHIPS - SUCCESS IN COMMUNICATION DEPENDS ON FINDING THE
COMMON GROUND YOU SHARE
64- COMMUNICATION WHATS YOUR STYLE?
- How do you learn best?
- Auditory, Kinesthetic, Visual, or
- some combination of the three?
65- TELL ME, I FORGET
- SHOW ME, I REMEMBER
- INVOLVE ME, I UNDERSTAND
66COMMON GROUND
67FINDING COMMON GROUND
- MIRROR BEHAVIOR
- LISTEN WITH ATTENTIVENESS
- CLARIFY MEANING AND INTENT
- SUMMARIZE WHAT YOU HEARD
- IDENTIFY POSITIVE INTENT
- GIVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
- APPRECIATE CRITICISM
68THE UNEXAMINED LIFE
- WHO AM I?
- ENVIRONMENT-WHAT IS INFLUENCING MY BELIEF SYSTEM?
- UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF WORDSSELF-TALK
- PEOPLE DONT CARE HOW MUCH YOU KNOW UNTIL THEY
KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE - CHANGECRISIS OR GROWTH
69EVERYONE WANTS TO BE UNDERSTOOD
- HOW PEOPLE PERCEIVE YOU
- HOW YOU PERCEIVE YOURSELF
- HOW YOU WANT PEOPLE TO PERCEIVE YOU
- HOW YOU THINK PEOPLE PERCEIVE YOU
70HOW PEOPLE PERCEIVE YOU
- PHYSICAL APPEARANCEPRESENCE
- SPIRITUALITY
- VERBAL ABILITY
- APTITUDE
- ATTITUDE
- HUMILITY
- COMPASSION
71HOW YOU PERCEIVE YOURSELF
- PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
- MENTAL ABILITY
- SPIRITUAL STATE
- ACCEPTANCE BY OTHERS
- EXPECTATIONS OF ONESELF
- GRACE FOCUSED-GUILT FOCUSED
- AWARE OF GIFTS AND TALENTS
- NEEDY, HURTING, ANGRY, LONELY
72SELF TALK
- As a man or a woman thinks in their heart
73HOW YOU WANT PEOPLE TO PERCEIVE YOU
- DO YOU WANT TO JUST BE LIKED ?
- DO YOU WANT TO BE SEEN AS STRONG ?
- ALWAYS RIGHT
- IN CHARGE
- HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER
- AUTHENTIC
74Self Image
- Like it or not, to some extent we are who we
think others think we are. - We value ourselves as we think we are valued by
others. - We vigilantly try to assess the opinions of
others using our psychological antennas to
discover whats in their minds.
75- How we see ourselves makes a big difference in
how we relate to others. - Who shaped your self image the most?
- Whom do we let define who we are?
- How can we change our self image?
- When we feel confident about ourselves how do we
feel about others?
76Three Steps Toward Better Relationships
- Step 1 Self-disclosure
- Appropriate, Measured, Authentic
- Step 2 Express Acceptance
- Warmth, Empathy, Caring
- Step 3 Avoiding Problems
- Unrealistic Expectations, Hostility, Over
dependency, I-it Orientation, Emotional
Insulation, Inferiority Feelings
77ATTITUDE
78ATTITUDE AXIOMS
- OUR ATTITUDE DETERMINES OUR APPROACH TO LIFE
- OUR ATTITUDE DETERMINES OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH
PEOPLE - OUR ATTITUDE IS OFTEN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
SUCCESS AND FAILURE - OUR ATTITUDE AT THE BEGINNING OF A TASK WILL
AFFECT THE OUTCOME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE - OUR ATTITUDE CAN TURN PROBLEMS INTO BLESSINGS
79ATTITUDE AXIOMS CONTINUED
- OUR ATTITUDE CAN GIVE US UNCOMMONLY POSITIVE
PERSPECTIVE - OUR ATTITUDE IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY GOOD JUST
BECAUSE WE ARE CHRISTIANS - John C Maxwell The Winning Attitude
80TIPS FOR BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN PEOPLE WHEN
THEY ARE AT THEIR WORST
81Prayer
- Pray with difficult people
- Pray for difficult people
- Pray about your thoughts toward difficult people
- Pray for the Holy Spirit to change your mind set
about difficult people - Pray always
82Operate from Biblical Principles
- Philippians 25 Let this mind be in you
- Matt. 1815,16 Go to the person alone
- Romans 1217-19 Live at peace with all
- Galatians 61-10 Restore with gentleness
- Matt. 538-48 Love your enemies
- I Corinthians 9 19-23I became all things
Cultural Contextualization
83Conflict
- When a person perceives that his or her self-
esteem is endangered and that something desperate
must be done to restore it. - Dr. H Newton Malony
84Problems vs. Conflict
- Conflict an inner state of mind. Conflict exist
inside people not between them. - They feel their self-esteem is in danger, and
they use destructive action to restore their
sense of worth.
85Self-Esteem
- The opinion we come to have of ourselves.
- Identity Ascribed- Brother, American, Wife
- Achieved- Teacher, Secretary, etc.
- All our roles are social- Make sense in the
context relationship - Status Reputation How we are seen by others,
not how we would like to be seen.
86- Like it or not, to some extent we are who we
think others think we are. - We value ourselves as we think we are valued by
others. - Firm Identity and Low status
- High status and no Identity
87Conflict is Universal
- Wherever there are scarce resources, divided
functions in society, different levels of power,
competition for a limited supply of goods,
status, valued roles, or power as an end in
itself, conflict will occur.
- Dr. David W. Augsburger
88CULTURAL SOURCES OF MISUNDERSTANDING
89- DEGREE OF DIRECTNESS
- APPROPRIATE SUBJECTS FOR CONVERSATION
- FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND EYE CONTACT
- TOUCH
- LOUDNESS AND PITCH
- SILENCE
90TEN DIMENSIONS OF CULTURE
- SENSE OF SELF AND SPACE
- COMMUNICATION AND LANGUAGE
- DRESS AND APPEARANCE
- FOOD AND EATING HABITS
- TIME AND TIME CONSCIOUSNESS
- RELATIONSHIPS
- VALUES AND NORMS
- BELIEFS AND ATTITUDES
- MENTAL PROCESSES AND LEARNING
- WORK HABITS AND PRACTICES
91Problem
- When two people try to occupy the same spot.
- A question or situation that presents
uncertainty, perplexity or difficulty. - A question put forward for discussion or
solution.
92Conflict vs. Problem
- Situations themselves can sometimes be
overwhelming, but until they threaten our
self-esteem, they remain problems we can solve,
rather than conflicts to be overcome.
93Tips for solving problems
- Use the indirect approach
- Emphasize harmony
- Keep options open
- Capitalize on the relationship
- Get honest with ones own feelings and attitude
- Spend non-work, non-church time together
94- Tell me, I forget
- Show me, I remember
- Involve me, I understand
- Share an example with your group and tell when
you felt powerless and what you did about it.
95STUDY THE DATACLARIFY THE EXPECTATIONNEGOTIATE
ROLES
- COMMITMENT
- STABILITY
- PINCH
- BLOW-UP
- STALEMATE
- CHECK-OUT
- NEGOTIATION UNDER STRESS
- PLANNED RENEGOTIATION
96The central core of conflict is not conflict at
all, but power. J.T. Duke
- POWER IS THE CURRENCY OF CONFLICT
97- Power does not reside in the individual but is
the property of the social relationship, power
lies in the relationship. - Power is present in all social relationships and
can be used for destructive and productive
purposes. - Power is not a finite resource.
98- We all need power for self-esteem and
fulfillment. Power is necessary for a sense of
personal significance, not in an external
opportunistic way, but in a fundamental internal
manner. We all need to feel that we count, that
we are valued. - Power is a necessary ingredient of communication.
Inevitably, all interaction and communication
carries with it unconscious assessment of
personal significance, mutual influence and power.
99- Given a relational base, power is fluid and
difficult to measure in precise terms. Power can
be expanded and limited. - Over time, significant and static power
imbalance, harm and destroy individuals and
relationships.
100Spiritual Component
- God is in control
- Seek to be in the will of God as revealed in the
Word of God - God can resolve conflicts when skills and
knowledge are insufficient - Always remember your Identity
- Pray for wisdom to complement your knowledge base
101- WE REALIZE WE HAVE NOT ANSWERED ALL YOUR
QUESTIONS AND IN MOST CASES OUR ANSWERS HAVE ONLY
SERVED TO PRODUCE NEW QUESTIONS FOR WHICH WE HAVE
NO ANSWERS, LEAVING US AS CONFUSED AS BEFORE. - HOWEVER, WE BELIEVE WE ARE NOW CONFUSED ON A MUCH
HIGHER LEVEL AND ABOUT MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
THAN BEFORE.
102 103(No Transcript)