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Parenting for Success presented by Jenny Kidd from the book : Have a New Kid by Friday

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Title: Parenting for Success presented by Jenny Kidd from the book : Have a New Kid by Friday


1
Parenting for Successpresented by Jenny
Kiddfrom the book Have a New Kid by Friday
  • The reason we never reach our goals is because we
    dont set any.

2
What constitutes success in parenting?
  • Wisdom means knowing where youre going and what
    it will take to get there.

3
Every parent wants their children to have
  • Tools and practice for facing problems in the
    real world
  • Confidence in himself and his abilities
  • Ways to learn from life experiences
  • A bright outlook for the future
  • Ability to make good long term relationships

4
But why dont children develop those skills?
5
In a study from late 1990s, over ½ surveyed 9th
graders said they are unhappy, sad, depressed.
  • Over half of the 9th graders said that it is
    somewhat or very true that they worry a lot.

6
Centers for Disease control issued a report in
2004 showing that 29 of high school students
felt so sad or hopeless almost every day for 2
weeks that they stopped doing some of their usual
activities.
  • That same survey found that 16 of students had
    made up a plan to attempt suicide.

7
College counseling centers across our nation
report a substantial increase in the incidence of
student mental health problems compared to 20
years ago.
  • Information on studies is from the book, I Just
    Want My Kids to be Happy! Why you shouldnt Say
    it, Why you shouldnt Think it, What you should
    Embrace Instead

8
Parents often go to Extremes
  • Authoritarian Parent
  • Permissive Parent
  • Swing Parents parents fluctuate between
    extremes or one parent is Authoritarian and the
    other is Permissive

9
What kind of parent are you?
  • Write down the number of the statements that are
    mostly true for you when you are parenting
  • 1. I know about the world and what is waiting for
    my child, so I expect them to obey my rules
    without any comment.
  • 2. I get upset when my child is unhappy and do
    all I can to help them get over it.
  • 3. I want my child to be tough and face life
    without any fear so, no crying.
  • 4. When my child has a problem, I jump in and
    solve it for him or find a way to help him feel
    better.
  • 5. When it comes to moral decisions its my way
    or the highway!

10
Parenting style quiz (continued)
  • 6. I like to give my child lots of choices in
    life so they will know how to make good choices
    as an adult.
  • 7. I often use spanking and yelling to discipline
    my children.
  • 8. I want to give my child every opportunity to
    develop as a person, so I love to provide many
    social times for them.
  • 9. My children only speak to adults when they
    are spoken to otherwise, be quiet.
  • 10. I want to communicate with my child so when
    he complains about something, I listen and do
    what he wants.

11
An authoritarian parent
Makes all decisions for the child Uses reward
and punishment to control the child Grants
little freedom to the child
12
Authoritarian Parents Message to children
  • You arent smart, wise enough to know what to do
    on your own
  • You arent important enough to have a choice
  • If you make a mistake or dont obey you are no
    good. Your worth depends on your performance.
  • You earn or lose love by your works.

13
Results of Authoritarian Parenting
  • Leads to rebellion
  • Discourages child by being mostly harsh or
    critical
  • Leads to fear and resentment toward
  • parents

14
A permissive parent..
  • Is a slave to the child
  • Puts priority on the child over spouse
  • Makes things as easy as possible for child
  • Robs the child of self-esteem and self-respect by
    doing things for the child

15
Permissive Parents Messages to child
  • Life is not good unless you are happy
  • You cant face the world and its problems
  • You arent able to do the things all the other
    children are able to do
  • You deserve to have others put you first
  • You cant handle challenges and failure

16
Results of Permissive Parenting
  • Children feel helpless and are not motivated to
    do for themselves
  • Children have low self-esteem and are fearful of
    the world
  • Children dont develop good judgment on their own
    so they are prone to follow the crowd
  • Children are irresponsible and demanding

17
What can parents do to help their children be
successful in life?
  • Parents need to start being parents
  • not friends
  • not doormats
  • not pushovers
  • not dictators
  • A parent is a guide and a teacher for their
    children. Be the guide but dont walk the path
    for your children, let them walk along with you!

18
How do I take over my home and become a leader
and teacher?
  • The key is YOU!!
  • Your child will not change on his own, but you
    can change the way you respond to him.

19
A responsible parent
  • Develops consistent, loving discipline

20
Provides the child with appropriate decision
making opportunities
  • Gives the child choices and formulates guidelines
    with him

21
Pyramid of Decision Making
22
You are working yourself out of a job!
  • Small children dont have the experience and
    judgment to make many decisions. Thats why they
    need you to guide them and help them understand
    why you decide. Sometimes it will be because I
    said so and other times you will need to try to
    explain the reasoning you used to come to the
    decision.

23
A Responsible Parent
  • Holds the child accountable for his choices
  • Lets reality be the teacher when possible

24
Children need to fail and have problems in life
  • Each problem or failure is an opportunity to
    learn how to solve the problem or find out what
    went wrong to do better next time.
  • Each time the child solves a problem or learns
    from a failure, they grow in their confidence and
    motivation to be independent.

25
Look for teachable moments
  • When a child has a problem ask them leading
    questions to help them solve it.
  • Where did you last have your glasses?
  • How can we organize your room or bookbag to be
    sure we get papers back to school?
  • Work with the child to help them think through
    problems until they start thinking about how to
    solve them without your prompting.

26
Misbehavior
  • When the child misbehaves, let them face
    reasonable consequences to learn what will happen
    when they make that choice.
  • If you let it go, then you are delaying their
    chance to learn and they will make a bigger
    mistake the next time.

27
How to take the lead at home
  • 1. Say it once
  • 2. Turn your back
  • 3. Walk away
  • Think about how you would like things in your
    home to change. How can you use these three
    steps to take charge?

28
A responsible parent
  • Conveys respect, self-worth, and love to the
    child, therefore enhances self-esteem

29
A parents biggest asset
  • The love of your child
  • He/she wants to know you are a team
  • Reassure your child that you are on his/her side
  • This doesnt mean you approve of everything they
    do, but you love them no matter what

30
Let them know they are special to you
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