Title: Parenting for Success presented by Jenny Kidd from the book : Have a New Kid by Friday
1Parenting for Successpresented by Jenny
Kiddfrom the book Have a New Kid by Friday
- The reason we never reach our goals is because we
dont set any.
2What constitutes success in parenting?
- Wisdom means knowing where youre going and what
it will take to get there.
3Every parent wants their children to have
- Tools and practice for facing problems in the
real world - Confidence in himself and his abilities
- Ways to learn from life experiences
- A bright outlook for the future
- Ability to make good long term relationships
4But why dont children develop those skills?
5In a study from late 1990s, over ½ surveyed 9th
graders said they are unhappy, sad, depressed.
- Over half of the 9th graders said that it is
somewhat or very true that they worry a lot.
6Centers for Disease control issued a report in
2004 showing that 29 of high school students
felt so sad or hopeless almost every day for 2
weeks that they stopped doing some of their usual
activities.
- That same survey found that 16 of students had
made up a plan to attempt suicide.
7College counseling centers across our nation
report a substantial increase in the incidence of
student mental health problems compared to 20
years ago.
- Information on studies is from the book, I Just
Want My Kids to be Happy! Why you shouldnt Say
it, Why you shouldnt Think it, What you should
Embrace Instead
8Parents often go to Extremes
- Authoritarian Parent
- Permissive Parent
- Swing Parents parents fluctuate between
extremes or one parent is Authoritarian and the
other is Permissive
9What kind of parent are you?
- Write down the number of the statements that are
mostly true for you when you are parenting - 1. I know about the world and what is waiting for
my child, so I expect them to obey my rules
without any comment. - 2. I get upset when my child is unhappy and do
all I can to help them get over it. - 3. I want my child to be tough and face life
without any fear so, no crying. - 4. When my child has a problem, I jump in and
solve it for him or find a way to help him feel
better. - 5. When it comes to moral decisions its my way
or the highway!
10Parenting style quiz (continued)
- 6. I like to give my child lots of choices in
life so they will know how to make good choices
as an adult. - 7. I often use spanking and yelling to discipline
my children. - 8. I want to give my child every opportunity to
develop as a person, so I love to provide many
social times for them. - 9. My children only speak to adults when they
are spoken to otherwise, be quiet. - 10. I want to communicate with my child so when
he complains about something, I listen and do
what he wants.
11An authoritarian parent
Makes all decisions for the child Uses reward
and punishment to control the child Grants
little freedom to the child
12Authoritarian Parents Message to children
- You arent smart, wise enough to know what to do
on your own - You arent important enough to have a choice
- If you make a mistake or dont obey you are no
good. Your worth depends on your performance. - You earn or lose love by your works.
13Results of Authoritarian Parenting
- Leads to rebellion
- Discourages child by being mostly harsh or
critical - Leads to fear and resentment toward
- parents
14A permissive parent..
- Is a slave to the child
- Puts priority on the child over spouse
- Makes things as easy as possible for child
- Robs the child of self-esteem and self-respect by
doing things for the child
15Permissive Parents Messages to child
- Life is not good unless you are happy
- You cant face the world and its problems
- You arent able to do the things all the other
children are able to do - You deserve to have others put you first
- You cant handle challenges and failure
16Results of Permissive Parenting
- Children feel helpless and are not motivated to
do for themselves - Children have low self-esteem and are fearful of
the world - Children dont develop good judgment on their own
so they are prone to follow the crowd - Children are irresponsible and demanding
17What can parents do to help their children be
successful in life?
- Parents need to start being parents
- not friends
- not doormats
- not pushovers
- not dictators
- A parent is a guide and a teacher for their
children. Be the guide but dont walk the path
for your children, let them walk along with you!
18How do I take over my home and become a leader
and teacher?
- The key is YOU!!
- Your child will not change on his own, but you
can change the way you respond to him.
19A responsible parent
- Develops consistent, loving discipline
20Provides the child with appropriate decision
making opportunities
- Gives the child choices and formulates guidelines
with him
21Pyramid of Decision Making
22You are working yourself out of a job!
- Small children dont have the experience and
judgment to make many decisions. Thats why they
need you to guide them and help them understand
why you decide. Sometimes it will be because I
said so and other times you will need to try to
explain the reasoning you used to come to the
decision.
23A Responsible Parent
- Holds the child accountable for his choices
- Lets reality be the teacher when possible
24Children need to fail and have problems in life
- Each problem or failure is an opportunity to
learn how to solve the problem or find out what
went wrong to do better next time. - Each time the child solves a problem or learns
from a failure, they grow in their confidence and
motivation to be independent.
25Look for teachable moments
- When a child has a problem ask them leading
questions to help them solve it. - Where did you last have your glasses?
- How can we organize your room or bookbag to be
sure we get papers back to school? - Work with the child to help them think through
problems until they start thinking about how to
solve them without your prompting.
26Misbehavior
- When the child misbehaves, let them face
reasonable consequences to learn what will happen
when they make that choice. - If you let it go, then you are delaying their
chance to learn and they will make a bigger
mistake the next time.
27How to take the lead at home
- 1. Say it once
- 2. Turn your back
- 3. Walk away
- Think about how you would like things in your
home to change. How can you use these three
steps to take charge?
28A responsible parent
- Conveys respect, self-worth, and love to the
child, therefore enhances self-esteem
29A parents biggest asset
- The love of your child
- He/she wants to know you are a team
- Reassure your child that you are on his/her side
- This doesnt mean you approve of everything they
do, but you love them no matter what
30Let them know they are special to you