Clergy and Faith-Based Leader Response to Domestic Violence

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Clergy and Faith-Based Leader Response to
Domestic Violence

• North Dakota Department of Health
• Conference on Preventing and Responding to
  Injuries in ND
• Presenter Desiree Uhrich
• October 29, 2008

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Types of Abuse

• Physical
• Emotional/Psychological
• Sexual
• Financial
• Spiritual

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Intimate Violence

• Battering or sexual assault by spouse or partner
• Incest or sexual abuse of a child by family
  member or caretaker
• Physical or emotional abuse or neglect of a child
  or children

• Abuse or neglect of a vulnerable adult (age or
  physical disability)
• Homicide by one family member of another or by a
  partner

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Trauma

• Not everyone who experiences IV ends up with
  harmful effects.
• Women who have been victims of child sexual abuse
  demonstrate twice as much impairment as women who
  have not.
• Women who have been raped are 9 times more likely
  than nonvictims to attempt suicide. Also higher
  risk for alcohol/drugs, eating disorders, anxiety
  disorders.
• Women in battering relationships higher risk for
  suicide.

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How prevalent is IV?

• Women are more likely to be assaulted in their
  homes by someone they love and trust than they
  are on the streets of most American cities.
• Study by U.S. Dept of Justice Child abuse and
  domestic violence account for 1/3 of the total
  cost of crime.
• Men are more likely to be victims of violent
  crime in general, but women are more than 10
  times more likely to be victimized by an intimate
  partner.

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Overwhelming SILENCE

• We know about the statistics in our churches and
  communities, yet there is still silence.
• Why? Because facing the realities of intimate
  violence and its traumatic consequences is much
  harder than staying blind to it.

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What is asked of you?

• All the perpetrator asks is that you be a
  bystander and do nothing. This appeals to our
  desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. Very
  tempting. . . .
• The victim asks you as the bystander to bear the
  burden of pain and demands action and engagement
  and remembering.

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What have we done?

• As a culture and as a church, we have
  consistently sided with the perpetrator through
  our silence.
• Victims of intimate violence have been silenced
  by our disbelief and discrediting.
• One of the KEYS to recovery from trauma of IV is
  to remember and tell the story and to be believed.

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Intimate Violence and the Churchs Response

• Rated as both the least-used and least-helpful
  resource compared to friends, family, therapists,
  family doctors, social service agencies.
• Victims who have reported their pastors helpful
  were from churches where social problems were
  addressed and a safe environment was created
  where women felt safe in coming forward with
  their stories.

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Intimate Violence and the Churchs Response

• Women who are committed to their religious
  traditions often turn to their pastor with family
  problems.
• Women who have experienced IV are more likely to
  leave the church than nonabused women.
• Why? They experienced revictimization through
  silencing. Churchs betrayal is symbolic of
  Gods betrayal.

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• Churches need to be known as a place where we
  hold perpetrators accountable and where we are on
  record as religious communities that abuse is not
  tolerated. When offenders are held accountable,
  we can be come a safe community to heal. Marie
  Fortune

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Spiritual Abuse

• Ignoring religious traditions of victim or
  ridiculing them.
• Preventing victim from participating in
  religious/spiritual ceremonies/events or church.
• Justifying violence or domination based on
  religious teaching.
• Misusing scripture to instill fear.
• Dictating how another should believe or perceive
  God and their faith.
• Using shame or guilt to influence and control.
• Maligning God by conveying that another is not
  deserving of Gods love, freedom, and grace.

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What Do Victims Experience?

• Silence
• Resignation
• Self-blame
• Confusion
• Terror/Fear
• Trauma
• Unexpressed anger
• Isolation

• Physical injury
• Inward scars
• Deprivation in diet, basic needs, clothing,
  medical and dental care
• Physical ailments brought on by years of stress
  fibromialgia, IBS, PTSD, headaches, anxiety,
  depression

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Emotional Impact of Abuse

• Fear
• Anger
• Hopelessness
• Insecurity
• Sadness
• Guilt
• Shame

• Embarrassment
• Vulnerability
• Feeling Powerless
• Low self-esteem
• Hyper vigilance

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Spiritual Impact of Abuse

• Loss of hope
• Loss of faith
• Loss of trust
• Fear
• Vulnerability Pain
• Silence that is filled with the noise of anxiety
  and frightening images

• Feeling unworthy
• Anger and hurt inhibit forgiveness
• Guilt
• Question, Why did God allow this?
• Despair and anxiety make prayer difficult

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Struggle for Wholeness

• Silence that fosters reflection and insight
• Recognize possibility for new life
• Security and acceptance
• Safety
• Growth
• Compassion for oneself
• Forgiveness of self and others

• Hope
• Courage
• Confidence
• Abundance
• Ability to love God, oneself, others, and all
  creation
• Trust/Faith
• Dignity

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Quotes

• Hope emerges among those who publicly articulate
  and process their grief over their suffering.
  (Brueggemann)
• Trust is not just a psychological issue it is
  in fact a faith issue, indeed the faith issue.
  (Fox)
• I will not let it continue to make me feel bad
  about myself. I will not let it limit my ability
  to love and trust others in my life. I will not
  let my memory of the experience continue to
  victimize and control me. (A survivor)

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What Image(s) Come to Mind?

• What image comes to mind when you think about
  domestic violence?

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What Image Comes To Mind?
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How do you view intimate violence theologically?

• Where is God in it all?
• How do we read scripture/sacred text to help us
  look at domestic violence?
• What are the characteristics of God, i.e. mercy,
  justice, etc. that motivate us to action?
• What is helpful for survivors?

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Spiritual Resources are of central importance to
victims

• Not uncommon for survivors to report that they
  prayed to survive battering or to live through a
  rape
• Many have a deeply personal connection to the
  Divine and confidence in Gods faithfulness and
  presence

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I would sit outside my bedroom door reading the
23rd Psalm over and over and wait for him to fall
asleep. A survivor

• Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
• I fear no evil for you are with me your rod and
  your staff they comfort me.

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23rd Psalm

• You prepare a table before me in the presence of
  my enemies
• You anoint my head with oil
• My cup overflows.

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23rd Psalm

• Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the
  days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house
  of the Lord my whole life long.

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Important resources

• What resources do our faith traditions hold for
  us as we seek to become a community where
  accountability, prevention, and healing are
  possible in the context of domestic violence?

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Theological Resources

• 1. Nature of justice as understood in Scripture

• 2. Consistent biblical mandate of hospitality

• Especially prophetic traditions
• Justice is the core principle running throughout
  all of scripture
• Essence of God is justice
• Carefully listen to those who have not been heard

• Especially to strangers
• Most vulnerable
• Community was called to protect the widow, the
  sojourner, and the orphan

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Scriptural Passages

• Jesus sees those who are invisible to the rest
  of society.
• He makes room and shows hospitality.
• Who is invisible in our society now?

• Luke 736-50 The woman with the alabaster jar
  of ointment for Jesus' feet.
• Mark 521-43 The outcast woman who hemorrhaged
  for 12 years.
• John 44-42 The woman at the well
• The widows and the orphans in the books of the
  prophets.

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Two Primary Images from Judeo-Christian Tradition

• Exodus
• God freed the Israelite nation from suffering and
  slavery. Expected Israel to care for those on the
  margins poor, widows, orphans.
• God proclaims liberation for those bound by the
  terrors of violence in their families.

• Resurrection
• Need to hear about that power which overcame
  Jesus total vulnerability and suffering.
• Need to learn that they too have the possibility
  for a new life. Healing and wholeness are
  possible.

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Honoring the Body

• For it was you who formed my inward parts you
  who knit me together in my mothers womb . Psalm
  139
• Bodies are sacred
• Embodiment is central to the Christian faith,
  i.e. church is the body of Christ
• Wounded and abused bodies are persons made in
  Gods image.

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Honoring the Body

• Matthews Gospel affirms that when we minister to
  others we minister to him
• Bodily vulnerability is something we all share.
• View the world through Jesus body. His wounded
  but resurrected body brings into focus the bodies
  of all the wounded and abused in the world.

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Honoring the Body
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Goals for Domestic Violence Intervention

• SAFETY for the woman and children
• ACCOUNTABILITY for the abuser
• RESTORATION of individuals and, IF POSSIBLE,
  relationships
• OR
• MOURNING the loss of the relationships

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What happens when the victim comes to the pastor?

• Marie Fortune warns, You will not be able to
  believe her if his public role includes
  governance of the church, SS teacher, generous
  steward, etc.
• Your experience with that individual is real and
  true and PUBLIC.
• The victims experience with the individual is
  real and true and PRIVATE.
• With most of us, we go with our experience even
  when info conflicts with it.

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3 Major Approaches for Caring for Victims of IV

• 1. Short-term crisis needs for women and children
  in midst of IV where focus must be on victims
  safety and perpetrators accountability
• 2. Caring for victims who seek pastoral care to
  recover from the trauma. May be well after the
  fact.
• 3. Prevention and resistance.

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What should I say?

• What are some things you could say to a victim
  that would be helpful in you role as clergy
  person, or church man or woman?

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What should I say?

• I believe you and Im sorry this is happening to
  you.
• No one deserves to be abused. I am afraid for
  your safety and the safety of your children.
• Help is available. You are not alone, this
  happens to other women. Here is a number you can
  call for advocacy and shelter. Ill stay with you
  if youd like to call now.
• If addressing spiritual aspect God desires
  your safety and protection. You have a faith
  community that supports you. (if it is true)
  Would you like to pray together? Gauge the
  appropriateness of your comments here.

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How Can Clergy/Faith-Based Leaders Effectively
Practice Intervention and Prevention?

• Get as much training as possible Go through
  volunteer training offered by local program.
• Recognize the power of compassionate presence -
  Henri Nouwen calls it compassionate solidarity.
• Give public voice to the issue of domestic
  violence. Encourage the faith community to be a
  safe place for victims to come for help. Utilize
  sermons, newsletters, bulletins, meetings, etc.
  to raise awareness.

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Images of Hope Women are Sacred People are
Sacred
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Despair Hope
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New Life and Hope

• The Resurrection by
• Joseph Cusimano