Earthsoft Foundation of Guidance presents -Tips for saving marriage-life and partner

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Saving marriage?
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Index

• Marriage
• Happy living
• Issues
• Conflicts resolution

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Objective

• To understand divorce its impact
• To understand the reasons of incompatibility
• To strengthen intellectual, emotional and
  spiritual aspects of your personality
• To select the best possible ways to save marriage
  life
• To be happy in fulfilling your duties and
  responsibilities towards your spouse families
• To be a mature, spiritually emotionally
  healthy and committed spouse
• To prepare for future challenges and conflicts
• To change grow to be better person and
  well-adjusted marriage partner

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Reasons for marriage

• Marriage is a virtually universal human
  institution
• Right reasons to marry
• Companion throughout life, Unity
• Togetherness - Sharing good or bad moments,
  realizing dreams together
• Sharing, Loving, Caring, Giving
• Continuing generation, beautiful creation Child
• Wrong reasons to marry
• Money, or just Papers
• Position in company
• Just to have kids
• To serve ME

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Gain

• Long term relationship stability
• Better ritual culture due to common deep
  understanding, supportive for next generation
• Improved family relationship
• Increased ownership, higher commitments
• Feeling of proud of relationship
• Feel of satisfaction delight from peaceful
  happy environment
• Financially wealthy successful
• Active participation for function celebration
• Increased morale no conflicts

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Successful marriage

• Reasons for successful marriage
• Common skills
• Good emotional physical health
• High self esteem
• High education level
• High social status
• Pressure from society kids

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Start a day - Breakfast table
Decide life partner carefully!
Which scene do you want to see across the
breakfast table for the rest of your life?
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Saying believing!

• The value of person depends upon
• Skills attained
• Knowledge acquired
• Money earned
• Assets build
• Good deeds executed
• Relations maintained
• Love spread and
• Behavior exhibited!
• There is nothing better in the world than a good
  wife. A good wife is the one whose husband
  becomes glad upon seeing her.

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Partnering
Caring
Loving
Sharing
Way of life Methodologies
Environment Culture
Partnering
Trust
Respect
People Families
Honesty
Dignity
Transparency
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Seven vows

• 7 Vows- Promise to God to be partner throughout
  the life
• To walk together throughtout life to get pure
  food
• To walk together for a healthy prosperous life,
  seeking physical, spiritual and mental health
• To support each other to be wealthy, asking
  strength to share the happiness and pain
  together.
• Determined for love and respect for each other
  and their respective families
• Pray for the beautiful, heroic noble children
• Request for the peaceful long life with each
  other
• For companionship, togetherness, loyalty and
  understanding to be friends for lifetime
• Marriage is a symbol of purity, union of two
  different people, community and culture

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Divorce

• Divorce or the dissolution of marriage is the
  final termination of a marital union, canceling
  the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage
  and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the
  partners!
• As of 2011, divorce rate in India is 1.01 for
  every thousand marriages annually, is too high?

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Reasons
Category Reason
Social Dowry harassment, Exploitation, Conservative approach Unbearable mental and physical torture Acceptance of divorced daughters, Change of views DINKS (double income no kids) couples Downfall of Joint family system Misunderstanding of Woman empowerment equality
Personality Non compatibility in social, economical, intellect status Lack of adaptability, lack of patience Domination, egoistic nature, Listen serve to me attitude Extramarital affairs, Western culture influence
Finance Ability to be on own, Financial freedom Growth of individualism, High salaries Disputes over managing finance, I can do it better attitude
Professional Work-life imbalance, Professional rivalry
Behavior Lack of ethics and morals, Fashionable life style Lack of affection, Ignorance, Insulting, Disrespect
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Issues

• Lack of understanding
• Priorities differs
• Methodologies differs
• Above results in Disregard Distrust, cycle
  continues
• Missing on Loving, Caring, Sharing, Giving
• Different values
• Own world Ignoring not sharing time
• Lack approval from family (for love marriage)

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Before marriage

• We hide the things
• We ignore
• We mislabel
• We agree on irrelevant matters
• We believe our loved one will change after
  marriage

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Voice before after

• You are just made for me
• You arent the man/woman I married.
• I want you to be my partner for all the births
• You seem different now.
• I am so lucky, feel like in heaven
• It isnt the same as when we were dating.
• I trust you
• You cheated me.

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Incompatibility reasons

• Intellectual gap
• Physical, age-wise, health related, sex related
• Comfort, Fun, Materialistic, Financial
  instability
• Spiritual differences
• Social life style
• Ego
• Missing on expectations
• Ability not to accommodate varieties
• Methodology differs slightly
• Twisted distorted facts or inputs
• Wrong impression / prejudice
• Expectations to be ideal!

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Incompatibility
Deep fry ice-cream?
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Divorce globally
In India divorce rate is doubled in last 7 years
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Mature steps needed
Death statistics in USA! Take mature steps
related to love marriage
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Avoid divorce

• To avoid
• Unhealthy life, psychological madness
• Loneliness unhappiness
• Social insult over ability to manage
• Lesser combined income
• Risk of suicide for both children
• Shorter life expectancies
• For children
• Suffer physical health
• Risk of school failure
• Psychological distress mental illness
• Miss on guidance developing

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Most effective-first hand solution

• Think strategically about solution
• Communicate have a dialogue
• Discuss, dont quarrel
• Clarify Apologize if mistaken
• Start clean slate fresh
• Enhance understanding
• Set the guidelines if needed
• Understand before being understood
• Avoid to be misunderstood, make a point
• Do not involve many
• Acknowledge and respect individual identity
• Avoid compromised confused situation

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Most effective-first hand solution

• Be REAL realistic
• Plan for outing
• Enhance listening abilities
• Express issues, wish and needs honestly
• Understand viewpoints sincerely
• Respect one another as peers friends
• Constructive resolutions build trust, follow
  those
• Maintain a diary jotting down own mistakes

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Fight but marriage under hold

• Unable to articulate all issues at one time
• Unable to convince conclude who is wrong?
• Unable to address ego
• Inability to stand on own
• Social pressure
• Deep responsibility of children serious views
  not to ruin their lives
• Unclear answer to What next?
• If views till in favor to continue, not to cut
  thread
• Compromising nature patience
• Hope is the strategy!!! (cannot be!)

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Happily married life

• Bargaining compromise with respect dignity
  (deal for both, remember marriage is not a deal!)
• Agreement as a gift (without resentment)
• Coexistence Agree (to disagree live with it)
• The object of marriage peaceful coexistence
• Be totally honest and kind at the same time.
• Control negative destructive impulses
• Control your anger
• Express your deepest fears, hopes, and emotions
  and everyday thoughts

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Tips

• Beautiful tips
• Do not hit head against wall
• Know.....who matters
• Acknowledgement is the first step towards
  improvement
• Never try to straighten dogs tail
• Keep cool calm, grow and behave!

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Accept totally

• Lifetime to know each other
• People do not really know each other well
• Continue applying corrections keep aligning
• Be flexible unforeseen events will happen.
• Be prepared for change people change,
  situations shift, relationships take on new
  dimensions, Couples can cope adapt
• Have a positive attitude.
• Express positive comments most of the time.
• Criticism about inadequacies eliminates emotional
  space.

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Key element

• Commitment as a symbol, not as a contract
• Equal focus on win-win, always!
• Trust which offers closeness, fluent
  communication synergistic relationship
• Mutual goals objectives can be achieved with
  deep support
• Continuous improve
• Timely communication responsiveness
• Involvement of partners with each other , trust
  respect for each other, must be magnified

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Thank You