A man named Frank, from somewhere up north, was asked to judge at a Texas chili cookoff when judge

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A man named Frank, from somewhere up north, was
asked to judge at a Texas chili cook-off when
judge3 called in sickHe obliged.
Chili Cook-off!
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Here are the official Scorecards from the event.
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• Chili 1
• Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

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• JUDGE ONE
• A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

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• JUDGE TWO
• Nice smooth flavor. Very mild.

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• FRANK
• Holy smokes, are they kidding? Whats in this
  stuff, anyway?
• You could remove dried paint from your driveway
  with it. These Texans are crazy!

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• Chili 2
• Arthurs Afterburner Chili

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• JUDGE ONE
• Smoky, with a hint of pork.
• Slight jalapeno tang.

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• JUDGE TWO
• Exciting BBQ flavor, but needs more peppers to be
  taken seriously.

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• FRANK
• Keep this out of reach of children.
• I had to ward off two people who wanted to give
  me the Heimlich maneuver.

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• Chili 3
• Lindas Legal Lip Remover

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• JUDGE ONE
• Meaty, strong chili.
• Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding
  considerable kick. Impressive.

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• JUDGE TWO
• Chili could use more tomato.
• Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong
  statement.

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• FRANK
• My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my
  eyes.

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• FRANK
• I burped and four people in front of me needed
  paramedics.

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• FRANK
• The cook seemed hurt when I told her that her
  chili gave me brain damage.

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• Chili 4
• Susans Screaming Sensation Chili

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• JUDGE ONE
• A mediocre chili with over-reliance on canned
  peppers.

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• JUDGE TWO
• Ho hum. Tastes as if the chef threw in canned
  chili peppers at the last moment.
• Im worried about Judge 3.

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• FRANK
• You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the
  pin and I wouldnt feel it.

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• FRANK
• Ive lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
  like its made of rushing water.

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• FRANK
• My clothes are covered with chili that slid
  unnoticed out of my mouth at some point..

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• FRANK
• Good. At the autopsy, theyll know what killed
  me.

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• FRANK
• Ive decided to stop breathing. Its too painful
  and Im not getting any oxygen anyway.

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• FRANK
• If I need air, Ill just suck it through the 4
  hole in my stomach.

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• Finally Chili 5
• Helens Mount St. Chili

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• JUDGE ONE
• A perfect ending. This is a nice blended chili.
  Safe for all, not too bold, but spicy enough to
  declare its existence.

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• JUDGE TWO
• This final entry is a good, balanced chili,
  neither too mild nor too hot.

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• JUDGE TWO
• But Im sorry to see that most of it was lost
  when Judge 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on
  top of himself.

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• FRANK
• Editors note Judge 3 was unable to report.

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