DEATH SNAKES IN TEXAS a lounge quest by Jake and Tom

1
DEATH SNAKES IN TEXAS(a lounge quest by Jake and
Tom)
BEGIN THE ADVENTURE IF YOU DARE!
2

• The time is 1832 and you are a fresh 19 year old
  studying hard in a Connecticut boarding school.
  As you are reading up on your history of Western
  Europe, your principal comes in the room and in a
  hush voice instructs you to come with her out
  into the hall. You are surprised but do as she
  says as you leave your desk. In the hall your
  principal begins to cry as she tells you that
  your mother has died and that you are to return
  home immediately. As you do you find a letter
  from your aunt inviting you to stay with her and
  her family in Texas at least for the time being.
• Do you.
• Go to Texas on the next train
• Stay in Connecticut to finish your schooling

3
You stay in Connecticut and play Xbox 360 for the
rest of your life. GAME OVER
4

• Ah Texas! Everything is bigger in Texas and the
  eyes of the ranger are always upon you! You come
  to a town just a few days ride from your aunts
  ranch and decide to explore.
• Do you
• Go to the Saloon
• Go to the Brothel
• Go to the Barbershop

5

• You walk through the doorway to the brothel and
  peer about. There are patrons generally lounging
  around. Lining the walls you see five women
  leaning leisurely in ornate yet suggestive
  clothing. These must be what you came for.
• Go up to woman 1
• Go up to woman 2
• Go up to woman 3
• Go up to woman 4
• Go up to woman 5
• Go back to town

6

• You approach woman number five. She is smaller
  than the rest, but carries an attraction of
  gravity and beauty. Shes smaller than the rest
  with curly auburn hair, but no less commanding in
  her presence.
• After a brief and sassy dialogue, you head
  upstairs with Adrianne, the fiery little vixen.
• When you close the door to the room, Adrianne
  turns hurriedly and starts talking in a soft
  voice. Ive been meaning to leave this place,
  see? To get far away forever. And Im meaning to
  do it this night, will you help me. She turns
  her puppy dog eyes on you.
• You think its a game and throw her a never-fail
  line, I dont know if I can take you back to
  Heaven where you came from baby. Because you look
  like an angel to me tuts.
• Adrianne lets out a guttural bellow and palms you
  across the face. Im serious you chauvinist
  pig!
• Oh, you say as you rub your cheek.
• Let this little lady come along
• Leave her behind and continue on your way

7
You approach the nearest free girl and casually
slide up onto the wall next to her. I see that
the stars arent the only things big in
Texas. Are you even eighteen boy? Get on up
outta here, she says as she backhands you with
her satin glove. Go back to the brothel
8
You pass by the bar to pick up some sassparilla
for your lady. This drinks about as refreshing
as you, baby. You say as you hand it to
her. She smiles as she takes it from you. Ooh,
thanks honeybabe, she coos. The names
Vacuum. You start laughing uncontrollably as
you barely manage to studder That sucks. Youre
delighted with your wit until she kicks you out a
window with her white snake skin boots. What a
lady
9

• You walk over to woman two, scoping out the
  brothel as you move through the room. Hows it
  goin sweetcheeks?
• Mah name aint sweetcheeks, hun. Its Veronica.
  And I aint like anyone youve had the pleasure
  of meeting in your lifetime.
• After the loss of a night and a generous sum of
  money, you wake to find yourself in Veronicas
  loft. But you have gained two bloody sores in
  your neck. What happened last night?
• Veronica saunters back into the room. Youre
  awake! She smiles as she comes over and lays on
  the bed. I see youre feeling your new holes.
  What do you think? You sit and stare at her for
  a second. Oh! Haha, you dont get it. Youre a
  vampire honey.
• After a long and heartfelt discussion Veronica
  tells you how badly shes always wanted to run
  away. She thinks youd be the perfect partner to
  go away with, and solicits you to let her join
  you.
• It is a good time to continue on your adventure.
• Take this vampress along
• Leave her and continue on your own

10
You let her down gently, explaining that youre a
man that cant be tied down by vampire
whores. She weeps, but you cant hear as you close
the door behind you. Back to the brothel
11

• Veronica seals the deal by promising not to bite
  too hard. You both talk about the upcoming
  adventure long into the morning and to midday and
  plan ahead for the coming days and nights. First
  order of business
• Leave now and sneak out of the brothel
• Wait for the cover of nightfall to flee the
  brothel

12
You creep out the back door into the murky night.
Too bad you cant see snake pits at night. You
both fall in. Game Over
13
You cant leave in the day, youre a vampire
fool! You explode into flames (oh noes.) Game
Over
14
You saunter up to woman one and casually say
Hey, whats the word baby? She takes a second
to peer at you confusedly before she says Mah
names Zelda. The rest is a blur. You wake up
the next morning sleeping in a horse trough, your
body is covered in strange scratches. (OUCH!)
15

• You walk into the bright barber shop
• Do you
• Get a shave
• Get a haircut
• Not get a shave

16

• You sit in the barbers chair as he works
  his art. He scrapes your skin and you come out
  looking stupid. 2.25 the barber smiles, an
  exorbitant amount. You think about not leaving a
  tip but he is so old and nice it is hard to
  decide
• Do you
• Leave a tip
• Not leave a tip

17
You get up and leave a tip. Ahhh a tip! cries
the barber, for that let me tell you the secret
way. Take the new moon trail as soon as you
can! Good idea, thanks for the tip you
say well one tip deserves another, he he
he Take the Trail
18

• You step inside the old swinging doors of the
  saloon and take a look around the musty place.
  There is an old pianiey player making some music
  and he gives you a nod as you enter. You see some
  men playing cards in the corner across from the
  bar keep.
• Do you
• Play Cards
• Get a Drink
• Go back to town

19

• You go to the card game and ask one of the men if
  you can play.
• You know poker city boy?! asks a fellow with an
  eyepatch.
• Of course I do partner you answer.
• Ahh! I like you eyepatch exclaims
• me names Ross and Im the big man around here
• shut up Ross the other men grumble
• howdy Ross you say and sit down
• Yall begin to play. You are making it pretty
  good in the poker game, Ross is doing even better
  than you. Some of the other men are getting
  irritated at how well Ross is doing. You get up
  to go to the bathroom and as you come back you
  see Ross shifting cards under the table. You go
  back to your seat and sit down.
• Do you
• Tell the other men eyepatch Ross is a cheat
• Keep playing the game without saying

20

• You keep playing for a while and one of the men
  calls a cheat.
• Do you
• Say that you know Ross is a cheat
• Run Away
• Say that you dont know

21

• You smash a bottle on Ross head and run out the
  back door. You get as far away from the saloon as
  you can as you hear the bullets from the ensuing
  gun battle. You keep running and fin yourself out
  in the wilderness. You stop to rest and hear some
  voices. You hide behind a cactus as they
  approach.
• When you look out you see three of the women from
  the brothel in town. The two bigger women are
  beating up on the third. The third is a smaller
  woman and you recognize her as Adrianne. They are
  aparently very mad at Adrianne and intend to kill
  her. You jump out from behind the cactus.
• Do you
• Shoot the two bigger women
• Shoot Adrianne
• Not do anything

22
Die you scum bags you say as you shoot the
other women. UHUHGHHGUHGH they scream as they
run away back to the brothel? You approach little
Adrianne and help her up. She cries and tells you
nhow grateful she is that you saved her. YOU ARE
STRUCK BY HER BEAUTY. Come on little lady lets
walk back to town you say, We can get you
cleaned up, have the barber look you over No!
Adrianne cries I cant go back there, the women
in the brother will look for me. I am not from
around here I, I cant go back You both sit
down Run away with me! Adrianne says ok
darling you say Run away with Adrianne
23

• You walk away from town with Adrianne at your
  side. After a while of walking in silence
  Adrianne stops and turns to you.
• Yo, I have a secret that I have been meaning to
  tell you. You remember how I said I am not from
  around here?
• Oh yes
• Well what I meant was that Im really not from
  this time period or even from around here.
• hmmm?
• You see, I am a student at Wellseley College
  from the year 2008. I built a time machine in my
  dorm room and decided to use it for a research
  paper I was working on about brothels in Texas
  during the 1800s.
• Oh my god
• I hid my time machine behind some cacti just
  around the corner, we can go there if you want to
  and I can take you back to my time. Or I can stay
  with you here if you want. I am so hopelessly in
  love with you!
• Do you
• Use the time machine
• Dont use the time machine and keep going

24

• You follow Adrianne back behind the cacti and
  into her oblong time machine. She starts up the
  power sequence and you prepare for time travel by
  putting on your time travel helmet. As the lights
  in the ship flash brighter and faster you black
  out. When you wake up and open the hatch, you are
  in a lush deciduous neighborhood in the year
  2008. Adrianne tells you this is her home town as
  she bounds out of the ship to meet two strangers
  sitting in lawn chairs in front of a big white
  house.
• Howdy one of the figures says
• Want an Ice tea? says the other figure
• Guys! Adrianne says, This is my friend from
  Texas
• Oh we love Texas
• You all hang out and eat pizza and have a good
  time. You go swimming and biking and watch funny
  movies and go to gas stations. At the end of the
  day Adrianne asks you if you want to stay here of
  go back to Texas.
• Do you..
• Stay in the year 2008
• Go back to Texas

25

• Youre on the dusty trail with Adrianne. You both
  walk until night time when yall lay down and
  sleep after having your fill of beans. When you
  wake up Adrianne is gone! You see a path where
  she may have gone
• Do you
• Look for Adrianne
• Keep going

26

• You take the trail and find the camp of some
  bandeleros. They have Adrianne tied to one of
  their donkeys. You run in, guns blazing and shoot
  all of the bandeleros. You let Adrianne free. She
  is so happy.
• Oh I am so glad you found me! I just went down
  to the river this morning to get some water when
  some bandeleros jumped out and grabbed me!
• Its ok Adrianne you say smiling
• I am so weary, wont you stay here with me, we
  can start a family or something
• Do you
• Start a family with Adrianne
• Keep going on your own

27
You start a family with Adrianne Game Over
28
You stay in Mankato Forever!
Game Over
29
For some reason you decide to shoot Adrianne. The
women look happy and thank you for doing it, but
just then the sheriff comes and shoots you all
because you arent allowed to shoot little ladies
in Texas. Game Over
30
Hey ladies, dont mind me you say Oh no
problem sir says one of the bigger women as she
knocks Adrianne around. Just then the sheriff
comes and you are arrested for not shooting the
women. Failure to shoot the assailants of a small
lady is a crime in texas. You go to jail. Game
Over
31

• The man calling a cheat pulls out a gun and there
  is a gun battle. You duck behind the pianiey and
  dodge the bullets. You take a shot at one of the
  men and hit him. When the shooting stops everyone
  is dead, including Ross. Sheriff Murray comes
  around and asks you what happens and if you shot
  someone.
• Do you
• Lie
• Tell the truth

32
You tell the truth, uhh yes I did sheriff but I
didnt start it. The bar keep comes up from
behind the bar yes thats true, hes a good
lad alright I believe you but get out of town,
take the new moon trail out of town as soon as
you can
Take the trail
33
err no sheriff you say are you sure? asks the
sheriff yes that aint true!, says the bar
keep, He shot them all There is nothing you can
say you liar and the sheriff takes you to jail
for a long time
Game Over
34
Hes a cheat you yell and you get shot by Ross
GAME OVER
35
Well well well says the bar keep, I aint
never seen no Connecticut boy around here these
parts yet You are taken back that he knows you
are from Connecticut so quickly. No sir you
say, I just came into town this afternoon Say
do you know much about the quantum physics?
smiles the bar keep as he pours a shot of whiskey
for both of you No sir well! Quantum mechanics
is the study of mechanical systems whose
dimensions are close to or below the atomic
scale, such as molecules, atoms, electrons,
protons and other subatomic particles. Quantum
mechanics is a fundamental branch of physics with
wide applications. Quantum theory generalizes
classical mechanics and provides accurate
descriptions for many previously unexplained
phenomena such as black body radiation and stable
electron orbits. The effects of quantum mechanics
are typically not observable on macroscopic
scales, but become evident at the atomic and
subatomic level. There are however exceptions to
this rule such as super fluidity. Go back to the
bar
36

• You are on your own out on the Trail. You stop
  for a while and rest first as you take in the
  Texas landscape. You are getting ready to go.
• Do you
• Leave in the morning
• Leave in the evening

37
You leave in the morning, just after
dawn. Walking along the beautiful trail you get
hungry and stop to eat some lunch, A beef
sandwich with raw onion and a shot of whiskey.
You sit down on an old cactus and take off your
boots. They are old and your feet hurt with
exhaustion. The sun feels hot and you are full
with your lunch as you drift slowly to sleep. You
awake and look around barefoot and still groggy.
You come across a pool of water that looks clean.
You take off your hat and scratch your head. Do
you A. Go swimming B. Dip your feet in the
water C. Keep on going
38

• You decide to take a dip in the desert pool. You
  get in and relax in the water. You float on your
  back and do some laps. After a while you decide
  to explore. You dive down and open your eyes. You
  see the bottom of the pool, lined with plants.
  Many bright fish play in and out of the growth
  and you look further down and see a black hole
  about 10 feet down. You go up and take another
  breath before swimming back down to take another
  look. There is a strange glow coming from the
  abyss as you realize that it is a cave.
• Do you
• Go in the cave
• Finish up swimming and leave the pool

39

• The tunnels splits
• Do you
• Go Left
• Go Right

40
You swim to the left and you swim on. The tunnel
gets darker and darker as you realize there is no
way out. Game Over
41

• You swim to the right. The light grows brighter
  as you swim. The tunnel winds and dips to come up
  again. Suddenly the tunnel opens up and you find
  yourself in a large room inside of the cave. You
  come out of the water and take a breath. You look
  up and see a woman floating above the water
  emitting a phosphorescent aura. Shes a witch!
  you think and you run behind a boulder. After
  some time, when nothing happens you peek out and
  get a better look. The witch is very pretty
  (reminds you of someone you once loved) but she
  is also very sad looking. She doesnt look like
  she will harm you so you stand up from behind the
  boulder. The witch barely takes notice of you.
  Why are you so sad? you ask. The witch slowly
  looks up and turns away from you. She walks to a
  wall of the cave and opens a small door. She
  turns once again toward you before entering the
  doorway. You are alone in the cave
• Do you
• Follow the witch
• Swim back the way you came

42

• You bound up to the doorway and enter. The witch
  walks slowly a few steps ahead. The path slants
  up as you both walk for some time. The tunnels
  opens up and you find yourself in the night air.
  The sits down on the ground and you follow her in
  doing this. The stars at night are big and bright
  deep in the heart of Texas. The witch turns to
  you, and begins to tell you her story.
• It is a sad story. One day while saddling her
  horse, the devil come to her and poof! turned her
  into a witch. She was so ashamed that she ran so
  far away and never went back to her family. She
  has lived, haunting the caves in the pool ever
  since. She desperately wants to go back and see
  her family but she doesnt think she can in her
  present state.
• You sit and think and empathize with this magical
  being.
• Do you
• Give Advice
• Leave

43
You turn to the witch, I think that you should
go back to your family and tell them the truth. I
think that they will accept you the way you
are The witch looks up at the stars, do you
really think so? yeah, I do maybe your
right!, thank you You look down, aw shucks you
say, but as you look up again the witch is
gone! You run back to the trail and begin walking
down it once again. Past the mesas and through
the tumbleweeds until you come to a house with a
white picket fence out front. You go up to the
front and knock on the door.
44
A man answers the door and looks happy to see
you. Hey boy! I thought youd never come! You
guess, uncle? Yeah thats right! Heh heh heh!
Well come on in sonny.You walk in the house, it
is nice and very well lit. Take your boots off
a voice calls down the stairs thank you I will!
you look up to see a woman walking down the
stairs. It is the witch form the cave! Ah! you
cry Ann, get down here and talk to you
nephew Oh yes, we have been expecting you for
quite a while the woman says as she walks up
coolly Thank you nephew for your advice she
smiles
45
Great Job!
46
You respectfully decide to leave quietly and
leave the witch to her witchly matters. You walk
back to the trail and begin walking again. You
follow the trail around the mesas and through the
tumbleweeds until you find a house. The house has
an old fence around it and children playing in
the yard. You walk up the fence and the children
all run away inside. You approach the house and
knock on the door. A man whom you have never met
before opens the door. Well hey there partner,
we didnt think you would make it! he smiles as
he hugs you a big bear hug, Sorry about the
kids, they are easily frightened. thats ok
you say. This must be your aunts house! You come
in and set your gear down in the hall. excuse
me, where is Ann? The mans face grows pale!
Ann! Yes, my aunt Ann, who sent me the letter
instructing me to come down here. You didnt
say anything about a letter from Ann in the
letter you sent me. wha? I didnt send a
letter. Ann, he hands you a picture, has been
missing for quite some time
47
You look at the picture GAH! it is a picture
of the witch in the cave! This is a picture of
AUNT ANN? you stammer Yes it is, that was taken
just before she disappeared your uncle says, Oh
I miss her so! You are stunned.
Aunt Ann

• Do you
• Tell your uncle that Aunt Ann is a witch
• Do not tell

48
You smile and look at the picture, Oh, she was
pretty. Its a shame that she is not still
around.darn tootn says your uncle. You stay
for dinner and spend the night in the house. You
dont sleep very well as the thoughts of your
witch aunt haunt your dreams. The next morning
you say goodbye and begin your walk back to town.
When you arrive you book a night in the local
hotel and take the next train back to
Connecticut. Game Over
49
Your uncle punches you in the face, GET OUT OF
HERE BOY AND DONT COME BACK! You fall to the
floor, Im sorry uncle its true! you sob as you
scramble out the door. You run all the way back
to town, avoiding the mystic lake. When you get
to town, you take the next train back to
Connecticut leaving Texas and its witches
forever. Game Over
50
You look in the cave once more and turn yourself
to swim back. As you plant your feet on a rock to
push up,your leg is grabbed by a tentacle! You
scream a garbled scream as you look to see that
the rock is not a rock but a huge sea snake that
is just one of many in a even huger sea snake
pit! The sea snakes waste no time splitting you
open and eating you. Epic Game Over
51

• You press on. The unforgiving Texas sun beats
  your back and neck as you grow weary. You are
  losing your will to go on. You stop under the
  shade of a large cactus. There are vultures
  overhead. You contemplate your next move.
• Do you
• Keep going
• Take a nap
• Go back to Connecticut

52
You close your eyes and drift slowly into
sleep You dream of moons and pow wows and
academic decathlon moon pow wows You do not
notice the figures approaching your slowly in
their ponchos and brightly decorated sombreros.
As they begin boosting your gear one loudly drops
your set of cooking irons, causing you to wake
with a fitful scream. AAAAHHhhhhh you yell as
the nearest bandalero expertly draws his sidearm
and blasts it in your face. You are killed by
bandeleros! Game Over
53
You keep going but in your delirious state some
snakes push you into a snake pit. Game Over
54

• The water feels good and you are happy that it
  feels good. You giggle with delight as you watch
  the splashes of the water all around you. You say
  hey everybody this water is great, it show is
  fine! You are proud of yourself for making it
  this far and you rub your tummy as your remember
  the sandwich fondly. Texas sure is great. You
  wash up again briefly in the pond and go to put
  your boots back on. Without thinking you whip
  your boots on stand up, owowoowowowowowow You
  look down, ANTS RED HUGE TEXAS ANTS IN YOUR
  BOOTS, AROUND YOU FOOT, BITING YOUR SKIN. You
  scream ahhh and whip your boots right off
  again.
• You see Adrianne (a woman from the brothel)
  running up from behind a hill, I heard you
  scream, I had been following you all morning! I
  am so in love with you that I followed you. Lets
  run away, I cant go back to that place with the
  mean women in the brothel!
• Do you
• Run away with Adrianne
• Keep going with Adrianne
• Keep going without Adrianne

55
You decide to take a chance with this loveable
and energetic lady from the brothel. Adrianne is
grateful and kisses you on the cheek. heh heh
thanks honey you say As you both walk into a
snake pit. Game Over
56
Sorry Baby you say as you pull your hat down
over your eyes as you walk away boohoohoohoohoo!!
! wails Adrianne You continue down the trail
alone leaving Adrianne by the water hole to cry.
You turn the corner and see a snake wriggling in
the dirt you chase it down the hill hoping that
this could be your dinner. You dont got it and
the snake leads you into a snake pit where you
are eaten for dinner. Game Over
57
You cant see snake pits in the evening so you
fall in one! Game Over