How to make your marriage work 1 Peter 3:16

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How to make your marriage work1 Peter 31-6
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• July 1, 1984

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• Submission

AAHAAHAAHAAHAAH
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• Subtitled

Are you out of your mind?
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• Legitimate reasons for this
• Throughout history men have been given the right
  to dominate women
• Every religion
• Every culture
• Every age

John Damascene Woman is a wicked she-ass, a
hideous tapeworm....the advanced post of hell.
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• Neither secular society nor religion has been a
  friend of women
• No wonder.

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• Opposite Extreme
• Postmodernism no submission thesis
• To submit is to admit other person superior,
  greater value, demeaning
• Chart your own course free from the constraints
  of others

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• Problems with this view
• Biblical texts misunderstood
• NOT what Bible teaches
• Radical in 1st century!
• NOBODY believed this!

Gal. 328 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there
is neither slave nor free man, there is neither
male nor female for you are all one in Christ
Jesus.
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• Problems with this view (cont)
• No basis for submission in any relationship
• Guts possibility of ANY relationships
• Goal get what I want, manipulate
• What happens when 2 of these meet?

War over who gets their way
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• Problems with this view (cont)
• Alienation
• 10-foot deep intimate space
• Picture of postmodern society
• Termination
• Loneliness
• Cynicism

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• Biblical Alternative
• Mark 1042-25
• So Jesus called them together and said, "You know
  that in this world kings are tyrants, and
  officials lord it over the people beneath them.
• But among you it should be quite different.
  Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be
  your servant, and whoever wants to be first must
  be the slave of all. For even I, the Son of Man,
  came here not to be served but to serve others,
  and to give my life as a ransom for many."

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• Biblical Alternative (cont)
• Great Servant and Slave
• Not domination

Servanthood
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• Biblical Alternative (cont)
• Jesus had
• Power to force compel obedience
• Instead
• Humble form
• Self-sacrificing
• Give life for human race
• Is Jesus less than His Father?
• Is Jesus less than us?

Hebrews 13 And He is the radiance of His glory
and the exact representation of His nature, and
upholds all things by the word of His power When
He had made purification of sins, He sat down at
the right hand of the Majesty on high,
Completely different model
John 1031 I and the Father are one."
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• Biblical Alternative (cont)
• Submitting is an act of love
• Then relationships look like this

1 Corinthians 1225 so that there may be no
division in the body, but that the members may
have the same care for one another. Galatians
513 For you were called to freedom, brethren
only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity
for the flesh, but through love serve one
another. Philippians 23 Do nothing from
selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility
of mind regard one another as more important than
yourselves Ephesians 521 and be subject to
one another in the fear of Christ.
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• Biblical Alternative (cont)
• Same thing in marriage - servanthood
• Bible takes a stand on distinct sexual roles
• Differences NOT superficial but profound
• Means live out submission in different ways
• Different obligations/responsibilities
• Equally demanding
• Equal amounts of humility
• Lets look at our passage

Ephesians 5 22 Wives, be subject to your own
husbands, as to the Lord.   23 For the husband is
the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head
of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the
body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ,
so also the wives ought to be to their husbands
in everything.
Genesis 127 God created man in His own image,
in the image of God He created him male and
female He created them.
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• Context
• 1 Peter 212, 13, 15
• 12 Keep your behavior excellent among the
  Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they
  slander you as evildoers, they may because of
  your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify
  God in the day of visitation.
• 13 Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every
  human institution, whether to a king as the one
  in authority,
• 15 For such is the will of God that by doing
  right you may silence the ignorance of foolish
  men.

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• 1 Peter 218, 19, 21
• 18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with
  all respect, not only to those who are good and
  gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.
• 19 For this finds favor, if for the sake of
  conscience toward God a person bears up under
  sorrows when suffering unjustly.
• 21 For you have been called for this purpose,
  since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you
  an example for you to follow in His steps,

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• Biblical Alternative (cont)
• 1 Peter 31-4
• 1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to
  your own husbands so that even if any of them are
  disobedient to the word,
• 2 they may be won without a word by the behavior
  of their wives,
• 3 Your adornment must not be merely
  external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold
  jewelry, or putting on dresses
• 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart,
  with the imperishable quality of a gentle and
  quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of
  God.

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• Biblical Alternative (cont)
• 1 Peter 35-8
• 5 For in this way in former times the holy women
  also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves,
  being submissive to their own husbands
• 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord,
  and you have become her children if you do what
  is right without being frightened by any fear.
• In a practical way, what does this mean?

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• Wifes Role
• Be respectful
• Project an attitude of belief in him
• I cant wait to follow you!
• To win without a word
• Often direct approach doesnt work
• The big club
• Peter calling for indirect approach
• Im on your side. I want you to succeed.
• Then if he fails
• Backlog of respect, support allows you to gently
  offer correction
• Respond to his leadership!!
• Even if its not YOUR way

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• Application
• Have complaints, build UP his role!
• Encourage even his stumbling initiatives
• Constant corrections kill initiative
• Nothing to respect?
• Back to that thankfulness problem
• Key issue in rebellion I deserve better
• Key issue in sanctification
• Turning us away from kingship toward servanthood
• Being transformed into the image of Christ

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• Application
• Nothing to respect? (cont)
• Grumbler, mumbler, stumbler?
• Easy to be critical, to tear down
• No credit in finding fault
• Wisdom is to see how to build up despite the
  flaws
• Result thankful supporter

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• Qualifications
• Not in immoral areas
• Not with all men
• Boyfriends are NOT an authority
• Want her to submit?
• Commit to her, marry herbut 1st
• Listen to the next part of the teaching

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Husbands

• You husbands in the same way, live with your
  wives in an understanding way, as with someone
  weaker, since she is a woman and show her honor
  as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that
  your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 37

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Husbands

• Sacrificial Love
• You husbands in the same way
• Surrender your rights!
• Quit focusing on what youre getting out of it
• I give you permission to crucify me!

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also
loved the church and gave Himself up for her
Ephesians 525-26
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Husbands as Leaders

• Sacrificial Love
• You husbands in the same way
• Surrender your rights!
• Focus on what youre giving to her
• Promoting her growth

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also
loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so
that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her
by the washing of water with the word, Ephesians
525-26
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Husbands as Leaders

• Sacrificial Love
• Truth-based love!
• Clear, godly, objective, authoritative
  leadership.
• Not PICKING AWAY at her!
• Not whining, lashing-out, weenie pouting!

having cleansed her by the washing of water
with the word, Ephesians 525-26
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Husbands as Leaders

• Sacrificial Love
• Truth-based love!
• As an equal, with honor!
• Shes not your dog!
• She has a significant advocate!
• i.e., you are accountable!

Show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of
life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
1 Peter 37
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Husbands as Leaders

• Sacrificial Love
• Truth-based love!
• As an equal, with honor!
• With Understanding
• Key I Understand
• Your viewpoint is significant

live with your wives in an understanding way 1
Peter 37
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Husbands as Leaders

• Sacrificial Love
• Truth-based love!
• As an equal, with honor!
• With Understanding
• I Understand
• Your viewpoint is significant
• Because sometimes I just dont get it!

Show her honor as a fellow heir 1 Peter 37
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Husbands as Leaders

• Sacrificial Love
• Truth-based love!
• As an equal, with honor!
• With Understanding
• Not a Bully
• Youre hurting yourself!

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as
their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves
himself Ephesians 528
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Husbands as Leaders

• Sacrificial Love
• Truth-based love!
• As an equal, with honor!
• With Understanding
• Not a Bully
• Youre hurting yourself!
• Crushing a beautiful flower

Self-Judging-Self
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Husbands as Leaders

• Sacrificial Love
• Truth-based love!
• As an equal, with honor!
• With Understanding
• Not a Bully
• Its a responsibility, not a right!
• Bottom line the marriage problems areyour fault.