Coming of Age Armenian, Asian and Hispanic: How Virginity and Endogamy are Negotiated in 21st C' Ame

1
Coming of Age Armenian, Asian and HispanicHow
Virginity and Endogamy are Negotiated in 21st C.
America

• Leanna Wolfe, Ph.D.

2
Methodology
Research for this project came from several
modalities. First it came from teaching college
level anthropology and sexuality classes in Los
Angeles classrooms where ethnicity and religion
emerged as major factors in why students behaved
(or reported that they behaved) the ways that
they do. Beginning in the summer of 2006
students enrolled Gender Sex and Culture at LA
Valley College and Evolutionary Perspectives on
Sex and Gender at Cal State LA were invited to
research their own ethnic/ religious communities.
Students helped to design the survey,
administered it to 10 respondents apiece, learned
how to code their data and wrote short reports
explaining their preliminary findings. This
presentation consolidates all the student-coded
data as well as comments and interpretations
offered by student researchers in their
individual reports. Many of the researchers had
never before stepped back to look at their own
cultures as sexual scientists.
3
Sex and Culture Survey Overview

• 196 Respondents
• 113 female
• 83 male
• Average Age 21
• Age range 15-29
• Ethnicities
• 100 Hispanics
• 34 Asians
• 24 Armenians
• 16 Whites
• 12 Blacks
• 10 Others

4
Methodology I surveyed people randomly that
included people I had never spoken to or seen
before as well as some whom I have a relationship
with. To avoid lies and errors in my data I told
everyone before I handed out the survey that
because some of the information was personal, I
would not look at it after they gave it to me.
Rather I would stick it in a pile of other
surveys and would only analyze the data at the
time I was to interpret it so I would not be able
to link faces to information. I felt this way I
would get more honest answers. Imelda
Vargas Hispanic Researcher
5
Methodology Some of the questions seemed a bit
challenging for them, especially questions like,
How old do you want to be when you get married?
and How old were your parents when they got
married? Most of them knew right off the bat,
but a few actually picked up their cell phone to
call their mother and father to get the exact age
of when they had married. I thanked them for
doing thatI told them that they were a big
help. Harjas Kler Student Researcher
6
Methodology I decided to study Filipino males. I
chose Filipinos because I wanted to know more
about the people in my culture. I have been
taught all about the American culture from school
and friends, but I would like to know more about
my roots. It was not hard to find males
interested in participating in this project.
They heard the word sex and before they fully
heard what they had to do, they automatically
said yes. I noticed that some people felt
uncomfortable and uneasy. I could tell because
they would look around to see if anyone was
watching them. Vanessa Prudencio Filipina
Researcher
7
(No Transcript)
8
(No Transcript)
9
(No Transcript)
10
(No Transcript)
11
(No Transcript)
12
Most Korean families firmly believe in
Christianity and most Korean parents make it a
top priority for their children to also marry a
Korean who is also Christian. Children grow up
realizing the importance of religion and culture
and seek mates that have this quality to fulfill
their parents requests. They do not wish to
disappoint their parents and have them shamed in
front of neighbors and friends. Pride is also
another important aspect in the Korean
culture. Kiyeon Kook Korean Researcher
13
From my data it appears that Armenian men only
date women from other ethnicities, but with no
intention of marrying them. They only date these
women to fool around with them. Then they expect
to find an Armenian woman who is still a virgin
to settle down with. Most of the women I
surveyed do date outside their ethnic group and
reported that it
Armine Alagozian Armenian Researcher
is not important for the person they marry to be
Armenian, but it was important to their parents.
Our parents generation felt it was important to
marry within their ethnicity and it appears that
the parents want their children to marry within
as well. It is mostly the males of our
generation who agree with their parents views on
endogamy.
14
Since my parents are not open-minded and still
follow the traditions from way back, it is kind
of hard for my personal life. One is that you
have to stay a virgin before marriage, which I
totally agree with and have no questions about.
Other things are that I am not allowed to date
outside my race. I believe that it is not right
to judge a person by their race. My parents say
that I have to stay in my race because we know
who we are. There may be other races that are
better than the people of my race. If they wont
let me socialize with other races and become
close friends with them, then how would I know
how those people really are? There are many
questions I ask my parents about these
traditions, but the answers I get, dont clarify
much. Armenian Virgin
15
(No Transcript)
16
I had an amazing time with this research project.
I learned a lot about my culture and learned
that I was not the only one blind to sex. My
fellow male Filipinos were also not taught about
it by their parents. I thought that since I was
a girl, they would not want to teach me or even
say the word sex in our household, but I
learned that it was not just me. It was the
Filipino culture. All my friends, not just the
ones who participated in my research project,
said that their parents did not say a word to
them about sex. Hearing that makes me feel a lot
better. I do not feel as bad as I did before
because I was in the closet about a lot of
things. This opened my eyes to learn new
things. Vanessa Prudencio Filipina
Researcher
17
Most people would Im sort of a rebel going
against cultural norms, but whos to say how many
other people are doing it? I enjoy giving head,
I love having anal sex, I love making out, I like
penis, I like my boobs, and I like the fact that
I can have multiple orgasms. I am who I am, and
just because Im not prefect doesnt mean Im not
happy. 21 year old Armenian Female
18
Armenian Girl Friends
19
In my culture sexuality is inappropriate to
discuss out loud or to tell others. Virginity is
valued. People may look down on you if you are
not a virgin. Or the may devalue you if you have
sex before you are married. In my culture we
dont discuss sex in detail (I mean really in
detail). You may talk about sex like, I had
sex last night. But you dont say, I did oral
sex with my boyfriend last night and our doggy
style was so hard I had three orgasms in a row.
This is too open, too unconcealed, especially for
teenagers and people who are not
married. Vikanda Meechan Thai Researcher
20
(No Transcript)
21
Just because parents dont talk to their children
about sex does not mean their children are not
engaging in it or talking about it. Women are
becoming more liberal and more goal oriented than
in past generations, focusing on career and
personal goals rather than family life, which is
a big change from our parents generation who
focused more on getting married, allowing careers
to take a back seat. Paola Duran Hispanic
Researcher
22
Traditional Chinese culture believes that both
men and women should be virgins before they are
married because it symbolizes purity as well as
respect for ones partner. However, the data
shows us this value is no longer true. As
Chinese Americans have been influenced by Western
culture, the belief in being a virgin before
marriage is considered nonsense. Oral sex,
however, may not be practiced widely. Several
participants told me that asking a partner to
give oral sex seems to be degrading that
individual. This perspective is rarely seen in
Western culture. Mark Wang Chinese
Researcher
23
One interesting point I came across while
analyzing my data was that two of the Armenian
males when responding to the question regarding
oral sex asked how they should go about answering
it. They explained that they have received oral
sex, but have not performed it. This makes me
wonder if this is a case of male pride and ego.
Maybe they felt they were too good to perform
oral sex on a woman or felt it was a degrading
act. Armine Alagozian Armenian Researcher
24
(No Transcript)
25
(No Transcript)
26
Even though in most Asian cultures people are
expected to remain virgins until marriage, most
of those surveyed were not even sure if their
parents were virgins. The parents are supposed
to teach their children to keep their virginity
until marriage and yet they do not talk about
whether or not they were virgins. On the other
hand, most Asian families do not talk about
anything related to sex at home, so that might be
another reason why the people surveyed were
clueless about whether their parents were virgins
when they married. Marcella Wong Chinese
Researcher
27
Within my culture is it very common that parents
do not speak to their children about sex. I
would never consider asking my parents if they
were virgins when they got married, especially my
father. I know that he would definitely refuse
to answer the question and might even get angry.
While sex issues are generally taboo in my
culture, I have seen more flexibility with the
younger generations, especially the ones raised
here in the U.S. The fact that many of the
people surveyed did not hesitate to answer the
sex questions in the survey shows that they are a
little more open about sex. Inez
Rodriguez Hispanic Researcher
28
Sex is a very private topic that is only kept
between the individuals and is not something that
is shared. The only conditions under which this
topic is touched upon within Hispanic culture is
when it is used as advice. It is very common to
hear mothers say, I got married at___and now I
realize that it was too young. The world is
different now. Women go to school men need to
prepare themselves to raise a family and I would
like it if you went to school and got a good job
before you get married like me. This is the
reason why children find out the age their
parents got married, not because it is a casual
topic of conversation. Imelda
Vargas Hispanic Researcher
29
(No Transcript)
30
(No Transcript)
31
I thought that by praying harder all those sexual
thoughts would go away. Days would pass and all
I could think about was sex and how it would
feel. I would think of how it would be my first
time with my boyfriend. I would be almost
thereready to do it and I would pull away. I
would pull away because every time I would try to
get intimate , a picture of the Virgin of
Guadalupe would pop up in my head. This is how
it was in every relationship. At times I thought
I was going crazy visualizing these pictures.
Female Hispanic Virgin
32
The most important thing parents teach their
offspring about sexuality is virginity. They
want their girls to be virgins until marriage. I
noticed that the subjects who reported that it
is important to them to be a virgin when they
marry and vice a versa were the ones who are the
virgins right now. They believe what their
parents have told them. Those who arent virgins
anymore may be influenced by other cultures or
media. Other cultures may not emphasize
virginity as much as Thai culture. If subjects
live away from Thai culture long enough, they do
not see virginity as valuable anymore.
Vikanda Meechan
Thai
Researcher
33
Armenians consider it a sin to speak about sex or
anything of its nature. The words that pertain
to a persons private parts are considered foul
words that only people living in the streets
would use. A good Christian Armenian woman is
expected to maintain her virginity until her
wedding day. A womans virginity is viewed as
sacred it is the one thing that keeps her from
being considered more than the dirt on the floor
of an Armenian man. Ayarpi
Reganyan Armenian Researcher
34
The Christian religion has practices that must be
obeyed if a person wants to go to heaven. One of
the practices is having no sex before marriage.
I believe that having sex before marriage is
wrong, but I know that it has to do with my
religion. I do not judge other people who choose
to have sex before marriage, but I prefer to hold
off on sex until I get married. I believe that
losing my virginity with someone who I love and
know that I am going to spend the rest of my life
with just makes the word sex more meaningful and
special. 21 year old Hispanic Female
35
In the 80s and early 90s most of the Hispanics
used to follow their customs. This meant getting
married in white through the church and for the
female to be a virgin. Being a virgin until you
got married was the best gift you could give your
husband. Being a virgin was what you were
valued for. Before there was no such thing as
getting a divorce, you had to try hard to work
out your relationship. If your husband was
unfaithful, you just had to stick with him. If
you got pregnant outside of marriage you had to
get married even if you did not live
him/her. Ana Lara Hispanic Researcher
36
hispanic Girl Friends
37
I already have two children but I would have
preferred to be single until I was 25 so I could
be free like a bird. I do not consider virginity
to be as important as others do. My preference
would be to marry someone who is not a virgin so
he could have had experience. If he was a
virgin then I would have to worry about him
trying to experience it with other people. In
conclusion most Hispanics do not follow their
parents traditions. We have seen that being a
virgin is not something that is valued. Now we
get to decide who we want to be. Being a single
parent is now something that is common. So, do
you follow your family traditions or
not? Ana Lara Hispanic Researcher
38
Getting Permission When I was in confirmation
classes in the 11th and 12th grades, a priest
came to speak to us. I asked him if I had sex
with someone I truly cared about and loved and it
was not just lust, would that still be considered
a sin in the eyes of God? His answer was no.
I have to admit that I felt that gave me the
okay. I lost my virginity on prom night and
mostly because I wanted to. Hispanic Female
39
Unplanned Pregnancy Everyone I surveyed reported
that they would get an abortion if they or their
partner were to get pregnant. It is better for
both parties to not start a family if they know
that they are not going to get married. They do
not wish to get hitched and then divorce later
on. Koreans look down upon divorcees and seem
them as failures. It is a disgrace not only upon
themselves, but upon their entire family
including their parents. Kiyeon
Kook Korean Researcher
40
How Culture is Used Parental expectations are
offered as a publicly expressed cultural excuse
for abstaining. For some young people this
cultural excuse protects them from engaging in
sexual exploration they fear or are uncomfortable
with. For others the cultural excuse functions
as a cover-up for clandestine behaviors. Still
others are caught in the middle. They see
limited value in engaging in arranged /
endogamous marriages and yet felt stymied in
regards to defying their parents and their
communities. Ultimately, culture functions both
as an excuse for maintaining distance from
mainstream practices and values as well as a
protection for those whose behaviors and
activities belie their familys expectations.
41
Culture As A Cover No one was every going to know
about it because being Armenian having premarital
sex is completely unacceptable. Once I decided
to do it I went to a tanning salon and got a
Brazilian wax for the big day. I think its the
best thing that has ever happened to me. I had
this wonderful secret I would run to whenever I
was in need. No one knew. I was seen as this
little good girl, yet had sex every week with no
strings attached. The sex was amazing. He
taught me a lot, sexually. He was the first to
go down on me. I would experience a few orgasms
every time I got with him. Because of this
experience I am so comfortable with my bodya
comfort that women in their 30s are just
discoveringand I love it. 19 year old
Armenian female
42
(No Transcript)
43
Sex and Culture Survey Conclusions

• All ethnicities seek to marry at age 27
• Armenians most seek to marry one another (83)
  while Hispanics have the least interest (20)
• Asians have the least interest in marrying a
  partner from the same religion (26) while
  Armenians have the greatest interest (87)
• Following an unplanned pregnancy 20 would seek
  an abortion, while 41 of Armenians would do so.
• Asians are most likely to be virgins (44) and
  least likely to engage in oral sex (29)
• Hispanics are most likely to be sexually active
  (72) and to engage in oral sex (69)

44
I learned a lot doing this projectmostly that I
wasnt the only non-virgin and that there were
others who were a little rebellious like me. It
was interesting to find out that it wasnt that
important to other Armenians to marry a
virgin.
Gayane Akopyan Armenian Researcher
45
From this research I found out that while earlier
generations followed the traditional Chinese
cultural norms, the new generation has adopted
some Western cultural practices and started to
form a new culture. As this particular society
continues to evolve, there might be conflicts
between older and younger generations. I believe
these conflicts will not destroy Chinese American
culture, but instead they will help it to evolve
into a unique and special ethnicity.
Mark Wang Chinese Researcher
46
I think that there is definitely a shift in the
Latino culture, however the shift has been for
the better. Thanks to those changes in female
behavior as far as sexuality is concerned, we now
have more independent women who do not need a man
to survive. With more women in control and
secure enough to express their sexuality without
being afraid or embarrassed, the whole family
dynamic can benefit. Having women that express
their sexuality to a higher level than ever makes
a man appreciate women even more. Thank God for
women! Juan Aguirre Hispanic Researcher
47
Women are now looking more at their long term
career goals rather than family life. Women are
more open about their sexuality and feel more
comfortable talking about the options they have
when engaging in sexual intercourse. This is
revolutionary because women in the past often
shunned away from talking about sex even if they
were engaging in it. Paola
Duran Hispanic Researcher
48
The generation gap between Armenian men of this
generation and their fathers generation is
almost non-existent. The men are not changing.
Their views about women have not changed much
either. They are not treating women equally and
have different standards and expectations for and
of women. Armenian men are holding on to the
same views and traditions that their parents
(mostly fathers) have had in terms of females and
their virginity, endogamy and female gender
roles. However, there is a change between the
women of this generation and their mothers
generation. Armenian women of this generation
are not afraid to explore outside of their
culture and ethnicity. They are starting to get
involved in sexual relationships before marriage.
They are also getting married at older ages
perhaps because they want to educate themselves
first and experiment with more than one guy
before marriage Armine Alagozian Armenia
n Researcher
49
Those surveyed were both traditionalists and
liberals. Even though most Asian cultures teach
strict traditional views, sometimes they follow
them and sometimes they will put them aside and
accept something new and more free or
liberal. Marcella Wong Chinese Researcher