The 7 Stages of Marriage

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The 7 Stages of Marriage

• Presented by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.
• Council for Relationships
• July 3, 2008
• Smart Marriages Happy Families
• San Francisco, CA

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The Timeline of MarriageEmbrace Change

• Every marriage is unique.
• Change never, ever stops.
• Incredible, inevitable journey
• Live your stage.
• Cultivate love

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What difference does a Stage make?

• Life experience is dynamic, changing and
  dimensional
• Life cycle development is predictable
• Life cycle development is individual,
  interactional, and intergenerational
• Life cycle development is marked by the passing
  of time

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What is unique about the 7 Stages?

• Developmental issues and tasks have been
  identified
• Normative events are described
• Practical exercises and activities useful in
  educational workshops and counseling practice

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The Benefit of Knowing the 7 Stages

• Provides a roadmap for today and tomorrow
• Normalizes the experiences of marriage
• Knowing the missions for the stages provides
  focus

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Marriage Today

• Marriage is a value
• What the Stats tell us
• The Reader's Digest Survey
• The Benefits of Marriage

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Readers Digest SurveyThe Survey Says..

• Marriage Isnt Broken
• Its Really About Trust
• Laughter is More Important than Sex
• Guys Get Gushy About Marriage, Too
• Challenges Make Us Stronger

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7 Stages at a Glance

• Passion
• Realization
• Rebellion
• Cooperation
• Reunion
• Explosion
• Completion

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Measuring Your MarriageLife Long Journey

• Stages dont have start times or ending dates.
• Two stages can overlap.
• You can repeat or revisit an earlier stage.
• You can use the lessons of an earlier stage to
  enhance your current stage.

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PASSION

• The Love Cocktail Know the essential ingredients

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The Missions

• Mission 1 Savor the Passion
• Mission 2 Forge a Sense of We
• Mission 3 Learn your Love Languages
• Mission 4 Build Emotional Intimacy
• Mission 5 Expand Your Sexual Vocabulary

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REALIZATION

• The rose-colored glasses come off now
  differentiation begins

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The Missions

• Mission 1 Understand your Expectations
• Mission 2 Open, Honest Talking
• Mission 3 Learn Empathetic Listening
• Mission 4 Be Friends
• Mission 5 Split Household Chores Fairly
• Mission 6 Become a Money Team

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REBELLION

• Me, Me, Me!
• Growth through conflict - from control
• to compromise....
• on to negotiation

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The Missions

• Mission 1 Turn Power Struggles into Acceptance
  
• Mission 2 Move from Conflict to
  Problem- Solving
• Mission 3 Set and Pursue Healthy Personal Goals
• Mission 4 Renew Your Spirituality
• Mission 5 Recover from Infidelities
• Mission 6 Forgive Your Spouse and Yourself

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COOPERATION

• Lots to do work, family, friends, future
  planning
• Not enough time
• Not enough money
• Not enough sexual intimacy

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The Missions

• Mission 1 Let Parenthood Strengthen Your
  Marriage
• Mission 2 Settle Conflicts and Connect as
  Friends
• Mission 3 Invite Romance Back into Your
  Marriage
• Mission 4 De-Stress and Make Love Again

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REUNION

• The First Stage of the Rest of Your Marriage
  strengthening mutuality

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The Missions

• Mission 1 Shift Your Focus Back to Your
  Marriage
• Mission 2 Get off Autopilot
• Mission 3 Welcome Boomerang Kids Without
  Neglecting Your Marriage
• Mission 4 Use Your Marriage to Create Good
  Health

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EXPLOSION

• Random Crises
• Health -physical/emotional
• Work
• Family
• Trauma

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• Caring for Aging Parents
• Mission 1 Make Care giving a Team Effort
• Mission 2 Enjoy Your Marriage

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• Depression
• Mission 1 Fight the Depression
• Mission 2 Protect Your Marriage and Yourself

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• Job Loss
• Mission 1 Set a New Budget and New Priorities
• Mission 2 Support Each Other

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• Weight Gain
• Mission 1 Feel Good about Your Body
• Mission 2 Take care of your health and reduce
  your spouses anxiety

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COMPLETION

• Recreating and Enjoying Life
• Continuity and Loss

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The Missions

• Mission 1 Keep Your Marriage Growing
• Mission 2 Play And Be in the Moment
• Mission 3 Share a New Sense of Meaning and
  Purpose
• Mission 4 Reorganize Your Time, Your Territory,
  Your Tasks

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Applications for Workshops
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Applications in Counseling Couples
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Thank you!

• Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.
• 215-628-2450
• marriagedoctor_at_aol.com
• www.marriagedoctor.com
• Note The actual presentation PPT presentation
  may differ from the handout copy. Participants
  may contact Rita DeMaria for an updated handout.