Civility in the Workplace

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Civility in the Workplace

• Kirsten W. Schwehm PhD
• University Ombudsperson

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What is Workplace Incivility

• Behaviors with ambiguous intent to harm the
  target in violation of workplace norms for
  mutual respect.
• Uncivil behaviors are characteristically rude and
  discourteous displaying a lack of regard for
  others

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Why should you care about civility
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The Incivility Continuum

• Negative Behavior
• Rude comments
• Insensitive actions
• Unintentional slights
• Complaining
• Gossip/rumors
• Cultural bias
• Crude jokes
• Profanity

• Verbal Aggression
• Yelling / loud voice
• Belittling comments
• Intimidation / threats
• Discriminatory comments
• Cursing at someone
• Humiliation

• Physical/Sexual Aggression
• Assault / Battery
• Throwing objects
• Violent outbursts (e.g. hitting the
  wall)
• Inappropriate touching
• Harrassment

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Why Choose to be Civil

• One person can have a positive impact on the work
  environment
• Improved Morale
• Improved Productivity
• Improved Teamwork
• Being nice feels good
• 83 of workers report that it is very important
  to work in a civil environment (Baltimore
  Workplace Study 2003)

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The Incivility Spiral (adapted from Andersson
Pearson 1999)
An eye for an eye makes the whole world
blind --Mahatma Gandhi
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Contributors to Incivility

• Long hours / overwork
• Hot temperament
• Workplace stress
• Inflexibility
• Passive aggression
• Hurt feelings
• Intolerance of individual differences
• Being in a protected position or position of
  authority

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The Costs of Incivility

• Lost work time and productivity
• Lost employees / high turnover
• Decrease in feelings of teamwork
• Work avoidance
• Lowered job motivation
• Health costs due to stress
• Legal costs due to litigation
• Incivility to customers / clients

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Human Needs Affecting Interpersonal Interactions

• Power
• Approval
• Inclusion
• Justice
• Identity

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Communicating Civility

• Remember pleasantries
• No interrupting
• Be open-minded
• Say what you mean
• Be aware of your tone and volume
• Dont argue for the sake of arguing / PICK YOUR
  BATTLES
• Be respectful even in disagreement

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Communicating Civility (cont.)

• Address conflicts in private when possible
• Be aware of your own defensiveness
• Depersonalize your comments
• Avoid accusations / ask questions instead
• Allow others to respond and give them your
  attention
• Consider that you could be wrong
• Use active listening skills

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Watch Your Language Young Lady!
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Words that Promote Conflict

• You must
• You lied to me
• This is so typical of you
• You always / you never
• The problem is
• If you dont do this then
• Youll never change
• Youre being hysterical

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The Iceberg of Conflict
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Questions to Take You Below the Surface

• Can you tell me what bothered you about what I
  did
• What is the most important thing to you in
  solving this problem
• Would you be willing to start again right now and
  do it differently
• What would it take for you to let go of this
  conflict and feel that the issue has been
  completely resolved

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The Art of Active Listening

• Listen to your co-workers with the same basic
  courtesies you extend to customers
• No interrupting
• Reflect back understanding of views
• Ask clarifying questions
• Really listen dont prepare your rebuttal until
  you have HEARD the other person
• Use of I statements

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Clearing the A-I-R
From Workplace Wars
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Civility in Emails

• Dont ignore emails
• Is your point better communicated in person
• Have a trusted colleague review before sending
• Keep emails to the point
• Dont forget pleasantries
• Be aware of tone

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Civil Behavior

• Be on time for meetings
• Do not do unrelated work in meetings
• Watch your body language
• Apologize when you are in the wrong
• Respect co-workers stuff (e.g. food in the
  refrigerator)
• Positive reinforcement

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Responding to Incivility

• Have healthy boundaries
• Avoid escalation
• Stay away from the low road
• Vent your frustration

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Dealing with Bullies

• Approach bully then next line supervisor if
  necessary
• Document and seek assistance from leadership
  early
• Leaders must take bullying seriously and
  intervene

Source Bullying at Work Report (2005) at
www.cipd.co.uk
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A Culture of Civility

• Have a cooperative approach
• Be aware of underlying needs
• Recognize individual differences
• Be open to adapting position
• Leaders model civility for others
• Clearly define expectations for how employees
  treat each other
• Reward civil behavior
• Encourage stress management

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The Caveats

• Being civil does not mean
• Rolling over and playing dead
• Being someone you are not
• Avoiding conflict when it is necessary
• Pretending to be nice then stabbing someone in
  the back
• Giving up your rights to file complaints or seek
  assistance in dealing with difficult people at
  work

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Final Thoughts

• Dont wait for someone to be nice to you and
  avoid keeping score
• Dont be afraid to put yourself in Time Out so
  you can cool off before expressing yourself
• Consider letting some things especially
  slights that you know to be unintentional

You must be the change you want to see in
the world --Mahatma Gandhi
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Helpful References

• Choosing Civility The Twenty-Five Rules of
  Considerate Conduct (2002) by P.M. Forni
• Conflict Resolution (2001) by Daniel Dana
• People Styles at Work (1996) by Robert Bolton
  Dorothy Grover Bolton
• Resolving Conflicts at Work (2005) by Kenneth
  Cloke Joan Goldsmith
• Rude Awakenings Overcoming the Civility Crisis
  in the Workplace (2002) by Giovinella Gonthier
• Workplace Wars and How to End Them (1994) by
  Kenneth Kaye