Habit 5

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Habit 5

• Seek First to Understand,
• Then to be Understood
• Principles of Empathic Communication

2
Character and Communication

• Communication is the most important skill in life
  
• If you want to interact effectively with me, to
  influence me, you first need to understand me.
• You have to build the skills of empathic
  listening on a base of character that inspires
  openness and trust.

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Empathic Listening

• Most people listen with the intent to reply.
• When another person speaks, we are usually
  'listening' at one of four levels
• ignoring
• pretending
• selective listening
• attentive listening

4

• Very few of us ever practice the highest form of
  listening -- empathic listening.
• Only 10 percent of our communication is
  represented by the words we say, another 30
  percent by our sounds, and 60 percent by body
  language. Empathic listening is listening with
  your ears, but you also, more importantly,
  listen with your eyes with your heart. Listen
  for feeling, for meaning. You listen for
  behavior. You sense, you intuit, you feel. Pg.
  241
• Empathic listening is risky.
• Satisfied needs dont motivate

5
Diagnose Before You Prescribe

• Diagnose before you prescribe is a correct
  principle in many areas of life.
• It is the mark of all true professionals
• You wouldnt have confidence in a doctors
  prescription unless you had confidence in the
  diagnosis.
• Pg. 243

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4 Autobiographical Responses

• Autobiographical responses meaning from the
  perspective of our own paradigms.
• Evaluate Agree or Disagree. We evaluate
  everything before the person says it.
• Probe Ask ?s from our frame of reference. We
  ask 20 ?s. This is controlling and invasive.
  Its comes out of logic rather than sentiment and
  emotion.
• Advise give counsel based on our experience
• Interpret peoples motives, behavior based on our
  own motives and behavior
• Pg. 245 - 251

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Empathic Listening 4 stages The skills are not
effective unless they come from a sincere desire
to understand.

• Mimic Content The 1st and least effective.
  Repeating back the comment. This takes no emotion
  at all.
• Rephrase the Content More effective but limited
  to verbal communication.
• Reflect Feeling Paying attention to what they
  feel and not what they say.
• Rephrase the Content Reflect the Feeling Using
  your brain to understand both sides of the
  communication.
• Example Ive had it! School is for the birds.
• Mimic Youve had it. School is for the birds
• Rephrase You dont want to go to school anymore.
• Reflect Feeling Youre really feeling frustrated
• Rephrase Reflect Youre really frustrated
  about school.
• Pg. 248-249

8
Understanding Perception

• We live with our paradigms for years thinking
  they are facts, and questioning the character
  of the mental competence of anyone who cant see
  the facts. Pg 254

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Then Seek to be Understood

• Ethos personal credibility. The faith people
  have in your integrity competency.
• Pathos Empathic side. Aligned with the emotional
  thrust of another persons communication.
• Logos The logic side i.e. the reasoning part of
  the presentation.
• The sequence your character, your relationships,
  then the logic of your presentation

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1 on 1

• Seeking to understand is in your Circle of
  Influence.
• Being willing to be influenced is the key to
  influencing others.
• The more you appreciate others the more reverent
  you feel about them.
• To touch the soul of another human being is to be
  on holy ground.
• People dont have to talk. You can empathize with
  a persons behavior.
• Make the human element as important as the
  financial element.

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SAY WHAT?
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SAY WHAT?
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SAY WHAT?