Mean Girls: Relational Aggression

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Mean Girls Relational Aggression
Dr. Kim Carter Fort Zumwalt School District
Assistant Superintendent kcarter_at_fz.k12.mo.us
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Mean Girls Who Are They?

• Children,
• pre-adolescents,
• teens,
• even adults

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Relational Aggression What is it?

• University of Minnesota (1990s)
• Bullying behavior that focuses on damaging an
  individuals social connections within a peer
  group. (Crick Grotpeter, 1995) Refers to any
  act that actively excludes a person from making
  or maintaining friendships or being integrated
  into the peer group. (Bjoerkquist, Lagerspetz,
  and Kaukianen, 1992).

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What Does It Look Like?

• Children pre-school to 4th grade (Age 10)
• Means to an end (getting a toy, their way,
  attention)
• Physically aggressive (boys and girls)
• Racial harassment
• Exclusion, telling secrets, party invites

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• Early adolescents (Age 10-13)
• Spreading rumors, gossiping, telling secrets
• Isolating, pitting friends against each other
• Physical exclusion
• Racial/sexual harassment
• Eye rolling, ignoring, laughing at
• Easily goes unnoticed
• Remarks about physicality

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• Older Adolescents (Age 14-18)
• Sarcasm
• Racial/sexual harassing
• Verbal assaults/bullying
• Physically posturing
• Sabotaging others
• Cyberbullying

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Why Intervention?

• Disruption of positive school environment
• Affects achievement
• Students preoccupied/distracted
• Scared
• Sad/mad/upset
• Feelings of isolation

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• Residual/long lasting effect
• Anxiety/depression
• Lowered self esteem
• Drop-out
• Addiction
• Family difficulties
• Abusive relationships

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R.A.P.P Sessions

• Relational
• Aggression
• Prevention
• program

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Purpose

• Raise awareness
• Teach healthy conflict
• Promote positive female relationships in middle
  school

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Criteria for Participants

• 10-15 participants representing each school
• Transitioning from 6th to 7th grade
• Leader in their peer group
• Willing to attend 3 of 4 sessions
• Willing to be honest and open
• Chosen by Admin. guidance counselors

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Schedule / Setting

• 4 Summer Sessions
• 3 - 1000-1230 (over a four week period)
• 1 - overnight event for all groups combined
• Lunch/snacks provided
• Comfortable setting with seating (preferably a
  large table)
• Privacy

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Materials Needed

• Journals, pens, post-its
• Snacks, pizza, drinks
• Large Post-it paper, dry erase board and/or
  chalk board

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Pre-Session Needs

• Invitation letter
• Permission slips
• Book location at each building

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Invitation Letter
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R.A.P.P.Session One Who Am I? What Do I Do?

• Introduce Pairs to introduce each other.
• Group Rules (15 minutes)
• Listen carefully and respectfully
• What is said in room, stays in room (Except
  parents)
• Allow others to speak without interruption
• Speak for yourself not your friends
• If you are hurt or offended, tell them and say
  why
• Dont use names of people not attending
• Speak only when you have Ralph in large group
• Monitor how much you are talking in comparison to
  other group members
• Any rules youd like to add???

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• Why Here? How Chosen? What is the Problem?
• (5 minutes)
• Students get in small groups to answer these (3)
  questions
• Students report back (5 minutes)
• Explanation from Kim and Lisa of problem
• Pre-Survey Girls will take survey, then discuss
  answers (10 minutes)

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• Self-Disclose Session (30 minutes)
• Girls in circle (remind them of Ralphs Rules)
• Introduce activity/purpose of questions
• Tell them they have the right to PASS
• Go around circle
• Select question
• Answer quickly
• Give them a declaration of me card
• Thank them for Honesty

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Questions for Self Disclose Activity

• Have you ever spread an untrue rumor? Is yes,
  why?
• Do boys have it easy
• If you have to choose between no IMs or no phone
  for a year, what would you choose?
• What is the best thing about being a girl?
• What is the best thing about your friends?
• What is the worst thing about being a girl?
• What is the number one thing that girls fight
  about?
• Is all gossip bad?
• Do girls forgive more than boys?
• What is gossip?
• Do girls bully more than boys?
• What is peer pressure?
• What would the world be like without gossip?
• What would the world be like without gossip?
• Do you fight fair, or talk behind peoples backs?
  Give an example of each.

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Questions for Self Disclose Activity - Continued

• Who is the coolest person at your school? Why are
  they so cool?
• Do guys have it easier than girls?
• What is your favorite thing about yourself?
• Have you ever made anyone cry?
• What is the best thing about you?
• What is the meanest thing you have ever done to a
  friend?
• Talk about one time that you felt totally fake.
• What is one thing that your parent/s or guardian
  just DONT understand?
• What is the most misunderstood thing about you?
• When someone says something mean to you, then
  says Just Kidding do you think they are? How
  do you feel?
• Is there something you like to do, but dont
  because you are afraid that someone will think it
  is not cool?
• Is it hard for you to admit when you are wrong?
  Why or why not?
• How would your best friend describe your
  personality?

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Questions for Self Disclose Activity - Continued

• What is one thing that nobody really knows about
  you?
• What is the best reality TV show? Why?
• If you had one wish, anything, what would it be?
• Do you think reality shows are reality?
• What is something that is not so perfect about
  your family?
• What is your biggest fear?
• Do you dress in clothes you like or clothes your
  friends like?
• What was the most embarrassing thing that ever
  happened to you?
• If you could change one thing about yourself,
  would you?
• If you could go shopping with anyone in the
  world, who would you go with?
• How do you feel when you hear gossip about
  yourself that is totally not true?
• How do you feel when you hear a juicy piece of
  gossip about someone else?
• What would your social life be like if you didnt
  have school?

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• Discuss how process of Questions/Answers went
• (5 10 minutes)
• How did it make them feel?
• Were they nervous about what girls were thinking
  about their answers?
• Did everyone follow rules so far?

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• Is it Important to?... Manage Conflicts (15 20
  minutes)
• Divide into (2) groups 5 pieces of chart paper
• Top (5) things I noticed boys having conflict
  over.
• Top (5) things I noticed girls having conflict
  over.
• 3 things people do to make conflicts worse.
• 3 things people do to solve conflicts peacefully.
  
• 3 things that cause you and your friends to have
  conflict

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Debrief Questions

• What answers were common to all groups? (10
  minutes)

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Review Homework (3 Questions to moms)
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Preview of Next Session Session Two What do
Others Do?

• Explore Self
• Manage Gossip and Cliques
• Reacting to Peer Pressure

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R.A.P.P.Session Two

• Explore Self, Manage Gossip and Cliques, React

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Individual Style Quiz
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Get in groups with girls with same STYLE
(Tell them what style they are)

• The Believer
• The Adventurer
• The Initiator
• The Energizer
• The Chatterbox
• The Competitor

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Its not my problem...or is it?

• Blank sheet of paper, write a problem you are
  currently dealing with or have dealt with. NO
  NAMES
• Leader will read, participants will answer how to
  cope with situation

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Homework (3 Questions to moms)

• Homework/Journal
• Ask mom/older female family member/significant
  female
• Does anyone ever really have it all?
• How does someone spread contentment?
• What is fair to expect from...
• Family
• Friends
• Acquaintances
• Strangers

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R.A.P.P.Session Three

• Situational issue to pose at start
• The A way to make everything OK
• Accept
• Admit
• Ask
• Apologize
• Affirm

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• How to communicate
• I statements/messages
• I feel ________, because _________.
• I feel _______, when __________.
• Because______________
• I want you to _____________
• I need you to _____________

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• 7 steps to solve the problem worksheet
• Agree to Disagree
• Collage About ME
• Post Group Survey

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Homework (3 Questions to moms)

• Homework/Journal
• Ask mom/older female family member/significant
  female
• Practice I statements/messages
• Share your Style Profile and Questionnaire Who
  I Am
• Describe Collage About Me and what it
  represents

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POST GROUP SURVEY

• What have you realized about yourself from this
  training?
• Is it possible that you can truly have a positive
  influence on your friends and their gossiping
  and/or mistreatment of other girls in your grade
  level? If so, how?
• When in the midst of a situation in the upcoming
  year what can you do/who can you involve to try
  to influence your friends in the right direction?
  List some actions.
• Did you think these workshops were valuable?
  Why?
• Would you like to have a follow-up meeting during
  the school year to discuss how you and your
  friends are progressing in this area?
• Other Comments/Feedback to Share

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It Begins With UR.A.P.P. Lock-in 2008

• 800 830 Welcome Nametags Who R U ?
• 845 945 Its U Against Me Water
  balloons Challenge
• 1000 1130 U On-stage / Pizza
• 1130 1215 Whats Cookin? Brownie Bake
• 1215 145 Its what U Make of It Fashion
  Show
• 145 230 EAT IT Dessert/Sundaes
• 230 330 Whats UR PLAN? Bracelet Reminder
  
• 330 530 Hip Hop Dance Lesson
• 530 700 Movie