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FRIENDS

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... today; where'd you get that shirt, off somebody who died? ... And you hair, geez--put a hat on that.' 'At least I'm not wearing a shirt with flowers on it! ... – PowerPoint PPT presentation

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Title: FRIENDS


1
FRIENDS
  • Characteristics and complexities of friendships
    across genders

2
Sex Segregation
  • Neighborhood kids play together
  • At school kids are categorized by age and then by
    sex
  • Children are separated into team sports
  • Boys and girls rarely play sports together
  • Traditions within school set up sexual
    dichotomies that affect choices later on
  • Romaine (1999)

3
Age 7
  • Boys form extended friendship networks with other
    boys
  • Boys learn to follow rules and get along with
    groups of people
  • Girls tend to cluster in exclusive same-sex dyads
    (Rawlins, 2000)
  • Girls acquire social skills of communicating
    feelings and being nurturing

4
Female Same-Sex Friendships
  • Female friends self disclose more
  • Generally more intimate than male friendships
  • Function on multiple levels
  • Talking vs. doing

5
  • Fern Johnson (1992) suggests that female-female
    friendship has been an underresearched area
    because of stereotypes that women and too
    competitive, catty, and jealous to have
    meaningful relationships

6
For the Vast Majority of Women
  • Women report a higher level of self disclosure in
    and satisfaction with same sex friendships than
    men did
  • Catty stereotype not true of most women

7
  • 95 percent of single women and 87 percent of
    married women describe their same-sex friendships
    as some of the happiest, most fulfilling parts of
    their lives.

8
Listening
  • Women seek out other women for a listening,
    sympathetic ear or for empathy regarding what
    they are going through for feeling
  • Men listen to fix it
  • Rapport talk-Report talk

9
Male Same Sex Friends
  • Task-oriented discussions
  • Activity oriented Doing vs. talking
  • More numerous but less intimate same-sex
    friendships

10
Male Friendships
  • Inman (1996) found that men characterize their
    relationships as steeped in continuity,
    perceived compatibility, and based on
    self-revelation and self-discovery, having fun
    together, intermingled lives, and assumed
    significance.

11
  • Men may base their friendships on unspoken
    assumptions rather than actual conversations
    about their relationships

12
Mens Relationships
  • Characterized by less giving and receiving of
    supportive communication
  • Less empathic understanding
  • Less talk that deepens friends self awareness

13
Men and Disclosure
  • Some men equate disclosure with vulnerability
  • Vulnerability equates to powerlessness for some
    men

14
If You Believe. . .
  • Many communication scholars do believe genuine
    intimacy must be achieved and sustained primarily
    through communication--the sharing of ideas,
    secrets, fears and emotions--then you will most
    likely view womens friendships as epitomizing
    intimacy and mens friendships as important and
    satisfying, but superficial

15
An alternate path?
  • However, another way to look at it might conclude
    there is an alternate path to intimacy--one
    that includes experiencing, not just talking.
    This means that intimacy may emerge or reveal
    itself in different ways

16
Cross-Sex Friends
  • Despite differences, men and women both DO a
    lot TALK a lot
  • Traveling in herds/ urban tribes

17
Factors that impede cross-sex friendships
  • Sexual undercurrents
  • Societal pressure
  • Different expectations

18
Sexual Undercurrents
  • More men than women view friendships with the
    opposite sex as precursors to romantic encounters
  • Sometimes womens suspicion of mens sexual
    motives make them distrustful of mens overtures
    of friendships

19
Societal Pressure
  • Society creates static
  • Romantic involvement between a woman and a man
    is much more celebrated than cross-sex friendship
    in american culture Rawlins (2001)
  • You must be fooling around
  • Michael and me
  • Oh yeah, their relationship is purely platonic
    (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

20
Interpersonal Communication PatternsEnhancing
factors or not?
  • Heterosexual cross-sex friends as romantic
    advisors
  • Particularly true for males
  • There are different degrees of effectiveness

21
Between Men
  • Jocular Sparring
  • A guy will se one of his buddies and greet him by
    saying, Man, you look terrible today whered
    you get that shirt, off somebody who died? And
    you hair, geez--put a hat on that.
  • At least Im not wearing a shirt with flowers on
    it!
  • This can be translated as I like you you are my
    buddy.

22
And Between Women
  • Dont try jocular sparring
  • Picture a woman greeting a female friend by
    saying, Hey you look like death warmed over
    today--What happened? That outfit looks like
    its been through the wringer and your hair look
    like the cats been chewing on it.
  • How would the female react? How would you react?

23
  • Obviously intrafriendship teasing or jocular
    sparring just doesnt seem to work the same way
    with women as it does with men
  • Picture what would happen if a man greeted his
    female friend by saying, Not getting enough
    sleep lately? Your eyes look as though youve
    been on a four-day drunk. And that outfit--did
    you get dressed in the dark?

24
More often than not
  • The women would not take the teasing lightly
  • She may act like she is tossing off the comments,
    but in fact the teasing is probably causing her
    discomfort because it introduces an element of
    uncertainty in the relationship.

25
Yes, women have a sense of humor!
  • After a friendship has been established
  • When women understand her friends communication
    style better
  • Even so, they tend not to prefer this kind of
    teasing as a form of indicating closeness or
    affection

26
Is it even possible to be just friends?
How YOU doin?
27
Keys to effective communication in cross-sex
friendships
  • Define expectations of relationship
  • Put limitations on the extent of romantic advice
  • Place limitations on the extent of your romantic
    involvement
  • CHANDLER
  • I think our friendship is effectively ruined
  • MONICA
  • Eh, we werent that close anyway

28

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