Marriage and Intimate Relationships

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• Chapter 9
• Marriage and Intimate Relationships

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Challenges to Traditional Model of Marriage

• Marriage is the legally and socially
  sanctioned union of sexually intimate adults.
• Traditionally, it has also included
• Economic interdependence.
• Common residence.
• Sexual fidelity.
• Shared responsibility for children.

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Challenges to Traditional Model of Marriage
(cont.)

• However, the following social trends have
  challenged the traditional model of marriage
• Increased acceptance of singlehood since the
  1960s, the median age at which people marry has
  been increasing (see Figure 9.1).
• Increased acceptance of cohabitation living
  together in a sexually intimate relationship
  without the legal bonds of marriage.

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Figure 9.1
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Challenges to Traditional Model of Marriage
(cont.)

• However, the following social trends have
  challenged the traditional model of marriage
  (cont.)
• Reduced premium on permanence the stigma of
  divorce has decreased and approximately 50 of
  marriages end in divorce.
• Transitions in gender roles role expectations
  are more varied, flexible and ambiguous.
• Increased voluntary childlessness.
• Decline of the nuclear family.

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Moving Toward Marriage

• Why are people motivated to marry?
• Desire to participate in a socially sanctioned,
  mutually rewarding, intimate relationship.
• Social pressure to adhere to the norm.

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Moving Toward Marriage (cont.)

• Selecting a mate is influenced by
• Endogamy the tendency of people to marry
  within their own social group.
• Homogamy the tendency of people to marry
  others who have similar personal
  characteristics.
• Gender and mate selection preferences
• Women place more value on a potential partners
  socioeconomic status, intelligence, ambition, and
  financial prospects.
• Men place more value on a potential partners
  youthfulness and physical attractiveness.

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Moving Toward Marriage (cont.)

• Mursteins Stimulus-Value-Role (S-V-R) Theory.
• Couples move through three stages
• The stimulus value stage is there superficial
  attraction? If yes, proceed to stage 2.
• The value comparison stage are your values
  compatible? If yes, move to stage 3.
• The role stage consider whether the other person
  fulfills the role of an intimate companion.

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Moving Toward Marriage (cont.)

• Predictors of marital success.
• Family background people whose parents were
  divorced are more likely to divorce themselves.
• Age those who marry at a younger age are more
  likely to divorce.
• Length of courtship longer periods of courtship
  are associated with marital success.
• Personality perfectionism and insecurity are
  loosely associated with marital problems.

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Moving Toward Marriage (cont.)

• Predictors of marital success. (cont.)
• Personality perfectionism and insecurity are
  loosely associated with marital problems.
• Premarital interaction quality of premarital
  communication is especially crucial.
• In particular, negativity, sarcasm, insulting
  remarks and being unsupportive are all associated
  with marital distress.

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Marital Adjustment Across the Family Life Cycle

• The family life cycle is an orderly sequence
  of developmental stages that families tend to
  progress through.
• McGoldricks (1988, 1999) model outlines the
  special challenges that are faced by couples as
  they progress through six stages of family life
  (see Figure 9.5).

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Figure 9.5
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Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• McGoldricks model (cont.)
• Between families the unattached young adult.
• As people postpone marriage, this stage will
  likely lengthen.
• Joining together the newly married couple.
• This honeymoon phase is characterized by high
  levels of satisfaction.

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Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• McGoldricks model (cont.)
• Family with young children.
• Birth of the first child brings a major
  transition and potential stress, especially for
  mothers.
• The key to reducing stress during this transition
  is having realistic expectations.

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Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• McGoldricks model (cont.)
• Family with adolescent children.
• Adolescence is rated as the most difficult stage
  of parenting and marital satisfaction is at its
  lowest point.
• Conflict is especially likely between teens (both
  males and females) and mothers.
• In addition, many couples are also caring for
  their own aging parents. These double
  responsibilities spurred the term, the sandwich
  generation.

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Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• McGoldricks model (cont.)
• Launching children into the adult world.
• Also called the empty nest phase, it was
  traditionally thought to create feelings of loss.
• However, womens roles extend beyond parenthood
  and this is now generally associated with greater
  marital satisfaction.
• Problems usually only occur when adult children
  return to the nest.

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Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• McGoldricks model (cont.)
• The Family in later life.
• Marital satisfaction tends to climb in the
  postparental period when couples have more time
  to devote to one another.
• This continues until a spouses health begins to
  decline, and/or until a spouse dies.

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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment

• Gaps in role expectations
• There are now new expectations about marital
  roles, and women are especially affected.
• More women now have demanding careers.
• Yet, they are often interrupted to have children,
  or to follow their husbands.
• In addition, wives still do 65 of the household
  chores, even when they work similar hours (see
  Figure 9.7).

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Figure 9.7
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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• Work and career issues
• Work and marital adjustment.
• Husbands and wives struggle to balance the
  demands of work and family responsibilities.
• Spouses stress at work can have significant
  impact on marital and family interactions.
• However, in the long run, multiple roles are
  beneficial to both women and men, as they provide
  social support, more income, and couples find
  they have more in common.

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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• Work and Career Issues (cont.)
• Parents work and childrens development.
• Although parents worry about juggling work and
  family roles, and about the impact of dual-career
  couples on children,
• There is actually little evidence that a mothers
  working is harmful to her children, especially
  after the child is one year of age.

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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• Financial difficulties
• Serious financial worries tend to cause
• Increased hostility in husbands.
• Increased depression in wives, and
• Lower marital happiness in both spouses.
• In addition, risk of separation and divorce
  increases as husbands income declines.
• Arguments over how to spend money are common and
  potentially damaging at all income levels.

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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• Inadequate communication
• Communication problems are the most frequently
  cited problem among couples getting a divorce
  (see Figure 9.8).
• In addition, unhappy couples
• Find it difficult to convey positive messages.
• Misunderstand each other more often.
• Dont recognize theyve been misunderstood.
• Use more negative messages.
• Prefer different amounts of self-disclosure.

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Vulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (cont.)

• Inadequate communication (cont.)
• Four communication patterns that are risk factors
  for divorce are
• Contempt.
• Criticism.
• Defensiveness.
• Stonewalling.
• Belligerence.

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Divorce

• Although the rate of divorce is declining (down
  to 40-45), it is still high enough to cause
  concern.
• Most divorces occur during the first decade of
  marriage (see Figure 9.9) and usually due to
• Infidelity.
• Jealousy.
• Growing apart.
• Foolish spending behavior.
• Drinking and drug abuse.
• Communication difficulties.

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Figure 9.9
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Divorce (cont.)

• Deciding on a divorce.
• The decision to divorce is a complex one that is
  usually the result of a long series of smaller
  events that unfold over a long period of time.

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Divorce (cont.)

• Adjusting to a divorce.
• Divorce is more difficult and disruptive to women
  than to men, especially if there are children.
• Custodial mothers incomes drop by 36.
• Fathers incomes increase by 28.
• Preoccupation with an ex-spouse is also
  associated with poorer adjustment.

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Divorce (cont.)

• Adjusting to a divorce. (cont.)
• Factors associated with favorable adjustment
  after a divorce include
• Having higher income.
• Getting remarried.
• Having more positive attitudes about divorce.
• Being the partner who initiated the divorce.

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Divorce (cont.)

• Effects of divorce on children.
• After a divorce, many children exhibit
• Depression and/or anxiety.
• Nightmares, dependency.
• Aggression, withdrawal or distractibility.
• Lowered academic performance.
• Reduced physical health.
• Precocious sexual behavior.
• Substance abuse.

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Divorce (cont.)

• Effects of divorce on children. (cont.)
• However, it should be noted that
• Divorce can have highly varied effects on
  children that depend on a complex array of
  factors.
• Finally, sometimes divorce can actually have
  positive effects on children IF it reduces or
  removes conflict that was present in their
  married parents.

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Divorce (cont.)

• Remarriage.
• Approximately three-fourths of divorced people
  eventually remarry.
• However, divorce rates are higher for second,
  than for first, marriages.
• In addition, remarriage can also be difficult for
  children and stepparent-stepchild relations tend
  to be more negative and distant than parent-child
  relations in first marriages (see Figure 9.10).

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Figure 9.10
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Alternatives to Marriage

• Remaining single.
• Many factors have contributed to the growth of
  the single population, including
• Increased age at which people marry.
• Increased rate of divorce.
• Although singles are either stereotyped as
  bitter and unhappy or as bar-hopping
  socialites, there is little support for either.

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Alternatives to Marriage (cont.)

• Remaining single. (cont.)
• Compared to married people, singles do exhibit
  slightly worse mental and physical health and
  rate themselves as less happy.
• However, the difference is modest, and applies
  more to men, than to women.

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Alternatives to Marriage (cont.)

• Cohabitation.
• Cohabitation refers to living together in a
  sexually intimate relationship outside of
  marriage.
• There has been a large increase in the number of
  couples who cohabitate (see Figure 9.12).
• Many couples use cohabitation as a trial
  marriage, hoping to ensure success.
• However, cohabitation is actually associated with
  increases in marital discord, not success.

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Figure 9.12
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Alternatives to Marriage (cont.)

• Gay relationships.
• Research suggests that approximately 5 - 8 of
  the adult population is homosexual (see Figure
  9.13).
• Gay relationships have special challenges
• Societal disapproval.
• Absence of social legitimization, support and
  legal protection.
• Absence of prescribed roles for each partner.
• Discrimination and abuse.

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Figure 9.13
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Alternatives to Marriage (cont.)

• Gay relationships. (cont.)
• But are gay relationships really different from
  homosexual ones?
• No. In fact, gay relationships are very similar
  to homosexual ones in that they both
• Have similar levels of love and commitment.
• Have similar levels of satisfaction.
• Have the same predictors of success, and
• They share the same sources of conflict.

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Alternatives to Marriage (cont.)

• Misconceptions about gay relationships.
• Gay couples adopt traditional masculine and
  feminine roles in their relationships.
• In fact, roles are more equitable.
• Gays rarely get involved in long-term
  relationships.
• In fact, nearly all homosexuals prefer long-term
  committed relationships, although lesbian
  relationships are more likely to be sexual
  exclusive.

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Alternatives to Marriage (cont.)

• Misconceptions about gay relationships. (cont.)
• Gays and lesbians are thought of more as
  individuals, than as members of families.
• In fact, gays and lesbians are very involved with
  their families as sons, daughters, aunts,
  uncles, grandparents, and even parents.
• Overall adjustment of children of gay parents is
  similar to children of heterosexual parents and
  they are no more likely to become gay than are
  children of heterosexual parents.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence

• Intimate Violence is aggression toward those
  who are in close relationship to the aggressor.
• Date Rape is a common type of intimate violence
  and is defined as forced and unwanted
  intercourse in the context of dating.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Incidence and consequences
• 13 - 30 of women may by victimized by date rape
  or attempted sexual coercion at some point in
  their lives.
• Over half of all rapes occur in the context of
  dating relationships (see Figure 9.15).
• Rape victims suffer from depression,
  Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and are at
  increased risk of suicide.
• Women also have to cope with possible pregnancy
  and disease.

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Figure 9.15
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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Contributing factors
• Alcohol drugs (especially date rape drugs).
• Exposure to aggressive pornography.
• Gender differences in sexual standards.
• Miscommunication about whether the woman consents
  to sex.
• Males who are impulsive, low in empathy, hostile
  toward women, heavy alcohol users, endorse
  stereotypes about male dominance, and have had
  more sex partners than age-mates.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Contributing factors (cont.)
• Situational factors can increase likelihood of
  date rape. It is more likely
• The more the man knows the woman.
• The more isolated the setting.
• The more consensual sexual activity they have
  had.
• The longer the man has misperceived the womans
  interest in sex.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Reducing the incidence of date rape.
• Recognize data rape as an act of sexual
  aggression.
• Become familiar with the characteristics of men
  who are likely to engage in date rape (see Figure
  9.16).
• Beware of excessive alcohol and drug use, which
  may lower your inhibitions.

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Figure 9.16
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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Reducing the incidence of date rape. (cont.)
• Only go to public places and carry enough money
  that you can get home on your own.
• Communicate feelings and expectations about sex.
• Be prepared to act aggressively, if assertive
  refusals do not work.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Partner Abuse can include both physical and
  psychological forms of abuse including
• Humiliation.
• Name calling.
• Controlling what the partner does and with whom
  the partner socializes.
• Refusing to communicate.
• Unreasonable withholding of money.
• Questioning the partners sanity.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Partner abuse (cont.)
• Incidence and consequences.
• About 25 of women and 7 of men have been
  physically assaulted by a partner.
• Effects of battering go beyond physical injury
  and can include
• Severe anxiety and depression.
• Feelings of helplessness and humiliation.
• Stress-related illnesses and PTSD.
• Vulnerability to suicide.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Partner abuse (cont.)
• Characteristics of batterers
• Risk factors associated with domestic violence
  include
• Unemployment.
• Drinking and drug problems.
• Tendency to anger easily.
• Attitudes that condone aggression.
• High stress.
• Males exposed to violence as children.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Characteristics of batterers (cont.)
• Relationship factors associated with domestic
  violence include
• Having frequent disagreements.
• Exhibiting a heated style of dealing with
  disagreements.
• Having a man with traditional gender role
  attitudes paired with a woman who has
  non-traditional views of gender roles.

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Application Understanding Intimate Violence
(cont.)

• Why do women stay in abusive relationships?
• The majority of women in domestic violence
  shelters return home to the abuser. Why?
• Fear of economic hardship do not believe they
  can survive, financially, without husband.
• Are ashamed of the failed relationship and want
  to avoid disapproval from family who might blame
  the victim.
• Fear more severe abuse if they try to leave (see
  Figure 9.17).